I have to talk to dad's doctor about this when we go there tiomorrow. I have tried to get her alone for a few seconds before but dad is always there. His hygiene is SO BAD now! I can't tell you the last time he showered and I think he doesn't do a good enough job when he does shower. He rarely changes clothes and when he does, I have to sneak in his room and "steal" his dirty clothes and put them in the washer right away. And God forbid I take his sheets and pillowcases to wash. He throws a tantrum that lasts from the time I put them in the washer until they're back on the bed. We cannot put another set on his bed because he wants those. I wish we had two sets of the same ones so the hissy fits would only last a few minutes. lol

Anyway, back to my question. Do I just come right out and say "Doc, dad hasn't showered in probably months and refuses to shower"? That sounds so cold. Thank God he doesn't sweat and it takes a while before he starts stinking. Or am I getting used to it? But I'm not worried about the smell. It's disgusting to not shower or wash your hands, of course. And I don't want him to get so bad that he gets an infection or something.

Like I said, he really doesn't smell bad until he hasn't had a shower for a LONG time. Me, if I don't take a shower every day, I can tell. But him, I can't.

Should I say something to the doctor right in front of him. I can tell you now that if I do tell, I'm telling it like it is.

Oh, I've tried calling the doctor but it's a VA hospital. No contact with the doctor until the visit.

Thanks in advance. I know you guys will have some great advice.

Love, Barb

I try writing a letter to the doctor, because 1) it's easier to write it down because I will forget when I get there and 2) he can read it in private in his own time and is 'warned' ...

I try and get 'the letter' to him the day before our appointment. Of course, if it's really urgent, I have his home number and his mobile, but I don't abuse that fact.

Your Dad MUST wash ... not only does he have an increased risk of cross infection, but body bacteria breeds rapidly, and while you have cooler weather it's not so bad, but when the warmer weather arrives, you'll be seeing yeast infections !!!!

As for the sheets .. when my daughter was a newborn, we couldn't go anywhere without HER sheets ... I finally got her used to a lambswood underlay .. perhaps you could start your Dad on that? Lambswood doesn't need to be washed nearly as often!! It will have his 'scent' on it, and maybe you won't have the sheet tantrum. That being said, get two so you have them in constant rotation. It will take a while, but he might even sleep better on soft wool.

Goodluck .. he sounds like a challenge!! LOL

Hugs
Sally

Dear Barb,

It must be hard not seeing the same Dr every time. I think you just have to blurt it out. Dad will be mad (so what else is new?) but he will get over it. Ask, "how can I get him to shower and get himself clean more often?"

The doctor may not even want to deal with this non medical (except for infections .. good point) problem, but he might be able to get a visiting nurse service organized which might send someone to bathe him a couple of times a week.

I don't know if your Dad poses a physical threat to you when he is angry. If so, would your husband take over the task of just telling him "Dad, time for a linen change" ..and start stripping the bed? (is Dad in bed all the time?) .. or if it is just loud protests, ignore them and repeat, as calmy as yu can - play acting - it is time for a bed linen change. period.

Mom does not see well, in fact she is legally blind. The only problem with bedsheets is that the day after I stripped and changed the linens, she will say it's time for a bed linen change and strip it again (I just take out an extra load of wash, it's easier than an argument) .. Mom forgets to wash, and as I have mentioned before, does not get herself really clean after toileting, although there is a supply of wet wipes in the bathroom .. and therefore can stink shortly after a shower. She doesn't realize it and is insulted when told.

This is a common problem amng AD caregivers/patients .. we all have to learn to do unpleasant tasks we never thought we'd do again after our youngest was potty trained ...

good luck, also with the POA.

Love,

Martha

With my mom - I would hand an envelope with notes to the doctor's receptionist. The doctor would read them before he saw us. Eventually it got to the point that I could say anything to the doctor in front of my mother because she would forget it immediately!

This doctor that we're seeing tomorrow is the one that I requested. She's the one who spent 1 1/2 hours with us on a 15 minute appointment. I like her a lot. She is now his main doctor. She's a geriatrician.

My husband has physical limitations himself. He has two prosthetic hips as well as arthritis in his c-spine and lower back so it would be difficult (if not impossible) physically for him to help my dad with a shower.

The letter idea was great! Thank you so much Sally and Susan! I just finished writing the letter and will hand it to the receptionist when we go there tomorrow.

See, I knew you wonderfully wise women would have the answers! :)

To tell you the truth, the way I felt earlier today was I would go in there with dad and tell the doctor flat out "he won't shower and he smells like pee and poop combined. I can't take it anymore"! I was THAT frustrated!

Now I can be nice. Unless he tries to jump out of the car like he tried to when I took him to the ER a few months ago. Then I might get ugly. Naaaa..... :D

Love, Barb

oh my...the things that are asked of us! i've begun handing my mom a washcloth FULL of soap and tell her point blank "wash down there" and i watch through the shower door to make sure she does. if i leave it up to her, she'll use a washcloth with nothing on it (except that one time she put shampoo on it). i stay in the bathroom the whole time and 'lightheartedly' give her instructions.

so sad. glad you figured out how to approach the drs visit barb. i usually hand the note straight to the dr. to make sure he/she gets it. good luck!

Thanks! The appt is for 3:20pm central time. I will let you all know how it went as soon as we get home.

Love, Barb

He he he ..

I have seen WAYYYYY MORE of my Father In Law than I EVER expected to see ......

Especially when 'older' men forget their 'nether regions' dangle through Pyjama legs .... HAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHA

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Too much information ..............

HAHAHAHAHA

Sally

LOLOLOL...'nether regions'....LOLOLOLOL...ya just gotta laugh sometimes!!

I guess it's worse when I rock into their lounge room and there he is .. reclined in the computer chair, having a 'pee' in the bottle ...........

As kids rock in behind me, and I spin and turn and hands over eyes, and steer them AWAY .... AWAY .... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Makes for an interesting scenario .. LOL

Hugs
Sally

<b>CHALLENGE</B>

Ok .. WORSE SCENARIOS SEEN .......... next ..........

Well, when my BIL was in the hospital after a severe seizure where he banged his head several times on concrete. He had to learn how to walk, talk, eat and everything else. I went to see him and I guess he was trying to tell me something but I had no clue what he was trying to say because he couldn't speak at that point. So he got really ticked off and flipped the covers off of him totally exposing himself to me-and I was close enough to tell that he looks a LOT like his brother down there! I think that was the most horrifying experience of my life to date.....lol

And the pee bottle.... When my dh had hip replacement surgery, it was impossible for him to get up and walk around while he was alone. So he had a pee bottle. It was very hard for him to get up even with help so sometimes he would pee in the bottle right there in his recliner. A couple of times, our son came out of the bedroom and I had to scream "Close your eyes! Go back in the room!' He knew what that meant. Dad was at it again.....lol

Now back to the hygiene thing and the doctor.....

I wrote the letter and handed it to the receptionist. She said she would givre it to the doctor. We wait. Then We get called into the office by a different doctor. The doctor looks in the computer and says "I'm sorry. I can't help you." WHHHAAAA????? "His doctor is here. Your file was mixed up with someone else's. Please wait in the waiting room." So we wait. All the while I'm thinking 'I hope the letter made it's way to her'.

We walk into the doctor's office and I see she has it in her hand. Good. She asked dad how he's feeling. He says he feels great. I said "what about your shoulder and elbow, dad? You said they've been killing you." "They feel fine." Ok, no problem? The entire houe REEKS of BenGay and he's been going around the house cursing about how much they hurt and he wishes he had BenGay....whaaaa??? can you NOT smell it???? But when he sees the doctor, he cracks jokes and acts like nothing's hurting. To tell you the truth, I think he has a crush on her or something.

Then she asks me how dad is doing on the Aricept. I told her it's really hard to tell now. It seemed to help at first but now I don't think so. So she says "Remember I told you it may or may not slow the progression of memory loss but it won't help much with the other things?" "Yes, I remember." Then she checks his reflexes and had him raise his arm (the one with the bad shoulder) with no problem and no pain. He had "horrible" pain moving it before we went in there. So then she says "Everything is looking good". It was at that point that I realized she hadn't read the letter! And she says (as she holds up the letter) "what's this?'. I quietly and with clenched teeth say "It's for you."

Then she gives dad stretching exercizes to do. Fine. Only she's telling him how to do this and that and I mean saying so much that even I can't remember. "Can you put that in writing?" "I'm sorry. I don't have it in writing." "What if I get something off the 'net?" "That's ok" and she gave me a website to check out. I think she might have noticed that I was FUMING MAD when dad said his shoulder was "fine". The doctor asked me on the way out if I wanted her to call me tomorrow. And with a sigh of relief, I said "Yes, thank you".

I put everything in that letter on down to they need to irrigate his ears because he's BLASTING his tv and we have to costantly repeat ourselves.

And then guess what he said after we got in the car to go home. "We need to stop and get some BenGay for my elbow and shoulder". "Does it hurt, dad?" "Yeah, it hurts pretty bad". ERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll let you all know what the doctor says if she calls me tomorrow. If not, I will SCREAM!!!!! Do you know what a man who hasn't showered in WEEKS smells like when he's overloaded with BenGay?

Btw, he wiped the BenGay off but didn't shower before going to the doctor.

I can't wait till tomorrow......the saga continues......

lol - is that a male thing? exposing yourself as a way to express anger??? hmmmm..... :eek:

what a dimwit that dr was, barb! i hope you got a helpful phone call today, but the 'office opportunity' with your dad was missed! i swear....

She called me today but my cell phone went to silent when I put it on vibrate. :rolleyes: Stupid phone!

Anyway, the doc left a message saying that she will try and call me later and the she thinks it's time to get a social worker involved. I agree. She's going to have one call me for an interview. Now hubby isn't happy because he thinks that if a social worker gets involved, dad may not be able to go to Alabama. I disagree because I need a frekin' break! He's going soon if I have to strap him to my back and drag him there!

Dad got up this morning. I was at work and my dh was watching tv. Dad comes in the living room and tells dh with a totally exagerated tone "I should have told the doctor about my shoulder. It hurts like hell." Dh said dad was moaning and groaning the whole time. So dh calls me and proceeds to say "You didn't bother to tell the doctor about his shoulder. You should have said something." "How do you know I didn't?" "Your dad said." My mind was racing thinking "And did you forget he's got alzheimer's???" At that point, I seriously wanted to thump his nose, turn him around and kick him in the butt!

Love, Barb

Just get him to stand in line .. I have a line about a mile long of people I want to thump their noses, turn them around and kick their butts ..

all over their CONSTANT STUPIDITY ....

If an Alz. patient says YES .. You cannot take it as gospel .. If an Alz. patient says NO, you cannot take it as gospel ..

This is my current argument with family members here over MIL .. just because she smiles and says yes doesn't mean she's understood what you've say. She recognises she needs to respond, so she gives a yes or a no ..if she's really unsure, she laughs.

That doesn't mean she's happy either !!

SOME people just DON'T GET IT ...

Standing in line with paddle ..........

Sally

gimmee that paddle sally. gonna try to whop a little sense into stepfa. who continues to say things like "DON'T YOU REMEMBER..." to my mom. or, tell her she's getting a story wrong (???????) or cluelessly refuse to recognize that the more he corrects her the more upset she gets, etc etc etc. i keep telling myself "breeeeathe. she chose him. it's her karma, i can't change it"................lord.
oh yeah, and the fact that he gets MAD at her for cluttering their kitchen table with her papers (she's into pens and papers). she's so sweet and he has no idea how lucky he is right now!!!! when i'm over there i swoop into protective mama mode but then i see him in all his 84 y/o frailness and true cluelessness, and then my heart aches for him. then i come home and veg out to 3 hours of law & order with brachs candy..........

I know, I know. I have hope, though, that the social worker understands alzheimer's.

Sally, how's it going with G?

Love, Barb

Sue, your stepfather is doing what I uesd to do to my dad when we first moved here. I did it thinking it might motivate him to try to remember. NOT!!! Does he know it hurts her and doesn't doesn't help at all?

At first I think the caregiver is slower to come around than the disease. Maybe a little bit of denial there?

Love, Barb

he has never understood when he hurt her - they've had a competitive rather than loving relationship : ( but, i think he wouldn't want to hurt her but has never understood her 'signals'. i do think he's starting to understand that it makes it worse b/c she gets agitated. i think you're right about that denial, too - i still find my own denail popping back into place! weird. what a wretched disease...

good luck with the social worker -

I read with interest your problems with your father. We have similar problems with our mother. She is 90 years old and is absolutely filthy, smelling appallingly of stale urine. She refuses to wash, change her clothes, or do anything for herself. The worse thing is that she suffers from paranoia and accuses everybody of stealing from her, she also fantasises about events and people. Yet to strangers she manages to give a very crafted display where people would think she is relatively normal. Her condition is related to dementia, but sadly she has always been like that, we as children just did not realise this until our dear father died. He held her together. The medical opinion is that she will never change and will cintinue to believe that she is 100% all there.

That's my MIL's problem ... she TRULY TRULY believes there is nothing wrong with her, that it's the rest of the world that has a problem.

Her own denial or her truest belief? We'll never know .. she has no words to express herself except babble ... when she comes to us and says, quite forcefully "bling bling, 2, 2, 3" and looks expectantly at you for the correct response and you look at her and go "I don't understand you" man does she get cross ... you can see what she's thinking "oh that idiot, I said it quite clearly .. why doesn't she understand me the stupid girl" ... you can SEE she's thinking that in her face, but her words come out all garbled. She believes she's said something correctly ....

Was your Mum tested for Bi-Polar Morrisrubens??

BosBarb: G rang me the other day and said "How's it going" and I said "No change" and he said "really ? Why's that?" and I said "cause nobody's been around to assess anybody, just like last time, these two get put to the bottom of the list because we're all around here holding it together" .. and he went "oh" ...

So we're STILL waiting on the assessments .. *sigh*

Hugs to all
Sally

Sometimes I think this stuff is more baffling to us than them. I mean I know what to expect but when it comes, I'm still sometimes caught off guard.

Morris, does your mother live with you? Is there some way you can get someone to come in and clean her? What's your situation?

Sally, I think I'll be an unwilling participant in the waiting game too for this social worker and whatever he/she reccomends. The Veteran's Administration moves so slowly here. My dad has no medical insurance so we rely solely on the VA for his medical care.

Is there anything G can do to help get the ball rolling with the assessment? You've waited long enough. You and your family need that break.

And how's the shoulder?

Love, Barb

HI Bosbarb ...

shoulder is ..hmmm .. sore when I weight bear .. hurts now when I touch certain area's, and there's a slight tingling in my index and middle fingers ...

I'm seeing my doctor on Thursday for my X-ray results ... we shall see.

BIL's girlfriend, L, is doing an Assistant in Nursing course at college. She's just been taught about all these marvellous things we can use at home. I educated her in the real world and the actual facts about what is available, about limited resources, and about what we can and can't have and when we can or can't have it ...

she's going to College this week and re-educate her teachers in the real world. What they teach and what is reality are two very different things!!!!

I *so* want to do this course in July ...

BIL has changed his tune .. let's make the family home LIVEABLE for all ...

so much for pushing a nursing home ...

And G ... well, I've got to get him to get ACAT (Aged CAre Assessment Team) to actually get off their butts and DO THE DAMN ASSESSMENT .... (L was surprised it hadn't been done yet either)

Our hands are TIED with the 'resources available' until that assessment is DONE ..

and so ...........................

we sit .....................

again .......................

still .......................

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Hugs
Sally

Hi Mustang Sally
We are living in the UK. Here the system will do a little to help. In my mothers case she was assessed by a specialist in these problems and was stated to be suffering from dementia with severe memory loss. Regarding her hygene etc she said this is known as living in Squaller and has nothing to do with dementia. As I said in my first post she always had these tendencies, mistrustful manipulative fantasies etc. The specialist believed she was born with these problems, but in those far off days would be unrecognised. Her present mental state has magnified the problem. She gets proffessional care at home, attends a day centre 7 days a week. As she is non violent and very old (but physically healthy) the authorities are not too concerned about her. My sister suffers most receiving about 10 phone calls an hour asking the same questions again and again. I could carry on indefinatley.
Regards Morris

I work in a nursing home and share your hardships with the hygiene issue. Certain patients get medication an hour or so before we put them in the tub/shower and they are the happiest patients for that short time! Without the medication it is constant screaming and hitting the care giver. I hope this helps someone out there. I totally relate to your stuggles and admire you. It's harder when its your mother/father.

Hi Sally,

WHAT????????? No ACAT assessment yet?? Shame on them! G. had best be a mover and a shaker and get things in action. Start calling G. daily or hourly! Is G. the only one who can request the assessment? Can the social worker (or whoever was appalled he was going home) at FIL's hospital do it? Demand that their doctor do it or your doctor do it. This delay is inexcusable.

As for BIL - well, the house can be made livable for all IF he and L. come live in it with the man-who-would-be-king and Ditsy while you and your family go live in BIL's house...or go north permanently!! There's no other choice. NH or they're it!!! How outrageous for BIL to become an obstacle again for his own comfort.

Email China BIL and call in reinforcements.

Hope your doctor's appointment goes well and he gives you the insta-cure pills or another house to live in!!!!! Bless your heart.

Hope the Easter bunny was good to you. Hugs - Barbara :)

As for BIL - well, the house can be made livable for all IF he and L. come live in it with the man-who-would-be-king and Ditsy while you and your family go live in BIL's house...or go north permanently!! There's no other choice. NH or they're it!!! How outrageous for BIL to become an obstacle again for his own comfort.
I agree with Barbara wholeheartedly. You're going to have to get tough and say "I wash my hands. I did all I could do. I'm done". I know it's hard to do that but trust me, the hardest thing is saying it. Once you say it and MEAN it, it'll be easier for you and your family.
she's going to College this week and re-educate her teachers in the real world. What they teach and what is reality are two very different things!!!!
I agree. But she really can't teach them the reality if she hasn't lived it like you have.
I *so* want to do this course in July ...
Change that to "I'm going to do this course in July...". YOU are the one who can educate the educator. Besides that, you have put your life on hold long enough, MISSY! ;) Don't waste your life with would've should've could'ves. You are a very loving, caring, special person. The medical profession seriously needs people like you. Besides, this can be your way out. You can do it!
Listen, Sally, I can't do the splits anymore-too big around and too darned old for that! But I can grab the ole' pom poms and sing (oh darn, I'd make you deaf if I did!) :D Well, the thought is there anyway....lol

Love, Barb

Missy???????????????? I could hear my Mother then .. LOL

Actually over this Easter Long Weekend, I've been thinking LONG and HARD .. and I mentioned to FIL that I would like to do this course L is doing.

And he said...................."go for it"

So .. I have my patients approval ..... and the chips will fall where the chips fall I guess and other people will HAVE to take over and FIL will have to cope ..........

Maybe that's his way of saying 'sorry' or something .. who knows? Who will ever know?

I have done the <b>HUGEST</b> back step from the in-laws this weekend. I even told L that BIL is <b>SO</B> good with his mother, and how I have trouble being patient with her let alone even beginning to try and understand her. How I find FIL much easier (he can talk, I can understand) ... and being my daughters birthday today (28th March .. she's the big double digits of 10 today) we've made a weekend of it with little friends around .. so I've made sure I've been around with the kids, playing games, having fun, taking them out and about .... to the pool, to the movies .. we've had a ball.

BIL (after a few drinkies last night) wants his mother settled in the front bedroom. He wants FIL settled in the loungeroom. FIL said "yes, but it's still a loungeroom" and BIL said "yeah and so? It's still a room your sleeping in , get over it Dad, we have to make this a happy place for everybody" ~ as my hubby walks off muttering "I'm not happy with ANY arrangements"

Logic being getting my son to live downstairs in MIL's little bedroom. Our girls share the room upstairs (but spread out) and DH and I stay where we are. Ok .. it means we're spread out a bit more, but that's the only difference. Ok . .perhaps a part of happier means unsquished a bit .. but still ....

Not a happy situation for anybody in reality eh? Emailing China tonight.

I may be off line for a while, my computer is being reformatted tonight. Stay tuned.

Many grateful hugs to all
Sally (aka Missy) LOL LOL LOL

Hi Sally -

:nono: :nono: Huge flaw in BIL's little plan - if Doris flipped over the loan of her "favorite" suitcase, how crazy will it be if your son is in her sweet little room????????????????? He'll need a lock on the doors, windows, and ear plugs. I wouldn't want to be in her room myself! That BIL needs that paddle mentioned somewhere around here!! I'll be interested in what China BIL has to say.

Happy birthday to your newly double digit daughter :jester:

Cheers for your newly planned course of study (you tell 'em girl!!) and more cheers for you!!! :bouncing:


Many hugs - Barbara :wave:

LOL! That is what I shall call you from now on, Missy! LOL!

Happy birthday to your dear daughter. 10 is very special. I did remember you said the 28th but I forgot the 28th for you begins on the 27th for us. As I'm writing this, it's 6:25pm on the 27th. As slow as I type, it will be much later when I sign off. lol How many hours ahead of me are you?

I do hope your pc is up and running with no problems. I tell ya, when I was offline those couple of days, I REALLY missed you guys!

What did everyone do for Easter? We went to an open AA meeting that my dh and I run at one of our local hospitals. My dh is the recovering alcoholic. I'm the al-anon. Anyway, after that, dh took me to brunch. We came home and relaxed. Dh cooked a nice Easter dinner for us. What a SWEETY! And now I'm waiting for dinner to settle before I start cleaning up. Dad had a big plate of ham, corn, rolls and a baked potato. He finished that and made a ham sandwich. I guess he was hungry, eh? :D Dad just came into the kitchen and said "$h!t, I ate too much". Really??? LOL!

Barbara has another good point, MISSY. Sorry, I can't help it. :D What if MIL goes into your son's room in the middle of the night and thinks it's still her room? She'd throw a fit and scare the daylights out of your son.

I was going to say BIL might have had good intentions but I won't. He was just a little tipsy.......... :dizzy: :D

Now look at the time. I told you I was slow. LOL!

Love, Barb

Back online temporarily .... *phew* I have two good technicians .. my husband and my friend Cor. LOL

And <b>Yes</b>, you girls are right. I know your right. I didn't think of associating the suitcase incident with the grandson taking over a bedroom wanna-be incident ... good plan of thought.

FIL admitted today that BIL can only see his mother through rose coloured glasses. I said (yes me .. I spoke up .. shock shock) "it's great that he's his mothers advocate, I applaud him for that, because we don't want to and we can't, however, he has all these opinions and ideas, but he has NO IDEA what it's like to live here day after day after day ............."

FIL was silent, but nodded.

He's VERY sick today .... avoiding calling an ambulance : Here's a stupid reason not to .. ready??

<i>Me: I'll call an Ambulance ~ Your crashing.
FIL: Oh it's just the trauma of getting into the ambulance that's stopping me.
Me: So you would rather struggle down the stairs to the car. Put up with the drive to the ER. Get out of the car in the waiting bay. WALK into the waiting room. SIT in the waiting room. Wait for triage. Wait for bed. </i>

This from the man who wanted a washbowl to use as a bedpan for a No. 2 in the loungeroom. . .
Some men are idiots. Not an insult. Just a fact.

MIL didn't understand it was my daughters birthday today. When asked if she had given a present she said yes, 2, 2 and motioned square. I said "That was easter eggs MIL, today is Brianna's Birthday". Bri is leaping around shouting "nobody gave me money this year" ......... about 30 minutes later Brianna came up with a card. MIL had written "Brianna love chripz"

uh huh. Well, she spelt Bri's name right ... !!!!! (I think FIL coached her ..shhhhhh) and about another 30 minutes later Bri came upstairs with $26 .. LOL LOL ..

MIL didn't understand the singing happy birthday and the cake today, she didn't understand the birthday party ...

but BIL says "oh Mum's just tired" (explaination of why MIL was eating with her KNIFE at last nights BBQ dinner - her giggling ~ at nothing in particular, her chatting to invisible friends) Blind Freddy can see MIL has dementia, and getting worse. The aphasia is VERY strong, hardly any legible understandable sensible words .. but BIL always has an excuse for her. Her behaviour is because of the Aphasia. The Aphasia is because of the stress she's under (SHE'S UNDER .. HA!)

So tell me .. why does BIL think he knows it all? I know he's the trained RN, but he's worked mainly in Psych nursing, Intensive Care or Cardiac Care. He's not done hard yakka with demented patients that are RELATED to him ... is that his brick wall?

UGH ...................

Keep it up gals .. I AM getting stronger . . I can feel it ... I'm just a slow learner (but a fast typist BosBarb .. I type 92wpm .. LOL)

Hugs
Sally

Oh and talking about Hygiene ...........

I went downstairs today and the SMELL OF URINE HIT ME ..............

I checked the bathroom downstairs, both her bedrooms .. even FIL's Pee bottles ... can't find the source ... but it STINKS !!!!!!!!!!

And last night, when L reached for some plates and MIL handed her bowls, the bowls were FILTHY! Grease marks with finger smears through them. Crunchy bits of food attached ... YUCK .........

And we've discovered .. MIL isn't using laundry detergent when washing clothes anymore!! Explains why FIL's shirts smell faster now .. so I'm creeping all their washing in with mine here and there saying "oh let's make it a full load" LOL

Hugs again
Sally

lol sally! there are certain cups i've learned to avoid at my parents house as i've seen mom 'wash' them and put them away. highly suspect! yesterday i saw her pick something verrry suspicious up off the bathroom floor and toss it in the trashcan....asked her what it was to which she replied "a chunk". oh man, she would DIE if she were her old self and knew i was repeating this! what's even sadder is that my life is such that i'm now sitting here at 4am writing about this in the dark with my sunglasses on cuz computer is bright, laughing all by myself!! oh yeah, did i mention the wafting aroma from the bedroom? the sheets haven't been washed in months probably. i try to open windows when i go over there but they're always getting cold and shutting them. mom refuses to wash any clothes so i too have to sneak loads in. but then, she won't want to shower unless the tub is shiny so i have to scrub it b/f each shower, LOL, sigh, lol, sigh............

Oh you won't believe tonight ... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I made Tuna Casserole, Mashed Potato, peas and salad. Everything was heating up/cooling up .. whatever it had to do LOL ... and I started serving the Casserole. Birthday Girl said "Can I do the mash?" and I said "Hang on a minute" and the next thing there was this God Almight CRASH ...

Birthday girl dropped the ceramic bowl the mash was in ...

Ceramic and mash .. EVERYWHERE .... I sorta yanked her outta the kitchen (she was in bare feet), dashed to the pantry, got the broom and dustpan and started sweeping. Found another bowl, and scooped the now very crunchy mash into the bowl. MIL pointed to the microwave .. and I said "you want me to put it in there?" .. and she's gone "yes, yes ... that that there" and I said "but it's got pottery shards all through it .. we can't eat it" and she's gone "oh that, Poo ... of course we can .. here" and I just promptly threw the lot in the bin and said "no way .. it's dirty, it's been on the floor" ..........

Oooooooooooooooooo ............ icky .............what HAS she been feeding herself and FIL ????????????

Good thing I supply nutritious CLEAN food eh? LOL LOL

Crunchy mashed potato ...... a new delicacy??? LOL

Hugs
Sally
(PS: spent this afternoon whilst FIL was outside, running around all the rooms downstairs with the rose scented air freshener .... house smelt much nicer. Soaked Pee bottles in dettol (do you guys have that over there? Antispectic anyway) and they came up smelling better ....... we'll see what happens ............) LOL

Hi Sally,

Oh, my goodness!! Glass laced mashed potatoes as a nutritious side dish??! Sounds like MIL's turn at cooking is over. Maybe some of the child safely latches for kitchen cabinets can keep her out of them?

When my mom started doing hazardous things, that's when I moved her to the assisted living facility. She quickly forgot about cooking because there was a nice dining room with good prepared meals. The fruit and cookies she sometimes took back to her apartment were always forgotten before being eaten.

Sorry FIL is on the decline. His excuse for not going to hospital is so flimsy he must be certain he won't come home again.

Hope the powers that be have hastened the ACAT evaluations.

Huge thunderstorm about to land on us, so will sign off.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))))) Barbara :)

Hello dear friends, I'm back! I missed all of you terribly. I did not have access to a computer. 4 days of being cut off from the big bad world. My son doesn't have a TV either ..he says he would never read or get his research done if he had one.

I love Florida, althought the heat was a bit much for me after being in Icevlle for months.

The best part of all was his tremendous understanding for my plight ..although he's the biologist not the therapist ..

I told him with many tears how I really feel deep inside. I said I feel like I have to move away, but Mom doesn't WANT to live with Bill and Anna and I am forcing her to give up her apartment etc.

He said Mom why are you punishing yourself? You didn't 'sign up' to care for her until death. You would have, if she had remained 'normal' but not like this!

Then I told him something I had not mentioned before. I feel like a 'runner.' I ran from my marriage when my husband told me he was in love with someone else. I didn't stay and fight, I just ran! Now I am running again.

K said that is ridiculous, there is no comparison at all between the 2 situations, and since Dad is still happy with his new love you did the ONLY possible thing to make a new life for yourself - not hang around as the 'discarded' wife.

But this thread is on HYGIENE. Friends: I can only sympathize and feel with you .. my bedroom adjoins Mom's and cannot be shut. Her room , by midnight, smells like the worst public toilet you ever didn't use because you were so repulsed you drove 15 miles further and went behind a tree.

OFTEN SHE smells like that .. and then I have to be diplomatic, and gently try to persuade her to wash ..

I hate this aspect worse than anything else in this horrific disease.

OH BY THE WAY..ELSIE called Bill this weekend .. and said it is now completely clear that MOm can nEVER live alone anymore. That is a 180 turn for her. She had been saying, if we get Mardy (that's me) out of there, Mom will be fine. WEll, if they got me out of here and left Mom alone, she would be carried out feet first in a very few days ; no pills taken, not washed, burnt by trying to cook, etc..

I got a B' day card and not a word on it about mom's condition, she just can't stand being WRONG!

On my b'day K and I went to a lovely Italian restaurant and I had the best salad and lasagne I ever ate. We also took a harbor tour on a 'pirate ship'. walked along the beaches at sun rise to avoid the sun's effects, ate key lime pie at a marina, went to his church for a wonderful Easter servce. and talked and talked and talked. I feel that probably No One really condemns me for leaving, outside of myself, and that will have to stop! K thinks I am far to hard on myself.

He even says 10 more weeks .. until my reprieve ... is far too long!!!!

Love to all, also the newcomers - chins up .. this is a horrible time for all of us, but we have each other.

Love,

Martha H

Luckily my dad has pretty much stopped doing dishes. I can totally relate to the greasy food covered "clean" dishes! Dad always used just a few drops of dish soap so I started buying Dawn OXI. That stuff is super concentrated so he was using more soap and didn't know it. :)

I use bleach on anything and everything it can be used on. All his whites get prewashed seperate from anything else. He gave up on laundry shortly after we moved here so that's great. Now if I could only get him to change clothes and shower.

Still waiting on the social worker to call.

Sally, or shall I say Missy? lol! I've never heard of dettol but it sounds like our Lysol. Soaking the pee bottles in cool water with a little bleach does good too. I used to have to deal with those pee bottles after my dh had his hip replacement surgeries. YUK! NASTY NASTY NASTY!

BIL needs to get with the program. He needs to stop denying the facts. He needs to face it. The cause of dimentia as yet is still unknown. But the facts are that MIL will NOT recover if the "stress" vanishes. There is no recovery. I'm sorry but he sounds like he's got his head in the sand. I think the question is Who's more out of touch with reality, his mom or him? hmmmm...

Anyway, that's just my rambling thoughts. ;)

Barbara, I hope the storm isn't as bad as it sounds. That was the same storm that went through the south yesterday and spawned some tornadoes. Stay safe!

Love, Barb