How goes it Gangstar? You have an update for us?

Thanks for this man, and remembering me. I guess I was hanging in there, then hung out with this girl and split one or two in the past 2 days. So, technically, not anymore. Ive done like 2-3 80's in the past couple days if yuo add them up -- today, NOTHING! thats why im up at 10AM and sniffling. it'll be a tough weekend, but i have so much school work and other stuff to be working on. i dunno what im going to do and how im going to focus!

help :( i feel like *****

Gangstar is always on my mind, too. I asked about him on another post. He must not have seen it. You are so young, dude. Please stop now. I know that falls on deaf ears, tho. I was just STARTING to be a party girl, at your age. Now, I am 34 and wishing I was one of those "dorks" that never tried anything. God, what I would give to have never even tried a narcotic!

Give it hell, baby!
~Kim

Your going to be fine. You are young and that is SO in your favor. Withdrawls are unpleasent, but not life threatening. Your gonna make it through......

Thanks! yea, but I think of it a little different... and the "loved ones" who i cant get along with, for more then about 2-3 minutes at a time... keep throwing get into rehab at me, i will come out the SAME! i get stressed and wanna flip out when i hear the word. i dont think it's for me... i can do it! i know i can. you guys gimme power and it's not like it's 100% impossible to stop! i think i'll go to subox dr. and try that out!

im young, but f'ing up my life, day in and day out. it sucks... aw Momof4, i think of you too! thanks for the words of advice, lol being a party girl/boy never helps in the long run. right now, and the past few...i dont even know... ive been real depressed. i think thats whats getting in the middle of me stopping. i cant stop if im not happy about anything right now, does anyone understand me? thanks for everything!

I will write more later to ya. I am going back home (to Richmond) for Easter. It will be good to see family. But, I wanted you to know that I, personally, TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. Sometimes it helps me to remember that the reason I am depressed is because the DRUGS change your brain chemistry. It's not "just you" and it WILL go away. The more the drugs go out of your system, the more happy you will become. Try looking at it that way. Talk soon, peeps.

~Kim

Gangstar,
I guess we can all relate to you in one way or another. Momof4 is SOOO right, it is the drugs feeding into your depression. I didn't want to stop until I felt better and even on the sub I didn't feel better until I stopped. There is such a freedom and strength that comes with not being reliant on a pill to live, or try to live. For me, the sub stopped the drug seeking behavour but I feel like it has taken me being completely clean to see the proverbial forest through the trees.

I guess too, I see an artist who is still working on school, music, etc. and it wasn't so long ago that I was too but this sh** robbed me of what I loved most- my WORK, my true catharsis. Not all at once, but slowly, insidiously my creativity, confidence and drive slipped away. I felt like such a JUNKIE, consumed with guilt when I wasn't 'comfortably numb.'

I hope that you can nip it in the bud while you have everything still going for you. You can really do it if you want to. A few days doesn't really give your body and mind a chance to even start to heal. What do the say in ' the program' .... "don't leave before the miracle happens!"
:angel:

thanks. you both are so right, i appreciate both of you understanding and taking a few minutes out of your day to write me. it means a lot... i've slowly slipped away from everythin i love... youre right. also, about the only way to live the normal life, is not being on any type of drug. im def going to try harder, glad you guys are doing well...

VaMom-def write me more! goodluck to both of you and hope you have great holidays too.

Hey Gangstar, i think me and you have a lot in common. I think i missed the post that said how old you are, but i'm 19, also a young one. So i can kinda sympathize with what you are going through. Just hang in there man, slip ups aren't the end of the world but just keep your goal in mind, we'll all get there sooner or later :cool:

Gangstar-
you are such a shining star-if you need some info-on sub treatment-id be happy to explain all you need to know.
im just finishing my taper now-ready to jump-ive been drugfree-for 2 years-and minus the relapse 2 years before that too.
Sub-is an option-and esp. those w/ depression-you are an artist my friend-you are young-and these years are for you to develop your music/art-drugs have ripped the creativity/soul from some of the most talented people i know..and now they are in their 40s still partying-wondering how there opportunity passed them by-you have it-i can feel your great energy/spirit/charm thru this computer screen-and so can everyone else.
You got a place here-for support-so whats next?
peace/prayers
ggrl :angel:

I've got faith in you Ganstar, you seem to be saying all of the right things, you just have to buck up my friend and fight. You'll lose some battles, don't sweat it though because you will win the war. You should remember that depression is a weapon of your enemy (pills) the enemy is using it to tempt you to go back to the pills. DON'T! The depression will clear up, things DO get brighter. When you get cleaner, you'll notice the sun shining, the stars at night, the feeling of a cool breeze agaisnt your skin. You'll feel, alive! And if your a man of faith, your faith with be strenghtend. I'm here for you little brother. Talk to me anytime.

Sending you the power!

I understand the part you said about being depressed and not being happy. I used to think that way. IF I was depressed, I used a lot more and I rationalized why I did. I can never remember being HAPPY when I was using and partying. There is NO Happy there. It is an illusion. I wish you peace. That is what finally makes you stop-you are at PEACE. Good luck......Kahlia

Gangstar, haven't read anything from you in awhile. You doing okay?