First of all, let me update everyone on my post 'Forcing a baby to stay awake.' My sister has gotten better about letting her daughter sleep.

Unfortunately, I have a different concern this time. Yesterday, my sister got mad at my mother and I because we didn't want to go to her house and watch her baby for her. My mother and I were both tired (my mom works full-time and I am 7.5 months pregnant) and told my sister if she needed help, she could drop the baby off at our house. My sister refused to do that though and then got mad when we wouldn't go over there. Eventually, my mom gave in asked me to go with her to my sisters. We were only supposed to go to drop off formula though. When we got there, my sister was drinking a beer while my niece lay in the living room. The baby was naked while laying in her swing in the dark and was crying. I teared up and ran over to my niece, asking if she was hungry and my sister said "she doesn't get any clothes or milk because she has been spitting up all day." My mom wanted to stay because my sister had been drinking and we ended up staying there until 11 at night. Is it normal to get mad at your babies? I sit here and worry about what she's doing, realizing that I have one of my own on the way and am curious as to whether or not this behavior is normal? Do you guys' ever get this way? Is it okay to take their milk away if they're having trouble keeping it down?

I wanted to ask your opinions on baby-sitting too. My sister's husband won't let me watch their daughter. He has a drinking problem and I'd love to help out with my niece. He doesn't trust me though. My sister only lets me watch her when he is at work and then hides it from him. If he calls while I'm there, she won't answer the phone. Should I continue watching the baby behind his back? My sister won't stand up for me.

No! This is not normal behavior. While I admit having a newborn is very hard and trying I is not normal to punish the baby because of something the baby has no control over. Babies spit up - that's why there are bibs out there. Or you just change them a lot. This is abusive. The baby can get cold without any cloths on especially if the baby is wet. Also not feeding the baby is abusive and not helping the baby when she is crying is abusive. It makes me want to cry. That poor baby scared, cold and hungry in this big world and is left alone to cry. It's heartbreaking. I could never imagine that happening to my baby. Your sister needs help. She most likely has postpardem depression and she sounds very uneducated. Make sure she gets help if she will not - call social services.

Also your neice is very lucky to have you and your mother in her life.

I hate to critisizie my sister's actions when my own baby isn't here yet. What if I turn out that way? Am I being naive? This is my first baby and I wonder if I am overreacting?

I love my niece as if she were my own. I wanted to cry when I saw her laying there, naked and crying, reaching her arms out for someone to pick her up. My sister said, "you know what, if she is going to act that way then just put her down and let her cry herself to sleep." My mother even said that my niece needs to learn how to soothe herself though.

What your sister is doing sounds very abusive. Who knows how long the baby was left to lay there crying like that? I don't think you really need to be asking if this is normal behaviour because I don't really believe you're that naive. I'm sure that you know this isn't normal and that you're scared for your niece's safety and well-being.

Your sister needs to get some help but from the sound of things she is unlikely to go and get it herself. You can make an anonymous call to Social Services. Express your concerns and get somebody to go around and take a look at the situation. If your brother-in-law has a drinking problem and your sis is suffering from depression somebody else needs to step in for that baby's sake.

Omg Lynn.. I am in tears myslef. After reading your previous post and now this... Your sister has major issues and the baby isn't in a safe environment. This is child abuse!!! Obviously the dad has more than a drinking problem when he doesn't want you to watch the baby when hes the alcoholic and the mom is more selfish than I can understand. Is your sister nursing? Probably not because nursing requires patience and effort which your sister isn't willing to give. CALL SOCIAL SERVICES. Think about your poor little defensless niece who needs help. You have to! If you know this is happening yet sit back and do nothing you are as guilty as she is!

By the way lynn... You don't need to ask us if this is normal because you KNOW it is not. A child could see that this isn't normal. Anyone [Removed] could see this isn't normal or ok!

[Please while being concerned about actions or conditions, please be supportive, helpful and careful with the choice of words. Help the person do or understand something better, but not that way with name-calling. Your understanding is appreciated. Thanks - Well-come Moderator.]

And why would you wonder if you could end up doing to your baby what your sister is doing? If you think you may then you need help too! I don't think that your nearly as naive as you pretend to be rather you are worried to step on toes and get your sister in trouble. She needs help though.

Just reading this makes me want to go and hold my daughter while she sleeps. I can't imagine anyone doing that to a child :( It's almost as bad and physically hurting a child cause in the end it's the same results. Please god help that child.

By the way - just so you know, when your baby is born. It is old school thinking to have a child cry themselves to sleep and learn to soothe themselves. The "special" cry it out methods that you may have heard about are for much older babies. I also don't agree with those but that's my educated opinion. It is damagaing to a baby to be left to cry and it will manifest itself when the baby is older. Also you canno't spoil a baby by picking them up!!! They need you to comfort them. Not picking them up because of fear of spoiling will make them clingy when older. Responding to their crys will make them feel secure and thus they will be well adjusted and more independant when older. Please buy or check out a good parenting book from the library before your baby is born. There has been so much research since your mom was raising children on parenting. Besides I don't think that grandmas can really remember how things were 20 or so years ago. One of the best new baby books is "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears'. You can get it at any book store in the parenting section. It was also just recommended by Dr. Phil.

Please get your sister some help. Get this book and read it to her. You will not be able to help your neice as much when your baby comes. Something needs to be done for that baby.

call cps and you or your mother get your sweet and beautiful niece this is child abuse and should not be tolerated for 1 more sec and i agree she is so lucky to have u and this is absolutely crazy and should be taken care of today perrin

I agree with besafe20 that if you are worried that you might turn out like your sister then you need to book yourself into a parenting class along with your sister. The two of you could go together and learn some good parenting skills. If you love your niece as if she were your own like you say you do then you really need to step in and help her before your own baby is born. Like rouge said, when your own baby is born you'll be busy and have a lot less time to spare for your niece.

Your sister may be suffering from post partum depression. I know that you and your mother are tired and have your own lives, but she needs help and support. If not from you, then perhaps a county nurse or friend or relative needs to make sure she gets a break. I doubt her husband is much support, from what you've said. I've been alone with my infant occasionally and it's very tough late at night when you're exhausted. But she's actually DOING things that harm the baby. If her hormones are out of whack and she's not getting any rest she'll loose it on occasion and that's no place to be when you're alone with a baby. She'll be scared, defensive, angry, self destructive and ashamed. She doesn't want to hurt her baby, she just needs some help and she needs to know that there is nothing wrong with asking for help. I wish you had the professional support structure like I have here in Norway, but there must be something similar if you ask the right people. A midwife that can come and help or a county nurse. Calling in people with the power to take the baby away might be a bit premature at this stage. She needs to talk to someone before something happens that can't be undone, whether that's loosing the baby to CPS or worse.

Yeah but does she actually care about the baby? Did she want the responsibility? Is she dealing witth the baby because she "feels" she has to? I just don't see why she hasn't asked for help herself if she actually cares about the baby. I saw a case on a woman who had severe postpartum depression and she said one day she was watching dave letterman drop watermelons off the building (for the show) and she was picturing it being her baby. She had "ideas" of what she wanted to do but NEVER acted. She got help immedietly because she cared and didn't want to harm her baby in any way. Now that is what I call caring for your baby even though you have a problem!

In my opinion things have already gotten out of hand. Punishing a baby for spitting up by withholding milk and clothes is abuse plain and simple. It was bad enough that this woman was not allowing her baby to sleep. Yes this mother needs help and support but somebody needs to step in and help this baby first.