Well, the time has come to break the news of my advancing cancer to my wife. I'm still not sure how I want to do this. I was thinking of taking her out to lunch or something, to give us some privacy. I don't want to just annouce it to her, yet I want to make it seem like no big deal. I don't want to have to look at her while I tell her, I can look at the plate or something.

I don't want to have to see her start to cry whenever she looks at me and I know her and that is what will happen. I'm actually thinking of taking the chicken's way out of this thing and letting my sister tell her. That way it's assured I won't have to look her in the eye when I break the news.

Listen to me, scared of my own wife, silly isn't it? Well thanks for letting me talk. I'll let you all know what I decide and how it goes.

Thanks again,
Walter

This is one of those times your better off letting her cry for a bit. I'd tell her at home, not in public. Get the box of tissue handy, then tell her you have it. Let her go though what she has to. Maybe your doctor could tell if your afraid to. That way she'll have someone to answer her questions? Just a thought. Good luck, and sorry to hear of you are going though this tough time. My Dad had Cancer too. I know it's rough. DRS

[This message has been edited by drs (edited 04-21-2003).]

I totally 100% agree, you can't tell her in a public place. I even think family (hers) if they are close or her dearest friend should be there. Tell them at the same time. Answer all the questions, let them cry, scream, whatever, then get your butt in there for treatment. You probably shouldn't have put it off this long.
Good luck to you and keep us posted, we'd even like to talk to your wife. I can answer some questions and so could Donna and Nancy and Eve and Mags and Leisa, etc.
Cheryl

Hello Colonel.

Yes I too believe you should do it in the privacy of your home. If not there, take her to your next doctors appointment, and let the doc tell her..... Do not let it come from your sister. I know I would have been really pissed if mom had her sister tell me. Your wife will be strong enough to handle all, infact, in some ways it may make her stronger.

Leisa

Maybe the problem here is The Colonel feels really bad when his wife crys. Crying is the best release of emotion I can describe. Thank God we can cry!! Maybe I am grasping here but crying is the answer to something sad and joyeous. Please don't be afraid of your wife's emotions. They are normal. And if she crys when you tell her about your cancer maybe you can cry along side with her. Everytime I come onto this site, tears are flowing down my cheeks but if I hadn't found the support of all of you, I am not sure I would have been able to understand the emotions my father feels and the emotions I feel trying to deal with this cancer. Thank you all. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

I can tell that you love your wife very much and you don't want to do anythign to hurt her, but I promise you that she would want to hear the news from you. I am sure she will cry and you are just going to have to deal with it, I am sorry to say. No matter who tells her she will probably cry alot and I know it will hurt you to see her so upset but it only shows how much she loves and cares about you.
Natalie

I'm sorry to hear about your illness, but I agree with the others, you can't tell your wife this news in a public place. If you really can't bear to face her, why don't you tell her when you are snuggled up in bed one night with the lights off? At least you will have total privacy and you'll have the opportunity to hold her close when you give her the bad news. I know this is very hard for you, but she really does need to be told sooner, rather than later. I wish you all the luck in the world and will be praying for you. God bless and take care, Ann.

I told Dana a few days ago. I took your advice and did it in private.

I sent out children to my sister's house for the day, and Dana and I spent the morning together. I did take her out to lunch and let her buy herself new shoes. I bet she knew something was up them. Anyhow, after we got home, I sat her on the sofa and told her I had to talk to her. She told me she all ready knew what about, she thought I was getting on her case about how she let her own health fall down. She had no idea that I was going to hit her with something like this.

Then I sat with her and I held her hands in mine and told her in own deep breath that the cancer had spread to the lungs and that chances were I would not survive the year.

Her reaction was as I expected. She cried a few minutes then she did something even worse in my opinion. She started to fuss. She wanted me to lie down and let her wait on me. She began treating me like a child instead of a full grown adult. I hated that. When I told her I planned to continue with the chemo therapy, she told me I should stop it and allow myself to go peacefully.

I don't understand that. With the chemo, I have a chance to win, however slim it is. I would think that she'd want me to try every possible action to that end. Instead she seems ready to give up on me and nurse me until the end. Then what, go marry some young healthy guy? I don't understand that reaction. Not at all.

I got angry with her then, but I didn't say anything, just went into the other room for a minute. Tomorrow I m going for my first treatment since Dana's been home. She told me if I insisted on this foolishness, I'd have to fend for myself. I told her that was fine with me.

This probably sound ridiculous. Running out of time and bickering like childer, but that what it is.

Thanks for the shoulder everyone.

Talk to you all again soon.

Walter, the confused