I had a post about people faking depression. 1st: I feel like the most worthless piece of s**t for that post, more for that thought I had.

I hated when people would dismiss emotional problems others had, yet I pretty much did that to my own husband, just because he was checking out the hot-looking neighbor. SELFISH!!! Sexuality is pretty powerful.

I guess the guilt will help in the long run, because I got a taste of how easy it is to become frustrated and angry with a spouse who has depression. Guess I should have given the attention to those baby blues that seemed so wet at times. All the other signs were there, shame on me.

I think I almost hoped he was faking it. An affair with the neighbor would be a lot easier to handle than doing everything I can to be here for him during this.

If anyone has time...can you give me some one-liners that will help me stay strong?

MIpigpen,

Please DO NOT beat yourself up for "having a moment". This caregiver stuff ain't always easy. Frustration is something that cannot be sidestepped here. As women, we are born and bred (so to speak) to be the concerned ones. Our eagerness over our "desire to make things right" is a strong one. The frustration enters when we do everything we can to "lift up" the "downed person".....to no avail. We start to feel, then, that we are either doing something wrong, or that we aren't doing enough. We start to take this personally. This is just another decietful side-effect of this disease. Depression does not only effect the person diagnosed....it effects all those closest to him as well.

I often feel that I grow tired of the "it's all about him" thing......HIS depression.... HIS needs....HIS moods!! Hey....what about ME for a change? Sometimes I feel guilty (it's not his fault he's feeling this way...I should be more supportive)....other times I'm down right p'd off (it's not my fault he's feeling this way...let him deal with it!). To some dergree it irks me that this isn't treated as a family illness. It certainly has become one in my household.

I guess I don't really have any "one-liners" to cheer you....really wish I did!! I've found that getting out with my friends, having a long chat (ok...doing some serious whining! :p ) with a girl-friend, reading a good book ALONE after the kid goes to bed, hopping on the computer (with a generous homemade cocktail... lol), or taking my dogs out for a leisurely stroll (with or without kids....but certainly without the hubby) have all been helpfull in keeping me from totally losing it. Oh yeah....and not to mention....keep posting here!! It's the only place on earth you'll feel you're always in "good company".

Again, not exactly one liners...just know that you are not alone...and what you are feeling is normal. Hang tough girl!!

All the best,
mj

I had a post about people faking depression. 1st: I feel like the most worthless piece of s**t for that post, more for that thought I had.

I hated when people would dismiss emotional problems others had, yet I pretty much did that to my own husband, just because he was checking out the hot-looking neighbor. SELFISH!!! Sexuality is pretty powerful.

I guess the guilt will help in the long run, because I got a taste of how easy it is to become frustrated and angry with a spouse who has depression. Guess I should have given the attention to those baby blues that seemed so wet at times. All the other signs were there, shame on me.

I think I almost hoped he was faking it. An affair with the neighbor would be a lot easier to handle than doing everything I can to be here for him during this.

If anyone has time...can you give me some one-liners that will help me stay strong?

One liners? I'm not sure if you mean comedy or encouragement, but I'll try my hand at both. And, you *are* strong. You're awesome.

"There are no classes in life for beginners: right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall."

-Confucius

"Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back."

-Katherine Mansfield


"In a mad world, only the mad are sane."

-Akiro Kurosawa

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."

-Robin Williams

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

-Robin Williams

:) I've got to start getting my daughter ready for school, but I wanted to pop in and try to send some cheer your way. I don't think you've done anything wrong. I'd smack my boyfriend upside the head, were he to check out the neighbor.

Hugs.

-EoR-

hey dont be too hard on urself!! u havent dont anything wrong, i would also be angry if i caught my gf looking at someone else etc. if u think uve made a mistake doubting him then put it behind u and dont dwell on it otherwise it will make u feel even worse! :) take care u,

Brett

Hi MIpigpen :wave:

You are a normal human being and you are not perfect. Don't beat yourself up for being human. Isn't that what your husband was being? Human!?

Depression is never easy. I have it and I don't even understand it...so why should you understand every aspect about it?

I am sorry if I contributed to your bad feelings by questioning why you were thinking he was faking. Your post just reminded me of the times I used to go through with my ex-husband. I just wanted to give some comforting words and try to encourage you not to stuff your feelings in.

I just want you to know I care and wish for you and your husband to work things out.

Best wishes,
Sam :)

Hey hon, dont feel bad. My husband likes to look at other women but guess what....he married me and comes home to me every day. If you want a one liner, theres one that we both use (I look at men too:)), "If you're on a diet you can still LOOK at the menu" Aslong as he doesnt touch I can live with it. Youve got to keep telling yourself he is with you and at the end of the day he is a human being. Take care.

Hiya. :) I just wanted to see how things were going today. I hope you're feeling a bit better. How are things with your husband? Any better? Have you been able to talk to him and express how you feel? I didn't read through the other thread, so, I may be walking over old ground.

Here's a little Irish humor to give you a laugh on St. Patrick's Day:

"Irish Shopping"

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done,
what was that all about?"

"Nothin', said the Irishman, "me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

Here's to hopin' that put a little grin on yer face, lass! (Oh, I guess that be more Scottish.) ;)

-EoR-

Hey girl, dont feel bad keep your head up. I admire you for sticking with him throughout his problems. I suffer baddly from depression myself and have gotten so bad I have told my wife she would be better off without me! I have even asked her if she thought she was financially in a position to do with out me. I feel terrible for asking her such questions but I did and did so when I was very depressed. Point being... even through all the **** she still stayed with me and supports me but I am sure it hasnt been easy. Too bad you and her couldnt talk sometime you might be able to answer each others questions. Be proud, be strong and most importantly try to stay being yourself(that is what what your hubby needs most)

One liners...... Oh my u could really open up a can of worms there. Ill censor my responses out of respect but here are some I like. I hope no one takes offense to them.....

-You ever feel like life was a bird and you're just a parked car?
-Its not that your sad because your life is so bad, your just pissed cause others have it so good. (Jack Nicholson in as good as it gets)
-I AM NOT CRAZY I HAVE THE PAPERWORK FROM THE HOSPITAL TO PROVE IT!
-Ill never die because *******s live forever.
-We are all going to hell and I am driving the bus.
-Speak softly and carry a big stick, and you will go far. Teddy R.
-Everyone has a opinion its just that some peoples count and some do not.(mine)
-Dont force it use a bigger hammer.

and last but not least.....
I am having a psychic experience because I can see myself in your pants.

:nono:

Again please dont takeoffense.

Hey girl, dont feel bad keep your head up. I admire you for sticking with him throughout his problems. I suffer baddly from depression myself and have gotten so bad I have told my wife she would be better off without me! I have even asked her if she thought she was financially in a position to do with out me. I feel terrible for asking her such questions but I did and did so when I was very depressed. Point being... even through all the **** she still stayed with me and supports me but I am sure it hasnt been easy. Too bad you and her couldnt talk sometime you might be able to answer each others questions. Be proud, be strong and most importantly try to stay being yourself(that is what what your hubby needs most)

One liners...... Oh my u could really open up a can of worms there. Ill censor my responses out of respect but here are some I like. I hope no one takes offense to them.....

-You ever feel like life was a bird and you're just a parked car?
-Its not that your sad because your life is so bad, your just pissed cause others have it so good. (Jack Nicholson in as good as it gets)
-I AM NOT CRAZY I HAVE THE PAPERWORK FROM THE HOSPITAL TO PROVE IT!
-Ill never die because *******s live forever.
-We are all going to hell and I am driving the bus.
-Speak softly and carry a big stick, and you will go far. Teddy R.
-Everyone has a opinion its just that some peoples count and some do not.(mine)
-Dont force it use a bigger hammer.

and last but not least.....
I am having a psychic experience because I can see myself in your pants.

:nono:

Again please dont takeoffense.

I love "As Good as it Gets." My favorite quote from that movie, "Go sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here!" I bet most of us can relate to that one. :)

*EoR*

I am in tears reading all of your posts! I just can't believe so many people (that I haven't even met!) care about how I FEEL!

This may sound dramatic-but no one I know can give me the strength you all do. Today was one of my worst and I have been walking the house by myself, not wanting Monday to come. My long silent enemy - Mr. Anxiety - has been looking for a crack in my fortress. Friday, the only friend that has never forsaken me, was dumped and she hit bottom like I've never imagined. Two days of crying, sleeping, "don't want to be alive". Finally, her brother took her to his place. My 4 year old was getting upset for her and I just couldn't make it much longer.

Husband HAD been better, but crashed after chruch today. I blew up, cried, and was pretty pathectic. Dinner was okay, but still blue in our house.

YOU HAVE ALL BEEN RIGHT!

I need to take care of me, too. I will stick by my husband (he is trying) and will not try to pull him "up" if it will take us both down. A few minutes to myself...a drive or whatever...and I feel better.

Better??? AFter reading all of your posts (2 days away from them) I feel ready for anything! Where there seems to be no smiles or laughs in my world...I find them here.

I thought I did not have any room in my life for new friends. How wrong I was.

Hope to snap out of this and try and share some support. If anyone needs a funny story-I'm a walking disaster:

Thought my friend's ex could be waiting for her, so I snuck her things out the back. Looked around, thought I heard something...oh well...slipped on a patch of ice and slid 10 feet down the hill, legs out, arms flailing, clothes everywhere, shoe fell off...

If he was watching, he got a show!

God bless you guys!

Hi MIpigpen, Yeah, you have to take care of YOU. I'm the one who gets the depression in our house. My husband in no way gets sucked into my blue times. At first I felt he was ignoring me and it made me very sad and angry. Now, I'm so used to it that it doesn't even bother me.

When I get depressed/tired/crabby, husband does his usuall things....playing w/the kids, watching tv w/the kids, takes the kids outside, etc. In no way does he sit next to me and baby me or ask what's wrong (heck, half the time I don't even know why I'm depressed...it just kicks in).

If I'm in my bedroom depressed and trying to sleep and him and the kids are watching a funny show and laughing.....NOW, I can smile to myself and know that the kids are taken care of while I'm going through a tough time w/depression. And taking care of the little ones comes first in my book, and I love hubby w/ all of my heart for puting the kids first!!

Just thought I'd share this w/you. Take care of yourself and do things that make YOU happy.

Ok, here's my one liner that I just made up for you: You can't support a depressed person 100% of the time because then you'd only be supporting YOURSELF 0% of the time, and that's not good!!!

Just thought I'd share this w/you. Take care of yourself and do things that make YOU happy.

Ok, here's my one liner that I just made up for you: You can't support a depressed person 100% of the time because then you'd only be supporting YOURSELF 0% of the time, and that's not good!!!

Thank you thank you thank you...

I sometimes forget. Thank you

MIpigpen,

I was about to post your post!!!! Both of them!!!

My husband has been pulling quite some hurtful stuff the last couple of years and then he finally collapsed 4 months ago and right now he is depressed. He says he only has a mild depression and it will be gone in a week or so, but it has been going on for 4 months now.

I too have days that I think "Oh, grow up! Stop pretending to be so down and DO something!" Never collapses on a workday, collapses every weekend. That kind of stuff. He has also asked me if I didn't think he should move out, so it would be easier for me. Right now his depression is so bad that I see no sign of love, just a very dark cloud. He yells at the kids (we have 4 small ones), walks away in midconversation and goes to bed when he is too tired to do anything else.

And then, last week, it finally dawned on me. He is sick, he really is sick. If I can treat him as a sick person on the moments he is terribly down, I do not feel angry, I feel love. I take care of my sick children with love, why can't I do the same for my husbandd. I have great admiration for the husband who takes care of the family while the wife is uncapable of doing that. I think it is time I learn to do that, and stop feeling so terribly sorry for myself!

At the same time I am writing all my frustrations down. Nobody but me reads this. I have found 2 friends who are willing to listen to my rambling. My best friend doesn't understand but that is ok, she offers a place to not talk about it and have some quiet time. I am far away from my family but I miss my mom terribly.

Beying away from my family and having just moved to where we are now also poses an extra problem. My husband has always been the one I can talk to, but I can't talk to him about this.... He is seeing a therapist 4 times a week right now (crisis!!) and I have decided to get some help for me. Just to learn how to deal with this.

My dear, I can't count the times I have thought "and what about me???" I guess I just have to find a way to do something about me by myself! I can do that, I am sure.

Keep us posted!!!!

L.