I am only 35 and I have seen so many people die, My brother died when he was 26 from carbon monoxide poisoning caused by a faulty boiler, A close friend died when he came off his motorcycle on his way to my house.
My nanna, grandad and then 2 uncles died all in a short time of one another,
and then my best friend died 5 years ago.
But the one loss I can't seem to deal with is my Dad.
I was with my dad when he died 10 years ago, I was only 25 but I think it was the nicest experience of my life... Bittersweet.
He was dying of cancer for 15 months before he passed and was in tremendous pain, he was a wonderful man who didn't deserve his suffering.

When his time came although it was hard because a selfish part of me didn't want him to leave me despite his pain, I held him and stroked his face, kept talking to him, telling him how much I loved him and how much I knew he loved me. He was at home in his own bed and all his family were there.

I held him till he took his last breath, I am sure all the pain he had felt passed to me in that moment and it was a long time before it eased.
Even now 10 years later I think about him everyday and can't speak about him properly without geting upset.... I loved him more than anything else in the world.

Being there at the end with him was an honor, he was always there for me and I know he would have passed easier for me sharing it with him.

I don't know if this post will help because I am not saying the pain ever goes away, but it doesn't feel as raw now or as intense.

One day I hope to talk about him without crying for losing him, I just miss him.

great advice flameangel. death is such a personal thing and it affects us all in many different ways. it seems like you've had a lot to contend with. i'm sure your dad is with you in spirit and i hope you find that thought comforting.

take care and god bless
Alex

Totally understand...... you never ever forget........ it gets easier but you never ever forget, l love/d my dad too l think of him at least once a day everyday no matter what else l may be doing its been 9 years for my dad this year ... we have been very lucky to have such wonderful dads god rest them im sure your dad knew how much you loved him. good luck x

I am only 35 and I have seen so many people die, My brother died when he was 26 from carbon monoxide poisoning caused by a faulty boiler, A close friend died when he came off his motorcycle on his way to my house.
My nanna, grandad and then 2 uncles died all in a short time of one another,
and then my best friend died 5 years ago.
But the one loss I can't seem to deal with is my Dad.
I was with my dad when he died 10 years ago, I was only 25 but I think it was the nicest experience of my life... Bittersweet.
He was dying of cancer for 15 months before he passed and was in tremendous pain, he was a wonderful man who didn't deserve his suffering.

When his time came although it was hard because a selfish part of me didn't want him to leave me despite his pain, I held him and stroked his face, kept talking to him, telling him how much I loved him and how much I knew he loved me. He was at home in his own bed and all his family were there.

I held him till he took his last breath, I am sure all the pain he had felt passed to me in that moment and it was a long time before it eased.
Even now 10 years later I think about him everyday and can't speak about him properly without geting upset.... I loved him more than anything else in the world.

Being there at the end with him was an honor, he was always there for me and I know he would have passed easier for me sharing it with him.

I don't know if this post will help because I am not saying the pain ever goes away, but it doesn't feel as raw now or as intense.

One day I hope to talk about him without crying for losing him, I just miss him.


My Dad died 3 years ago today and I refuse to talk about it. It hurts so bad. I wish you well.

flameangel......sounds like my story. my dad just passed away March 17th from emphysema. I spent the night at the hospital the last 2 nights of his life (as he asked me to), and I was there when the dr told him that he would not go home this time...I was there until the end...stroking his face, rubbing his hands and arm.....telling him I loved him........He did suffer as well...that was the hardest thing to ever see. Although I felt honored to have him to ask me to spend the nights with him, and although I was honored to be there until the end....I would give anything to not have been there to watch him suffer as he did...those are the memories that haunt me. I can accept that he is gone...I can talk about him being gone....but I cannot talk about those last 3 days of his life...I get way emotional....and am not sure if I will ever be able to talk about it. I miss my dad like crazy...but I do know that he is better off. I called him everyday to see how he was feeling, it feels so strange to call moms house and not ask about him...nothing is the same. There is an empty space in their house, and in my heart. This is my very first close loss....and I dont know how to handle it. I am ok as long as I keep busy...but as soon as I have nothing to do...thats it...I lose it....I am so afraid of becoming depressed...I dont know if I am supposed to keep busy so that I dont think about it....I dont know if I am supposed to make myself talk about it.....I just dont know what I am supposed to do.

I feel for everyone here, losing my dad has been the hardest thing I ever had to deal with in my life. My dad passed in Dec. 2000 very suddenly, he was not conscious when I saw him at the hospital and I had no idea he was going to die. I was only 18 when my dad died and was in my first semester of college. It has taken me the years after he died until just recently to learn to cope with it. Grief is an ongoing process, it just gets easier to deal with over time, but you never forget the ones you lose. The thing that has made the difference to me is rededicating my life to Jesus Christ. After my dad died, I was so mad at God, it took me years of bad decisions and pain to realize the only comfort that would ever ease my pain was in Jesus. I found a great church where I live and am now very active and surrounded by wonderful people who have become a surrogate family for me. God Bless you all and may you find peace in the midst of your heartache.

I understand everything here completely. My Dad died last August 13 of Prostate Cancer that had spread to his bones, liver and brain. He fought it so hard and with such dignity. We had to put him in a nursing home the last 2 days of his life because we couldn't take care of him at home. (My Mom also has Breast Cancer w/mets and was on awful chemo at the time.) We hated to do that but he got such wonderful care there that we know we made the right decision. I was with him through til the end and like you all, I feel it was such an honor to be there. However, it still haunts me. This man was everything to me and I miss him so much. I just still can't get past his death though. I want so much to be able to remember his life before he was sick, but I still think of all the illness, suffering and death. I'm still trying hard to come out of the fog. Two weeks after my Dad died, we found out my husband had a brain tumor. He had surgery and is fine now but what an ordeal. And I'm scared I'm headed right down the same road with my Mom now. And I'm having to play catch up with my 3 kids after having to be gone so much with their grandparent's illnesses. Just don't know how to get through all this with my sanity...

okay lots of us are missing our dads.. i am 41 my dad died from cancer as well, i must tell you all please look for signs that he is there with you.. it may sound crazy but my father had 4 daughters me being the oldest he called me #1 and so on.. i asked my mother one day do you dream about daddy because i dont does that mean he doesnt want to come and see me.. she couldnt respond.. well 5 months ago my phone rang and the number on it was 1111111111 i answered and nothing this happened everyday at the same time for a week finally i tried to call it back and after the first 3 ones it went busy ... another week of this finally i thought to myself maybe that is his message to me that he is thinkin about me and telling me he loves me.. this thinkin has made it much easier i honestly believe it was a sign .. and since i have thought this the calls dont come anymore... strange huh.. i have a four year old son that has told me he seen his papa and i asked where did you see him and he said when i was just sittin there thinkin about him he talked to me and told me he loved me and i told papa i was gonna get on a plane and take a ride to heaven so i can see his house i then asked what happened he said papa laughed and banged his had on the table 4 times. my son was to young to remember anything about my dad but when my dad laughed he use to hit the table all the time... just keep the many sweet times you had with your dad. never does the pain totally go away but lucky for us we have these memories of love

What a beautiful story. You may not realize it but you are a special person with great courage. Being there for one you love in the end can be difficult but there also seems to be some healing too. If you always get teary eyed when you speak of your dad who is to say thats wrong. He had to be a very special man to raise a daughter like you. You are his leagacy and I am sure he would be very proud of you today. Keep sharing the compassion you seem to have within. I will be thinking of you.

Hello , I know your not suposed to post your age on here but they can go somewhere. I am currentley 15 (Fifteen) and when I was 6 (Six) My dad passed away in a fatal car accadent. My mom was in it brok her neck and every bone in her face. IT is now 8 years later she is fine , and he died that night. He had a T1 neck fracture , She had a T2. I dont know I still think about it but I put it off alot. Hearhing things that remind me of him make me cry. That story u told man made me cry. I dont know , all I know man is it is a bad thing to happen , I hope you feel better and I hope it dosent mess up your life. Atleast it was his time and he was older... My dad was 28 , so I dont know , just think of it in a good way. You were there man and I bet that is the best thing he could have , was some 1 there to care for him before it happened.

My father died in 2001. I didn't get up to the hospital to see him the night before he passed away, everyone else did ie mother, brother, sister. I still feel very bad about that and for a time I felt angry that I didn't get one last chance to see him. My only comfort was the last time I saw him, I kissed him on the forehead and reminded him that I used to do that every night as a child then I told him I loved him.

We all got a phone call that he had gone into cardiac arrest and to get to the hospital quickly, he was expected to recover from his illness you see so nobody expected it or even thought about it.

I will never forget the feelings that flooded over me as we were told at the hospital that we were too late, my first chance to be alone in the relatives room I put my head back and roared like a wounded animal then I cried like a baby.

It was a very, very difficult time and even now I still miss him dreadfully.

Our loved ones will never be forgotten they live on in our memories and our hearts.

I just want to reach my arms out and give you all a collective hug....

I also want to tell you all that you're not alone. I, too, feel the pain you are all experiencing.

My dad passed away 3 years ago April 4. He died of cancer, but it was a short illness for him (well, short in the sense of looking at how long we 'knew' it was cancer). He died within a month of diagnosis, so, fortunately, we didn't have to see him suffer/whither away. The last week was the worst, after his kidneys failed and the toxins in his body had nowhere to go. He got really puffy. He was a big man anyhow. For the most part, he looked like the same ol Dad I always knew and loved, and I'm grateful for that. The sores in his mouth were hard to deal with, though. The chemo had created sores....at the end he couldn't talk so communicating with him was so difficult.

I wrote this on another post, but I'll share it here again: 2 days before he died I visited in the early afternoon. He was alert...didn't have as much medication in his system as the later evenings (actually my sister went to see the doctor for more meds...because he looked so uncomfortable...). While she was out of the room he tried to communicate with me....I couldn't understand him...I asked him if he wanted a drink of water...that didn't seem to be it...I asked him if he wanted his salve for his mouth...that didn't seem to be it. I just looked at him in desperation, not knowing what to do, and so frustrated...Suddenly, he looked at me and said "good bye"....the clearest thing I'd heard him say in days....and he started to cry and brought me close to his chest for my last hug.

I'm glad I got to hear him say good bye.

I'm glad he's not suffering any more. He was in SUCH pain......

I'm glad he died knowing that his daughter loved him so very very much....

But I miss him so much. Tonight, recounting the memory of this, it feels raw again....like an open wound that will never heal.

The night he died I had wanted to go to the hospital like I had every night since he was admitted, but my friends convinced me to go out with them to take my mind off things. To reassure myself that it was ok to do that I called the hospital. There was no change, and I gave my friend Erin's cell number for them to call me at the restaurant.

Our food had barely arrived before the cell phone rang.

It was my then-sister-in-law saying I should come...that he was having trouble breathing...

We raced to the hospital to find my sister-in-law waiting at the front door. He was gone.

He had been gone when she called but she didn't want to tell me on the phone.

I ran to his room and saw my brother and just wailed like a tortured animal.....

I went over to him and gave him one last hug. As I laid my head upon his chest I still heard the gurgling of fluid in his lungs. I couldn't believe that he wasn't alive.

You never get 'over' it...you learn to deal with it. Some days I wonder about myself though too....wonder if I'm not coping properly...wondering if it 'should' be so raw/real/painful as much as it is. April is a really hard month. I believe that missing him is just a part of me. I believe that he is always here...always with me... Every time I see/hear anything to do about fathers/fathers and daughters..it just kills me. Cherish the family and friends you do have left. Always let them know how much you love them.

Thanks for listening to my story.

Oh my....throw out the tissues and grab the paper towels! I'm crying like a baby.

My dad died of prostate cancer back in 1991 and these posts really bring it all back. I was able to say good bye and am thankful that he did not die unexpectely. I was not there the last night and am somewhat glad I wasn't. He had my mom and several of his daughters with him. I get to remember him as I saw him last. I was going to a class reunion the night before and he said "have fun".

We all grieve in our ways, but one of my sisters was really stricken with his last moments trying to breath.

My wife was with her mom when they took her off a breathing machine and remembers a look of fear on her face. My wife was very close and nearly went off the deep end with depression.

We went to a grief seminar one of the local funeral homes was sponsering. It was WONDERFUL. It validated the feeling everyone was having. Don't let people tell you to get over it. Tell the story over and over. Don't put time limits on grief. After the seminar my wife bounced back.

If you are having a difficult time coping, see if any counseling or seminars are available.

ItzMe2

P.S. Can I get in on that group hug?

i am feeling so depressed right now,

it's been almost 3 months since i found out my dad died, i guess i should tell you the story from the beginning,

my son was born dec 19 2004 (so he'll be exactly 4 months old in about 4 hours from when i'm writing this) my dad, who lives about 2 hrs away was going to come and see his grand-son

well i called him several times and spoke to him, we talked about me when i was a baby, what to expect, he reassuered me that it's not all that terrifying that it'd be alright and all that stuff, offering a father's perspective on having a kid

well i called him a couple of times in early Jan to see when he was coming down to see Cam (the boy) and no-answer, not only that but he never called me back. OK no big, he's probably just busy well one morning i called and i couldn't leave a message 'cause his voice-mail was full, which is very unusual because he uses it for business so it stuck me as really odd, then the next day i tried again and it was still full, finally i figured somthing was not quite right so i called his girl-friend (a woman whom i despise) and she told me what i for some strange reason already knew, my Dad was dead he had died about 10 days prior he had a heart problem and while he was on teh table he had a massive stroke. oh and apparently no one could find me granted i've moved a couple of time and my phone number has changed few times too, but i don't buy that line that she looked high-and -low for my number, i missed the funural and all of that.

How do i explain all of this, there is so much more and, well i'll try to put it down i'm sorry if it isn't all coherent

see like i said my son was born about a month before i found out about my dad, and because he was a bit of a suprise, so about a month after he was born (and a week after i found out about my dad) my wife took him to her parents, where's he is now, till we can get our s**t together and be stable to htake care of him, and after i found out about my dad......i just didn't have time there was so much to get done, i mean an hour after i found out i was sitting in a national fuel building 'cause i had to get something to be taken care of. and it was like that non-stop until she left,

things ahve calmed down since then life is somewhat normal, the wife and i are gettin' ready for Cam to get back, we move in a month to a great little apartment, and he'll be with us in less than 2 weeks. life is pretty damned good

so why am i depressed?? why do my moods go from sunny skies to rainstorm in the blink of an eye, a friend did somthing that really pissed me off the other day (and it *was* pretty bad) but my reaction was totally uncalled for and rather uncharacteristic, i'm happy one second then sad, and it's nothing to do with my dad it's not like it's somethign that reminds me of him, it's just random

and it's frustrating because if i know what the greving process entails (deinail, anger etc...) but if i'm aware of that how can i be in a given stage and have it be genuine, if i'm angry then i must be in 'anger' but then what if i feel depressed or i'm not thinkin' (or denying) about it have i gone back to denail, i just feel like a tangled bunch of knots, and i hate it i want to go back to normal, most of all i guess i want my dad back (he was only 62)

well i do feel a bit better putting this all down, thanx all for 'listening'

Hey Jonas,

Real sorry to hear about your dad. Don't feel bad about the emotional swings you are experiencing...they are quite normal! All kinds of thoughts will swirl through your mind as you try to curtail your emotions into something logical.

The last stage of grief is acceptance. Don't beat yourself up for anything. One day you will smile when you think of your father. Don't set time limits on your grieving.

Welcome to the collective HUG !

ItzMe2

This is my first experience on a board. I lost my grandmother nine days ago to end stage emphysema and copd. I'm an adult granddaughter, and I was there for her for about 12 years. In the past year, I got married, and my mom dropped her career to come and live with my grandmother and take over the caregiving duties. I'm angry I guess because I had done so much to keep her alive throughout all of her setbacks. I, too, was there with her to the very end, even through her last non-verbal question of "Why?" She didn't want to go, yet she couldn't stand the pain any longer. I hear that sometimes people miss their close grandparents all the way into their middle years--will the raw pain, confusion, anger, second guessing--will it go away, or just get a little duller?

I hear that sometimes people miss their close grandparents all the way into their middle years--will the raw pain, confusion, anger, second guessing--will it go away, or just get a little duller?

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. The initial stages are the hardest...you can flip between raw pain to anger to confusion and back again so quickly. Will it ever go away?...No, it doesn't go away, but it does get easier. Remember the happy times spent with your grandmother...know that she's with you in everything that you do...with each warm breeze you feel, each gentle sunset you see...everything that's good in your life, that's her....she's with you every step of the way. Not one day goes by that I don't think of my father...and I'll be honest, tears still easily come...The fact that we miss our loved ones so much is proof of how they touched our lives though...and how they are still a part of us and everything that we do.

HBosch, welcome to our group hug

*HUG*

Thank you so much. I do think of her whenever the world is beautiful outside. I see her in all the places I go because we went there together so many times. I guess I don't ever want my strong feelings for her to ever go away, so if they will always be tinged with a little bit of sadness, I'd prefer that rather than never having had as close a relationship as I did with her. I gratefully join in the group hug.

I am 18 years old and I lost my Father to a sudden heart attack on 1/13/05. He died in his sleep. My grandfather went to wake him up in the morning, and noticed that he was cold, and he was not breathing. My grandparents then called 911 and they confirmed that he died in his sleep of a heart attack. These past five months have been so depressing to me. I have a lack of intrest in all of up coming holidays ,and major events in my family. I am graduating in two weeks and it really stinks to know that my father will not be there to see me graduate, and see me accept my awards. I feel like everything has been taken away from me. Some days I am fine, joking around school, and laughing; and there are some days where I just sob knowing that he is never coming back. I am still in shock and denile. I just does not seem so real. When I go to the cemetery, I just staire at his grave, and I think to myself "I can't believe that he is actually gone. He is lying down there, and I will never see him again!" I feel like I want to just scream, and go crazy. It's like I am mad at him for leaving. I look at his pictures, and i get really mad. He called 911 for every little pain that he had. The night before he complained of a pain in his arm, and in his jaw. I just don't understand why he never call the doctor. He was only 46 years old. I just don't know what to do any more. I feel so alone but yet, I have a huge family and tuns of friends. I just feel like I have no one anymore. I cry at night, and I sometimes wake up during the middle of the night scared, and my heart beats really fast. I am dreading Father's day! I was wondering if anyone out there is in the same situation or experienced the same thing I have? I just hate feeling like this. I was always so happy, until now! Will it ever get easier? :confused: :(

Dear Tangoman--I'm sorry for your loss. My uncle was like a father to me, and he died ten days after 9-11. It has been almost four years since then, and I think I still feel raw about his passing. Yes, I feel angry at him, too, for making a couple of stupid decisions. He left two young sons, who miss his love and guidance every day. At first, I tried to step into his shoes, but the boys were too shut down to respond. After four years, they are willing to spread open their hearts to let other family members in. Maybe, since you're of graduating age, you can open your heart a little sooner. Everyone in your family wants to help you heal. If you are lucky enough to have a grandfather or two, or an uncle or two, perhaps you can strive to take that relationship to another level, so that you feel satisfied at having a close relationship with someone who is willing to guide you. In the meantime, keep reading all over the board. You'll get a whole bunch of good advice, and comforting words. I guess the more honest you are about your anger, the quicker it will fade, so that your memories of your dad will help you through each stage of your life. Don't forget the best parts of him, and pay especially close attention to the lessons he tried to teach you--this way, you will prove to him that his time with you was spent wisely.***hug***

Wow there are a lot of touching stories in this thread. I too lost my Dad and yes I still miss him. What keeps me going is the memories. I don't dwell on the fact that he died but rather that he LIVED. I have such fond memories of my DAd and tears fill my eyes sometimes when I remember them. Not so much from the loss but from the pride of knowing such a man. I only hope that once I am gone, my Daughter feels the same way about me.
So, don't think so much about that he is gone or how he left. Think about how he lived and loved. We are really lucky to have had such great Dads.

I think we all miss loved ones that have passed on. :angel: I also believe parents or parent like people are the hardest no matter how old you are when you lose them. I like to think about my dad a lot just to keep my memories alive - that usually helps me. :angel: I understand Tango completely though because a sudden death is hard to deal with. My father died suddenly in 1988 and even though it will be 17 years in August since we lost him - it still is hard on me. Sometimes I feel like I am all alone in my feelings and other times I am so glad that I was 14 and not any younger when he left. If I was younger I wouldn't be able to remember all the good times we had. Milestones are hard for me because they are bittersweet - I remember graduation, being married, having my children, etc.,- I cried each time both for happiness and sadness wanting, wishing that he could be there to experience it all with me. He never got to hold any of his grandchildren. He never walked his daughters down the aisle. My mom walked me down the aisle but I wanted it to be Dad so much. I made her cry at first because I didn't want anyone to walk me down the aisle if he couldn't but then when I saw how much it hurt her and how much she has always been both mom and dad to me I couldn't disappoint her too. It is still hard on me to go to the same funeral home that he was at but I refuse not to go - there have been so many people that were supportive of my immediate family I have to be there for them in their time of need. We buried him with his parents in Tennessee - we lived in Illinois at the time but he always wanted to go HOME. My mom tried to make sure we went to the gravesite every few months but that eventually slowed to once a year. I still go at least once a year - it seems to help my emotions. The pain is never gone, it just lessens over time. My daughter (who is only 8 and never knew dad) talks to my dad which was a little spooky at first but now I find it comforting to know he is watching over me. I always knew it but sometimes you just "forget". We had to have a closed casket as he was murdered and was "missing" for almost 2 months. That was very hard on the entire family. My sister still refuses to believe that dad is gone - she has a fantasy that he is still alive and will come visit her one day. We each view his death differently and that has made our relationship difficult. My mom has since remarried and it kills me when she struggles financially when she never had to with my dad. The man and I don't get along - so he doesn't allow my mom to see us that often. This hurts a lot as my mom and I were very close. I think this situation also makes the pain intensify. My mom started a "tradition" with me - we have his favorite cake (coconut) every year on his birthday and I buy or make him a card every holiday. I have wrote him letters and told him all about my life - then I put all the cards and letters in an envelope in my cedar chest. I have never opened that envelope back up to look only to put more in.... It is my way of "healing" ----

HUGS to everyone - I better say goodbye for now as my eyes can barely see through my tears.........

Sorry for your sadness and frustration. ****hugs****

My Dad just died two weeks ago and I still wait for him to call me on the phone to tell me a joke or ask me if my Wife and I having a baby yet. It was something he always joke about, since I am the only one without kids. My Dad had not been in my life all my life, but at the ending years of his life, He opened up to me and started to get to know me. We became Father and Son when I was a man of 40yo. I think as he got sicker, He could see that he needed to get to know me. He started to tell me that He loved me, something I had needed for years. He was very sick the last two weeks of his life and did not even know us. I always used wonder how I was going to react at his death. I thought I would not cry for I did not know Him, put that was before I got to know Him. When He died I could not stop crying and was very sad that I could not have more time with Him, but I thank God for the time I did have with Him. I really miss Him alot!!! I can say that His death has taken the pain that He was in away and that make my heart glad to know that He hurts no more. Thanks for letting me talk about Him, it has help me alot to let out some more tears while I wrote this. I LOVE U DAD!!! :angel:

Yes, it's cathartic, isn't it, to acknowledge the profound love we have for those we adore? Sometimes all we need is the anonymity of a computer, the privacy of closed doors, and the freedom to let it all loose....***hugs***

With quad bypass in Jan and continued illness, he had colon surger 4/8 where they found a large tumor in colon attached to bladder and small intestine. Having gone through chemo 19 years ago, he decided no more. So, he stopped eating and would not allow any tests to see if he had stomach problems. For over 3 weeks he has been irratic. Last time he was weighed he was 100 lbs. That was 3 weeks ago. It hurts him too much to weigh him now. In Jan. he weighed 168. He is so tiny. He has white spots over his skin. He has not sat up in a chair in since first of May. Has not walked since April, and has not moved his legs in over a month. His skin is flaking. He moves his shaking arms constantly. Most time his eyes are shut. He has bad sores on his backside and more are showing up even on his fingers. He will eat only banana pops. I want to stay with him all the time, but I have a job and 2 kids at home. I want to hold him but he is so tender I can only stroke his arms and head. He now moans in his sleep or partial sleep. He does not appear to know reality most the time. Pulse is 100 - 133. Blood pressure ranges 70/60 to mostly 60/50. The bypass surgery was certainly a sucess as this is the only thing that still functions. Kidneys have very little output and it is the color of strong tea.

I am so sad. I cry at work most the time. I have fibromyalgia so the stress has me in constant pain. It hurts to walk. I cannot think everything is in a fog. It is as if I am still in April and the world around keeps marching forward. My daughter starts college in August. I cannot plan for August because it is still April. How do I move forward. My husband is no help. He plans his golf, has his fun while I cannot move.

debdaniel,
I feel your pain. I know what it is like to see someone you love suffer and die. It is so hard at times. But you can do it I promise. I did. I worked 45-55 hours a week and drove 110 miles everyday to my Dads house and never left before he went to sleep each night. I usually got home around 12-1 am. Got up at 6am and did it all over again for 5 months. Be there for your Dad because you will want to be able to say, you did everything you could for your Dad after he is gone. That gives me so much comfort now that he is gone and I know it will you too.
Now for the fibromyalgia....I have a friend that was ready to die because she hurt all the time. Well she had a friend that sold Juice Plus and bought some. Today she lives a normal life without pain. She even teaches water aerobics. Try it maybe it will help you too.
Thinking of you,
Ron

Thank you for the kind words Ron. I am trying to stay as much as possible. I was spending nights there and going to work from the Nursing home. Now that I managed to get Hospice to give him 24 hour care, I am sleeping at home. As for the fibromyalgia, I had it under control before April. Now, I am in such severe pain. I cannot walk. I moan and cry when I roll over in bed. I can only do that by griping the headboard bars. I have fallen asleep while driving from lack of sleep. The water aroebics was suggested by my physician, but spending all my available time with dad, I don't have any to spare.

debdaniel,
PLEASE TRY JUICEPLUS!!!! Here is something for you to read....http://www.juiceguy.com/chronic_fatigue.shtml . Just copy the link and paste it into Internet Explorer. BTW....I do NOT sell this stuff!!!
Who knows it might help!!!

... I want to hold him but he is so tender I can only stroke his arms and head... I am so sad. ... How do I move forward. My husband is no help. He plans his golf, has his fun while I cannot move.

Debdaniel, you have my deepest sympathies. There's nothing harder than losing a parent. Grasp on to the time you do have with him --you're stronger than you think --that will get you through. His memory will keep you strong.

It's so hard knowing the end is near, but just not knowing when. Is he hanging on for something? Is he waiting for assurance that you'll be ok? My dad got very bad at the end...in and out of consciousness...no way of communicating to us because of the sores in his mouth by the chemo...I knew he was in so much pain I just wanted the pain to go away for him. The night he passed it was just after my sister had told him that my brother had worked out his car lease with the dealership and not to worry...that the family would be taken care of. He died shortly after that. Peaceful, so I'm told. Just into a sleep. I missed it. By the time I got there, it was too late. If there's anything you want to say to him, say it now. He'll always be with you, no matter what.

When you feel devastated, alone, bewildered, angry, afraid, overwhelmed, lost...know that he's always there...he'll be your guardian angel, always. :angel:

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

*HUGS*

~Sunfive

Sorry for your experience with your dad. I was lucky enough to have several family members join the round-the-clock vigil with my grandmother for a week when her heart rate was over 100, too. One night, a very stern nurse told me and my sister to get out of the room, because my grandmother was ready to die, but would not unless she didn't have to worry about upsetting the relatives without her. It was the longest night of my life. We left the room for four hours, and her heart rate shot up to 113. The nurse promptly kicked us out again. Four hours later, her heart rate was up to 153, then 180, then it finally started to drop. It took only 20 minutes for her heart to give out once it had peaked. We were with her for her last hour or so, and watched her give out peacefully. She was dying of emphysema, so she was basically suffocating slowly. The doctors had put her on so much morphine that she was in a drug-induced sleep. The last time she had awakened was when we took off the bipass machine, which was acting like an artificial breathing machine, but without the tube, which was following her DNR request made over a month prior. We put on an oxygen mask at top levels, and she was awake for about an hour, allowing us to wish her goodbye. All that time, her skin was becoming mottled, her extremities were bloating, and the nurses showed us that these were all signs that the rest of her body was giving out. I had been fighting to get her fed, but they showed me that if the bodily functions were slowing down, it was because she was preparing to die, and she did not feel hunger. It was the hardest thing to do--to let her die, to leave her alone in that room--but if I had not, she would have hung on, just for us, extending her excruciating pain on and on and on. I know that they continue to hear us, though, because I had been watching the heart rate monitor vigilantly and mentioned to someone that I thought she would be leaving us in a couple of minutes. As soon as I said that, the heart rate stopped plateauing, and began a rapid descent down to zero. It was as if I had given her "the permission to leave," as all the hospice literature states. I'm sorry not to have her every day in her physical body, but I'm not sorry that she is no longer in pain.

So what does this have to do with you? Is it possible that your dad is hanging on just because he's worried about leaving you alone? Is there anyone else who can sit hospice with you, even the local religious organization or hospital service? Usually this service is free. I'm sorry that you don't seem to have anybody else to share this difficult time with. Is it possible for you to take a leave of absence from work to make the time easier? My heart goes out to you.

Thank you so much. Dad's primary doctor finally came to see him for the first time in 3 weeks. The Hospice nurse told dad that the doctor talked to him about a feeding tube. Told him that if he does not eat he will not be here much longer. This was dad's intention all along. This is the same doctor that I begged to do something for dad in April. At this point I cannot help but feel that putting in a feeding tube will only cause him months and months of more agony. He has sores coming up on his hands now. They are on every part of his tiny frail body. I had noticed him having difficulty swallowing and point this out to the Hospice Team leader last night. The doctor checked and said dad has a yeast infection in his mouth and throat. That is why he is having problems sucking the straw and swallowing. THis, he said, is from the lack of bacteria in his body to fight off these things.

What will putting in a feeding tube mean for dad at this time? He won't eat by mouth. Says it don't taste good and makes him sick. He had gotten to the point that he was angry anytime we brought him food. So what do we do now? His urine output is half what it was last week. He may have reached 150 cc yesterday. But at 7:00 p.m. he was still short of that mark.

debdaniel,
The feeding tube WILL prolong his agony. Dad had one and if I had to do that all over again I would never have let them put it in. You have to use a syringe to put liquid food into his stomach.
Try Sween Cream on his sores.......we found that was the best stuff for Daddy. We used it several times per day and they cleared up in just a few days. He was much more comfortabe too.
Thinking of you,
Ron

Where do you find that. I have not heard of Sween Cream. I don't know what they are putting on him now. It is thick and clear. Reminds me of vasoline.

We found it at Kmart and CVS Pharamacy but probably at many pharamacies.