Hi all,

I just wanted to post a new thread to let you all know that I will be taking a break from the boards for awhile.

It's for some personal time. I apparently upset someone on another board, and I inturn was upset. So, I'm going to take a little break from the boards. Now, I can't stop crying! Shoot, I guess my hormones may be acting up after all. :)

I know this isn't a FM topic, so it will most likely be deleted but hopefully some of you "regulars" will read it and pass the word on. I'm sorry, I know I probably sound like a big old baby, but I just hate it when someone thinks I hurt them on purpose, and I don't like being hurt myself, so it's a bad circle.

So, enjoy the new threads I brought forward. Especially the BOR. Print those babies out and tape them on your fridge! You earned them! :)

So, I don't want to worry anyone when you don't see any posts from me for awhile.

Keep on keepin' on, take care of yourselves, rest when you need to and BLL, if you read this,I hope your mom and you are doing better and that you are taking care of yourself. I'll be praying for all of you to have as many pain free days as possible.

You guys are my heart and soul, I just want you to know that.

I'll be back after I feel a little better.

Hugs,
tk

TK!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Do NOT leave me.

I will be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO upset!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need your light, love and cyber smile.

I have come to love forward to seeing you on here.

I understand if you need "personal" time, but PLEASE rethink it. LOL

I miss you already!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Much love

Dear tk,

I haven't known you long, but I value your input so much.

Just to say my life was turned upside down by somebody on a message board once (not here I hasten to add, only the best of support on all of the forums here I subscribe to). Well, I cried, I felt so hurt, I vowed never to trust anyone again, I was a mess. Then I thought "why am I letting this person do this to me? Who do they think they are?" It took me a while, but I learned that I could trust others with my feelings again. I am doing this very slowly, but look even now I am opening myself up to you, so it does work. I know I have a lot to offer, and I know I receive so much from you and everyone else here too.

It is difficult tk, you are so sensitive to the needs of others and being this way shows how sensitive you are yourself. Please have a short break, and just remember that you count here, we need your advice, we need your friendship and basically we need you.

Hurry back,

goldenwings :angel:

tk, I had it happen to me too. It really hurt me.

You are important to us and you are loved.

donna

TK, take a word from a lady that's been around for a long---long
time; think who you are hurting by NOT posting. You said nothing
more than we all say. Everyone could be mad at me because my
approch to fibro is very different to most others.We are all ''wired'' so
differently, both physically and emotionally. Please accept the apology
and come back to us. Just think how we will all be looking for your name
in the posts.(TK, just think how we miss bluelakelady,) We're like a family,
each member counts. Get that goodspirit working!!!! Just think, we've got
sunshine in ol' Alabama this morning after the storm.....that's the way life goes.
Bilij

I was responding to the post that TK is referring to but it's been deleted. This one may be also but I hope TK sees it first. So moderators could you please leave it on for a short period of time so we hopefully don't lose TK. TK you said nothing wrong in that post. The post was just read the wrong way is all and that is now understood by the other poster. Apologies were made but were deleted so you may not have had a chance to see them. As you see many on here truly enjoy you and your posts so please reconsider leaving even if only for a short period of time.

tk,
Please don't leave us, I hope it can be worked through,
uvmom

tk, i know i have only been posting here for a short while but i really enjoy your advice and how wonderful you are.hopefully you will get to rest and get better. make sure you keep us posted. you will be missed very much
your friend robin (girl75) :D

hi tk,
i do not know the thread that caused so much confusion and hurt.
know that this bluelakelady cares for you and is with you as you cry. i am the tissue in your hand that you wipe your tears with. i am the sun shining in the darkest corner of your mind. i am your friend.
love,
bll

Hello again tk,

Please, please forgive me if you think I am going a step too far when I say this. I truly want to help you as a friend. I know you are still hurting, but great steps have been taken to sort this out for you. If you look further down the board here, there is a post that has been sent to you by somebody who is hurt and upset as you are I think.

I know people will say perhaps that it is not my place to interfere in this, but I know you are so hurt and the other person involved is also hurt, and if you have the time please look at the post I am talking about.

Please everyone else here don't get angry with me. I know I have not been a member for too long, but I feel you are all part of my life. I just know how sad this type of thing makes us, as I have gone through it. I still get nervous when I speak about my own things in case I inadvertently cause upset. This is how stressful it can be. We can't cope with the hurt of this kind of uncertainty, so I thought I would try to help in any way I can.

I do so hope I haven't offended the other person involved either. I am just trying to help.

goldenwings :angel:

hi tk, i missed this? what happened if you dont mind me asking? im so sorry you sound so sad. please dont leave boards, we all here!!! love april xxxxx

Goldenwings, I don't think anyone will take offense at your post, I certainly didn't anyway. You're only trying to help. I think it's great you're trying to let her know about the post aplogizing to her. I only hope she checks in soon to see we are all thinking of her.

For GoldenWings,AprilTones, any others as well as TK,
I am the "other party" in this unfortunate hurtful situation and I am only posting here because people continue to ask questions and I just feel it better to stop the explanations after this. As GoldenWings said, there were 2 people who felt hurt in this and I, no excuse, just explanation, on a very painful,early morning, reacted to one of TK's post in a very grumpy manner and it was of course uncalled for. As I have mentioned, I felt squelched...put down and spoke before letting things just go and I have apologized for that and still do. I have apologized in sincerety both here and on my "home board" the pain management board. I have acknowledged my culpability in this and I deeply regret hurting anyone's feelings...we all have had it happen to us. The boards do NOT lend themselves to understanding emotions well. I have continued on posting, as I hope TK will; I have said as much. I don't know what else to do but say I am truly sorry for what happened and go on. We both have much to add to the info found here.
SheSparkles

Come back TK, we miss you. :(

i delight in the outpouring of love i see here in this thread. it is the first why of all the whys we are here. for love. may the healing begin, dear friends.
love,
bluelakelady
ps. thanks for missing me.

Good day my dear friends!

I would like to take the time to reply to ALL of the posts here and tell you that ALL of you who have expressed your concern and love have touched me more deeply than you can possibly imagine. I thank you so very much. I haven't felt such an out pouring of love in a long long time.

My response to all of your posts, encourging words, and advice is to tell you that you have made my spirit grow even more, and had me take a greater look at myself.

Goldenwings, your kind and appropriate words have been taken to heart, and will stay there with me as a reminder that removing myself from an environment that only does me good is not the right solution. Maybe I take things a bit too personally. Maybe I am too sensitive, and maybe I need to work on that.

And SheSparkles, I read your apology and appreciate your taking the time to help me understand where you were coming from, and I thank you.

Now as for all the continued replies by "other parties", these are what got me to take a step back, look and "see". I am glad that you all care about me, and as far as I'm concerned, I'm an "open book", and since I consider you all my friends, and if something is going on in my life that I feel I need to share with you means that I WANT you involved. That's how I get through my days, that is how I learn, and that is how I come to appreciate the human spirit even more.

I just wanted to let you all know that I have read all of your posts, and that you are all so wonderful to reach out to me in the very loving and kind way that you have.

And when I read all your posts, I just couldn't keep silent as I "felt" your concern, and I never ever want to be the cause of distress to another human soul. Your spirits help to feed my soul, and if I feel that you are distressed by something I may have done, or by my actions, my soul cannot continue on it's journey to authenticating itself. So, if I feel that you my friends are suffering in the least amount, I HAVE to try and stop your suffering, distress, concern, and worrying.

I have learned so much from all of your stories, your sharing, your "venting", your knowledge, your suggestions, your OWN conditions, which have lead me to question my own treatment, ask about certain meds, but the richenss of your diverse personalities have made me learn so much more, the medical knowleged is secondary.

I could go on and say how I have a 4 year college degree, and lots of book knowledge on many subjects, but nothing compares to what I learn every day from the people here on the boards as well as the many other people I keep in touch with from another "online community" (nothing to do with heatlh) who have given me a different kind of "degree" in life. And I could never possibly show you my appreciation merely by words themselves.

Hugs,
tk

I would like to share some of my "life experiences" with you to maybe help you feel more of "who" I am, and maybe why I felt like I had to excuse myself for a few days. Unfortunately it will have to be on another page, because as usual, I have ramble on and on.

So consider these shared experiences an "open door" to my soul.

I often quote Mahatma Ghandi, but here is a quote from my "mentor" Nelson Mandela taken from his campain for his election in South Africa. It's part of his National Walk to Freedom speech.

"many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires"
Nelson Mandela

This is an excerpt from his speech referring to the state of freedom in South Africa at this time, but the last part I quoted, I believe could apply to many of us in many situations, and I just wanted to share.


PAGE 1

PAGE 2
I am the kind of person who has been around so many different types of personalities (when you wait tables on a busy Sunday and you are "butt to butt" with over 120 employees you get to "see" many many different personalities up close and personal!) and some of these personalities have clashed with mine, as mine have clashed with many others, and I used to be such a vile and cruel person, never listening, always going out of my way to "argue" a point, and to force myself and my opinions as being the only ones that were right, I finally learned that I was not a very likeable person. And after reading a few books that gave me a "life check" I changed, and I am proud to say that I have learned after much practice, that I am all that I thought I was, that there are other people in the world besides me. I of course think I am special, but no more special than the homeless man who walks the street begging for food. Speaking of which, while working in the restaraunt I had the wonderful experience of seeing a woman bring a homeless man she saw at a nearby gas station to the restaraunt on a busy Sunday morning. Well, he sat in my station. Before I knew what was happening, that this woman offered to buy him breakfast, although she wouldn't allow him to sit with her and her family, he was sat in my station at a little table for two, and my first reaction when I saw him was "I will never get a tip of this guy, and he'll probably skip out on his bill". Well, then the woman came to me and told me what she was doing. I then realized that man was put in my station for a reason. To humble my attitude. I took his order, and while he was nervous to order a full breakfast and insisted he just wanted coffe, I finally talked him into a good size breakfast. The whole time he was sitting there, (the restaraunt was very busy, with a very long wait to get in) he looked nervous and I could tell he felt "out of place". So, when his order was put in I asked the cooks to tell me when they had it ready. I told my cook about who the food was for and that maybe we could throw in a little "extra". And the thing that I personally have learned about working in the restaraunt business, is that you meet folks from all walks of life. So my cook that day, had himself been homeless, so he "had my back" to quote him. I went to refill his coffee and he then asked me if he could just have his breakfast to go, and I said of course he could. I think he was feeling so out of place and nervous around all these people who were moving around like locomotives! So when I got his order, filled with extra hashbrowns, eggs and meat, some of my waitress buddies helped me throw in enough bisquits to feed him and about 10 of his closest friends! LOL So I bagged up his 20lb order LOL and got him some fresh coffee to go and sent him on his way. I took the bill to the lady, and the day went on as normal. I didn't get a tip, monetarily, but the spiritual tip I got is to this day still in my spiritual bank. The reason I tell this story is just to say that you never know who you are dealing with, and that, I judged this man, thinking I was better than he. And I have learned and had to teach myself, which was hard at first to "humble" myself on a daily basis. I've learned to share what I can, help people when and however I can. I have also learned, and this is the best part, that I am no longer capable of feeling "hate" nor am I able to pass judgement on others. I can't, it's just not there. I have to admit, that the last one was the hardest. I always felt like "I know and you don't". And it was hard for me to teach myself, that, maybe I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. And I'm telling you all this because it was in an environment similar to these boards that helped me learn that. I was part of a very close online group who discussed very personal issues, and I was taught that everyone in your life who encounter is put there for a reason, and we always always learn something from that person that will help us grow spiritually. Most especially the people who seem to "bother" you or "rub you the wrong way", those are the people who are there for a very specific reason. That is why all the different dynamics on these boards, to me is a blessing, and a constant teaching lesson, as I learn from you, and not only medical knowledge, that is the least of the learning I get, but the spirtual knowlege and teaching I get from every single person on these boards whom I have come in contact with goes above an beyond any "book" knowledge I could ever get. I have a college degree, a bachelors degree, and I have learned more from personal experiences and have been able to become more knowledgeable in those experiences than I ever could have while in college.

So, just to learn a bit more about "who I am", I wanted to share the previous with you, and I will always understand "who you are" by how you share your stories with me and others here on the board. And I simply love the fact that you are all so different, yet even with that difference I found the common demoninator to be love, caring, respect, appreciation, and in a lot of you "humbleness".

I am reading a book called "What Dreams May Come". It is about a man who died in a car accident and who is know being lead through the upper realm of our world, learning about what he did while he was on earth, the impact he had on other people, the mistakes he made, the good he did, and to acknowledge that the "earthly" life you left behind carries over into this other realm, and you still are learning while you have passed on. However there are different "realms" in the other side, places where spirits and souls are "stuck" still mourning thier earhtly lives and they things they "had" or the things they "did", they cannot get past the fact that their earthly life is gone, but can still be useful and can still be used to teach yourself how to "better" and make your soul feel more "fullfilled", and they cannot get past the fact that they have indeed passed over. So, this man dies, and he finds his "teacher" who was assigned to him while he was on earth. This teacher, was a cousin who had died many years before is guiding him through his new existence, teaching him to use his mind and spread his light to experience extreme an ultimate "wholeness". Well, this man's wife shoots herself out of greif, so all the plans for her to join him at the preplanned time are thrown all off course. (this man's old dog he had on earth even finds him and stays by his side, my tearful part of the book! LOL) So he asks his teacher about the fact that now he will be with his wife sooner. And his teacher informs this man that since his wife chose a selfish and desperate act to take her own life she is in a differentl "realm" than where they are. She is in a place where she cannot see forward, she cannot believe that she can go forward to experience love and acceptance. She doesn't believe that there is a "better" place. So, her husband along with his teacher take off to go through the other realms to get to his wife to convince her, that he is real and that they do have a future together in a beautiful peaceful place if she only believes. They have to go through very "ugly" realms to get to her. Places where souls are "stuck" and can't see themselves moving forward. They are still trapped by their earthly convictions. Greed, selfishness, self pity, all the things that bind us to our "dark side". Well, they run across a woman, who is huddle and coverd with weblike threads. When this man asks his teacher why she is like that and why she can 't break the threads, his teacher replies that she is trapped by self pity and frustration which basically were the emotions that ran her earthly life. The web of threads represent that. And all she must do, is accept that there is a new life waiting for her, if she just let go of the earthy emotions that keep her from freeing herself, in her case, self pity and frustrtion. Well, as I was reading, I saw myself in that woman. And I gotta tell you, it scared the beejeebies out of me. I am a firm believer in the fact that life goes on and your happiness in the other realm depends on you and how you life your life hear, and how "free" you make yourself from the human emotions that can trap you and keep you from moving forward to a much brighter light. And that if you do believe that there is indeed a better place where there are no limits to happiness and you will be reunited to all those who love you and a place where you are given a chance to face your past mistakes, learn from them, "fix" them, so that you can achieve the ultimate light, and someday either "come back" by living yet a more fullfilled life, and ultimately become a "teacher" to others. Make sense? LOL I promise it's not the meds! LOL Just my beliefs, that I always feel comfortable sharing with you, and knowing you will reply with your own beliefs, which is wonderful, I love to receive, disagree, agree, or simply acknowldege. I welcome it all. But my point was this woman, trapped by the web of selp pity and frustration, which to me is a simple sign that I need to work on for myself. I definatley have a problem consuming myself at times with self pity, and I definately feel frustrated with what has happened in my life the past few years, seeming to blame "the powers that be", but not searching for another reason. Only blaming "the powers" for all the bad instead of accepting this situations in my life, and try to learn from them.

I love you all, and you all are very special to me in YOUR own special way.

tk

glad everything is sorted! love aprilxx not nice to see people upset

My dear friend tk,

Welcome back. :wave: I am so glad I could be of help to you.

You are sensitive in the respect that you took the step you did which was right for you at the time. Then what happened? Your sensitivity to others feelings then brought you back. Don't ever try to change that side of yourself tk.

goldenwings :angel: