How is one to control their anger when they're tormented by friends or people?

My friends found a couple of buttons to push on me and they use them on a daily basis. It's been a VERY long time and they don't lay off a bit.

What they're saying doesn't bother me so much. It might have a long time ago...but it's that they talk about 'my taunts' with a bunch of people behind my back and enjoy knowing that they got something that bothers me. Even when I play it off it doesn't stop.

So I've never gotten angry until today when I told my friend what he could do after he pushed a button. I kind of took it back because I'm not used to feeling anger- I've just suppressed it for so long. I've been a jerk at times too but this I thought would end alot quicker than it has.

I felt terribly small after reading these quotes:

"He who angers you, conquers you."
"If you get angry over small things, does that not say something about you."

I feel as though I've opened myself up to more abuse because of the outburst.

Well its best to try not to get angry but it sounds like your friends have been bothering you purposely for a long time. Try being more assertive instead of getting angry or pretending it doesnt bother you find the happy medium of the two..... stand up for yourself, be assertive without being mean. Just tell them in a calm voice when something is bothering you and let them know its not funny and that they need to knock it off.

Yes, you're right. I was being aggressive rather than assertive. I've even been accusing my friends of things lately based out of anger and paranoia.

It's just that I've been ridiculed for so long- I never have realized how to be assertive and express my anger at healthy levels. I want to learn how!

It sits like water in my lungs on slow burners that eventually boil to the point of knocking the lid off. And then it just leaves me feeling like I'm far from 'cool' and far from sophisticated AND far from my goal of not 'sweating the small stuff'.

Your suggestion was great though, and I'll take that with me into future situations.

[This message has been edited by madcat (edited 08-15-2003).]

[This message has been edited by madcat (edited 08-15-2003).]

My family is like that and also I had tons of friends that were that way. What I did was that I worked big time of my self esteem and confidence, then I dumped all of the very negative and pessimestic friends and spent time by myself and working on my own issues. And at the same time looking for new friends. It felt so good to dump that negative group of people. It felt real good to not be around people always pushing my buttons and trying to humilate and belittle me infront of others. Very sad on their part. I actually did the work for years and moved on occasionaly have to do the same process. Dump the negative and angry and annoying people and find good open minded and rational people.

Yeah, I hear you!

People like that just get you down, and by trying to push your buttons, it gives them a sense of accomplishment. That's sad, if that's all they feel they can accomplish in life!!

I think that their actions say a lot more about them than you (or whoever they are harassing). But sometimes in the heat of the moment, that's hard to remember!!

I've had a few people like this in my life over the years, and it felt so good to drop them!! People like that are often looking for attention, and I've found that they HATE it when you ignore them. (It often shuts them up, though, and they go looking for someone else to bother).

Regards,
Sting66

[This message has been edited by Sting66 (edited 08-28-2003).]

Even though I boosted my self esteem I still have anger and get overwhelmed and feel like lashing out or lecturing the negative bring me down type people. There are so many of these people around. Some of the people hide their angst and hatred to society and it comes out very passive aggressive other people are downright hostile and aggresive and express a lot dislike, hatred and disgust without shame or hidding it. I feel out of control when I am around those types of people at work or school or anywhere.

Assertiveness is very important and my therapist is going to try to teach me that next week. Also an excellent book that helped me so much on the above issues is called Is it you or is it me? Great book, I checked it out of the library and read it within a couple of days. And it really explains that people project issues onto us and start up conflict that is really their own inner conflict. Also projections can intertwine and make things more aggrivating and heart breaking. But this book clears things up ..I may have to read it again.



[This message has been edited by wannabehotguy (edited 08-30-2003).]