Hello Everyone,
When I came to this board I was sure, almost 1000% sure that I had contracted the virus. I had unprotected sex with a couple of people numerous times ayear or so ago and had been experiencing recurrent yeast infections for over a year. So I KNEW I had it. When you look up recurrent yeast infections on the internet you mostly see it as symptom of HIV. No other explanation, right?
I also had a horrible flu a few weeks after an encounter... again, I KNEW that I had HIV. I looked all over the internet and went into this downward spiral of depression. Though I knew it wouldn't exactly be a death sentence I couldn't face the idea of being sick, taking medicine for the rest of my life and most importantly infecting my now fiance'. I just couldn't face that. I was ready to just die. All my friends and family called me paranoid, but I KNEW that something was wrong. I vowed that they would be sorry when they found out how sick I really was.
One day after experiencing some neck pain I KNEW that I had swollen lymph nodes. As is the routine, I quickly searched the internet for timelines concerning this problem realted to HIV. Fortunately, I came across this board and read everyone's stories. I must admit that though it is very stresssful and I do understand what everyone is going through, I had to laugh. Some people didn't even have any questionable contact but assumed that because they had a cold that they MUST have had HIV. I had some legitimate problems that I felt couldn't be explained away and here people were assuming they had HIV because they kissed someone a little too long...huh? Still I felt their pain and realized how silly I must sound to all my friends and family and that I had to just find out to put an end to the madness.

Anyway, the point of this...I went to the doctor over 2 weeks ago to get tested. After a whole year and a half of KNOWING and agonizing, I decided that it was time to at least find out so that if I did have something I could start getting treated. Ironically, I work at a Health training facility that trains HIV counselors. The materials I see show some great progress in the medications and treatment of HIV. So, I knew I had a chance. My fiance' even said that even if we were both sick it wouldn't change his love for me (amazing huh?) We'd find a way to get through it...this made me even more anxious!

So..the doctor said she would call me only if anything was wrong. If I didn't get a call, I was negative. I was told the test only takes a couple of days. Its been over 2 weeks and no call. I'm NEGATIVE. The feeling is great though I made myself sick waiting for that call (fever, diarrhea, etc.). I realized how I had put my life on hold for a whole year thinking about this. I was scared to think about having kids if I had HIV, I didn't want to make plans for the future because I didn't think I had much of one. I cried every night and died a million times in my mind.

Moral of the story: STOP IT! Stop looking for symptoms on the internet, stop being paranoid, stop planning your destiny (its not your Job!)... Get tested and find a supportive person that you can talk to, even if its a therapist. This board is also very supportive. I wouldn't have gotetn tested without reading some very encouraging threads.(like this one I hope) Don't stop living because of this...you can and will make it through. Give yourself the peace of mind to know what's going on with your body...don't let it take over your life! KNOWING can only happen if you get tested. Don't be 1000% sure like I was. Get tested, please...God Bless

P.S. My yeasties have miraculously cleared up..hmmm...so much for KNOWING right?

Wow...that was awesome..i almost cried because I know exactly what youre talking about...i tested last monday, and they haven't called back, but i have a few more days to go till im in the clear....these have been the hardest of days..i'm really scared...it's just amazing because your story sounds exactly like mine...i think it's what other people like us need to hear (unprotected sex&symptoms) and it's made this waiting thing a little bit better
thank you so much for posting...god bless and enjoy your *new* life ( and im sure it'll be awesome)

Yeah, this is what I need to happen. My parents think I am so neurotic after 2 tests within 3 months. I'm taking a final, conclusive 6-month test in about 2 weeks and I am praying that my outcome will be as lucky as yours was. Congratulations :D

Hi panaSonique,

I hoped this would help someone out there like me. If nothing else, I hope that people think twice about their "unprotected" encounters because the hell you go through afterwards is certainly not worth it.
I know that you are fine. I know its scary, but just believe that you will be okay. I wish you the best! :)

Jambalaya josie,
I admire you for even taking the test and trying to find out the truth. Remember, it took me a whole year to even go through with it! I am indeed living a "new" life filled with possibilities and I pray the same for you...good luck!

I hope so ...ive just had SOOO many weird symptoms(weird virus in sept, weight loss etc) that just get me to thinking...i have a question and maybe you know the answer... if it's pos. they'll retest to confirm right?....would they retest that same sample, and wait until the conformation comes back to report the results to the place you tested, or would they report the results, and then retest.... ORRRR have you come back in to get a new sample of blood? i know that question doesnt sound clear, but what im basically asking is someone tests positive through ELISA, and then they do the Western Blot , would you be informed? I was thinking yes, b/c if its pos then they wouldnt want you to keep spreading the virus...but im not sure...if anyone knows that would be great...anyway, thank you for the comforting words...I hope you're right

As far as I know, if the ELISA result is positive they do a Western blot automatically to confirm. They would tell you right away so that you could start treament as soon as possible. Now, Now, :nono: don't go getting paranoid again. Please try to take a little time each day to not think about this. I know its hard but even through my year long ordeal I tried to take some quiet time to pray and think about all the good things in life. Try to keep a positive outlook, okay?

Do they note on the test result that Elisa was positive.

My doc requested a HIV 1 test using Elisa and the test came back as Western Blot Absent all band.

But if it was elisa positive, would they have told me that they confirmed it ?

Dude omg,
i can relate to that story so much. did you give yourself symtoms from worrying?
omg thanks anyways man i like your story.
:)

this was so inspiring. your story sounds just like mine. i havent even had a risky exposure (only oral sex, not even intercourse!) and i have convinced myself i am doomed. but no more! i am getting tested soon.

thanks for making this post.

It is unfortunate but true that some people resent having their paranoia taken away...just one of the quirks of human nature. And I'm sure religious guilt plays a large part!

this is an excellent post.

you know I sometimes wonder if the "worrying" is actually not about the virus itsself but a deeper philosophical issue. generalize anxiety, fear of rejection, fear of neglect, depression.

I remember when I was tested back in 1995. The doctor called and said negative loud and clear and I still felt anxious. I questioned if he had the right results, did the lab pay close enough attention. It was then that I realized that when there is nothing else to worry about, I have to find "something" to worry about. I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder, which has caused me more pain than anything else in my life. Its made my relationships suffer. I worry consistantly about my mom to the point where I smother her. Its an addiction to worry. You get a high from it.


i guess what im trying to say is, is AIDS/HIV the fear, or is it deeper than that?

I've known people who live a very risky lifestyle and AIDS never cross their minds. After all, you are more likely to be killed in a car accident. If you are diagnosed as positive, with the treatment now, you can live a very normal life, still get married, still have love.

With all the diseases sicknesses out here that could take us out in a matter of months, Cancer being one of them, what is it about AIDS/HIV that scares people so much?

Its not the disease, its the fear of "what will people think", the stigma that still exist with Aquired Immune Deficiency. All those four letters mean is your immune system is not functioning correctly, but that can happen with a lot of diseases.

If you are positive, and have worry's of people who will be different towards you, then the only thing negative that needs to be in your life are "those people" because they are ignorant.

I'm glad that some of you are inspired to get tested from my story. I wish you the best of luck!

I absolutely agree with Twinklez, the fear is stronger than the disease itself. I MADE myself sick and did not feel normal unless I was worrying about it. Once I realized I was negative, I still felt the need to worry (maybe they lost my results, or maybe they only tested me for anemia (another test I had that day) and they forgot to do the HIV test!!) That kind of worrying is what makes you HAVE every symptom you could imagine. So don't do it. Use this time to think of all the good in your life and especially all the people that you can trust to help you through this, whatever your result. I know this sounds hard, but I truly prepared myself for a life with HIV. Sure, I was very depressed about it but I did have days when I felt "I'll have to live through it, I'll have to make it...I can be okay".

Maybe, once we realize that not only is it important to know for yourself but also that you can live a healthy life if you are positive, people won't be so paraniod. I was there too once and I will do whatever I can to help as many other people out there not live in that HELL that I did. You don't have to go through that!
I know its hard with all the ads that claim that KNOWING is BEAUTIFUL...well I think that most of you believe that it is only beautiful if you are negative ( I know, I thought that :rolleyes: ). But don't be afraid. You can and will get through this. After all you're still here, right now. The sooner you know the better your chances for a healthy, happy life. Good luck, be safe and whatever your beliefs may God bless you in this your time of need!

exactly plainmiserable

thats the thing for me. Once I realized that I suffer with depression and anxiety, I realized, that the fear wasn't the disease, but the fact that I had to LIVE with it.

Do you know I went through a time where I would have rather have a doctor tell me i have cancer than AIDS. Its not that it was just the stigma, but with AIDS, you still LIVE, and deep down I really didn't want to. Thats when I knew I had a problem and sought help.

AIDS is not a death sentence. After all the reality is, none of us were born to live forever, but you are still a precious person regardless of your results

I know its hard with all the ads that claim that KNOWING is BEAUTIFUL...well I think that most of you believe that it is only beautiful if you are negative ( I know, I thought that
That sure is how it feels when you're nervous about HIV :confused: and it's awful.
BUT- what if we all took a step back, and realized that knowing could be beautiful in any case....I once read a passage from a book that said "Who to help victims of divorce cope better, then a victim of divorce...who to help parents of children with autism cope better then a parent of an autistic child"...Although a positive result would be very frightening,perhaps there are some positive things that could come out of it.
I also read a post by a man who said "In some ways, my life has been bettered by this expierience" (talking about being poz). In some weird way which those who test negative dont understand and those who recently tested pos dont understand, people find ways to live AMAZING LIVES.
Of course if any of us found out we were positive we wouldnt be able to feel anything "positive" about it at first (no pun intended)...BUT just remember that it's not a death sentence...you can chose to do with the outcome what you will....that goes to say, that if we really really try hard, maybe knowing COULD be beautiful either way.
The point here is...we've been taught to see HIV in such a negative way....but it's something that many people have learned to live with, much like diabetes or lupus...DONT DONT DONT let the fear keep you from knowing...i did it for the past 6 months, and im still waiting for my results...thinking of all the time i wasted, either by fearing hiv, or prolonging proper treatment makes me SICK...im begging all of you who are living in fear to get tested...it takes ALOT of courage, but youll be a better person either way