Hi all, I am a newbie and I have to say I am so thankful to have found you! I will try to keep my story a short one, and maybe those with chronic pain issues can offer me some advice. I am a sahm to 6 (yes, you read right, lol) great kids, 18, 13, 8, 6, 4 and 23 months. When my daughter was born almost 2 years ago, I started having excruciating headaches, so the Drs started throwing vics at me. Well, I had always loved them whenever I got them for whatever reason, but always used them as directed and that was that. The headaches I experienced were coupled with some other symptoms that were new to me, and they weren't going away. So, the vics were getting refilled, time after time. They were helping some, and sometimes, I found myself having to go into the urgent care clinic for Dilaudid injections. LOVE that stuff, boy, lol. Anyway, tests were being ran, and time is going by, and and nothing is being found out. In the meantime, I am not only getting larger amounts of vics from my Dr, but also larger and more frequent Dilaudid injections. Ok, so suddenly the headaches stop. Well, one morning I got up, and I felt great. I didn't touch a pill for 2 months, seriously, no wd at all! I was so excited! I thought for sure I had developed a serious problem. The headaches started again, and my neuro did a spinal tap to discover I have a neurological disease called intracranial hypertension which means that the cerebral spinal fluid level is too high and puts pressure on the brain and the optic nerve. It can lead to blindness if left untreated, so the fluid needs to be drained. Well, I started back on regular meds and back on pain meds again...this time, going for more vics and also percocets. I also found myself in the er at least once a month for an injection of no less than 6 mg, and as high as 12 mg, of dilaudid. So for the past year, with this chronic painfully debilitating disease, I have been taking about 16 5mg percs a day There is no stopping this time like last time. I have tried, and the bones ache bad and the shakes start. I cannot live like this anymore. My neuro is the only prescribing dr, besides the er to get me through once in a while, and he is concerned, too, for obvious reasons. How can I get off this crap and find something to address the severe pain I deal with on a daily basis? How can I manage my household while I go through the wds? My dh is so super supportive, and he would take time off, but he just started a new job last week, so he is stuck. I am terrified...scared of the pain, the lack of energy, the lack of patience I will have with my family...all of it. My neuro said the worst thing is that I can't take any kind of other pain med at all for 6 weeks to reset my body chemistry, so we can start over to find meds to work on my disease, not even advil for the leg pains! Anyone have a magic wand handy?;o) Thanks for listening, and sorry this got long winded.
Frances

Hi Fran,
Didn't want you to think your yelp for help was being ignored...far from it. I was sort of mulling over just what I would do in your case and I guess this is it; I would w/d onto Subutex for 2 weeks and then go off. Find a Sub Dr. and go onto the bare minimum dosage to ward off w/d symptoms...4-6 mgs a day and over the next 2 weeks taper down and go off. Don't think for a moment I haven't read your entire letter...I have, but for withdrawing I consider this the best avenue. THEN, have yr prescribing Dr. start you on an appropriate dose of long acting narcotic i.e. the patch, OxyContin, one of the MSContins, etc. You will need extreme care using rescue meds just as I must do...I become too dependent too quickly. Let me know if any of this makes sense and if I can help any other way just call.
Sparkles
assuming you are familiar with Subutex/Suboxone

Frances, I truely understand what you are going through. I suffer chronic pain issues and i too am addicted to Percs and Hydrocodone, whatever i have at the time. We are actually more alike than you may think, i too am a sahm of 8 children. 18,17,14,13,12,8,7, and 4. Five of the children are mine including the 8 year old who is my little angel. He is severely handicapped. Three of the children are my neice and nephews that i have custody of. A few years ago before the chronic pain and the addiction, i started to feel really tired. I think depression and anxiety was most likely the reason. I then herniated a disc in my neck and that is when the chronic pain started and i was introduced to the pain pills. The pills helped the pain alot but when i took them i noticed that i felt back to my old self. Full of life and energy. Taking care of the husband, kids and the house wasnt such a chore anymore. So to make a long story short, i still suffer chronic pain and i am still addicted. I am afraid to quit because of the quality of life i would have having to suffer with the pain everyday. Not to mention when i went off of them before i felt like i slipped back to that tired and no energy person. To get out of bed was a chore. I have an extremely high level of stress in my life right now so that scares me as to what i would do or be like if i was to try and stop taking them right now. Not that i am using that as an excuse, i just think that i need to be comfortable in my own skin before i take on something that big as to quit. Hopefully come June or July i will be able to send the 3 children to live there father. He should be ready by then. I just so wish i could send them now. I know that sounds terrible, it's not that i dont love them because i do, it's just that the 4 year old boy has many many behavior issues that cause so much trouble and havock in the house. I had my children and my youngest is the 8 year old, i didnt plan on having to raise 2 small children again. Ya know what i mean? My issues are a big long story. If you go back through my posts you will find one where i explain much of it.

This board is great, glad you decided to come here. Maybe you and i can become great friends and share our stories and problems with one another and maybe help each other out.

Have a great day! ValleyGurl (Wendy)

Thanks so much for the replies! It really took alot for me to post this. My family lives in a middle class neighborhood, we are active members of our church and I am the former co-president at my childrens school. I guess this is what is now the "new face of addiction". I do appreciate the support you two ladies have shown me, and I have been lurking here awhile getting up the nerve to post. I guess I expected a little more "you can do it" and a few more encouraging posts, but I am sure I am just in a big old pity party that I just need to get over, lol. Valley Girl, my 8 year old is developmentally delayed. He is on the high functioning end of the Autism spectrum. So you are right, we are alot alike.:) I, too, hope we become fast friends and wonderful supports for each other.:) And sparkles, I love your idea of using a pain patch for long term pain management after this is all said and done. I actually was put on two of them in the ER after I had one of my bazillion spinal taps, and it worked really well, coupled with the vics, that is, lol. But I think that will be a good solution to me not being able to adjust the dosage. I didn't do well with tapering my percs since I have been having high pressure headaches this week, but I did tell my neuro I wanted no more percs, just vics now, and I am not going to the er anymore, so to me, that is progress. I guess every little bit helps, right? As far as a sub dr, I found one who accepts my insurance, but he is not accepting new patients at this time.:( Oh, and also for the tapering, I honestly don't know if I even have the willpower to do that. I have the meds, I take the meds, always making sure I have 4 for the next morning, though, to get my day started...ugh, what a way to live...or not live, as is the case. Well, thanks again for listening!:)
Frances

Hi Frances, I had to chuckle just a little when you said that you just had to make sure to save 4 for in the morning to get your day started.... I do the same exact thing!!!!!!!! lol When i read your last post i could have sworn that i had wrote it, as we are sooooo similar. I am so sorry that i was lacking on the encouragement and the "you can do it" in my last post, i was just so consumed with how much we are alike and telling you a bit about myself so that we could get to know each other better. I am sorry. I see lately that alot of the regular and wiser posters havent been around to offer their good advice and wisdom. I do have faith that you will get through this. I too, know how it is alot easier said than done, like you, I have them....I take them. As far as the new faces of addiction, you cant be more right. I too am a middle class family, live in the country and even our closest towns are very small. This is a very rural area of Pa. We are Christians, although we dont attend church regularly like we should or would like to. We are self employed and financially pretty comfortable, my husband is gone alot because he drives one of our tractor trailers so essentially i feel like i am a single sahm. For he never has a clue what is going on with the kids unless i tell him. He grew up a pretty sheltered life and is very naive. lol I have always worked in the medical profession until after my special needs child was born. I now am an Emergency Medical Technician and do Emergency Medical and Trauma Pre Hospital Care for our local Ambulance Service, flexible hours so i work as time permits. Since i have had the 4 and 7 year old i have virtually been stuck at home all the time. The 4 year old boy has such behavior issues that finding a babysitter is impossible. So here i sit. So being depressed, the chronic pain issues and being stuck at home 24/7, what better things do i have to do besides take pills to just make my life tolerable everyday.

You see, now i am rambling and making this all about me when you are here asking for help. Just remember i am here for you. I will be watching for your posts! Have a great day!!!!

ValleyGurl

Hi Wendy,
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to say you weren't encouraging, I was just being whiney, lol...it is one of those high pain, big cry baby days. And please feel free to share! I actually went back through and read alot of your older posts and I am just astonished at our similar lives...I am also suffering from depression for the first time in my life other than post partum depression. I am attributing it to the pills and also to the past year of my marriage. My hubby is bipolar (but is managing it very well, thank God) and this past year was the year from hell. he ended up developing a friendship with a woman from work and lying to me about it. What it did was to stroke his ego, and I kept catching him in lie after lie, he would tell me the friendship was over and it wasn't, etc. There was never any intamacy, and I kicked him out of the house for a minute, and he came running home with his tail tucked. He made a new commitment to me, God, the family, blah blah blah. I told him I can trust him with everything right now but my heart and my meds...that is pretty sad.

I believe in my heart that all is well, especially because I am one crafty sneaky crazy lady, and he knows that, lol, that is how he got caught talking to her everytime before (they do not work together anymore). I have checked email, phone records, scoured the car, wallet, briefcase, etc...but my biggest thing is that now...I don't feel the need to, know what I mean? That drive to do those things is gone. He is a different person, much more driven to be home, very repentent and ashamed of what he has put me through...but lately, I have been super depressed and freaky about it. I have been having flashbacks about it, and snapping on him. I will hear the name of the person, just the first name, and I will start crying hysterically. It is horrible.

So, anyway, that is a big part of the depression I am dealing with, too. My marriage issues, coupled with my little demon-pills, have made for a new battle of depression. My neuro put me on Wellbutin, and so far, nothing. I am also dealing with Fibromyalgia, so getting up in severe pain is something common for me, and either Rheumatoid Arthritis or Lupus is a big question, and it is probably Lupus, which would be what brought on the neurological disease in the first place.

I sure do admire you and the way you take care of your children. You know, God never gives us more than we can handle. And it takes a special person to take care of His special angels! :angel:

Ok, I gotta run for now, speaking of angels, I hear my little girl terrorizing, lol. Thanks for being here for me. it makes a world of difference!:)
Frances