mrsdlash
05-08-2003, 06:15 AM
Dear All, My Don died a sloooow, aganozing death...best described by saying, "When I realized he just took his last breath, I fell to my knees and cried out, "Thank You God !"
He wieghed only about 50 lbs. My fingers, touched as
I reached around..what used to be the muscles of a Carpenter/machinast. Now, he was the size of a child.
He had the<< death moan>>That lasted for 3 horrible days AND LONG NIGHTS, After about 10 days of not able to drink his diet drinks, like Ensure. And, the last 4 days he only had sips, then drops of water.
I stayed by his side every moment I could and had to get the Hospice's Nurses orders to leave him for a nap.
He got the death rattle but then it would quit, over and again. It was trying my nerves!Fineally, as I sat alone with him, it lasted almost exactly an hour, then died.
The BEST part.. was the night that my husband said good bye to me.
~~~~~~~~~ He was unable to life his arms for two days.
But, when I tucked him in to sleep that night; he slowly raised his arms up as I leaned over him. Then he weakly hugged me and tried to kiss me. I kissed him, as my heart cried with joy!
Then he took my face in his hudge, yet, boney, hard working man's hands, and said, "I didn't mean too." (get sick, was the words left out) My tears started to fall so I buried my face into his tiny bony shoulder. I caught my breath quickly and raised my head again to look in his face (too stop my tears). Don said, "water drops?" I said, 'What"? he could only communicate with jumbled up words now. He repeated, "Water drops"?? Realizeing what he ment, I said, "tears, yes.' He tried to hold me tighter. My tears flowed then . Hot tears from a my heart that burned with love for him.
The rest of the hours are too painful to describe to you now. I hope to soon so that others may be helped. If I had of known what to expect..I think it would have helped me to not get so scared about.."What is Next>" "How bad will it be from now on??!!"
I must try to rest. I had seizures at the Funeral home. I am praying that I won't have to suffer the indignity, of seizures in the crowds during the funeral.
Oh and there 'will' be a crowd. Because, My Don was loved by so many people that somedays I could not get all of his visitors into my house. many were strung out onto the front patio.
I arranged the funeral to be on Sat. so that they can all come to it. This will be exciting to be in the mist of the crowds of people that truely loved this...true friend, this loving,caring,humble, exceptional man. This man was soo giving that he even gave away to homes that were were buying. Because, he worried that they really needed to help them that way. So, off each time, he was to get another one for us.
He gave away automobils, some paid off, and some mostly paid off. He gave away his best of what he had and what he could get for them.
Most of all, he gave away his heart and never was pickey, about who to be genereous to. I have been hearing from people that he helped over 20 yrs ago. They wanted him to know how much they have always love him.
I feel honored to know him best, and chosen to be his wife.
I pray for all that come here to be healed body mind and sole and loved dearly, Hugs Donna
My family is helping me now. The funeral is starting tonight. The burial will be on Sat. to be best for everyone that wants to attend.
prayers of heath and love, hugs, Donna
He wieghed only about 50 lbs. My fingers, touched as
I reached around..what used to be the muscles of a Carpenter/machinast. Now, he was the size of a child.
He had the<< death moan>>That lasted for 3 horrible days AND LONG NIGHTS, After about 10 days of not able to drink his diet drinks, like Ensure. And, the last 4 days he only had sips, then drops of water.
I stayed by his side every moment I could and had to get the Hospice's Nurses orders to leave him for a nap.
He got the death rattle but then it would quit, over and again. It was trying my nerves!Fineally, as I sat alone with him, it lasted almost exactly an hour, then died.
The BEST part.. was the night that my husband said good bye to me.
~~~~~~~~~ He was unable to life his arms for two days.
But, when I tucked him in to sleep that night; he slowly raised his arms up as I leaned over him. Then he weakly hugged me and tried to kiss me. I kissed him, as my heart cried with joy!
Then he took my face in his hudge, yet, boney, hard working man's hands, and said, "I didn't mean too." (get sick, was the words left out) My tears started to fall so I buried my face into his tiny bony shoulder. I caught my breath quickly and raised my head again to look in his face (too stop my tears). Don said, "water drops?" I said, 'What"? he could only communicate with jumbled up words now. He repeated, "Water drops"?? Realizeing what he ment, I said, "tears, yes.' He tried to hold me tighter. My tears flowed then . Hot tears from a my heart that burned with love for him.
The rest of the hours are too painful to describe to you now. I hope to soon so that others may be helped. If I had of known what to expect..I think it would have helped me to not get so scared about.."What is Next>" "How bad will it be from now on??!!"
I must try to rest. I had seizures at the Funeral home. I am praying that I won't have to suffer the indignity, of seizures in the crowds during the funeral.
Oh and there 'will' be a crowd. Because, My Don was loved by so many people that somedays I could not get all of his visitors into my house. many were strung out onto the front patio.
I arranged the funeral to be on Sat. so that they can all come to it. This will be exciting to be in the mist of the crowds of people that truely loved this...true friend, this loving,caring,humble, exceptional man. This man was soo giving that he even gave away to homes that were were buying. Because, he worried that they really needed to help them that way. So, off each time, he was to get another one for us.
He gave away automobils, some paid off, and some mostly paid off. He gave away his best of what he had and what he could get for them.
Most of all, he gave away his heart and never was pickey, about who to be genereous to. I have been hearing from people that he helped over 20 yrs ago. They wanted him to know how much they have always love him.
I feel honored to know him best, and chosen to be his wife.
I pray for all that come here to be healed body mind and sole and loved dearly, Hugs Donna
My family is helping me now. The funeral is starting tonight. The burial will be on Sat. to be best for everyone that wants to attend.
prayers of heath and love, hugs, Donna
Sponsor
tosharp
05-08-2003, 09:20 AM
{{{{{donna}}}}}
Im so sorry but I understand the "relief"
Ive been coming on this board since feb of 2003 when my Dad had lung cancer and since hes passed away I cant quit coming here. I look for certain people to see whats going on with their loved ones and you are one poster I always read. when I saw that he had passed this morning my heart just dropped and I felt sad. Funny how we do that to people we dont even "Know"
take care of yourself and remind yourself that Don isnt in any more agonizing pain. He would want you to take very good care of yourself and live your life the best you can. I know that much from reading your posts!
I will pray that all goes well for you
you are in my thoughts
Ocean
Im so sorry but I understand the "relief"
Ive been coming on this board since feb of 2003 when my Dad had lung cancer and since hes passed away I cant quit coming here. I look for certain people to see whats going on with their loved ones and you are one poster I always read. when I saw that he had passed this morning my heart just dropped and I felt sad. Funny how we do that to people we dont even "Know"
take care of yourself and remind yourself that Don isnt in any more agonizing pain. He would want you to take very good care of yourself and live your life the best you can. I know that much from reading your posts!
I will pray that all goes well for you
you are in my thoughts
Ocean
annchane
05-08-2003, 09:59 AM
Dear Donna, you have been so brave. Don sounds like a wonderful man, my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family, God bless you all, Ann.
Blackbird
05-08-2003, 11:18 AM
Donna, my prayers are with you.
Don seemed like a wonderful man, by the sound of things he touched many people.
I am so sorry that you have lost the love of your life.
Don seemed like a wonderful man, by the sound of things he touched many people.
I am so sorry that you have lost the love of your life.
Lonelysun
05-08-2003, 05:05 PM
I am so sorry of your lost....I do understand what those last days must have been like for you. My mom died last week and her 12 kids were with her. Days before her death she also had a death moan and my heart broke hearing it. I heard her last breath and I still don t know if that was a good thing for me.....I also had a seizure seconds after her death and the day we closed the house....I miss her so much my tears never seem to stop..You are in my thoughts and prayers....
Dan&cheryl
05-09-2003, 02:16 AM
Donna, what can I say...I haven't been to the board because the pain is unbearable. Something told me to check in and as I cry for you, I thank God for making Danny's passing so easy for me. I wish I could give you that hug that you always give to me. Danny has probably introduced himself to Don and they are trying to find a way to give us comfort. Tears...
Cheryl
Cheryl
NewMe
05-09-2003, 03:57 PM
As my 'water drops' from reading your post. Ive always kept up with your posts and have kept you and your family, and Don in my prayers. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PARTNER, A DEAR WIFE, and may God see you through the rest of YOUR life, in peace, love and light
Keep strong, and know were all here for your emotional support
:)
Keep strong, and know were all here for your emotional support
:)
TheColonel
05-09-2003, 04:52 PM
So sorry, Donna. I'm praying for you.
hope1220
05-09-2003, 06:10 PM
I am sorry for your loss - I lost my dad saturday night. He too had the death moan that will echo forever in my head. My dad was in such great pain - I prayed God would take him and take him fast.. but when his color started to fade and he started to ease up on my hand I begged him not to leave me. I had done all of the things "final gifts" suggested I had prepared myself (i thought), I had told him I would look after mom (who is also dying of cancer), I told him I would watch over my little brother, and that we would all be okay and if the pain was too bad for him to fight, then for him to just relax and go. Go to heaven and find Granma and Granpa and all of the others that have went before-- how brave I was ----- until he was really leaving. I saw the life briefly come back into those beautiful blue eyes, just long enough to look at his wife and children. He was in excrutiating pain but managed a small smile and a faint squeeze of my hand and he slipped away. All the while his brave daughter laid her head on his chest and held his bicep and begged him to come back. I was hoping to be brave - I wasn't. such a short time 2 1/2 months since diagnosis. I am praying for everyone that is suffering with their loved ones with this terrible disease. It is just heartbreaking!!!
littletinkerbell
05-10-2003, 03:00 PM
Donna I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved husband. As you know its been 2 months since I lost my dad I am finding things a little hard just now like cheryl I havent been here for a few days now because i've been so upset but I was thinking about you today and I felt I had to come here to see if you had posted.
I've just sat down and read your post I couldn't see the words for my tears you put the way you felt so beautifully your husband would be so proud of you who you handled everything be at peace now Donna this is the healing period now it's not easy but I just know you'll get there you sound such a strong person stronger now since coping with everything.
I am thinking of you Donna with all my heart and I pray for you also to get strength to get through the following weeks..special thoughts.. mags ..x
I've just sat down and read your post I couldn't see the words for my tears you put the way you felt so beautifully your husband would be so proud of you who you handled everything be at peace now Donna this is the healing period now it's not easy but I just know you'll get there you sound such a strong person stronger now since coping with everything.
I am thinking of you Donna with all my heart and I pray for you also to get strength to get through the following weeks..special thoughts.. mags ..x
mrsdlash
05-18-2003, 08:24 PM
Hello to You All,
My heart can heal easier with the comforting words that you all wrote to me. I have prayed for you, everyone. :)
I am sleeping with some cloths that are my husbands, that seemes to help me. I can reach out and grab one..or more to cuddle with.
Days are much easier. Seeing my children helps..but most of all..getting out of this house is the best! I can think about something else...out of here!
I stayed the night at my son's last night..now that did not work, tho, because, I felt , 'lost'. Like I did not belong. All, in time. Not ready to venture out that much, yet, I guess.
I wonder how Cheryl is handeling this..and others.
Copeing.....that is the step I am in now.
Listen, don't think of me as strong. I only did what I had to do, out of love. I prayed and prayed. I cried a river. There was just now way out without 'just going through it'.
I often remembered all of you..and told myself.."This is not happening 'just' to me..it is a part of life and they are all living the samething. They are getting through this. I can to." (now that is a fact, I tell you true)
God Bless you all. (Miss you Cheryl) hugs, Donna
My heart can heal easier with the comforting words that you all wrote to me. I have prayed for you, everyone. :)
I am sleeping with some cloths that are my husbands, that seemes to help me. I can reach out and grab one..or more to cuddle with.
Days are much easier. Seeing my children helps..but most of all..getting out of this house is the best! I can think about something else...out of here!
I stayed the night at my son's last night..now that did not work, tho, because, I felt , 'lost'. Like I did not belong. All, in time. Not ready to venture out that much, yet, I guess.
I wonder how Cheryl is handeling this..and others.
Copeing.....that is the step I am in now.
Listen, don't think of me as strong. I only did what I had to do, out of love. I prayed and prayed. I cried a river. There was just now way out without 'just going through it'.
I often remembered all of you..and told myself.."This is not happening 'just' to me..it is a part of life and they are all living the samething. They are getting through this. I can to." (now that is a fact, I tell you true)
God Bless you all. (Miss you Cheryl) hugs, Donna
Dan&cheryl
05-19-2003, 12:43 AM
Hi Donna. I felt I could come to the board tonight and actually post instead of lurk. I know what you mean about getting out of the house. My daughter's mother-in-law has made a mission out of taking me out of here. The nights really are awful though. If I could just sleep one night all the way through without waking up a dozen times I know I would feel better. I'm afraid to take anything. I just keep thinking about my brother and all the drugs that he couldn't say no to. My other brother is a cop and was involved in a shootout at a university here. He is ok. My grandson had his best friend along with two others get killed in a car accident. He was supposed to be with them but fell asleep and they left without him. So I guess I am lucky not to have to bury two more of my family together.
Here I am rambling on and haven't even asked about you. How did you manage the funeral? I hate funerals...
Do you feel your husband around you? Everyone says they do but I don't feel Danny here at all. I just feel alone. I see all his stuff here and wonder where do I begin.
Now the tears are flowing again. Just know I think about you and so many others on this board. It just hurts so much reading all the sadness.
Tears, and hugs... Cheryl
Here I am rambling on and haven't even asked about you. How did you manage the funeral? I hate funerals...
Do you feel your husband around you? Everyone says they do but I don't feel Danny here at all. I just feel alone. I see all his stuff here and wonder where do I begin.
Now the tears are flowing again. Just know I think about you and so many others on this board. It just hurts so much reading all the sadness.
Tears, and hugs... Cheryl
mrsdlash
05-21-2003, 02:37 AM
Dear Cheryl,
I just read your post..I so-o-o needed to hear from you! I sat here hugging the clean laundry, I just finished folding of my husbands cloths. Yeah, been kneeled on the floor..crying harder than ever. It sure reaches down into my stomach and into my very sole, this kind of crying. I thought I knew what moarning someone was like, already. But, nothing has been this hard.
You said it, Cheryl. It is the 'nights". I can go through the days in some kind of "unreal' existance..sorta numb, ya know? All miss spelled , but think you know what i mean.
Oh, yeah the funeral...you asked about. The visitation..was for all here in the city to come. And they did...they filled the place. They had to keep putting up more chairs! I shook hands and hugged so many loving friends , relatives, and people he worked with , that I knew by Don telling me about them. He loved them all, and they 'felt' that love. They just kept telling me so! It was an 'unreal joy', to hear from all that loved my man along with me.
But, then my siezures hit me and I was carried out just in time for the convulsions! (I thank God, my brother knew what to do with me)
You know, they all waited for me...I got to my feet and went back in to hear Don's friend speak. I had asked him to read part of a note that my husband had left me a couple yrs ago. It got so quite you could hear your own breath.
He was writeing about my neurological illiness that hit me. IT included being paralized for hours. And, lots of siezuresand convulsions in each day, before I got on the right medication.
Here's a little bit of it:
~~I know you have to be scared of what you might have to go through, me too! But, if you should go before me, YOu know what blessings awaits you. I don't want to lose you in this earthly life. I pray that I am still alive when you go to be with the Lord. I pray in Jesus name that you are in 'my arms'. And, that He grant me this that, I go after you, love.Don~~~~
Well, he was in my arms but, I am grateful that the Lord made it this way.
It is good to hear how you are Cheryl. Thanks for writing me. YOu are needed here so badly by everyone, not 'just me'. You are a treasure! I pray that we both keep healing. You have the right idea. Helping others, 'is' the best way! hugs, Donna
P.S. I feel like his is just in another room, out of site...when I am doing well. I just now started wakeing up looking for him, and he's not there. I took my husband's sleeping pills, so i cheated, to get sleep, Cheryl. They are all gone now, so reality is slapping me in the face! I do take Dramine for the nervous naseua, sometimes. I am sorry, you had so much extra heartache, Cheryl. God Bless , you. hugs :)
[This message has been edited by mrsdlash (edited 05-21-2003).]
I just read your post..I so-o-o needed to hear from you! I sat here hugging the clean laundry, I just finished folding of my husbands cloths. Yeah, been kneeled on the floor..crying harder than ever. It sure reaches down into my stomach and into my very sole, this kind of crying. I thought I knew what moarning someone was like, already. But, nothing has been this hard.
You said it, Cheryl. It is the 'nights". I can go through the days in some kind of "unreal' existance..sorta numb, ya know? All miss spelled , but think you know what i mean.
Oh, yeah the funeral...you asked about. The visitation..was for all here in the city to come. And they did...they filled the place. They had to keep putting up more chairs! I shook hands and hugged so many loving friends , relatives, and people he worked with , that I knew by Don telling me about them. He loved them all, and they 'felt' that love. They just kept telling me so! It was an 'unreal joy', to hear from all that loved my man along with me.
But, then my siezures hit me and I was carried out just in time for the convulsions! (I thank God, my brother knew what to do with me)
You know, they all waited for me...I got to my feet and went back in to hear Don's friend speak. I had asked him to read part of a note that my husband had left me a couple yrs ago. It got so quite you could hear your own breath.
He was writeing about my neurological illiness that hit me. IT included being paralized for hours. And, lots of siezuresand convulsions in each day, before I got on the right medication.
Here's a little bit of it:
~~I know you have to be scared of what you might have to go through, me too! But, if you should go before me, YOu know what blessings awaits you. I don't want to lose you in this earthly life. I pray that I am still alive when you go to be with the Lord. I pray in Jesus name that you are in 'my arms'. And, that He grant me this that, I go after you, love.Don~~~~
Well, he was in my arms but, I am grateful that the Lord made it this way.
It is good to hear how you are Cheryl. Thanks for writing me. YOu are needed here so badly by everyone, not 'just me'. You are a treasure! I pray that we both keep healing. You have the right idea. Helping others, 'is' the best way! hugs, Donna
P.S. I feel like his is just in another room, out of site...when I am doing well. I just now started wakeing up looking for him, and he's not there. I took my husband's sleeping pills, so i cheated, to get sleep, Cheryl. They are all gone now, so reality is slapping me in the face! I do take Dramine for the nervous naseua, sometimes. I am sorry, you had so much extra heartache, Cheryl. God Bless , you. hugs :)
[This message has been edited by mrsdlash (edited 05-21-2003).]
Dan&cheryl
05-21-2003, 11:31 AM
Hello, I thought if I visited the board during the day I could keep the tears away, it didn't work. I have been thinking about getting a job, for something to keep my mind off things plus I could use the money. I don't know yet how to control my emotions so I guess I better wait. Plus my asthma probably would act up too. I wanted to start cleaning some of Danny's things out but as you said, down on my knees sobbing. I try to smell his robe or shirts but I've lost him. Sometimes at night I think I smell him but it's just wishful thinking. The quiet at night is awful too. No dog, cat, bird or man...nothing. I think I should find a grief councellor or group because I just can't do it alone.
Your husband must have been a really great person to have so many people want to say goodbye. My brother said Danny died with class. There were a lot of people there but my brother had a very small gathering. At the same place, one week later...
Tears again...Hugs back...Cheryl
Your husband must have been a really great person to have so many people want to say goodbye. My brother said Danny died with class. There were a lot of people there but my brother had a very small gathering. At the same place, one week later...
Tears again...Hugs back...Cheryl
Cancerwife
05-21-2003, 11:40 AM
I have no idea what you are feeling, and I hope I never get to know it, but I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I lost my father unexpectly last year to a heart attack, and even with Walter by my side, I still had a very hard time coping with the fact that he wasn't there any more. It's been about fourteen months since then and I can tell you, you don't ever forget it, but it does get better.
My mother still hasn't given away his clothes, I'm not sure she ever will, but she is able to deal with everyday life now, and I hope that point comes sooner rather than later for the both of you.
Dana
I lost my father unexpectly last year to a heart attack, and even with Walter by my side, I still had a very hard time coping with the fact that he wasn't there any more. It's been about fourteen months since then and I can tell you, you don't ever forget it, but it does get better.
My mother still hasn't given away his clothes, I'm not sure she ever will, but she is able to deal with everyday life now, and I hope that point comes sooner rather than later for the both of you.
Dana
Dan&cheryl
05-23-2003, 03:02 AM
Thanks Dana for the kind words. How is Walter doing these days? I hope he is holding his own with the treatments.
Donna, do you think we will ever get through this? I need to ask for more prayers for my daughter. She is in the hosp. for tests. I'm hoping it's grief and nothing more. Pain and vomiting. Ultrasound and ctscan show nothing. What more....Cheryl
Donna, do you think we will ever get through this? I need to ask for more prayers for my daughter. She is in the hosp. for tests. I'm hoping it's grief and nothing more. Pain and vomiting. Ultrasound and ctscan show nothing. What more....Cheryl
Hooper33
06-08-2003, 08:43 PM
He's in a better place now. God Bless !
faith75
07-05-2003, 08:52 PM
I am so sorry. God be with you every second. Please know your husband is with our Lord totally free of pain.God give you strength to face the days ahead.