SummerRain
03-12-2005, 07:44 PM
Due to Dads resentment of his children, we let a granddaughter become guardian over Dads body; state conservator has power over assets. She just took guardianship Feb 28. Now she is taking Dad around and planning on moving him to assisted living because dad is not happy in the VA nursing home. I want Dad to be happy, but no matter where he goes he will not be happy without mom who passed away last Aug. The granddaughter thinks there is nothing wrong with Dad but old age. She has not seen his behavior. She does not believe the doctors. I am so afraid if she moves Dad, dad will run away again. He is a runner. He also wanders at night and will not sleep in a bed. He can fool people, but not professionals. We agreed to let the granddaughter be guardian because we thought she would keep him safe; she is not. My sister and I kept him for 15 months. I cannot tell you how many times he ran off, wound up in ditches, got lost, and had the police bring him home. We had a heck of a time trying to control his running and now she wants to put him in a place where he can run. The VA doctors had told us to "place him, or we will" that he is not a suitable candidate for assisted living. He fades in and out with this horrible disease. Now I feel the trust we had put into the granddaughter is shattered. But yet we are the ones who agreed. I am afraid Dad will leave assisted living and walk down the busy highways with his walker as he has done before. I do not know if I should approach the judge with this issue or just let it go and whatever happens happens. I told my sister maybe we should have some kind of meeting with the doctors, staff and the VA officials who declared him incompetent and make sure the granddaughter is there to hear it all. She thinks we are nuts and Gramps is okay. I would love for Dad to live with me, but it was unsafe; night running. This granddaughter we feel may try to get Dad declared competent because she has already asked "what if Gramps writes a will." Something is wrong here and I cannot figure it out. Any suggestions, thanks
Sponsor
angel_bear
03-12-2005, 07:49 PM
Me? I would find a lawyer .. and fast ...
Cover your backside, because there's always someone close by who wants to kick it.
:-)
Hugs .. goodluck .. sorry I've got no other answers .. but Alarm Bells are ringing on your behalf ....
Hugs
Sally
Cover your backside, because there's always someone close by who wants to kick it.
:-)
Hugs .. goodluck .. sorry I've got no other answers .. but Alarm Bells are ringing on your behalf ....
Hugs
Sally
Martha H
03-12-2005, 08:19 PM
Dear Summer Rain,
It was not a good idea to place so much power in the hands of one person. Go to an Eldercare lawyer. Take along with you any written statments you may have, such as that from the VA. Or have him or her call them. You can get your lawyer to call the court and stop the move to declare him competent when he clearly isn't. Get copies of police reports of his running away behavior.
Meanwhile get him some sleeping pills for the night, so at least he can't run away then.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. The granddaughter may be too immature to handle this responsibility, OR she may have ulterior motives, like inheriting all of Grandpa's property. Good luck. Do it right away, don't wait. He is a catastrophe waiting to happen. If he walks on the highway and gets killed, whose fault will it be?
So sad to see a previously normal person so deteriorated.
Love,
Martha
It was not a good idea to place so much power in the hands of one person. Go to an Eldercare lawyer. Take along with you any written statments you may have, such as that from the VA. Or have him or her call them. You can get your lawyer to call the court and stop the move to declare him competent when he clearly isn't. Get copies of police reports of his running away behavior.
Meanwhile get him some sleeping pills for the night, so at least he can't run away then.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. The granddaughter may be too immature to handle this responsibility, OR she may have ulterior motives, like inheriting all of Grandpa's property. Good luck. Do it right away, don't wait. He is a catastrophe waiting to happen. If he walks on the highway and gets killed, whose fault will it be?
So sad to see a previously normal person so deteriorated.
Love,
Martha
BarbaraH
03-12-2005, 08:46 PM
Hi Summer Rain,
As Sally and Martha have said, the doctors at the VA, police, and an eldercare lawyer are your team and haste is needed to keep your father safe. One other thing that may slow down any transfer, is if you call the facilities that may be contacted as a place for you father to be moved and alert the managers to his real condition. They don't want the risk. Perhaps also add that the family is taking steps to keep him safely confined (or something like that).
I think the granddaughter may indeed be too immature or deep into wishful thinking. When, at my more advanced age, I was told my mother had to go to a locked facility because she was raoming at night and had been found out on a busy street, it did not occur to me to question that. Her safely was more important - and she didn't care where she was at that stage.
Wishing you well - Barbara
As Sally and Martha have said, the doctors at the VA, police, and an eldercare lawyer are your team and haste is needed to keep your father safe. One other thing that may slow down any transfer, is if you call the facilities that may be contacted as a place for you father to be moved and alert the managers to his real condition. They don't want the risk. Perhaps also add that the family is taking steps to keep him safely confined (or something like that).
I think the granddaughter may indeed be too immature or deep into wishful thinking. When, at my more advanced age, I was told my mother had to go to a locked facility because she was raoming at night and had been found out on a busy street, it did not occur to me to question that. Her safely was more important - and she didn't care where she was at that stage.
Wishing you well - Barbara
angel_bear
03-12-2005, 10:10 PM
I just thought of another thing too .... my friend just put her mother into a nursing home, and all of a suddent all her brothers and sisters are up in arms!! Why? Because mother's house will have to be sold to fund her stay in the home. OH NO say the siblings ... but when she dies, what will happen to our inheritance? When my friend told me that, I did point out to her that she should say that "Mum is STILL alive thankyou very much and it's HER money/house and it's supposed to be there to help HER ..." .. note: not one of her siblings have offered to have Mother in their own homes and dumped it all on my friend because she's the youngest ....hmmmm
Is the grandaughter acting in Grandfathers best interest or HER own interest? Unfortunatley, if she has the rapport and trust with him, she can abuse it yet still look the doting grandchild ..
Be careful ... denial is dangerous (grandaughter I mean) ... in more ways than one.
Goodluck
Sally
Is the grandaughter acting in Grandfathers best interest or HER own interest? Unfortunatley, if she has the rapport and trust with him, she can abuse it yet still look the doting grandchild ..
Be careful ... denial is dangerous (grandaughter I mean) ... in more ways than one.
Goodluck
Sally
LuvMyLilDoggie
03-13-2005, 12:57 AM
Is the grandaughter acting in Grandfathers best interest or HER own interest? Unfortunatley, if she has the rapport and trust with him, she can abuse it yet still look the doting grandchild ..
SummerRain, I can't agree more with what Sally said. My sister stole LOTS of money from my dad right from under his nose and he still thinks she's an angel. I'm not saying your niece planning something sinister but I would be leery of anyone who's worried about "what if gramps writes a will?" with all the other stuff that's going on.
Get your ducks in order. Do as these ladies have said. Get a lawyer and gather as much paper ammo as you can. You just may need it. You need to protect your dad first and foremost. If you do nothing and your worst case scenerio does happen, you would feel horrible.
I wish the best for you.
Barb
SummerRain, I can't agree more with what Sally said. My sister stole LOTS of money from my dad right from under his nose and he still thinks she's an angel. I'm not saying your niece planning something sinister but I would be leery of anyone who's worried about "what if gramps writes a will?" with all the other stuff that's going on.
Get your ducks in order. Do as these ladies have said. Get a lawyer and gather as much paper ammo as you can. You just may need it. You need to protect your dad first and foremost. If you do nothing and your worst case scenerio does happen, you would feel horrible.
I wish the best for you.
Barb
mariahlw23
03-13-2005, 10:37 PM
She's been legal guardian for a couple of weeks, and she's already making these drastic changes and asking about wills? :nono: Eesh…where there's a will, there's an anxious relative. As the others have said, get thee to a lawyer. I would hope that she's doing this with good intentions, but as the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I'm sorry to hear that your dad resents his children, and I know you want him to be happy, but unfortunately with this disease, there comes a point where safety has to come first, and the granddaughter needs to realize that.
As the others have said, get a lawyer, keep a record of -everything-, smile pretty, and watch your back.
…mariah…
As the others have said, get a lawyer, keep a record of -everything-, smile pretty, and watch your back.
…mariah…
sivad
03-14-2005, 12:11 PM
Hi Summerain,
Darn it never stops does it. I have had some experience with assisted living facilities. Unless the facility has a locked, memory floor or area, they cannot take your Dad. In the locked facility, which is likely to be more costly than the VA, your Dad will be safe, but not independent. Call your local Area Agency on Aging for a referral to an elder care lawyer and to inquire if the advocate can help you. I agree with the others, get professional help NOW. God Bless you and Your Sister. Sivad
Darn it never stops does it. I have had some experience with assisted living facilities. Unless the facility has a locked, memory floor or area, they cannot take your Dad. In the locked facility, which is likely to be more costly than the VA, your Dad will be safe, but not independent. Call your local Area Agency on Aging for a referral to an elder care lawyer and to inquire if the advocate can help you. I agree with the others, get professional help NOW. God Bless you and Your Sister. Sivad
Beginning
03-15-2005, 09:28 AM
I think BarbaraH & Sivad gave very good information. The Assisted Living facility is going to want to check out his medical condition before accepting him. If he's not able to live there, they won't take him -- OR, even if they accept him, they'll quickly tell the family that he needs to be placed elsewhere when they discover he's a problem. When my family was looking for placement for my Mother when she became ill with another disease, assisted living facilities and nursing homes not only required her medical records but also interviewed her. We learned that doctors are conservative in evaluating abilities for these reports, to keep their relationships good with the facilities (they want facilities to take their patients, and giving false reports hurts their credibility). Alerting facilities during this evaluation stage that there's a problem could save everyone a lot of trouble down the road.
If the granddaughter is going to be the Executrix of the estate and/or is his Guardian (which would mean that he couldn't change his Will anyway, since he would have been declared incompetent), she could be asking where the wills are in order to fulfill her legal obligations. She could be trying to place him in Assisted Living to try to preserve his assets as long as possible (assisted living is cheaper than a NH), which might be misguided but still have an honest motivation. She could be doing what he wants, but may not even agree with it. His doctors/lawyers may still feel that he's competent to make some decisions. It's definitely time for a family conference to understand what she's trying to do and the reasons.
If you believe that he is no longer competent and that she is acting improperly, you have the right to go to Court and seek to have a Guardian appointed for him who will make these decisions. The Court may decide to appoint a Guardian who isn't a family member, if the family is at odds -- of course, the Guardian will get fees, which will deplete the estate. I'm a firm believer in doing everything possible to communicate before it gets to that point.
I just shake my head when people are so concerned about their loved one's money (I'm not talking about people who steal from their disabled loved ones, since that is pure LOW.) Since this disease can take years and ultimately will require every penny that most patients have saved (except for what a spouse is allowed to keep under Medicare rules), the whole inheritence thing ultimately becomes a waste of energy.
I hope you get through this ok. and that you always remember the good times with your Dad.
If the granddaughter is going to be the Executrix of the estate and/or is his Guardian (which would mean that he couldn't change his Will anyway, since he would have been declared incompetent), she could be asking where the wills are in order to fulfill her legal obligations. She could be trying to place him in Assisted Living to try to preserve his assets as long as possible (assisted living is cheaper than a NH), which might be misguided but still have an honest motivation. She could be doing what he wants, but may not even agree with it. His doctors/lawyers may still feel that he's competent to make some decisions. It's definitely time for a family conference to understand what she's trying to do and the reasons.
If you believe that he is no longer competent and that she is acting improperly, you have the right to go to Court and seek to have a Guardian appointed for him who will make these decisions. The Court may decide to appoint a Guardian who isn't a family member, if the family is at odds -- of course, the Guardian will get fees, which will deplete the estate. I'm a firm believer in doing everything possible to communicate before it gets to that point.
I just shake my head when people are so concerned about their loved one's money (I'm not talking about people who steal from their disabled loved ones, since that is pure LOW.) Since this disease can take years and ultimately will require every penny that most patients have saved (except for what a spouse is allowed to keep under Medicare rules), the whole inheritence thing ultimately becomes a waste of energy.
I hope you get through this ok. and that you always remember the good times with your Dad.
sivad
03-20-2005, 05:21 PM
Summerain,
Please let us know how things are going for you with your Dad's situation.
Sivad
Please let us know how things are going for you with your Dad's situation.
Sivad
SummerRain
03-25-2005, 02:49 AM
Thank you everyone for your response. My brother came down from Illinois to visit Dad. He went to the NH first and then to my sister's. The first words out of his mouth was "dad is nuts." John drove 500 miles to see him and all dad wanted was to go get his checkbook, his black box, his car and his file cabinet. Dad is focused on those items. Later that weekend John went with the three granchildren and their families for lunch. John said all those three talked about was gramps making a will. My brother also said they asked him for $1,200. John said no. My brother said Dad does not need a will as everything Dad has will go for his care and what is left by law will be equally divided among Dads children. The grandchildren are adamant about a will. The reason I do not trust them is one stole from me $4,000. He got me to trust him (I am disabled) and then he abused the trust. When I asked for my money back, he as good as told me to go to you know where. I took him to court and lost because I did not write in the memo what it was for. So take notice of my loss, if you loan someone money be sure to get a signed note and always write loan in the memo. The granddaughter who is the guardian over Dads personal needs stole $11,000 from her fathers accounts the day after he died. These two are brother and sister. They divided the money between themselves and left out the other surviving children. This is why I do not trust them. The grandson has a good job travels the globe and his wife is a registered nurse, the granddaughter has her own landscape business and works for US postal service. So why are those who have the most the greediest? These kids have alienated us from our father-gaining his trust so they can manipulate him and take what they can. She took Dad to the VA yesterday for his appointment with the geriatric doctor. She came back and emailed my sister stating that Dad is much better and has improved greatly. She is still going to move him to assisted living but Dad will wear a pin of some sort where they know where he is at every minute. I believe they will accept him, but after observing his behavior they probably will ask he be moved. In a way it is so peaceful without having to deal with Dad. I never knew an old person could be so demanding. The VA told us Dad was the most exasperating patient they have had in 14 years. I did call the Alzheimers Association and they said to contact an elder attorney. My brother said don't even bother because by the time we pay lawyers it would not be worth it. Dad so far is in pretty good physical health-it is just his mind. I will keep you all posted. Blessings to all.
lovemygrandma
03-25-2005, 01:53 PM
Well I only have a few questions. Why does your dad have problems with his children? If the grandaughter stole from her own father then why would all the children agree to let her be his guardian? I'm going to try an be brief. I have 6 children and I am married. My grandfather was dying in early December and was brought home to my grandmother(who was in very bad health at the time) to take care of him until he died(Lung cancer). She and my grandfather have 5 children. One son lives in Chicago and the rest live nearby. None of them would help take care of grandpa except me and my mom. My mom knows nothing about medicine and I'm a nurse so I stayed at my grandma's from the time he got home until he died which was only a few days. I even did his post mortum care. I gave him a bath, shaved him, washed his hair etc.. before the funeral home came to pick him up. Now here is where I start to get angry. My grandmother was not capable of living alone. They all wanted her to get an apartment and give her house to her alcoholic son who is on SSI.(He has no disability other then being a drunk and on drugs) I asked everyone could they take her and all said they had to much going on in there life. Three of the children are on SSI and only my mom and the one who lives in Chicago work. They have all gotten SSI for having some type of mental illness which I dont feel truly exists. They always want a free hand out. Anyway I ended up taking her. I'm 35 years old. I served my country for nine years then became a nurse then got divorced from my first husband and became a correctional officer at a high security mans prison because it paid more then nursing at the time. Now I listen to her kids with there little remarks about how I am stealing her money etc... I keep receipts for everything she buys and it will be audited when she passes. We are not rich, but have worked our tails off and live in a beautiful home and have beautiful furniture etc... We do have the most out of any family member but thats because we dont sit around and wait for a handout. My grandmother when she came to live with me shook so bad she couldn't even hold a cup of coffee. Now the children swore she had parkin... Well you know what she was overdosing on steroids that is why she shook. She doesn't shake anymore. She could not remember anything when she got here and guess what her memory is fine now. I dont know if her sugar was staying low or she may have been overdosing on some of her other meds but she doesn't have the problem now. She had not had teeth in 40 years so I took her and got new teeth. She hadn't been out of the house except to the doctor in 5 years so I had her get a scooter(the one from tv for old people) so she can get out and enjoy life. She was in congestive heart failure and is not now. She has a will and I'm sure I'm not in it as I asked not to be. She has about 20,000.00 left in the bank and I hope she spends every dime on herself. Her children are the most hurtful, non helping, want a free hand out bunch of people I've ever seen. As far a the grandaughter in your family maybe you need to sit back and listen to what she has to say about what she is doing first. After all everyone agreed to let her care for him so let her do it. I can tell you my grandmother will never do without and she was in bad health before I got her. It is possible your father is doing better. And another thing dont always trust the opinion of the VA you should always get a second opinion. Also if he is getting 100% compensation from the VA it is likely they made him incompetent for compensation purposes. Just try not to be a critic unless you are there doing at least half the work. Sorry to sound so hateful but I just dont think any grandchild should have to take care of the grandparent because the children dont want to be responsible. I would not want to take care of someone with dementia or alzheimers but there are ways to do it. You say he escapes at night so you cant watch him. Have you ever heard of keyless locks and door alarms from lowe's. I truly LMG
SummerRain
03-25-2005, 05:46 PM
Hi LMG,
My sister and I did care for mom and dad for 15 months. We never asked for anything, and never got anything. I am a widow but my sis left her home and husband going back every few weeks so she could help care for our parents. She wore out her vehicle in the process. My mother could keep Dad under control, most of the time, but when she died last August my father fell deeper into his disease. Yes, he was diagnosed first by a doctor in 1995 in Illinois. The state of Illinois had many complaints because Dad would not let mom get the medical treatment she needed, because he ran to the police, leaving mom alone, stating mom was trying to kill him. Mom could not even walk. That is why I and my sister moved in with them-to keep them together. The last few months of moms life dads behavior was very unpredictable and nasty. Mom cried because she knew it was time to place him. Dad told her when the time came to place him in a VA. We did not place him, the VA in Illinois told us that it was time to place him. He had had the disease for 9 years and was progressively getting worse. The disease has left him paranoid and suspicious. He even states the home is conspiring against him and tapes everything he says. My father was a good man, the stranger he has become is someone we do not know. My brother did try to keep Dad in Illinois, Dad in turned called the police and stated he was being held prisoner. How untrue. My brother and his wife were good to him, as we were, but Dad just is not himself. My sister was always "daddys girl" and I have seen him three times approach her as if he was going to hit her. Dad was becoming violent. My sister and her husband retired south, and bought the land across the road from me. We kept Dad here but he would run away on a bus, train or plane. At the time we could get no co-operation to get POA for him. Dad is from the depression era and is very mistrustful of anyone having control over anything that is his. In court he did not even understand what was happening. He still does not. The reason we let the granddaughter be guardian over his personal needs is because we were exasperated from all the caregiving. We thought she would take care of his needs. She has gained his trust. What I do not want to happen is what happened to me and the womans father. I will do what is necessary to keep anyone from exploiting my father. He is not mentally capable of making rational decisions. It happens more than one thinks that children financially exploit their parents. I called the Alzheimers Association and they suggest a court appointed guardian to protect him and his assets. My parents worked all their lives and what they do have needs to go for Dads care. My brother lives in Elmhurst, Il-he does not want for anything. My sister and I do not need what he has-but Dad needs it! Before the state conservator took over, the woman took Dad to one of the banks and he closed an account. He does not live with her, she does not feed him or take care of his personal needs, so why would she take him to empty out an account which should have been turned over to the state conservator. We thought about going back to court, but we are all just so tired. Believe me, if there were anyway possible to keep Dad with us we would have all done so. We all tried, but the stranger living in my fathers body has taken over. I believe sometime soon he will not even remember who we are. This disease has devastated the whole family. We do love our father, and want what is best for him. Keeping him safe is the foremost issue at hand. I do not want anyone taking advantage of Dad, especially with his deteriorated mental state. Dad is 84 and my parents were married over 60 years. I know losing his home, his wife and his independence has been hard on him-but it is not our fault even though he blame us-it is that terrible disease Alzheimers and we cannot do anything to stop it. Thank you for your response. SR
My sister and I did care for mom and dad for 15 months. We never asked for anything, and never got anything. I am a widow but my sis left her home and husband going back every few weeks so she could help care for our parents. She wore out her vehicle in the process. My mother could keep Dad under control, most of the time, but when she died last August my father fell deeper into his disease. Yes, he was diagnosed first by a doctor in 1995 in Illinois. The state of Illinois had many complaints because Dad would not let mom get the medical treatment she needed, because he ran to the police, leaving mom alone, stating mom was trying to kill him. Mom could not even walk. That is why I and my sister moved in with them-to keep them together. The last few months of moms life dads behavior was very unpredictable and nasty. Mom cried because she knew it was time to place him. Dad told her when the time came to place him in a VA. We did not place him, the VA in Illinois told us that it was time to place him. He had had the disease for 9 years and was progressively getting worse. The disease has left him paranoid and suspicious. He even states the home is conspiring against him and tapes everything he says. My father was a good man, the stranger he has become is someone we do not know. My brother did try to keep Dad in Illinois, Dad in turned called the police and stated he was being held prisoner. How untrue. My brother and his wife were good to him, as we were, but Dad just is not himself. My sister was always "daddys girl" and I have seen him three times approach her as if he was going to hit her. Dad was becoming violent. My sister and her husband retired south, and bought the land across the road from me. We kept Dad here but he would run away on a bus, train or plane. At the time we could get no co-operation to get POA for him. Dad is from the depression era and is very mistrustful of anyone having control over anything that is his. In court he did not even understand what was happening. He still does not. The reason we let the granddaughter be guardian over his personal needs is because we were exasperated from all the caregiving. We thought she would take care of his needs. She has gained his trust. What I do not want to happen is what happened to me and the womans father. I will do what is necessary to keep anyone from exploiting my father. He is not mentally capable of making rational decisions. It happens more than one thinks that children financially exploit their parents. I called the Alzheimers Association and they suggest a court appointed guardian to protect him and his assets. My parents worked all their lives and what they do have needs to go for Dads care. My brother lives in Elmhurst, Il-he does not want for anything. My sister and I do not need what he has-but Dad needs it! Before the state conservator took over, the woman took Dad to one of the banks and he closed an account. He does not live with her, she does not feed him or take care of his personal needs, so why would she take him to empty out an account which should have been turned over to the state conservator. We thought about going back to court, but we are all just so tired. Believe me, if there were anyway possible to keep Dad with us we would have all done so. We all tried, but the stranger living in my fathers body has taken over. I believe sometime soon he will not even remember who we are. This disease has devastated the whole family. We do love our father, and want what is best for him. Keeping him safe is the foremost issue at hand. I do not want anyone taking advantage of Dad, especially with his deteriorated mental state. Dad is 84 and my parents were married over 60 years. I know losing his home, his wife and his independence has been hard on him-but it is not our fault even though he blame us-it is that terrible disease Alzheimers and we cannot do anything to stop it. Thank you for your response. SR
lovemygrandma
03-25-2005, 08:48 PM
SR,
I understand now. I'm sorry for being so hasty. Let me tell you why real quick. When grandpa died my mother and her brother who lives in Chicago couldn't find my grandpa's life insurance policies. They had been taken by on of the other three children. The only way we knew who to contact was through cancelled checks. My grandma and grandfather has opprox. 10,000 to 20,000 missing from the bank that only the other three would have had access to through taking them to the bank. One of my grandma's daughter's could not even be called when my grandfather passed because she had blocked there number so we couldn't call, however, she has never done anything for them except once she took grandpa to the doctor and complained about that. My grandfather has alot of his antiques missing and so on so on. So knowing that myself and my mother and her brother in Chicago are the only ones who truly care about grandma's welfare really makes me angry. Will write more later we are having a thunderstorm and lightening just came through the window. God Bless You LMG
I understand now. I'm sorry for being so hasty. Let me tell you why real quick. When grandpa died my mother and her brother who lives in Chicago couldn't find my grandpa's life insurance policies. They had been taken by on of the other three children. The only way we knew who to contact was through cancelled checks. My grandma and grandfather has opprox. 10,000 to 20,000 missing from the bank that only the other three would have had access to through taking them to the bank. One of my grandma's daughter's could not even be called when my grandfather passed because she had blocked there number so we couldn't call, however, she has never done anything for them except once she took grandpa to the doctor and complained about that. My grandfather has alot of his antiques missing and so on so on. So knowing that myself and my mother and her brother in Chicago are the only ones who truly care about grandma's welfare really makes me angry. Will write more later we are having a thunderstorm and lightening just came through the window. God Bless You LMG
angel_bear
03-25-2005, 11:59 PM
Talking about missing items .... my friend is going through that with her family. She's just put their Mum in a home (Severe Dementia), and a court battle is looming, because the house will need to be sold to help finance her stay. The main instigator of the trouble doesn't want the house sold because her daughter is living there (rent free might I add) and my friends Mum has been paying the rates, electricity and phone .. unknown to her!!! The mum's antiques have gone, paintings, all the history has just disappeared. My friend asked for her Deceased Dads' walking stick and that miraculously disappeared too .. only until my friend said she would come down and check out the house herself, then all of a sudden, the stick appeared ..and could they bring it up to her???
Suspicious lot .... rotton greedy weasels if you ask me ... there are some MIGHTY LOW live people living in our world, ready to take take take, critisise and devour what they can all without an ounce of empathy or caring.
I am going OUT of my way .. that if we have to pack up anything of MIL's, that it goes into a box CLEARLY LABELLED into our storage shed ... I will not .. and I dread that .. anybody would ever accuse me of anything .. stealing, selfishness, self gain ... I fear it will, and I'm doing everything I can to COVER MY BUTT !!!
Shame one has to be so defensive.
Hugs
Sally
Suspicious lot .... rotton greedy weasels if you ask me ... there are some MIGHTY LOW live people living in our world, ready to take take take, critisise and devour what they can all without an ounce of empathy or caring.
I am going OUT of my way .. that if we have to pack up anything of MIL's, that it goes into a box CLEARLY LABELLED into our storage shed ... I will not .. and I dread that .. anybody would ever accuse me of anything .. stealing, selfishness, self gain ... I fear it will, and I'm doing everything I can to COVER MY BUTT !!!
Shame one has to be so defensive.
Hugs
Sally
lovemygrandma
03-29-2005, 02:42 AM
Well SR,
I just wanted to write and tell you I have learned a very valuable lesson in life. It is not a lesson I ever want to learn again. Remember the 10,000 to 20,000 missing from my grandma and grandpa's bank well that is a lie. My family had been blaming one of my aunt's of taking my grandma's money. (Including me). My grandma even took her out of her will because of that. Well this weekend my mother took my grandma to get the things at her house that she still wanted. When they returned she had all the paperwork that she could find. I went through everything Sunday night until 3:00am. I found bank statements all the way back to 1996 and they were all there. There was simply no money missing. In fact there were alot of checks wrote to my aunt for things she had ran her butt off to get them. My grandpa would write in the memo section what everything was for (groceries,meds,catfood etc...) I had listened to some of the other members of my family and actually believed she had stole their money. I know that some of my grandpa's children (my mom, uncle, another aunt) wanted to believe that their father had saved alot more money then he did because he was their hero, but he didn't. So I took it upon my self to call those family members and let them know there was no money missing. I also told my grandma. Some of them were like well it was probably a bank account we didn't know nothing about she stole from. I said look with all the paperwork that is here I'm sure there would be at least one bank statement from this mystery account everyone seems to think there was. I finally got it through their heads that there was simply no more money. Now I feel like the most horrible person on earth for even believing it. I talked to my grandma and since she took my aunt out of her will I asked her to give my aunt her portion now as she could use it now rather then later. The other family members agreed since they also feel like horses as___ . My aunt has been isolated since Dec and not only lost a father but feels as though she lost a mother. My grandma is going to call her tommorrow to see if she will come over this weekend. I am going to the bank to get her a $5,000.00 cashiers check. I feel so sorry for her and feel like a total evil jerk. She was there this weekend as all the children was suppose to be there to pick out things they wanted, she didn't pick out anything.(We are going to try to give her things that my grandma has here that belonged to grandpa if she will even take them) I dont know if I can ever make it up to her, but I'm going to try. I never came out and accused her to her face, but it was in my mind and I pray God will forgive me. My point is SR don't do what I did because I feel really bad. Help me pray for forgiveness. :nono: LMG
I just wanted to write and tell you I have learned a very valuable lesson in life. It is not a lesson I ever want to learn again. Remember the 10,000 to 20,000 missing from my grandma and grandpa's bank well that is a lie. My family had been blaming one of my aunt's of taking my grandma's money. (Including me). My grandma even took her out of her will because of that. Well this weekend my mother took my grandma to get the things at her house that she still wanted. When they returned she had all the paperwork that she could find. I went through everything Sunday night until 3:00am. I found bank statements all the way back to 1996 and they were all there. There was simply no money missing. In fact there were alot of checks wrote to my aunt for things she had ran her butt off to get them. My grandpa would write in the memo section what everything was for (groceries,meds,catfood etc...) I had listened to some of the other members of my family and actually believed she had stole their money. I know that some of my grandpa's children (my mom, uncle, another aunt) wanted to believe that their father had saved alot more money then he did because he was their hero, but he didn't. So I took it upon my self to call those family members and let them know there was no money missing. I also told my grandma. Some of them were like well it was probably a bank account we didn't know nothing about she stole from. I said look with all the paperwork that is here I'm sure there would be at least one bank statement from this mystery account everyone seems to think there was. I finally got it through their heads that there was simply no more money. Now I feel like the most horrible person on earth for even believing it. I talked to my grandma and since she took my aunt out of her will I asked her to give my aunt her portion now as she could use it now rather then later. The other family members agreed since they also feel like horses as___ . My aunt has been isolated since Dec and not only lost a father but feels as though she lost a mother. My grandma is going to call her tommorrow to see if she will come over this weekend. I am going to the bank to get her a $5,000.00 cashiers check. I feel so sorry for her and feel like a total evil jerk. She was there this weekend as all the children was suppose to be there to pick out things they wanted, she didn't pick out anything.(We are going to try to give her things that my grandma has here that belonged to grandpa if she will even take them) I dont know if I can ever make it up to her, but I'm going to try. I never came out and accused her to her face, but it was in my mind and I pray God will forgive me. My point is SR don't do what I did because I feel really bad. Help me pray for forgiveness. :nono: LMG
Martha H
03-29-2005, 05:03 AM
Dear LMG. you are already forgiven. You didn't plan this evil scheme, you just believed what you were told. Remember "forgive them, for they know not what they do?" No more guilty consciences, in fact, you are the HERO of the story because you found out the truth! Your story is a good lesson for all, not to believe something we are not sure of. Thanks and God bless you!
Martha
Martha