Hello Everyone~
I just needed to get some help dealing with this. I am 6 weeks clean from Oxy's, Durgestics (eating them) and Lortabs. And I am having my first REALLY STRONG craving. Just some back ground~ I lost my grandma, who was my BEST friend and only unconditional love- giver, ended my 4 year relationship with my b-friend and quit taking ALL my pills and patches all on the same day and put my grandfther, her husband in a nursing home. Kinda a family intervention happened the day after her funeral and I had to choose between my family and the b-friend and drugs. That was Feb. 13th. I haven't taken anything since. I have been going to AA and seeing a drug counselor once a week. Plus, I have a great support in my mother again. Okay, my problem, finally, yesterday, I came out of my shock and denial period and realized what all had happened. I cried more yesterday and comepletely broke down more than I had since the day she passed, Feb. 10th. All I could think about was calling the ex and using. I knew that would take the pain away, atleast for just a while. I knew it would be here today but even just a short relief would have been nice. I wanted it sooooo bad. I didn't do it but I had never had a break down or craving like that.
Question~ HOW DO YOU DEAL???? I am so sick of life. I can't find any happiness. Every day is the same. I wake up at 5:30, get ready for work, go to the nursing home, go to work by 8:30 AM, do my job (paralegal), get off work, go to the nursing home, go to an AA meeting (or counseling), go home, go to bed at 10:00 PM and wake up and do it ALL again the next day. I am not finding that peace and fellowship in AA. I am not finding comfort in anything. All I want is to have life the way it was, grandma, b-friend and pills!
HELP ME!!!!!

LTBuzzer,

The cravings can really hit hard at times. Please don't think you are doing anything wrong to cause them to happen. It sounds like you are working really hard at staying off.

I go to AA too and don't feel a really strong connection either. I even went on a retreat last weekend and all I could think of was "I'm never going to get this program like these people." I'm going to hang in there anyway for at least a year. I just signed up for some service work. I know I don't reach out enough, OK almost never. I think that is probably holding me back. I'll work on it. I did sign up for some service work, maybe that will help.

The cravings will pass and weaken. Do you have anyone that is in recovery you could tell? Talking about it is a good thing and I'm glad you told us. Six weeks clean&sober is WONDERFUL!! IT will get better just hang in there and don't use. How about if you raise your hand in a meeting and tell them about your cravings? Is it hard for you to share at meetings?

Hang on, you are doing great!

Patty

Lortabbuzzer, Sweety hold on, it will get better.... I promise. As far as trying to deal with your dear Grandmothers death, I know it is hard and at times it almost seems the pain is just unbearable, as time passes on it will get better. You wont forget her or stop missing her, it will just get easier to bare. She may be gone from your sight for now, but she will always be in your heart. I am sure your grandmother would not want you to dwell on her death or continue to grieve for her, she would want you to go on with your life and be happy.

Take comfort in knowing that your Grandmother would be so very proud of you for getting clean, staying clean, and getting your life back. I know that i am very envious of you for being off the pills for 6 weeks!!!!! Keep up the good work and just stay focused. You can get over this little bump in the road. Have a great weekend!

ValleyGurl