Hello. Toward the end of April my wife was diagnosed with extensive SCLC with no mets. She's in her mid 60's and has been a smoker since she was 19. Apart from the effects of the disease she is a vibrant, self-assured, and insightful person.

The diagnosis came on the heels of an extended hospitalization, which was the result of a persistent back pain which sometimes radiated to her left abdomen. The onset was sudden, so much so that my wife believes she knows exactly what brought it on. After an initial aortic aneurysm repair which failed to stop the pain she was diagnosed with renal failure of the left kidney. A stent was put in place to repair the kidney as much as possible, but the pain persisted. She remained in the hospital for three weeks while the doctors attempted to find the source of the pain. Finally they concluded there was no physical cause for it and discharged her.

After about a week she went to another hospital recommended to her by a friend. The doctors there concluded the same thing, and sent her home with MSContin to manage the pain while the kidney healed. After about five days she complained of difficulty breathing. We went to the ER, where the doctors confirmed a slight reaction to the MSContin. They prescribed fentantyl and prepared to discharge her. Shortly after this the pulmonary doctor took a second look at her CT scan and concluded she might have LC. A subsequent bronchoscopy confirmed this.

My wife was convinced to undergo chemo. She had seen many of her friends die of different types of cancer, and she told me that she would never subject herself to such treatment. She knows that the side effects of chemo can be severely debilitating. She is of the opinion that, since there is no cure, there's no point in subjecting herself to such misery only for a little more life. Life is nothing, if it's not worth living.

Her family convinced her not to turn her back on her options. I told her that chemotherapy today is not what it was a few years ago, that the nausea and fatigue can be effectively controlled. However, neither of us believes in waging the big fight. We both recognize that is many instances the ministrations of others can only add to the distress of the patient. And with SCLC no matter how hard you fight the outcome will be the same.

So we spend our days and nights together, lying on the bed watching TV. Occasionally we talk. I try to comfort her as much as possible, getting her things and driving her to her appointments. Eventually we will ask Hospice to help us, and can only hope to comfort her when the time comes.

I came to this site while reading another board. That board is made up of posts from a very supportive group, and is an excellent source of anecdotal information. But I found the general tone of the posts to be somewhat too, well, homogenous. I think I might be coming from a different direction.

This board has been faulted as being too grim. As I read the posts here I think this is an ungenerous opinion. I find plenty of support among those who post here. Yet, LC is a grim business. And I value the opinions and experiences of those who can detail both the good as well as the bad of this miserable disease.

Hopefully I'll come away from this entire episode with a better understanding of the significance of small words of sympathy.

Hi there, I am so sorry to hear about your wife. You have come to the right place though if you need plenty of moral support. The people here are truly wonderful, each putting aside their own grief in the hope of offering a few words of comfort to others in the same position. I hope you will stay with us on this board and let us help you by sharing your grief. Take care and God bless you and your wife, Ann.

My prayers are with you - this is a very difficult thing to go through. I hope we can all offer a bit of comfort for you. Hope B, Tennessee

Thank you both for your expressions of sympathy. Though neither my wife nor I are church-going folk I learned long ago to gratefully accept any offers of prayer. They are a great kindness, and I certainly am not so intellectually arrogant as to regard them as simple words.

I think I understand why this board has developed the reputation of being unsupportive and lacking in sympathy. It's the sheer size. There are such a large number of tales of woe and misery that I imagine it's well-nigh impossible to keep on top of them all. The other site I visit is made up of an extremely supportive group whose members invariably respond to each post, often more than once. But I rather suspect it's a somewhat smaller group than here.

Again, thank you, and I hope I'll have the opportunity to assist others going through similar trying times.

There are many times when I just can not reply to some threads because my heart is breaking all over again. For my self and for the person who started the thread. I think though that we all can relate and eventually get the courage to respond. I feel like the people here are dear friends and do understand how hard this horrible disease is. Please don't judge us...Cheryl

Dear Mainecoon: Yes, suffering is harsh; dying is harsh; and death is final. While we don't mince words here, we do say how our experiences affect us and we do it without judgment when commenting upon others' posts. I haven't read one message that was self-pitying. But I do I read fear. Lots of it.

Part of me died when my father died, and now I am in the same boat--wondering if I have lung cancer, too. The individual and his/her family will all go through various stages of denial, fear, loathing, acceptance, and ultimate loss, which leaves a hole in the loved one(s) that will never be filled. Each learns to heal in his/her own way. Most of this takes place over months and years and is never shared. It can't be because words don't exist to adequately express the emptiness, the relationship, the gifts, the love, the life.

I personally don't trust doctors very much and like you, I am not religious either. The best advice I ever got was from this board--not from a medical professional, friend, family, or cleric. Since the medical community is very impacted, at least here in California, one really has inform oneself here and do tons of research as well as be prepared at each appointment with written questions, directions, etc. I hope access is easier in your neck of the woods. And I hope that you and your wife fare well.

Mary