I have let my hair down....... [Archive] - HealthBoards.com Message Boards

Kahlia25

03-26-2005, 04:27 PM

I am an addict. I have many years of clean time but that is just for today. My husband, Steve is in the hospital with an anurysm, in ICU. I have a dysfunctional family that I FINALLY told off this past week. MOM was the catalyst of it all. She told me that she would be at the hospital to support me.....HA. She never has, so why did I fall into the trap? Because I wanted to believe that she loved me enough to do what she said. It never happened. Instead she called me and told me that she was having "episodes with her heart". HMMMM.....No heart problem. I then proceeded to tell her that I was sorry she was going through that, HOWEVER, I had a little issue of my own. She said that I was being VERBALLY abusive to her and that I was jealous that she had spent the weekend at my alcoholic brother's house instead of coming to the hospital. NOT TRUE. I was hurt and angry that once again, I fell into the trap of believing that a dysfunctional person could change. She does not think that there is anything wrong with her. She is sooooooo co-dependant and I am not. I am very healthy and I am not willing to put up with her behavior anymore. She told me that I was not at her surgery 8 years ago??? That made it OK. I know a lot about rationalization-we addicts tend to do that at times!!! I told her things that had bothered me for years. It didn't change her but it did help me. My point being, if you have an issue and you let it eat you up inside for years as I did, you tend to want to go back to your "old" ways. I feel better now that I told her NOT to call me again. She is my Mother but she needs to act like one. If she cannot do that or is not capable of it, I don't need it to drive me crazy. I am just venting and I thank you all..........it has been a better day today.....Kahlia

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christianmom

03-27-2005, 12:37 AM

Kahlia~

Bless your heart, hon! I'm so sorry about your Mother and of course your husband, too. How is he doing?! I'm sorry that I don't know your story, but this is the first post of yours that I have read. I feel that you and I have a lot in common~ family-wise anyway. My Mom sounds so much like yours, and I sincerely got the chills while reading your post. I do have to say though...you sound SO strong, and so "in control"~ I am very proud of you, my dear!!!! Keep doing what you are doing...and know that you have tons of support here. I for one would love to get to know you better. You said that you have many years clean.....how long and what was your DOC? You don't have to answer that if you don't feel comfortable, but I need all the encouragement I can get! ;)

Keep your chin up, girl...you did the right thing! Also, have a wonderful Easter, and know that you are in my thoughts & prayers.

goddessgrl65

03-27-2005, 07:18 AM

please forgive my dropping in..
please delete.
ggrl

TomsWife

03-27-2005, 09:00 AM

c-mom-
you around?
How are ya?Im kinda-hurting today..slooow motion..
Im down to nothing.
im just gonna jump from the sub now-
be back-coffees up..
ggrl :angel:

grl65, Why did you hijack this thread? The OP is obviously hurting and you are looking for another poster?

To th OP, vent all you want and congrats to you for your sobriety. Moms are a differen breed arent they? I can say that because I am one too. I have already prayed for your husband. Steve is a very lucky man to have you as a wife. I'll pray for your mom too. She must be hurting for some reason or another, otherwise she wouldnt act the way she does towards you (and others I'm sure). Love ya and chin up ok?

Marilyn

goddessgrl65

03-27-2005, 09:23 AM

Sorry bout that-i was going to also post to Kahlia-and i saw c-mom..i needed to speak w/ her..please excuse my post-ill deleate it..it was early morning-around 7:00 am-and i was trying to catch c-mom..
again sorry-no highjack intended...

Kahlia-
i did post to you and lost it as it happens all the time-bad typist.
Please forgive dropping in-for c-mom-
I am very sorry to hear about your husband-and i hope he recovers-soon..im sure that was extremely frightening-i wrote you a very long post-regarding the relationship w/ your mother.
I understand this dynamic all to well-i could have been reading my own journal.
This issue is so real to me-my problems connecting in life-and i have total empathy..i have stepped away-from her neglect/and mean spirit-and no matter what-i cant go back into her world-its taken a long time to get there and its the hardest thing to do-i just want you to know-i have alot of empathy for this issue..i made a promise to never be like her-and i hoped i broken the chain..i wish the same for you.
Its hard not having that connection in life-and i feel part of my addiction was to fill that void..
God bless you and your husband-ill be praying for you.
ggrl

TomsWife

03-27-2005, 11:10 AM

Kahlia25

03-28-2005, 11:21 AM

I have been clean for 7 years.....My Mother needs help. She is the "VICTIM" in any situation. I have learned that just because she is my "MOTHER", that gives her no right to verbally and mentally abuse me. I will not tolerate any more. My drugs of choice were Dilaudid and Morphine. They were my strength or at least that's the crazy thought I had. It was really tough getting off them. I am STILL hearing that I am A drug addict from the family. UH-I already know that!!! It does not bother me as I have made my amends and they were ignored. This has been a cycle all my life as she was married to an alcoholic and co-dependant. She always tells me..."I did the best I could" That is true as far as she is concerned, I, however told her that she could have LEFT, that would have been the best thing that she could have done for my brother's and my sake. My youngest brother passed away not too long ago and my older alcoholic brother cussed me out the morning of the wake??? I don't know why-he felt like it, I guess. I just kept saying "You are drunk". Blew his mind....the truth is just that. I am sad by her lack of concern but used to it.....thank you all for your support......