I feel very weird. I hope this isn't triggering to anyone. Well I've been doing alright with food for two weeks now. I actually totally stopped counting calories and have been eating when I'm hungry.. I started training for a half marathon, so I am running a lot and so I started to feel safer about eating. My weight is pretty stable. I don't know why, but I really miss my ED. I miss the anorexia so much, I feel this home-sick kind of ache for it. Is that normal for a person in recovery? There's even been a few times over the past few weeks that I've purged, I think simply so that I wouldn't completely have to let go of the ED yet. I still hate the way I look, hate my body. Feel fat. I guess the underlying issues of the ED are still there, even if I'm eating now.

im no anorexic, but i am sure that is a common thing. i am recovery from bulimia, and how much i miss binging and purging. but think of all the good things! i feel so much better, i have more energy, im gaining weight, so im looking more healthy, i feel good, and im shure u do to! think of all the good things thatll come once u are totally healthy!! and im shure these feelings will hpefully pass...

take care and good luck in ur running!:)
SammYx0x0x

I know how you feel. When I was in recovery (have relapsed) I ached for it also. I like to think of it as an addiction because I actually have cravings for laxatives. I'm not sure if that period goes away or not...I relapsed so I wouldn't know. But see how long you can fight it. It is worth recovery from this. :nono:

Wow...I just posted about recovery and then saw this post. I think part of my thing is that I miss it too. It hasn't been very long but god I just wish I had the control back. I know I look healthier but I feel huge. My pants are starting to feel less comfortable and that freaks me out. But I shouldn't care since they are a size 4! I mean if you think about it that's not a very big size and going to a size 6 shouldn't matter. But it's like the end of the world to me! Why is that?? God it's so confusing! I also know that part of me is so scared that I'm going to go back to being a size 18 and I don't want that either. It's such a battle. But I can at least say that I'm feeling more comfortable about eating. That's a long way from where I was a few months ago. The anxiety is crazy! It's just so messed up. It really is an addiction. The cravings are insane. Wanting to starve, loving that feeling in my stomach when I'm hungry. It's kind of sadistic. Well, I'm not trying to trigger anyone so I'm going to stop now. I know recovery is worth it, but it just seems so rocky to tread.

Lauren

Hey there....
I know how you feel...being newly recovered can be really uncomfortable sometimes. I hope you stick to your guns though. It's just that crazy illness trying to call you and get it's claws into you again...don't let it. You've worked TOO hard (you know you did!) to go back to that again. That feeling will pass...I'm to the point (been recovered for a few years) where I don't miss it, and havn't for a very long time now.

Don't get me wrong...it's still hard from time to time (I've posted a few times...and will post on today too)...but I hang in there and rely on friends, family and the wonderful people on this board when I need some help.

Be strong...you WILL be just fine!!!

Jenn

be strong ladies, be strong!:)