Hi All,

I was let out of the hospital today and finally was about to give my poor Dana a break. Poor thing is so tired and I'm very worried about her. She told me she's been crying all the time and wishes I'd let her call Hospice. I'm afraid that would be like giving up and admitting defeat. I don't want to give up, I have a lot to live for as yet.

Dana told me to run this off the listmates, so here it is. Do you think I'm being selfish or unfair to her to want to keep this within the family until I get well? I only want her to know I love her and will keep fighting for her and with her to get well. Any ideas, input, suggestions, let me know.

Walt

Walter....... I have been thinking about this for a long time. When you have this kind of illness, I do not believe that anything is selfish, but..... (yes, there is a but) since Dana already has a health problem, I would say is it so wrong to get help, to help her? Believe me when I say, that the hospice will not baby you, and make you stop doing things for you. They are there to help Dana, especially with your rehibalition coming up. The hospice is very discreet and with you just having the heart problems, and what ever, it is not anything that the people around you will think is strange to have someone to be around and to help you.

And Walter, please remember that miracles do happen.

Leisa

Walter, It is good to see you are back.

I thought the physician tells you when you should contact Hospice. I could be wrong. When my father told his family doctor that he didn't want to start up chemo again, the doctor told him to contact Hospice immediately. If your doctor told you to contact Hospice, it can't hurt to find out what kind of help you will get. Plus, Dana feels strongly about it. Just get interviewed by them and see how you feel about it. That is just my opinion.

It's great to have you back. Keep posting.

Nancy

Hi, welcome home. Wish I could give you a hug. (Sorry, Dana.) Anyway, hospice is there ONLY when you want them. You can tell them to hit the bricks any time you like. Sometimes they even make you feel better. I know it seems like defeat but believe me you're calling the shots. When you start feeling better, they will end it. You really had us all going. We didn't know what a fighter you are, we sure won't make that mistake again.
If we can help you, just ask.
Cheryl
Oh, have you seen The Wall web site? Check it out...

Welcome home Walter, it was great to log on and see your name on the board again. You are quite a remarkable man to have recovered from a stroke so quickly, I'm so pleased for you and Dana. God bless you both, and take care, Ann.

Walter - you sound almost exactly like my father, he was strong and hard headed and was NOT going to just "give up". He told us absolutely not to call hospice for him or my mom (they both were ill at the same time). The more I investigated Hospice the more I felt it was the right thing to do. The hospice program in our area was great, everything EVERYTHING was completely paid for (even cough medicine and bed pads)I barely had to ask for something before they were knocking on the door delivering it. Other relatives knew that mom and dad were receiving "in home nursing care" by a regular RN because it was just too strenuous taking them to the dr's office every 3rd day - so none of the other relatives knew they were on hospice until afterwards - to an onlooker the hospice nurse looks like anyother nurse. The only regret my dad had about hospice later was he said he wished we had signed up earlier. Also, our doctor told us the "time limit of life expectancy" that must be set in order for someone to qualify for hospice (in Tn it is a life expect. of 6 mos. or less)that limit is set for the sole purpose of satisfying medicare and medicaid requirements. Our hospice nurses said they had 1 patient that had been on hospice for over 18months and a couple that were pushing a year. If for no other reason-- think of all the money you and your family have given to the gov. for SS/Medicare, taxes to help others when they needed it-- well take your turn now. If by God's grace you hit remission you can "opt" out of hospice - but they are on the outside -- absolutely no different than having a home nurse visit you--

As far as letting others in your family know your condition - imagine for a moment that you are gone -how will sweet dana be treated? Will they blame her for not letting them know, will they give her a hard time, will she give herself a hardtime for not betraying your confidence? My dad had a hard time too - he didn't want anyone's pity and was even angry when people he hadn't seen for years started calling - but later he saw that those "old friends" were just concerned. I don't think you are selfish no matter what you choose to do - it is your decision - but don't forget about the one's that will be hurt if you decide to keep it quiet. Good luck and prayers - I think of the two of you often - thanks for the update.

Thanks for the wisdom and kind words. I'm not yet fully recovered, but well on the way to getting well, from the stroke anyway. Now I have to focus on beating the cancer. My son is graduating Pre-K next week and I plan to be there.

Thanks again,
Walt

Hi Walter, Welcome home!! I am just like everyone else. I am so happy that you are home, and for Dana's sake, also.
My husband had Hospice..and cancelled them when he got to feeling real good! They didn't mind, they were as excited as we were that he was feeling so much better! They don't ware nurseing outfits ..so nieghbors cannot tell who they are, eaither.
They were such a comfort for me! I didn't want to miss a thing that could help my husband! They knew what medications would help him the best and they would call and get it that day! I could not have done that! Besides the fact that they PAID for it all, was great help!
I was so scared of what to do and not do. They gave me peace of Mind, you know?
My husband did not let anyone know how sick he was eaither. For about ten months, I was not to tell anyone. I didn't. What a load was put all ..on me!
When he fineally told his family ..offers of help started coming in. All of a sudden a ton was lifted off of my shoulders. I never asked them for help until I really had to. And then help came for everything..even mowing our acere of land...to cooking for me, and Hospice sent someone to clean house for me, so that I would not be so 'run down".
I would have gone nuts without all of that help, and comforting, encourageing words.
What ever choices you make..will be ok, You and Dana have a Precious Love, we all can see that.
I send you and your family, spiritual hugs, Donna

After living through the past few days with me taking care of Dana, I'm beginning to think you might be right. I do have to accept help and it has to be for Dana's sake. Since Friday, she's been lying in bed with a headache that will not let up on her. She's not the type to just stop when she gets a headache, so that fact that she woke that morning and said "Walt, I need help with the kids today," told me a lot.

I've been selfish and inconsiderate of Dana's feelings and needs since I've been sick and that is not fair to her. She needs help around here with so much on her plate. I've made up my mind to call the doctor and talk to him about hospice care or some sort or respite care for Dana.

Thanks for the advice and waking me up to see that this is about a whole lot more than what I need.

Walter

Walter....... I am very glad that you have decided to get the help for Dana. Yes, the doctor may not do hospice care, but a caregiver can be scheduled to help in your home. Also you can get someone in to help clean the house up and then come in once a week to do stuff like the laundry. Not only will it help Dana but it will give the two of you more time together without relying on other family members.

I just can't help but feel guilty for putting Dana through everything I've put her through since I've been sick. When I married her I promised that I'd never do anything to hurt her or put her in danger or make her cry. Lately, I feel like I've done all three. I've feel like I've broken every promise I've ever made to her and to our family. How do I live with the guilt of having let her down. I was supposed to take care of her, not the other way around.

Walt

Gee, ya got sick on purpose huh? We can't help it when something like cancer steps in and takes over. I'm sure Dana doesn't feel like you let her down. I felt sorry for Danny because he was always the big "tuff" guy. I know he felt the same way but after a bit I think he just tried to be strong for me. Never compained even when I was MAD at GOD. It was fate...
Sorry Walter, I spaced out there...Cheryl

oh wow Walter! Lets see how many promises I have broken to my husband..... Lets see, I have terminal kidney diasease.... I do not keep the house clean, I do not always "obey" him....... yes life sucks sometimes, but with love, that is all forgiven in time. And now, you are trying to make it up. And you will find that getting that help for Dana and for you will be a godsend for time and healing. You had to go through a made at everything stage to begin your healing and now, you are looking out at the world. Dana loves you wether or not you are sick. Just as you love you with her being ill.

Walter,

You are doing a great job!!! I admire and respect you for the decisions you have made. Good luck to you and Dana.

Nancy