Sometime ago I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. However, I continue to monitor myself, see the doctor, and take my meds. My question is related to how people focus on the end-of-life issues with relationship to their understanding and sense of their spirituality. Do you feel more or less in tune with the world around you? DO you think this is a judgement against you? How have you approached this subject and can you suggest reading materials? Thanks in advanced for your kindness.

I am really sorry about your illness. As I do not have a terminal illness I can't answer some of your questions. But I would definetely let everyone you need to, know that you love them. Don't leave anything unsaid. Spirtuality is really individual.
Not sure of any books to read. I mostly want you to know you will be in my prayers and in my thoughts.
Barb

This may or not be for you, but somehow from your post I really think you would enjoy this book "When I WAS SIX" by George harvey. You'll be in my prayers also. I know for me I would want to make sure not only my friends and family knew how much I loved them, but I would also want to make sure I was at peace with myself. If I had ever said or done anything that was not so nice I would try to make amends. As far as everything elso that is between you and your God. LMG

dear lovemygrandma: Thanks for your message. I'll try to get the book! Right now everything's fine...just a little restless. Most times I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop and lots of other times there is no shoe. Kinda' crazy, huh?

I too have a terminal illness, pleural mesothelioma (asbestos cancer) but do not feel I am dying. My doctors have taken a wait and see attitude with me as they did 10 years ago when I was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma of unknown primary. That cancer resolved itself just before I was to start chemo.

There are days that I feel an incredible clarity because of my illness and that does simplify things. Choices are easier to make and being selfish doesn't feel like being selfish. It's as if I've earned the right to say no and not be judged for it. :)

Of course there are days, when the pain is bad and I might drift off into a big old pity party. I rely heavily on my faith to get me through the good and bad days. There have been times that I felt this was a judgment against me but I don't feel that way now. I was not always a good Christian and made many mistakes in my past and it's very easy to view this illness as some sort of condemnation. Instead I see it as a test of the person I'm capable of being and of my faith. It still might very well be a punishment or judgment but I prefer to put a more positive spin on things. ;)

I have been given a lot of great books over the years. I was much more into reading about spirituality and inspirational stories 10 years ago with my first go around with cancer. This time I'm not as interested in reading about it, more into living it. I study the Bible daily but other then that I try to lead as typical a life as possible.

Here are some the books that friends and family have sent me this time:

Soul Power by Nikki de Carteret
After Your Life by Emmet Fox
Find And Use Your Inner Power by Emmet Fox
Faith And The Placebo Effect by Lollette Kuby

I TOTALLY relate to your feelings about waiting for the other shoe to drop and how at times there's no shoe. It's a very odd feeling and I don't think most people get it. For me what I want out of the time I have left, however long that might be, is to just lead a normal life. I don't want anything extraordinary. I'm not interested in flying off to some great adventure I've always dreamed of or of getting that degree I always meant to earn or learning how to speak 2 or 3 new languages, etc. Don't get me wrong I want to take a great vacation but not because it might be my last. I just want it to be a great vacation, period. I'm currently studying Spanish not because it's a life long dream to speak it but because it would be very handy to have a working knowledge of the language since so many people I encounter speak Spanish as their first language.

Life is very precious to me and the hardest part is trying to be patient with those who take it for granted. I have to constantly remind myself that they can’t possibly have the perspective that someone with a terminal illness has. I often pray that they will realize how good they have things without having to go through what I’m going through.

I pray that your health will remain stable and that the Lord will cause a healing in you. He blessed me with a complete healing 10 years ago so I know it's absolutely possible.

Take care.

Antoinette

DEar Antoinette: Your word and encouraging and helpful. I really do understand where you're coming from and I think, right now, I'm just having a "pity party" and also becuase I may have to have surgery and I'm freaked out about it. I will gather these books and read them. Thanks for the list. You know, I was diagnosed 11 yrs ago and never been ill...but I feel that sometimes I just rolling the dice and I don't know what I'll do if things go bad. You see, I'm all brave and courageous on the outside, but on the inside, I'm just not sure. I keep thinking that I have all the faith I need. But, the fact, is that I don't want to be vulnerable and needy and I'm afraid that when it comes down to it I just become a slobbering idiot. cflas

And who says you don't have the right to become a slobbering idiot from time to time. :) I've had plenty of those days but I just remind myself that it's my fear and the loss of control that's causing me to feel that way. Crying and letting those emotions go are the best thing that you can do. They will well up from time to time and it's better to let them out then to keep them bottled up.

There's nothing wrong with being needy and vulnerable. If you can't be those things when you have a terminal illness, when can you? It's a natural response to overwhelming circumstances.

I know exactly what you mean about rolling the dice and maybe having made the wrong choice to wait and see. I too was faced with the possibility of surgery but wasn't sure that in the end that it would make things better or speed up the disease. I go from PET/CT scan to PET/CT scan and if it weren't for the pain being a bit out of control right now I would be feeling great.

I worry about what I'll do if my cancer goes bad and starts to behave like mesothelioma is suppose to. Every new ache, pain, itch, twitch can make you think, this is it, it's all down here from now on. Then when I've gotten myself good and freaked out I keep in mind that for every cancer there is a survivor and I personally know a lot of people who were told to go home and put their affairs in order who are just fine now.

Go ahead and have a small pity party but don't wallow. It's not good for the immune system.

May I ask what you have and how old you are? If you don't feel comfortable sharing I totally understand.

Oh and the title for the Emmet Fox book is Alter Your Life not After Your Life.

Please keep in touch if you want. Your the first person I've encountered who can relate to what I've been going through. It's nice to be able to share similar thoughts.

Take care.

Antoinette

Dear Antoinette: Thanks for your sweet thoughts. You may not want to write back but I am HIV positive. Although I've only known about it for the past eleven yrs, the doctor who diagnosed me at the time felt as though I was infected around 1982 or 1983. So far, I've been healthy. My T-cell fluctuates but I have been "undetectable" since I first found out. There are times when I just want to tell everyone - my whole family, the people I work with, etc. but it's way too risky still and so I don't. I am married and have been for 18 yrs. My wife (and this is the only prayer I pray) is negative. There are four children (older) since this is our second marriage and none of the kids know nor do the grandchildren (of course they're too young). I am 58 yrs old.
Since I was single for nearly ten yrs between my first wife and second, I know that I could have contracted it in a relationship prior to getting married the second time. Also, I was able to spend some time in Uganda as part of a medical missionary team innoculating children against measle, polio, and dyptheria. We managed some clinics and hardly had enough supplies to manage all the people we found who were so ill. So, we managed as best we could - innoculating three kids with each syringe and doing dressing changes and eye treatments without gloves. I know I got stuck re-capping the syringes at least twice. And Lord knows what happened doing dressing changes, etc. Back then, we hadn't even thought about AIDS because it was a new disease and we all thought it was just a gay-thing. Little did we know that we appeared to have landed right in the middle of the breeding ground.
Yes, I've had some friends who have died from the disease and I guess one of the biggest fears I have is that loss of control, being needy, etc. You see as a social worker it is the way I live my life - I spend 10 hours a day matching people to programs and trying to help. My daughter always says, "Daddy, you take care of everyone. Whatever would we do without you?" No, she doesn't know.
So, Antoinette, that's me - at least part of me. Thanks for your sweet note and for whatever it was you said that made me pour myself all over this posting. God bless. Keep in touch if you want. You are in my thoughts and prayers. cflas

Dear Cflas,

You are very fortunate to be so stable after all these years. Are you on the cocktail to manage the virus? For having had it this long I have to believe that your own immune system is doing a good job of keeping things under control. This is what we assume is keeping my cancer in check.

Thank goodness that your wife has not tested positive. This must be an incredible relief for you. I had an HIV scare many years ago and I was just terrified that my husband might have been exposed but thankfully we both tested negative. I could have accepted being positive but I couldn't have lived with myself if he had.

What a wonderful thing you did to go halfway around the world to help the people in Uganda but how awful that you didn't know what the risks were.

It's similar to the asbestos exposure that mesothelioma patients endured without a clue that it would eventually kill them. My own exposure was in my high school but so many patients were exposed serving their country. Many naval ship builders eventually came down with the disease. Unlike the early days of HIV/AIDS, the companies that manufactured asbestos knew of its dangers and did nothing about it. While it's no longer manufactured there is still SO much of it around in older buildings that people are still being exposed on a regular basis. It's criminal.

Like you people in my family wonder what they would do without me. I'm the fix-it person. I'm the one they call when there's a problem, especially medical. I'm an only child and my Mom who lives 20 minutes from me relies heavily on me. I moved here to be closer to her so I could help her as she's getting older and now it's me who needs the care, but I try to do it myself. As long as I can do it myself I can't possibly be that sick. :)

So we both have some heavy crosses to bear. God bless you and take care of yourself and your family. Please know that you are in my prayers. Please keep in touch.

Sincerely,
Antoinette

Cflas,
I have a girlfriend who has had it for at least 15 years. She caught it from her husband who had no idea he even had it until he died. She was pregnant with their daughter when he died, thats how she found out she had it. Luckly their daughter is a beautiful 15 year old that is HIV negative. You are a very special person and you sacrificed you own life to help others. Whether or not that is where you caught it, or if it was from a relationship doesn't matter. In my heart I know there is a special place in heaven for you with many rewards. It's great to hear that it's undetectable. Just remember to eat healthy and try not to stress to much. My girlfriend had some family problems last year and got really stressed and her T cells fell below 200. It took months before they started to go back up. By reading your first post I thought you were HIV positive that is why I told you to buy the book When I Was Six, however that is a great book for someone who is HIV positive and gay( I dont guess you need it LOL!) It is still a great book and it only has one chapter that deals with being gay and GOD so you should still get it. You have my respect for being such a great person in helping people the way you do. The world needs alot more people with your attitude. Lots of hugs and take care of those babies and the wife. LMG :angel:

Dear Lovemygrandma and antoninette: you know, there's a part of me that says exactly what you're saying - it doesn't matter how you contracted this stupid disease but how you are handling it now. ANd my head agrees; but my heart says, "Hey stupid, you know what people really think!?" and it all becomes betrayal and judgement from there on out. I probably the only guy that was in the closet, came out of the closet, and decided I liked it better in the closet. Now, there's very little chance of remaining in the closet where it's so very warm and cozy.
For my whole life, there's been this secret and I have managed to keep it a secret for so long...and I don't like the secret...but I don't like not having the secret. Tell me this isn't just about as whacked as you can get!
Oh, there's another part to this story and that is that tomorrow I have to see a surgeon about removing my spleen becuase it appears that it is enlarged becuase it's over worked and I have to have two transfusion over the past 6 months becuase my hemoglobin keeps bottoming out and I work in the hospital in which I will/may have to have the surgery and I hate the thought of being in the hospital...etc. etc. etc.
ANway, I know that you've given me permission to rant and rave and slobber all over myself but I don't even know the anwers becuase I don't even know what questions to ask...later. cflas

Hi Cflas,

I have been reading your posts. You are one brave soul. I feel sorry for people that would choose not to speak with you after finding out your status. I for one would never choose to place a label on you or anyone else for that sake. You have a disease. I have Crohn's disease and will die someday from complications from that, I shouldn't be treated any different than you. That's really just a lot of ignorance on their part doncha think?

Do you really think your family and friends would treat you differently if they knew? If they do, then that's very sad for them. You just keep your spirits up. You sound like a wonderful giving person. Anyone in your life should be proud to have you in it :)

Poo

Dear Cflas,

I agree with Poo2 that you are a brave soul and it's those who would turn away from you because of their ignorance or prejudices that are the ones to be pitied.

We all wish we could turn the clock back on something in our lives. When I heard the word cancer 10 years ago my first emotion, after the initial shock wore off, was grief for the life that I had the split second before I got the news. I knew deep down inside that I would NEVER have that life back again but in the end I've come to accept that I'm a better person for it. I also learned VERY quickly who my real friends were and who were the ones that I could not count on to be supportive. It's a rude awakening, especially when a lot of those people that I could not count on were family members.

How did the meeting with the surgeon go? Are you going to go ahead with the surgery? Have you sought out a second or third opinion? I pray that you will not need to have your spleen removed and that your hemoglobin will not continue to bottom out.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted. I hope that you can come to peace with whatever decision you make about your status and who you choose to tell. I pray that you will be very pleasently surprised by the amount of support you will receive. You can never be too sure how anyone will react.

Sincerely,
Antoinette

Dear Antoinette, et al:Well, I started this and then just as I was ready to post it, I struck the wrong key and lost it.
I went to the surgeon today and let me tell you that now I feel like crap! He said that the spleen will probably have to be removed although he's concerned that, because my spleen is enlarged, it is robbing me of precious white blood cells. My current wbc count is 1.3 and he said it was remarkable that I haven't been sick! But I haven't.
ANyway, he will not be able to remove it laparoscopically and will have do it surgically with a 7-8 inch incision. I may have to be place in ICU post surgery. I may become septic and/or I may bleed to death. (Oh, yeah, everything, by the grace of God come out OK, and I'll be fine!).
Completely freaked out, I then found a close friend who used to be my PCP and had to leave her practice to do an ER fellowship in the ER of the trauma hospital where I work who is one of the doctors who has been managing my care. She agreed that the surgery, while major, was going to be difficutl, it was necessary and that she trusted the surgeon explicitly.
After speaking with her and dumping all of my garbage (I mean, she's in the ER on a Friday afternoon at rush hour, and I'm having a pity party). Then I went up to my office, contacted my friend, a hospital chaplain and called my friend a surgeon in North Carolina (who has performed surgery on my family member before he left Florida because of the malpractise costs - Florida sucks!!) and he wants me to fax the scans and blood work and labs to him this weekend.
All in all, it was pretty crappy and it's just me being in a complete panic because I hate the idea of being in the hospital, in ICU, being needy and vulnerable.
I've already told everyone that I only want my family at the bedside intially after surgery, but that a busload of nuns, apostles, rabbis, hari krishnas, and voodoo shamans slaughtering chickens can come anytime.
Anyway, since I really don't know what to expect and, when the train left the station, it's very first stop was in Panicville, I will probably post a new thread asking anyone about surgical removal of spleens. And, obivously, if anyone here knows anyone who has had the surgery (preferably those who have survived) then I would want to now of there experience. Thanks, everyone, for allowing to weep, moan, cry, scream, rant, rave, shout curses to the heavens, etc. etc. You all are the best. chris

Dear Chris,

I'm SO sorry that the news doesn't sound very good right now but I'm holding out hope that the doc you're sending your records to this weekend might have a better picture to paint for you.

Like you, my first stop would be panicville even if it isn't a terribly productive place to be. It does seem to be the natural place to start. Eventually things will settle in your mind and whatever you need to do to get through this you will do. It's our nature to survive even when we have to seemingly walk through the fires of hell to get there. That doesn't mean we'll do it without complaining, crying, ranting and raving but hopefully we can work through those emotions and come to a place of peace with our decisions.

I totally understand your fear of hospitals, ICU, etc. When I was faced with lung surgery I knew that I would be in ICU for at least a few days, I was going to lose a rib or two, have a very painful 18 inch scar running from my back to my front and it was going to take weeks and weeks of recovery. I had already resolved to hire aides so that my husband and my 70+ year old mother would not be burdened with physically caring for me. So far I've managed to avoid the knife but in the back of my mind I know that my circumstances could change and I will need the surgery after all. Right now just coping with the pain I have is hard enough to deal with much less the pain from a major operation.

Try to keep as many soothing, healing thoughts in your mind as possible and whenever the panic rushes in just push it out by whatever means you have to. If you're not into mediation or visualization then watch stand up comedy routines, The 3 Stooges, whatever makes you laugh. Read and re-read a favorite book or poem. For me the Bible is of great comfort. I have passages printed out and taped up on the wall around my desk.

If all else fails the shamans with the chickens are always a good fall back. :D

Humor is what has gotten me through the darkest of days. Thankfully my husband and I share a love of dark humor which has at times horrified our friends and family but it works for us.

Don't worry so much about the loss of control and focus on what you can do to make yourself feel better with the circumstances you find yourself in. We can't choose what happens to us but we can choose how to respond to it. Let the panic, anxiety and fear flow over you, it's normal but don't let it set up shop and wear you down. Before you think "that's easy for her to say, I bet she's one of those mellow, Type-C personalities", WRONG!!! I come from a long line of neurotic, phobic, worry wart, Type -A, control freaks. My family raised anxiety and panic to an art form. SO, if I can do it you can do it :) and anytime you don't think you can, just contact me and I'll help you through.

I hope you have a wonderful Sunday and that some good news will come your way before the weekend is out.

Take care and keep us posted. You will be in my prayers.

Sincerely,
Antoinette

"If you have faith the size of a mustard seed...nothing will be impossible for you." (Mt.17:20)

Dear antoinette3, poo2, et al: you all are really wonderful. You know I never think of myself as being a "brave soul". It's a nice thought, but it just isn't me. I sort of cope, most of the time, by jut waking up and plodding through each day. The brave souls are those who know what they're getting into and proceed neverthelss.
I do know this - that my faith is strong. THat God (and my images of Him/Her changes all the time) has never forsaken me and I know that as long as I maintain those thoughts then everything will be OK. I am in the process of making some tapes of recordings that are important to me. Music, more than preaching, has always been more redeeming for me than not. I also know that, believe it or not, there are people who would kill to have my life - an incredible family, beautiful children and grandchidlren and a wife that is absolutely the single most incredible person I know; I have a job that, for the most part, I love; and people who have encircled me with their love and support. So, all things considered I will probably be OK.
I will continue to use the resources I have, and continue to pray for all of you who are dealing with similar issues. Be good, be strong and God bless. chris

God never gives us more than we can handle ( believe it or not ) :) Did you know that God knows what and who we will be even befor we do ?
In the face of so many challenges you still manage to help and comfort others and to me that earns you my respect and also apreciation because it is people like YOU that brings the strength , courage , dignity and compassion to this very divided world where we all the same but also individuals .
Of course you're scared , worried , and feel very vunerable and its nothing to be ashamed of that what makes us human ( EMOTIONS)
For we are like the rainbow composed of many colors and snowflakes ( no 2 are the same ) and that what makes who we are its not about what we are because in Gods eyes we are all equals .
I would be very honored to have a friend such as you're self (hiv+) or not because its the person not the disease that matters .
My problems started when I tried to stop a man from attacking his mother and had a blood exposure and cuts from the ordeal and I'm dealing with a co-infection of hiv and also hepatitis-c .
BUT I will continue to live my life as best as I can ............ ( and when I get a runny nose I will remember that it is just a runny nose)
I find you're book not very interesting but also very inspireing and in my opinion I think the (END) page is still along time coming so keep writing Chris because there is still much left to you're story .
God has his hand on you ( and mabe even with you're white blood cell count so low that's why you're still healthy)
Think of all the lives you have helped to better , a wonderful family , friends and much more .
My hope , prayers , love and friendship are with you and all the very best through you're next challenge may God cover you with his love and strength to help you in you're darkest of days :)
You're friend ................
........... Lost Spirit ..................

Dear Lost Spirit: It is SUnday morning, windy, overcast, and (believe it or not) fairly chilly for Florida at this time of the year. This, compared with yesterday, when it was in the seventies, the shone brightly until a solid band of rain brought cooling temperatures, etc. etc. (Don't mean to sound like the weatherman.) But, not to be overly dramatic, it's a metaphor for so much of what we experience in life. Good times and bad times; bad times on top of sad time; good and bad times mixed together...
Your message on Friday came as a surprise. While I check into the board at least twice a day, I had not been here, to this post, for nearly a week. Bless you and your intentional and prayerful thoughts.
Do you know the story of Father Demien of Molokai. Demien was a Fransciscan (I think he was Franciscan) who went to the island of Molokai in the Hawaiian islands to treat the lepers of Molokai. Each morning he would begin is homily, "You lepers..." ANd, then one morning he began his sermon, "We lepers..." because he then knew that he had contracted the disease and would be destined to spend the remainder of his life and his death on that island healing the broken bodies and mending the broken souls of Molokai.
Well, I would like to think that I was like Demien, that I, too had contracted this disease doing holy and sacred things. ANd, maybe I did contract it is Uganda. But I also know that this disease could have become a decision I made out of my own weakness and wantoness. And, I know that a liaison could have been what brought me to this place, and that it was the search for someone to love that put me on a different road than the one I thought I had chosen.
The point is that you are correct of course, and on this current roller coaster, I must maintain a constant vision that, in all that I am, in all that I've done, in every mistake I've made, and in every joy I've caused, I have never, ever been abandoned.
We met with the surgeon on Friday (the day of your latest epistle) and it looks as though the surgery date will be on Wednesday, May 4. I have pre-op testing to be done this week and depending upon my hemoglobin (if it's below 9.0) I may have to be transfused prior to surgery and, maybe in surgery as well. He hadn't mentioned the NG tube before - but that will probably happen as well...God, it just keeps getting better, doesn't it.
So, for the next week or so, I will keep you posted. I trust that you will remain in good health because, however, these things work in our lives, you seem to have become a good friend and a trusted ally. May you be blessed thoughout your life and may you continue to share yourself in the unique, special, and miraculous way that you are able to here. chris

hi cflas
i was just reading ur thread today
how did ur surgery go i hope every thing went ok u will be mentioned in my prayers
moongoddess1

Florida sucks?? Please do not label Florida because of your experience. Us Floridians are proud of our state. I am sorry you have HIV and you are a strong person. Have you thought about writing a journal to leave for your children on the reasons why you did not tell them? They may have unanswered questions that you may not be able to answer one day (god forbid). Could you possibly be just a carrier for HIV and never show symptoms? Just wondering. I personally live each day as though I could be killed by a truck or some other freak accident. I thank God for everyday I have with my children. I am healthy but only God knows what's around that corner. IT's sad that your family may not understand. I would be very scared too because it would seem as if your "normal" life would not be normal again. I think my brother who is on a six bag of heroin a day has HIV. He's been a user for probably20 years and he looks very ill. Of course he has never gotten help and will die with it if he does have it. Even knowing that he could I still allow my children to visit him at my mothers house. I have even told him that if he does have it that I would love him no matter what and would never make him feel uneasy about it. I truely do understand your concern. I do not think I would tell anyone if I was HIV positive, I guess I would feel embarrassed and degraded even though it's nothing to feel ashamed of. I think I would be my worst own enemy. Besides your comment about Florida hehehe it's very noble of you to help all of those children and I for one and proud of you. IF you did contract it that way your children should be honored your their father. You literally put your life on the line for others.
I hope everything went well in your surgery and will be awaiting your response.

Dear Soulcatcher: So much has happened since I first posted and you are so kind to write back. I had the surgery. Instead of having to go to ICU and then to reverse isolation and expecting a long recovery, everything else happened. Seems as though my blood work just before surgery was nearly normal and the surgeon, bless his heart, decided not to put me in ICU. I went to a regular room on a medical floor and was much wasted on the Wednesday of surgery and the day after. I don't remember being in a lot of pain, but was told by my son (who conveyed this information to my daughter that I was). On Friday, the surgeon came to visit me (now in a private room) and when I asked him when he was going to remove the NG tube he replied, "Now's as good a time as any" and he removed it there and then. The foley came out on Saturday with order to start walking. By Monday evening I was discharge from the hospital - five days after surgery (probably reduced my length of stay by 6-8 days!)

I did the routine blood work and follow-up visits with the doctors. ANd, I stay home as I was instructed (I mean, there are just so many times you can watch Judge Judy) and returned to work 28 days post surgery. It was the Hematologist who gave me the most hope when I he suggested that I probably had not had a decent lab value in five yrs. IN fact, now everything is pretty much better than ever. I've had to have one infusion of Iron which was a piece of cake and my T-cell count is now higher than when I was first diagnosed 11 yrs ago!

Thanks, so much, for your concern. Now, let me address some of your questions:
Yes, it does seem that I could be a carrier and not show symptoms. At least, the doctor who fist diagnosed me, who now does research and education throughout the country, used me as an example in some of his round table talks.

Yes, I do live each day as it comes. I have a really strong faith (though churches do freak me out) and an understanding of myself. I also have believe right from the very beginning that no disease is more important than the person who has it. That may be one of the reasons I have continue to work as a medical social worker. Because I know that my HIV status is no more important that the person whom I work with who has ALS, a brain tumor, suffered a stroke, or any other ailment.

I do believe that my family would understand...they are just the most incredible people. It is I, however, who, at this point is unwilling to take the risk. Of course, my wife is well aware and has been from the start as is my sister-in-law because she is pretty wonderful, too. At this time, however, since I have no HIV related illnesses I just don't want the kids to worry about me all the time. If I gave you the impression that my family wouldn't understand, I was wrong. They would love me no matter what.

Whatever did I say about Florida? Everyday,I look out of my office window onto Tampa Bay. I see storm clouds roll in from the east, watch sailboats on the water, and occassionally see a funnel cloud. I wish Florida wasn't so crowded. I wish that the current governor was a little less Republican and more compassionate. But, it is where my family is, and therefore it is where I choose to be as well.

Again, thank you so much for your thought and prayer. Actually, I think they quite sustained me over the last few months without me even being aware of such...chris