The nurse told my mom that dad's lungs were filled with fluid. He is too weak to get out of bed and doesn't eat much. He only talks when he has to because of the difficulty talking and breathing. My question is this, I know you guys aren't doctors but some of you do have experience with this. Is it possible my dad will have weeks left? Or just days? I am in another state. I have been with him but came home. There are 7 kids from all over and we are on a schedule to be there to help mom. If my dad only has days left, then I want to be there. Would you please let me know your thoughts on time left?

Thank you

Dear Bluebell,
I was in your shoes less then 6 wks ago. I mean I was asking how long so I could let others know. I felt so very responsible (!!) so, our children would be by his side. You know only God knows the answer to that. I knew that too, but still kept asking!
With my husband at age 56, when he would not drink any (food) drinks it was about 5 days left. (a nurse suggested 7 to 10 days, left) With my husband, also he had 4 days, left on only sips of water for his dry mouth.
But, I have read enough to know that nobody is the same.
My husband also, made a face of severe pain and grabbed his heart area two days before he died.
The last day.....he could not really see anyone, you could tell. And, he seemed to be off in and out of a deep, deep sleep, as breathing became extreme, very extreme work for him! Breathing was all he was able to do, anymore.
He would moan, as if in pain, constantly, but minutes apart..he did that for almost 3 days. It was so hard for all the family to lisen to, seriously. We all got on each others nerves those hours. Everyone left, because, of that tension!
Within 2 hrs after all had gone.. he died. If only, we had of known the hours were limited. So, very limited! The all wanted to be there.
About an hour before he died, his breathing was ..all of a sudden easy...but, only because he was barely breathing, I know now.
I had washed him all up, then,,, my instinsts telling me to. Then I sat and watched him breath for less than an hour.
But, listen to this. I watched him for over a year, wanting to 'Be There'. I went into the kitchen for seizure pills, and he died that minute!
We cannot control...all we want to.
So, you see nobody knows for sure. Thank God, He is in control. Or, responsibilites, just about all we humans can handle!
God Bless you and your family. I write this with true hope to help, Christian Love, Donna

Sounds to me like your Don was a lot like my Walter. Is it possible he waited for you to leave the room before taking that last breath so you wouldn't have to watch it. I have a feeling Walter will do something along those lines and I know it will hurt badly, but loving men like your husband and mine are always trying to protect us from the worst.

Hang in there, Donna. I am thanks to all of you.

Dana

Yeah, Danny knew I couldn't even watch my dog die. He sent me home and was gone. Just like that. I keep thinking I should have stayed. But, I probably would have went to the nurses' kitchen for coffee and he would have been gone anyway. God knows what we need...Cheryl

Dear Bluebell,
We are behind you all the way! Keep us posted when you feel up to it, we really want to know how you and your family are doing!
~~~~~Dana and Cheryl, just like many Loving Fathers, like Bluebell's, no doubt......we were all blessed with 'these' darling men.
I often asked, "why me?" Why was I blessed with such love when not all are so blessed.
Sure keeps us appreciateing them! huh!
We'll be watching for you Bluebell!
Big Sqeezing hug, Donna

ps. Cheryl, how is your daughter doing????? Just have to ask! Not sure how to do it, appropriatly. Big hugs, Donna

Thank you mrsdlash for your reply. I know there isn't any one answer, but your answer did the trick. Every once in a while I need to be pulled back into reality.

My dad is only 73, he has emphysema which went into lung cancer that mets to the brain. He had chemo and radiation for the lung and radiation for the brain. That is when it started going bad. After the radiation on the brain. His brain gets confused, his legs don't work very well, we have to help him up. He doesn't recognize the house he has lived in for many years. He thinks he is in a hospital and the conditions there are very bad he says. He also thinks he broke his leg and that is why he can't get around very good. His speech was slurred for a while but now it is recognizable. You can hear the gurgling of his lungs. He lost some vision because of the blood clot that broke when the cancer spread to his brain. But through all this, he still has lots of stubborn pride and his beautiful sense of humor. He has maybe 30 hairs on his head but he wants a haircut.

Hospice is great and so are all the people on this board who take time out to answer questions and share their thoughts and give encouragement so they can help others. Again Thank You.

Dear Bluebell,
My husband also, thought he was in a nurseing home that couple weeks, most of the time.
I gave him kisses and several times he thought i was "Mrs, Jones", from the bed next to him. But, he would tell others that and try to grin.
He also, told others that 'the help', here (me) cleaned up, "just like that!" (trying to snap his fingers)
When I fineally, at the last, did get someone to help clean up, he told her "leave it for the people that do that here". "They do it just fine." ~Gotta Smile, at such cute things, he said.
I called for help with my husband, from the kids, when I had no strength to turn him or move him to bathe him in bed. He could not help me anymore that last ten days, or so.
I should have gotten help sooner....what a relief for me...mentaly , and emotionaly! Everyone was pleased to help. They said they were just waiting to be "asked".
They 'Needed', to be involved. I never thought that i was sort of cheating them out...of the 'Pleasure of Helping'..but, I was.
My Don also, had that Emp...I understand how much it adds onto the breathing difficulty.
Oh, my dear, my heart breaks for you. It is good he has your love, he has to be so precious to all.
Remember, he knows you are there, even when he cannot respond.
Many of my seizures do that to me...i cannot respond for a long time...but every word said to me comforts my mind and heart.
Gentle loving hugs for you both, I send spiritualy, Donna