i do everything a person should to be happy with themselves and their lives. i ALWAYS look on the bright side of things, i have confidence, i dont fight or bicker with people.. i will give myself NO REASON to be sad, angry, hurt and everything else but its like everything im doing is just overlapping my feelings inside. when it should be going away, its really only hiding it, covering it up.

i havent been able to cry for days and the one day i do all the physical things that help depression is the day where im just so sad inside. lately usually all the negative emotions are so strong i dont think about the unhappiness. but there are those few days where all it is is sadness. i remember this is what it used to feel like when i noticed it starting. its been so long and i do everyhting possible and everything i should do to make it go away - but its still here. :( crying doesnt even help.

I'm so sorry you're going through this! But one of the things I've learned about my own depression is that I'm always a little confused about it. So I think I can relate to what you're saying. You try very hard to be optimistic, you take good mental care of yourself, yet still something is a bit off? And maybe you don't feel you have a good reason to be depressed? That's a problem with me. I have no "reason" to be depressed, yet I am, and then I feel guilty. It's a very confusing disease. Do you see a therapist? Maybe you just need a good listener.

thank you, Soibhan, for the reply. yes, like you, i dont really understand why i am depressed. i dont see a therapist but i have a good friend to me, my sisters boyfriend, who lives with me and i have tried many many times to talk to him. i have two problems tho. first, i have a problem with people knowing that im upset or "not well" and even though i have got a little bit out to him and he knows im not okay its still so hard to talk to someone, even him. and second, ive tried thinking of what i would say if i did talk to him and nothing comes in my head. i dont know why. maybe i dont know where to start? maybe i have nothing to say? and i wouldnt want him to try to listen to me and help when i dont even know what to tell him. he wouldnt be in the best position to help then if i couldnt explain whatever im trying to explain.

Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't know at all. A stranger has no preconceived notions about you and would be able to offer a more non-biased opinion. Occasionally, I talk to my best friend about my problems, but he is very protective of me, so he's probably not always the best one to offer advice. Does this make sense? And I have to say that talking to others on this board has been a huge help to me. I'm sorry we're all dealing with this monster, but since we are, we need to stick together!

again thanks for the post, and yes it makes perfect sense to me and i have considered seeing a therapist. though im not too sure, i think i have social anxiety and i think thats why i have such a hard time talking to people about myself and why im not very keen - though it could always help - to talk to someone only about me and my problems. but i guess if im doing everything else right and its not working i need to take a step up right?
i just dont know if i have the courage or not
its easier said than done

i know what you mean. i keep meaning to see my doctor, keep meaning to get some counselling. i try so hard every day, but it's like I keep sliding back downhill. no matter how hard i try, i might have a few good days and think i'm getting better, then i wake up feeling so bad and i can barely get out of bed. it's like a losing battle. i want to get better, but i can't fight it, it's like the depression is bigger than me and is holding me down.

It is hard to get the help you need. I seem to go in circles...I think well today I will call and set up an appointment with my doctor so I can feel better. Then I think....I am so tired I will do it tomorrow. Then I think...I don't like my doctor I will get better on my own. Then I think....I really need to call and see if I can get another doctor to see me. Then I just keep finding one excuse after the other and don't get the help I need to get better. I feel like I am in a constant battle with myself. I know my depression won't get any better without help from a professional but I keep making excuses and just keep getting worse. I can't trust my own judgement or decisions then I feel guilty. So go ahead and make an appointment to talk to a therapist so they can help to sort things out.
Now I just need to follow my own advice :eek:

Take care and best wishes,
Sam :wave: