Hi, I've been reading the boards for awhile. A lot of what I have read has helped me get answers for myself about my dad. I have a question now.

My dad is stage 4 lung cancer. It started with lung cancer, which he had chemo and radiation for. It spread to his brain. He had radiation. It's only been about six weeks. He had a great pain, so much pain he couldn't walk. Mom got him to the hospital where they pumped him full of pain pills and poked a lot of needles and did a few tests. Those blood gases have to be the worst. My dad got almost violent and used some language I've never heard him use. But that is okay. Anyway he fought his way out of the pain fog and started refusing things. To make a long story short, he went home on hospice. He can walk, a little bit, no tall steps though. He can eat his food himself. Both of these things we were told he would never do again. He has a catheter that they are going to take out to see if he can handle that again. His speech is a little slurry. He can't remember why he was at the hospital. He is real clear then he slips into the past talking about the job and cars. Better then talking about the war he was in, he did that while under the pain pills. Anyway, what can be expected next? Any help would be appreciated. I just came back from his house (in another state), and am going back tomorrow. But I will check the boards, so any help would be appreciated.

Oh, we found out the cancer had not spread to the bones, so his pain was not from that. We don't know what his pain was from. There was lesions on his brain that looked like a small amount of blood had come from them, but when we questioned the doctor, he said it was nothing.

Thank you

[This message has been edited by BlueBelle (edited 05-15-2003).]

Welcome to the board Bluebelle. I'm sorry to hear about your father. Lung cancer is such a terrible thing. I can't answer any of your questions for you, but if you go to www.google.com (http://www.google.com) and type in lung cancer, you will find many, many websites that will explain a lot of what you are asking about. God bless and take care, Ann.

Sometimes the most you can do is be there for your dad, to listen and talk to him as hard as it is for you to deal with all of these emotions he has the same emotions plus all of the side effects of cancer and cancer treatments to deal with. Treasure every moment with your dad. I lost my dad a week ago from lung cancer that spread everywhere even the bones. My mom is also battling cancer that spread to her brain and I don't know where else because she has refused any scans or xrays since last november. My mom has been battling this for 18 months now and has just been put on hospice - she is very near the end. Poor dad only lived 2 months after his diagnosis.

The doctor told us dad didn't have cancer in his bones, yet he couldn't walk and eventually couldn't even stand long enough to urinate. Finally the doctor said "Now it is in the bones". He went from running at the gym in early Feb. to a cane, to a walker to being bedridden all in 2 months.

Hospice is great, they are there when you need them and aren't there when you need the privacy. They are experts on pain control and will tell you what to try to make you dad comfortable.

Belle - I can only assure you that I am praying for you and your father - anything you feel that you should tell him - you should go ahead now and work it into conversation - because later it may be difficult to communicate. Also very important - my mom's cancer traveled to her brain and changed her completely. My mom has always been very quiet and cheerful never do I ever remember her loosing her temper while any of us kids were growing up. But this cancer has changed her. She is short tempered, mean and sometimes says very hurtful and sometimes hateful things. It still hurts me when she does this but I know this is not really my mom - it is the cancer. So do not let anything your dad does or says that may be out of character for him get to you. He can't help it and certainly doesn't mean it.

Good luck hun- you and your family are in my prayers. Hope B.

[This message has been edited by hope1220 (edited 05-15-2003).]

Hope and Annchane,

Thank you for your replies so fast.

His thinking is all over the board, one second he is in the past, the next second he is clear. Have you heard of anyone living like that for awhile?

Hospice asked him some of the important questions. One being about the ventilator, he answered it was up to the family. In the old days he would have said no.

Anyway, about the memory, is that a signal to us that it could be soon? We have missed so many signals already.

Thank you

My mom also does that - talks about the past alot. She also will ask me where her dad is (he has been dead for 20 years now). She has been doing this for months - Maybe it has something to do with the area of the brain that the cancer is affecting or something - just a guess. I found that reading the book Final Gifts helped (it was written by a couple of hospice nurses) It helped me with "signs" to watch for near the end. But I had to teach myself to stop reading something into every little noise or movement or question that my mom or dad did or said. Sometimes it was simply the pain meds making them act strange or sleep deprivation or stress and I was constantly trying to read something into it. It sounds crazy what I am about to tell you but I know it is best because I too have experienced what you are going through.... But try and enjoy the last few weeks with him. Try and talk about past holidays or happenings - let him know that he may have had his faults as a father but tell him that you had your faults too and let him know there are no regrets. That was the best thing I have ever ever done - was to tell my dad how proud I was of him and how if given the chance to do it all again I would. Take Care~ Hope B.

Hello Bluebelle

I am sorry to hear about your dad. The route you are taking is going to be your own in so many ways. We here can help you but no one death is the same.

Mom died of lung cancer last August 14. She had been diagnosed with lungcancer just over a year before, already in stage 4. The docs gave her this time line.... 6-8 months without treatment 12-14 with treatment. She chose to have treatment and went into a small remission, just in time for christmas. So our last christmas was filled with joy and celebration. From January 2002 to August she went down hill. It quickly came back and moved to her brain. She became very outspoken and demanding. She had no patience at all but for my two girls. In May she moved into the hospital and stayed there, even refusing to go outside. She then moved to the hospice in the middle of July. From then on, she needed a personal alarm attached to her that went off whenever she got out of bed herself. She was sure that dad was changing bank accounts and wasting money, she wanted the room vacummed and worried about the state of the house. She did recognize ppl up until about the last two weeks. Although she was not always correct. The last time she saw her brother, she struggled to hug him. I remember saying, Uncle Ken, she is trying to hug you and I pushed him down and helped mom wrap her arms around him. I think on some level, she knew that she was confused and stopped talking to us. Anyway, I am sorry, but I just can not type anymore...... I will be watching for further postings from you and will help when I can

Leisa

Hello BlueBelle
I lost my dad two months ago to lung cancer it spread everywhere including the bones he was only 61 and from diagnosis we got 6 weeks with him. All I can say is the same as Hope you be with him and take in every precious moment because at times like I'm going through now you will think back at those special times.

I can't tell you what your dads condition will be like I can only tell you about my dads. My dad had been feeling very tired and sleepy during last christmas we thought it was his heart he had had three heart attacks. Christmas day wasn't the same he didn't eat his dinner thats when we knew something was up. He took to his bed that night and the only time he got out again was to go to hospital on his doctors orders that was around Jan 22nd. He was admitted none knew what was wrong they did tests that day. The nest day the doctor sat my partner and myself down then told me your dads dying he has terminal lung cancer there is no cure only pain management. Went home told my mum as I'm an only child I has to do it. Well she wouldn't accept it she shut herself away would'nt answer her phone would'nt even visit my dad.

Well to cut a very long story short my dad started to deteriote quickly. He gradually got weaker could'nt walk hardly talked when he did it didn't make sense he halllucinated it was awful to see. He did have days in between we thought wow he's getting better we were only kidding ourselves we knew what we were up against.The last week of his passing he was gradually slipping into a coma day by day the nurses told us this was the best way for him and for us. The day before he died we got a call to go up to the hospice as his temp was sky high. Well my mum and me stayed all day talking to him and all night hoping he could hear us we were telling him it was okay to go we would be ok giving him permission the nurses said he might have need to hear that. Well my dad lasted until 12.40pm in the afternoon his breathing got shallower and quieter he looked up at us and he passed away so peacefully it was really sad but it was also beautiful and I am so glad that I was one of the people chosen to be with my dad to the very end it was a gift and I would'nt change that for anything.

So BlueBelle please don't fear anything in your dads illness because whatever happens you will get through it with yor dads love I know you will and with your love for him thats what got me through.

Thinking of you and praying for your dad to get some good out of this disease....mags..

Everyone, thank you for your posts. It is just what I needed to hear. My whole soul felt so quiet while I was reading your posts. I'm sorry that you all lost a loved one. I just came back from seeing my dad (I have to travel from Kansas to Iowa), and I want to go back again today. We were told by some hospice nurses that we will be lucky if we get two months. I would love to camp out in my mom's living room, but since there are 7 kids and then some grandkids, there isn't always room for me. I always let him know I love him, but I guess next time, I need to tell him all the ways he has been such a great father.

Again, thank you all for taking the time to tell me your stories. It has helped tremendously.