I am SOOOOO happy spring is FINALLY here!!!! The warmer weather will soon be here and the trees will bud and flowers will bloom. And I can go outside when dad has a tantrum without having to take the time to put on my coat and shoes while listening to him rant...I can flee faster!!!! lol

And I can hang my laundry outside to dry. :)

Sally will be getting cooler soon if I'm right. And it sounds like you've had a really hot summer there, eh?

Martha is getting closer to Indiana and her grandchildren. How many grandchildren do you have? And how many children?

And Barbara is probably enjoying the warmer weather in Virginia now. Are you by the ocean or in the mountains?

Oh I'm so happy today!

Love, Barb

Dear Barb,

I love Spring too! In spite of lingering cold and rain today, we know it's coming!!

I have 3 childrlen. One daughter, in Indiana, married with 2 boys. One son in Germany, the father of an 8 year old daughter, separated. He sees his daughter every 2nd weekend for a 2 day visit, from Fri eve to Sunday eve. He has a good working relationship with his Ex, so it works out - but is still very sad.

I have a son in Miami going for a graduate degree in Marine Biology. He's the one who lived in Evanston and worked in Chicago for 3 years. Not married, no children.

How about you, Barb? Any other kids besides Bo? Mine range in age from 27 to 36 .. you are probably much younger than me... but since we're all in the same boat here, we have more in common than with people our age who have no idea what AD is really like!

Love and happy spring (or fall) to all!

Martha

I have just the one and he's enough. :)

I'm thinking now of when I had him. I remember my mother telling me "Every one of my four kids was just a little bit bigger than the one before." I jokingly told her to shut up. You see, my son was born on Thanksgiving Day. After 26 hours of labor, I had to have a c-section. He wasn't coming through the canal, the reason being that he was too big. He weighed in at 11lbs 6ozs. So now you see why I told my mom to shut up. lol! He was the size of a 3 month old and the second biggest baby ever born in that hospital.

I took bc for a while afterwards but then stopped hoping to have another one. I never got pregnant again. I think it had something to do with my then undiagnosed hypothyroidism.

So now I'm 42 and too old (for me) to have a baby. My dad's mom had one when she was 40, another when she was 43 and the last when she was 45. And she was mother to the whole neighborhood on up until her early 80's. Kid from the neiborhood used to rush from school to her house for home made snacks. She lived in a low income neiborhood and she was babysitter from the time these kids got out of school until their parents came home from work. She never charged a penny. When I asked her why she didn't charge, she said "Why should I charge when I invite them? I enjoy having them here". I don't know how I got onto that subject but it is a very fond memory.

Love, Barb

Hi BosBarb ...

Yes, it's definately cooler here .. I actually slept with a sheet on top of me last night!! LOL .....

Sleeping better when not sweating ..... makes all the difference. **chuckling**

Our days are now 'weird' with lots of thunderstorms in the afternoon/evening .. cooler nights, less humidity ...

I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR .. not too cold, not too hot ...

12yo Daughter goes to school camp today for 3 days .... she's an ol' hand at camping now .... we've got almost everything in the suitcase 'nanna' bought us ... not bad for a girl ! LOL

ok .. time to take her off ........... Good Morning All !!

Hugs
Sally
(Son .. 36hour labour, C-Secton .. 6 lb 11 oz)
(Daughter .. 19 hour labour, vaginal birth, 6lb exact)
(Daughter .. 3 hours 10 minute labour, vaginal birth, 7lb 8.5oz~!!!)

Ok, I had this long, beautiful message and it got erased!!! Boohoo....

I have just Bo. No other children. My sister in Alabama has a boy and a girl. The girl, Meghan, I am particularly close to. The boy, Daniel, is grown and into his own thing. Meghan is 7 and she's just a pistol. lol

I'm 42 now so I think it's a bit too late for me to consider another child. Besides, I've been off of bc since Bo was 2 and nothing's happened. I think it's mostly due to my hypothyroidism. I went undiagnosed for several years and it took a toll on my body.Anyway, all is well.

And you're right, age doesn't matter. It's what we all have in common.

Love, Barb

I see my message finally came up right before Sally replied. :)

Sally, was that 36 hours? I thought 26 was bad. After that, the 3 hour one must have been a piece of cake. :D

Some of my best childhood memories were at Girl Scout camp. I'm happy to hear that your daughter is so exited about it. She'll have a wonderful time, I'm sure.

How old are your kids? The 12 year old is the youngest, right?

Dad just came in here eating another cinnamon roll. And he still HATES cinnamon. Little does he know that's an ingredient in cinnamon rolls....lol

Love and warm (oops-cool :cool: ) wishes to you!

Love, Barb

Barb, I thught I was the only one in the world who ever had an 11 pound baby - yes, my youngest, K, weighed exactly 11 lbs. He was my third. The first two weighed 8.12 and 8.8. HUGE kids. K looked like a 3 month old also. He was also a placid, happy, very contented, calm baby. (still is ..now nearly 28!)

I was tested for diabetes after his birth but didn't have it, he was just huge. Luckily I myself am not smal (5'8" after some shrinkage ..and 174 pounds) l ..and the 3rd is only 1/3 as hard as the first birth .. so we all survived.

My Mom's 3 were also big, I think I weighed over 9 lbs at birth ...

Having my 3 kids was the best thing I ever did. I love them dearly even though all are fairly far away, but thanks to e-mail and telephones we are close anyway.

I hope I can always be a help to them and never never a burden ..that's why I signed a living will to get myself 'unplugged' if the time ever comes that I cannot live on in any kind of normal manner...

I feel so terrible to admit this, but my Mom as she is now is more a burden than a joy .. and I don't ever want to be that to my kids.

Love,

Martha (feeling better, but tired!)

Yes BosBarb .. 36 hours .. the hell I was put through in that time was antiquated and pure torture ..... amazing I went back for 2nds so quickly (there's 17 months between my older two), I was very pleased with myself when I knocked 17 odd hours off the next one, and scared when the 3 hour one happened ....!!

My youngest turns 10 on Easter Monday .. she's very excited .. DOUBLE DIGITS .. Woo Hoo !!!!

I was a Girl Guide (Scout) Leader for 6 years with the 6 - 7 year old range (fondly called Gumnut Guides) ....

We didn't do knots, we did velcro ... LOL .. I actually passed a training saying that, cause I am HORRIFIC at knots .. **chuckle, chuckle, chuckle**

My eldest two go to a small Christian Private School in our town. She's in year 7 (Junior high) and Cam is in Year 8 (Junior High) he goes to camp at the beginning of April. Since we go camping reasonably regularly anyway (as often as we are able to get away from here anyway), my kids are seasons campers. Our youngest (the almost 10 yo) however prefers higher accommodation .... come to think of it, she wasn't much of a girl guide either ....LOL LOL

Oh .. the stories that flood the brain when I talk about Guiding .. anyone would think I missed it ... LOL

Martha, glad your feeling better, and tired is the natural part of getting better. Listen to your body .. it's telling you reams. Are you using the Apple Cider Vinegar?? And yes, it doesn't matter how you drink it as long as you don't boil it (takes out some of the goodness)

Hugs & no more labour pains !!

Sally

Martha, there's no need to feel terrible. I feel the same way. I love my dad but I think of how his dad was in the last stages of AD and I really pray that he doesn't live to go through that.

You know, in all this goings on with the Terry Sciavo case in Florida, I heard an attorney say on tv that a living will may not have helped her all that much if she had one. He said a living will is contestable in most states. I didn't know this. He said a living will backed by a durable power of attorney is the best way to prevent this from happening.


Sally, it sounds to me that dispite all that's going on around you, you still manage to be a great mother! Your family is very fortunate to have you. They just better not ever ask you to tie a knot..... :D I can't tie a knot either and my girl scout days were way before velcro. lol So if someone's life depends on me being able to tie a knot, well, sorry..... :eek: :)

Have to go now. I think dad's ready to go at it again. But I shall not fall into that, no I shall not.....

Love, Barb

Hi all-

I'm between the Blue Ridge mountains and Atlantic ocean, 90 miles to each, and just outside Richmond. As my grandmother used to say, we're Tidewater girls!! The forsythia are about to bloom, the daffodils are in bloom, and the daylilies are popping up from the soil! I'm ready for spring, too.

25+ years ago, I had Zack by C-section (because he was breech) after laboring 18 hours and Robby came at 26 weeks after I was in the hospital for 5 days and had 2 helpful injections of a steroid called Beta-Methazone that matured his lungs. He was 2lb. 3 1/2oz. then and is now about to be 21 year old, has the most hilarious sense of humor, and builds computers.

Haven't we all had amazing journeys through life??! Blessings abound.

Peace - Barbara :)

Complaining about the gas bill which he does not pay. But all went well. He said he was going to sell the house and move to Wisconsin. I said "whenever you're ready". Not another word was said. The gas bill doubled since last month. $274! For five small rooms.

All is well here in Romeoville. :)

Love, Barb

hahahahahaha .. I liked that ... "I'm gonna move" .. reply "sure .. no problem" .. instant silence........hahahaah

Today ... FIL asked me to buy another paper shredder. Yes, another. What happened to the first one? Well, that is the $200,000 question !!! Ask MIL where the shredder is and of course, it's "huh?" She has NO idea what a shredder is. BIL and I ransacked the house almost a year ago to no avail. The shredder, God Rest It's Soul, had left our earth.

so today I buy a new one ($40 .. !!) and bring it home, and show FIL and MIL comes out and says "Oh, we've got one" .. and went to the spot where it USED to be ... "Where?" she says .. FIL says "you threw it out" and she said "oh yes, dirty" ..

ah ha!!!! It was dirty !!!!!!!!!!!!

Good thing I bought a black one eh? LOL LOL LOL

MIL VERY quiet and subdued today ... it's not at all like her, and I asked her

"Are you ok?" .. and her reply "no", and I said "you feeling sick?" and her reply "no", and I said "your not feeling sick?" and she said "Well of course not, I'm thwa thwa that there you know thring thring 3, 3, 2"

uh huh... your fine .. ok .. I get it. LOL .. "did you have a nice lunch?" (she went out with friends for lunch) reply "oh ..... (mutter mutter mutter)" ....

uh huh ....

FIL says "ACK .. !!!!!!!!! she's on these new anti-depressents and they've made her depressed, I want her to stop them, she can't be like this .." rant rant, rave, rave .... so I said "it's her first day, there is NO WAY her mood can be the new tablet" and he argued "it's her 2nd day" .. I said No it's not .. it's her first day of her Webster Pack, it's her first tablet .. and he went ........ "oh .. yeah .... your right" (I muttered .. again! .. LOL) .. I said "it'll take a WEEK to figure out what these ones are doing to her, but they're the SAME dosage as what she WAS taking"

and, by the way .. I can accept quiet and subdued ... I quite like it actually !!!!!

BosBarb .... my MIL has coniptions about bills/statements .. her investment statement comes in ($51,333.00) and she jumps up and down, shoves it in my face, says YOU YOU , them 3, 3, that there ...... "Is this a Bill dear?" "YES YES YES" she shouts, "YOU YOU YOU YOU"

You know, some really dishonest person could make a bundle ......

So we got MOST of her mail redirected to our post office box number ... she doesn't see statements, she doesn't get upset ........... Good thing she hasn't seen our electricity bill ... between FIL and me, we're over $600 in CREDIT .. !!!!!

There's a thought .. for those of us and our confused loved ones .. get a post office box and get mail redirected to there .. saves ALOT of hassle !!!!!!!!!

Hugs to one and all
Sally

Hello Friends, Barbara you made me so nostalgic for Virginia! I was there 4 times during the years Jenny was at VCU, lovely visits to the Riverside (is it the Charles River?) and a Botanical Garden. Lovely weather. Mom was with me twice . We went down by train from NYC on my visits here from Germany. We also made the trips to the Coast and to the Mountains .. perfect location. If it weren't for D's allergies I might be moving to VA instead of IN.

Oh well! You can't have everything! We have the tips of daffodils peeking out of the hard earth in front of my school, and I saw one blooming forsythia bush in a sheltered yard ..otherwise no signs of spring at all.

Yesterday In anticipation of my Florida trip I tinted my mostly grey hair a medium blonde shade, which gave me a huge boost! I feel 10 years younger!

No word from Elsie, but I am sure she also sees the problems, probably she is counting the days to Mom's departure ..

Love,

Martha

PS Our mail is no longer a problem since Mom has forgotten that she has a mailbox key and never brings up the mail. I take care of all of it. Before that, she often threw things out, and the last time she tried to write to her sister in SC, she forgot the street. She wrote the name, the house number, and the town/state .She told me "I mailed it anyway, they all know her in Greenville". It came back. This was 2 years ago ..Mom aready had dementia symptoms but we didn't realize it.

M

Hi all -

Up early as I had a headache last night and went to bed early. Hummm.... now "healthy, wealthy, and wise" should be next if the old adage is true!

Martha, the river here is the historical James River and you may have gone to the Ginter Botanical Gardens which are a little north and east of downtown. It is lovely. The beautiful city parks abound in azaleas thanks to my very elderly cousin who was director of parks here in the 1930s to the 1970s! Talk about glorious spring colors - WOW!!

Glad your new hair color gave you such a boost!

Sally, might something have been said or happened while MIL was at lunch that hurt her feelings? You are right that her new medicine could not have had that quick an effect, but there could be differences in the new medicine that will make an equal dose different in effect. Another thought - could MIL have gotten into another day's pack of pills and be overdosed?

Barb - Glad all is well in Romeoville!

Hugs to all - Barbara :)

That's right it was the James. The Charles is in Boston. That was the name of the Botanical gardens .. they were lovely to see. Jenny was in Richmond from 1994 to 1996.That year she got her MSW, and my son K in Germany got his high school diploma and went off to college (in Indiana, family tradition) so I had an 'empty nest" .. luckily my granddaughter was born in July and filled the gaps ...

My colleague sent me home early today, saying I looked worse than yesterday .. I tried to tell her I am actually feeling better but she wouldn't hear of it. I will just relax and maybe sleep this afternoon .. I still have early morning insomnia. I hope it doesn't happen in Miami, but K's apartment is right on the flight path to Mia International .. I have my ear plugs packed.

I'm looking forward to this trip .. as the clock counts down towards NEXT Thursday when Mom returns and my life is back to caregiver mode around the clock except for work ..Yet that only lasts for about 2 1/2 more months .. I can stand it.

Love,

Martha

Good Morning Barbara .. it's 8.04am here, and I've been awake 20 odd minutes .. that's a good sleep in for me .. trouble is it's a school day, so I've been running around like a lunatic getting lunches ready LOL

There is NO WAY MIL could have overdosed .. all tablets are out of the house, the the ones I'm on are upstairs with me and well hidden -- but that being said, I did check the pantry, but no .. all the free standing med's have gone. I rang one of the lady's she had lunch with and asked if anything happened, and she said no, they didn't even drink a glass of wine .. however, they were sitting in the sun and getting very drowsy ... so perhaps she was just tired?

then as I was settling FIL down for the night, MIL came stomping through to him, pushed me aside whilst glaring at me, sat on FIL's leg's (oops!) and kissed him, and cuddled him, and kissed him, then stood up, glared at me, put her chin up in the air, and stomped off to bed.

FIL said "hmmm .. Goodnight Sally"
and I said "hmmm ... Goodnight FIL"

And promptly went my separate way .. LOL

so much for quiet and subdued!!!!

Hugs
Sally

Hi ladies! I thought about the post office thing but haven't done it yet.

Today, I got a phone call from one of dad's credit card companies. apparently, my sister in Alabama had the bills sent there again. I keep telling those people the bills AREN"T going to get paid if they send them THERE! ARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! Why does she keep doing that??? I think so she can tell others "Barb isn't paying the bills". Well, how can I when the credit card bills are being sent 700 miles AWAY??? No one can charge on his credit cards anymore. But why is she doing that??? I don't get it. She's psycho or something. I keep telling these credit card companies that if they want to be paid, they have to send the bills here and no where else-ever.

Why do these credit card companies keep sending the bills to Alabama and call Illinois when the bills aren't paid? DAHHH!!!!

Ok, done with the frustration. Have to get dinner now.

Love, Barb

Dear Barb, just a question .. if nothing is being charged, why are there any bills going out at all? Those accounts need to be cancelled, it isn't enough to cut up the cards. Anyone who has the card numbers can still use them, ex on the Internet. Is your sister buying things on his card, and then ignoring the bills? What is the purpose of sending bills to her address and not paying them? I don't get it.

Does anyone have Power of Attorney over your father's affairs?

I called the issuing bank when my Mom became incompetent. I had already cut up her card and no one was using it, but I wanted to be sure. They need a signature of the person having POA. My brother signed and we got an inane letter, "sorry you have decided not to use your xxx card any longer. Any time you change your mind and wish to have our credit card again, please let us know."

She gets offers almost DAILY from other companies, 'you are pre approved for a silver/gold/platinum card, just sign and send ' .. apparently the fact that a person is a mentally incompetent, poor 96 year old living on social security alone cannot stop the flow.

Someone told me to write No THANKS on each of those applications and send it back in the prepaid enclosed envelope. I began doing it just this week and hope they soon give up.

The credit card companies dont seem to care WHO uses them, or whether or not they are responsible, or able to pay, or anything else ..just drum up business...

Put your case in writing, and send by registered mail, keeping a copy, in case you need legal help. that will be evidence.

Good luck

PS does your sister still want Dad to visit? HIM, not his check book?

Love,

Martha

She still wants him to visit but there's a snafoo. Her car isn't running right. Neither is mine and dad's is out of the question since he insists on having it with him. We can't afford to be flying up and down there so his car can sit in her driveway. Dad will not fly anyway.

I think she wants the checkbook more than him, I'm sad to say. She's called here "Can you send me $100? $200? Can you pay Daniel's (her son's) payment on the four wheeler?". She doesn't do that anymore since I pointed out to her that when I was in bad financial straights due to medical things, I never called her house and asked her to send me a check from dad's account. I lost my house, my car and my job in the same year and I didn't ask for a penny.

There is no POA right now. I'm working on getting dad to stay up enough during the day to do that. I have to get him just in the right mood. And to be honest, I feel really horrible about having to do that. I feel like I'm going against someone's back.

Will you ladies please do me a favor? Keep on me until I get this done. I know it has to be done and should have been done a long time ago.

Love, Barb

NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG ............

BosBarb .. you KNOW you gotta do this ... you CANNOT let it slide .... your just making it harder on yourself as you procrastinate ...

so <b>DO IT TODAY</b> -- stop looking for excuses not to .. just <b> DO IT</b> ............

Hugs
Sally

Dear Barb,

It is amazing how much we have in common, besides the caretaking thing.

I lost 'everything' 5 years ago. My house, my car, my church and some of my friends, close contact with my granddaughter. I had to leave it all behind to start a new life in NY (and just coincidentaly keep an eye on my Mom - not the main motivation at the time) because my marriage of 36 years fell apart.

I got two very different messages from my family. My brother, sister in law, and my Mom said "come to NY, you can get a job here, you can live with Mom, everything will work out!"

From my sister and BIL :"you can't leave! You will lose your medical insurance, you will not find a job, you will wind up a homeless person." {looking back, I think they were afraid I might become a financial burden on THEM!}

Now she denies ever having said that. I did start all over and it wound up better than anyone could have thought. I did OK without a house, without a car, and it turned out to relieve everyone else when I took over care of Mom.

So good things can come out of bad!

To get POA he has to go with you and make a good enough impression on the Notary/witness to convince them he is in his right mind. Good luck! Waiting longer will make it harder as he gets worse, not better.

Mom very docilely went along with it in October when the aide from SeniorBridge was hired, and we were told she must have a POA designated. We just said you have to give Bill POA so he can take charge of all the arrangements for a Home health Aide. At that time not even her doctor realized she was already in the middle stages of dementia.

PS
I am worried about her return, not the trip. Will she remember her daily routines here at home? Where the potty is for her night visits? Where the breakfast foods are and that she is supposed to take her 5 pills lying next to her breakfast plate? That an aide comes at 9 and she is not supposed to go out until she gets here? She may have forgotten all about this life style ...used to being taken places by car all day long!

Love,

Martha

Scary huh?

When MIL went to see her Brother last year for his Birthday (her annual trek) we were quite confident about her .. *under supervision* .. I drove her to Sydney (a 5 hour drive away south) .. to her SIL's place (FIL's sister) .. SIL drove her to another meeting place to meet brother and his wife ......

Except for the phone call mid visit with brother of "MY GOD, TANTRUMS .. WHAT DO YOU DO?" .. it all went vaguely smoothly .. but when she returned home her incontinence was NOTICEABLE and she had deteriorated all over obviously ..

hang in there Martha .........

Hang in there

Hugs
Sally

Anyway, I have another week .. I'll worry about it later ... worry causes wrinkles!

M

Thank you, ladies for reinforcing what I already know. I will call the senior center tomorrow and ask if they can reccomend a lawyer. We have to get through the plumber today.

Wish us luck! :)

Barb