I'm not a violent person. Never got into physical fights at school, rarely even got into arguements.

Theres something about the feeling of anger. I feel so powerful when I'm angry. Not just normal "fight or flight" response power to be able to defend myself. It's like an evil power. Like I can look at this person who Im mad at and just know that at any time I could do this or that to them and no one could stop me. Having people be afraid of me makes me feel invincible. I'm this person who never hurt anyone and would never (unless it was self defensive of course) Yet they fear me. All these thoughts run through my head... pretty sick stuff, and it doesnt scare me, or disgust me. It makes me laugh and feel more powerful than ever. I don't know how to explain it... from what Ive written I know I sound crazy lol. I am really very nice and caring. I'm not violent, and no I'm not psychotic... I'm pretty sure that this reaction I'm having is due to some things in my childhood.. but still it seems a little extreme. Anyone else have similar experiences? Any tips/advice on controlling it??

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

im like that too, when i get really pissed i think of different ways i could kill them. no one fears me tho,haha i guess becouse they dont know what im thinking. when im like this i usualy break things or twist my fingers into painful positions or squese my arm and grind my finger nails into it. i tore my fan into pieces becouse i was mad and a wire came loose, now i have to sit in a hot room sweating http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif. i have no freaking idea how to control it, i was surprised to find out that none of my friends ever get this mad and im just a wierdo :/

I have a question, what do you think is the cause of it for you?

Like I said in my first post I think the reason I get like that has to do with my childhood.

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

either genetics or seeing my dad blow up all the time. hes insane about it and has been all my life. just the other day he pounds on my door as if hes trying to break it down screaming "TURN OFF THAT GODDAM MUSIC...ect'. hes never yelled about it before, just one day he exploads, and now i cant turn on my speakers or amp http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif. so i dont really know, perhaps its seeing that my enitre life or just genetics, who knows?

Probably a little of both....

How old are you? If ya dont mind me asking...
I'm 19. That sucks that you have to put up with all that from your dad. Just remember not to do that to your kids when youre a parent.

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

im 17 and dont worry, i wont do it to anyone undiserving.

Do you ever think you would be capable of murder?

P.S. I said remember not to do things that your dad does to you to your children when your grown and are a parent. Your response was that you wouldnt do it to anyone who was undeserving. Well children are always undeserving. I'm hoping your answer was just about people in general and not concerning your future children...

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

ya i dont think i would have much troubly killing someone, not that im going to.

i was talking about people in general. i only blew up one time and that person was purposly pissing me off. the deserving person i was talking about is my dad, even though i have never screamed back at him yet.
i pretty much hide my anger, if anyone has seen me go mad it would be one of my closest friends.

Do you ever get so mad that you get really dizzy and everything starts feeling kind of like a dream? Or is that just me??

Hmmmmmmmm I bet if you and I walked into a psychiatrist office and told them the kinds of things we were talking about they would put us on anti psychotics or say that we're soiciopaths lol.

Yesterday I picked up my puppy from the vet. He was there being neutered and getting his shots (poor puppy) Well the vet was very rude to me and then when the nurse brought my puppy out I noticed that he had a huge gash on his leg. The vet tried to hide it then when I asked him about it he tried to blame me, that didnt work so he tried to blame the nurse. I was so mad. I was trying to control my anger... I seriously wanted to hurt the vet. But instead I just stood very very still, and was very quiet and I just stared at him and I was thinking what I could do to him. I was so mad my hands were starting to shake.

There are only 2 things that would ever get me angry to the point of wanting to hurt someone.
Those things are -
People hurting children
People hurting animals (expecially mine!!!)

I'm glad I didnt do anything to the vet though, because obviously I would be in jail. Now I can take my anger out in a healthier way. Like reporting this veternarian to the better business bureau.

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

i never really go crazy in public like you seemed you might. i usualy just grind my fingers into my arms or flex a muscles so tight it hurts, and no one sees that. the real problem happens when im alone.
i do get dizzy and shake but im i dont think it really feels like a dream. i dunno if its just anger tho, id call this some kinda anger/rage/depression/anxiety attack thing. anyways it usualy starts with me shaking in odd ways, and twisting my fingers and grinding my arm and breaking things. Then ill end up on the bed or floor still shaking and crying. after that the shaking stops but i start taking very long deep breaths, i guess like hyperventalating.im not really sure if its becouse i breath wierd but at this point my face gets a numb/pins and needles feeling off and on. if i take a knife to myself or bit myself its usualy at this point. after i lay there with deep breaths followd by long points of not breathing, and it eventually goes away.

i know this probly doesnt sound ot much like anger, but i asure you it starts with rage,depressiong, and anxiety. and lol ya im sure any psychiatrist would surly say somthing after reading this.

I said I'm not violent. I have never even been in a physical fight. I just have violent thoughts... I can control it. I wouldn't blow up in public. The only reason I would ever hurt anyone is if they were hurting a child or an animal that could not defend himself.

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

[This message has been edited by * Free ~ Spirit * (edited 10-09-2003).]

I often have problems with my anger.. After going to many angry management classes I finally got one who knew what they were talking about she said the best thing to do is have a book - like a sort of diary whenever you get angry - or feel your about to write it down. All of it what your feeling and what you would like to do -given half the chance.
And once your calm again go back and read it ...you’ll no doubt find that whatever annoyed you in the first place wasn’t really that bad ... and if it was rant on about it some more till you feel better. Once the book is finished you can keep it or just throw it away
...There is one problem with this ...you have to guard the book with your life I don’t think your friends would like to read your list of 101 ways to kill them because they dropped some litter on the floor!!!!

[This message has been edited by punkypixie (edited 10-22-2003).]

Pixie,
Mad because someone dropped litter?????? It takes a lot to make me mad. I would never be mad at a friend, or child, an animal, or anyone who does not purposely do something HORRIBLE. I think people who do not get angry at other people who hurt children or animals are the ones who have a problem. I dont get angry at anyone for dropping litter on the floor or for any ridiculous reason!!!

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Free Spirit,

How do you know that your NOT psychotic? Your thinking is obviously delusional. That is a huge indicator of a psychotic person. You don't have to hurt anybody to be psychotic you just have to have delusions, which you are having. And who knows, you may be hurting people unconciouslessly and subconciously. You will not know it unless people bring it to your attention. It is rather weak not to feel any type of guilt or even to challange your very wrong thoughts. It is more weak to rule over people with anger and hate or even to think and fantasize about. Really weak and it is a sign of very low self esteem and many other problems. With those thoughts that you people have you are indeed actually hurting yourself much more than you are helping. And by hurting I mean you are falling into a very unproductive self defeating thought cycle and YES very much so that will show up in your behavior if you believe it or not. Your behavior is always affected by your thoughts. Both of you are proud of your rageful and evil thinking that is a big sign of weakness, and probably overwhelming amount of self hate. You need a lot help with a really good therapist. Just because your parents explode with rage does not mean it is great and functional. It is an addiction to it. Your parents are most likely narcissists. Think of it as a frustrated toddler inside a grown adult. You think your parents can help you? Most likely NOT and it must feel very lonely and scared to be around those people and see it everyday. Even if you don't admit to it. You people need a lot of help. Get it.

Do see a cognitive therapist. You need a lot of help.

[This message has been edited by wannabehotguy (edited 10-25-2003).]

Wannabe you don't know me or my situation and I have to say you are very wrong. I am not psychotic and I am not dilusinal. I was angry when I wrote the post so sue me.

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

well, not exactly for just dropping litter ... but if im already in a bad mood for something anything can seriously get to me.

i havent' read all of the replies, just the first one. Anger isn't a 'primary' emotion or feeling. The root of anger is depression. I used to feel sooo strong when i was angry. Just like you...maybe not invincable, just very strong and independent. After counseling, i see that i was sort of 'addicted' to anger as a defense mechanisim for the pain that i felt. Now i usually just go through the pain and cling to my faith as i feel overwhelmed; it passes and i am a more compassionate person.

annie, the root of anger is not always depression. That may have been the case for you but that doesnt make it true for everyone. There are a lot of different causes of anger. Depression is only one of them.

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

i find that i can turn anger on or off at will, if something happens, and i choose to get angry i do, if the same thing happens at a different time, and i choose not to get angry, id ont. i know this sounds overly simple and stupid, but i have found that the only thing anger really does is cause me pain. i dont understand the need for anger as far as emotions go. i understand sadness and happiness but not anger. one thing tht does make me angry though is clinical psychologists, they charge you up the wazoo just to listen to you and then say, "how does that make you feel?"
i guess what iam trying to say is that anger is just not a productive emotion. instead of getting angry with someone who does something blatantly horrible or mean, i just turn it around on them and make them look like an ass, i make them get angry, then i laugh at them and say "you are pathetic, you cant control your emotions, i have no respect for you" i used to say this to my dad alot because he had and still has a very short fuse when it comes to getting angry.

just my thoughts....

"Like I can look at this person who Im mad at and just know that at any time I could do this or that to them and no one could stop me. "

You may think this but the truth very well could be that the person you are angry with is skilled in martial arts, grappling, and or some other discipline and could kill you and your anger in three seconds or even less. Anger is not powerful because it makes you make grave mistakes and imbalanced conclusions. It might be something to consider.

Secondly, constant anger or even periodic bouts will inject nasty substances into your bloodstream like cortisol and such. Someone who is like this will eventually become emotionally and physically weak. It is better to get a handle on it as early as you can.

To the above posters,you guys are not pyschotic.To the above poster,anger is VERY powerful behaviour.The thing I learned is that people read you as psychotic,but what you really need is people to listen to you and understand where your coming from.Seeing a shrink will not answer questions of anger,trust me,I know.They label you with all kinds of depression issues and give you meds to calm down.Sure it works at first,but eventually you have to become undependent of the meds.What you need to do is find workshops or classes for YOURSELF,to identify why you feel angry.I'm not a pyschologist,but I took these classes on my own free will to help me cope with my feelings of anger and why I would do what I did.

I would break glass,I would hurt people around me{not pysical}but emotionally,And I would feel good about it.I admit it.Is that pychotic?NO!My anger would overpower me and I couldn't stop.I would keep going for more.This is my experience.

This board is about managing and recovering from anger problems. It is not for discussing how it is OK to have the problem.

Let's stay on topic, please.

If you think you have no problem with anger, this is not the board on which to post.

mod1