Hey everyone,

Sorry if this post has typos in it, but I can't seem to see the keyboard through the tears that are streaming down my cheeks. I've been crying all day and I can't help it.

I went to see Walter today, they've set him up with a computer type thing to make him able to better communicate, and he can utter a few words now. He told me with his voice that he loved me and then on the machine he cursed me for telling him it was okay to go. I thought that's what he wanted to hear, to know that I released him from his "obligations" to us and that we loved him either way. He was so angry with me and accused me of giving up on him and said I could forget about getting out of taking care of him because he was going to make it.

My mother said she believes, from his attitude, that is true. I don't know anymore. I'm just wondering how much more pain we can take. Especially him for he has told his doctors he is in a great deal of pain, his right side mostly, as he can feel it but can't really move it and his chest, I suppose from the cancer.

Thanks for listening.
Dana

Hello Dana, sorry to hear that you are so down today. Your mum is probably right,with determination like that, Walter has a good chance of pulling through this stroke. He certainly has the right attitude and he sounds like a fighter. I wish him all the luck in the world and I will be praying for him. Please pass on my best wishes to him, and let him know that we are all thinking of him. Don't hide your tears from Walter, it sounds as if he needs to know just how much you really love him. I am thinking of you, God bless, Ann.

Hi Dana..I feel so bad for you and Walter! I will say a prayer for you and him tonight..I get so upset when I know I can't help..But if knowing that I care helps..I DO!!!
Love to you sweetie, hang in there for yourself OK...

Hi Dana, I know about the crying. I still think you did the right thing. Probably the best thing for him was to tick him off enough to fight. At least if he goes into a coma, deep down he will know what you meant.
We will be here for you to vent, cry, complain, whatever will help. Sometimes I'd get in my car and scream.
Hang in there and remember there are a lot of people praying for you both.
Cheryl

Hi, Dana. When I first read a post from Walter, I was struck by how much he loves you. He was so worried about how you would take the news of his cancer; since you've had health problems also. Just try and remember that he is afraid/in pain/probably isn't ready to die. Just be understanding of where's he's coming from now. I pray God is his Lord and Savior....that is what we all desperately need; in sickness and in health...to have our sins covered by the Lord's blood. You both will be in my thoughts/prayers....Deb

Dana-
Given that Walter got so mad when you had mentioned his"letting go", take your cues from HIM from now on....If he seems to be fighting, show him you're fighting too.

From what we've all learned from Walter directly in the past, he sounds like the kind of man who will let you know when he's ready to give up. Until then, hang in there with him and try to be as positive as possible (even if you know the chances of full recovery are grim).....It is, actually a possibility he may recover well enough from the stroke to come home again.. Work toward that.. I bet it'll help him to hear it from you.

best, zuzu xxxx

Dearest Dana,
We all feel your pain in our hearts. We all have grown to love Walter and also you. He wrote of his love for you constantly.
It is normal for him to be angry. My husband was angry too. He let it go on to me, just one time. I told him that was alright and thay I understood that it was not 'me' he was mad about. But, that I knew he had to let that anger out somehow...and, he was most comfortable to do it with me, knowing I would not stop loving him, because of it! (hope you understand what i mean) The things he said to me broke my heart at the time also. It took me time to calm down to remember that most people have to 'strike out', and they do it where it is safest.
I feel anger too...You both love each other so very much...it hurts to know you are hurting.
By the grace of God, that Love may pick him right up and out of there, surprising all the doctors!
My husband communited by moving his eyebrows "UP"
for 'YES'....and blinked for "NO". He did that for
about 4 days. (I got the idea from a movie)
He was relieved to be able to communicte and we were sooo thrilled, too!!
God Bless, you Sweetie, and Walter May the Lord
ease his pain and touch him with great Mercy and Love,
from all of us, in Jesus name, amen
I surely, do see, why Walter Loves you , so deeply, dear lady.
Gentle Hugs, Donna

Donna, That was a beautiful posts...I thank you from the bottom of my heart for Walter and his Wife, even thoguh I've just started watching the posts!
God bless and keep you close always All-Ways!!

To All,

I just wanted to update you all once again on Walter's condition. To everyone's relief, especially his I'm certain, Walter has recovered some on his speech. It is very difficult for him to form some words and he often chokes on his saliva after speaking as he cannot swallow it as you or I can. Speaking is exhausting for him and tires him out very quickly, but at least he is able to tell me what he's feeling and what he needs, something he is still not comfortable with, but is realizing little by little that he has to do now.

He is determined to recover from this "setback" and be back on his feet before our daughter gets on hers. I have to admire his resolve and his determination.

Anyway, as for his cancer, the doctors have told us that it is no better, but so far no worse. I'm afraid that contnuing chemo will weaken him too severly, but I told hm it was his decision and I'm certain you all can guess what he said. He wants to get well in every way and all I can say to it is that I love him for it and for the first time since he was diagnosed, I believe he actually can get well.

Thank you all for letting me vent to you. I'm sure I'll need it in the future.

Dana

Hi Dana, I'm so pleased to hear that Walter is making progress. I have been away to visit my parents for the weekend, and all I wanted to do was get home to my PC to check how Walter was doing. It was such a relief to come home to the news that he is slowly but surely getting better. Please pass on my good wishes and let him know that I am thinking of him. Please keep us updated. Take care and God bless, Ann.

Hi Dana, I'm so pleased to hear that Walter is making progress. I have been away to visit my parents for the weekend, and all I wanted to do was get home to my PC to check how Walter was doing. It was such a relief to come home to the news that he is slowly but surely getting better. Please pass on my good wishes and let him know that I am thinking of him. Please keep us updated. Take care and God bless, Ann.