Im so confused and i thought maybe if i went through everything it would make more sense...

This last month has just been so screwed up. For the first two weeks i didnt eat anything at all and then when i started to eat again i was mixing food and alcohol (because i had just turned 18) and i was throwing up a lot. Now even though i havent had anything to drink i've still been throwing up after meals. I never used to purge i just wouldnt eat and now i'm worried that i'm turning into a binge eater because instead of not eating, i seem to be eating heaps and throwing up.

The thing that is most confusing is i cant actually tell if the amount i'm eating is normal or way too much. I started going to the gym everyday and it seems to have made me really hungry like today for example. I ate a plate of lasagna and some buiscuts and when i got home i threw it back up becuase it felt like sooo much food.

I just dont know how to define my ed anymore and everythings gotten so confusing. :(

Hey hunny :wave:
It's normal to feel hungry after doing lots of exercise; and lasagna and biccies sounds like a decent meal after some exercise. I'm trying to recover from bulimia, and when I would binge I would eat so much that my tummie was swollen and aching and I couldn't physically do anything, then I would purge. However some people purge even after they haven't eaten much. How do you feel about eating? Do you do it in secret? What are your feelings afterwards? Do you feel a loss of control? I found it really helpful to try and identify my feelings when I was eating/purging, it was my first step to trying to recover. If you are afraid about loosing control over food, maybe it could help to set out a meal plan for each day, which you are happy with and commit to stick to. Then you can change it gradually as you start feeling more comfortable with food. At first I ate always the same thing, as there were only a few foods that I felt 'happy' eating (i.e. not guilty), but now I can introduce a little more variety. It's about taking it slowly, each day at a time. And trying to listen to your body and your feelings, how they are responding to it, and then adapting your pattern to that. Please don't let yourself get into the binge/purge cycle, it is so distressing and hard to get out of!!
I wish you all the best. Take care, and keep us posted on how you're getting along. :wave:

hey purplecat i am on the same page as u!! i am also in recovery!! i went to a 5 day retreat which was super, and ever since then, for 3 days now i ate all my meals, snacks, all foods groups and kept er down. i agree with everything u said. think about what ur feelings are. and eat little bits and a time and slowly introduce "bad" foods in ur diet. i did! like i had crackers and cheese yesterday and this mornign i had peanut butter toast! it was amazing!!! and no guilt. and i get my mom to make shure i dont eat too much that i feel sick. like, at supper, i only have one plate full. no seconds. and after im done i sit there and let it digest and let mom know how i am feeling. it worked so far and made my meals way more enjoyable. i cannot beleive this! i am actually excited about gaining weight!
angles gate, im not saying its SO easy, it took me 2 years to come to my senses, but it is possible, and only U can make it work!:)

my love and support is with u all the way!!

SammYx0x0x