Ok ladies... I'm ready to crack.... dad smells to high heaven--no he's beyond smelling-he STINKS! The stench follows him from room to room and STAYS THERE!!! YUK!!!!
I bought him new socks today because he's wearing the same ones ALL THE TIME and the rest I have found (I'm sure there's new ones somewhere but hidden VERY well) are full of holes and far beyond cleaning.

I said several times today "Dad, I need you to take a shower so I can wash the clothes you're wearing. Your clean clothes are on top of the laundry basket in the bathroom". "Ok." An hour later "Dad, take a shower." "Ok."
15 minutes later "Dad, I really need those clothes so I can make a full load. Take a shower so I can wash them." "Ok." SHEEESHH!!! Ok WHAT??? Ok, I'll take a shower or Ok f you??? This has gone on most of the day.

This damn social worker STILL hasn't called and I'm ready to go berserk!!!! I've kept my calm so far but I don't know how much longer I'll be able to. A SKUNK smells better than he does at this point!

Ok, it just happened. He got to me. Came in here and said he's got nothing to live for and got all pissed off and started yelling about how his life isn't his own and he's got nothing but his car. I'm shaking so bad right now I can hardly type. I'm so-OOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I need to put up a damn punching bag in the garage. :mad:

He says he wants to kill himself because his life isn't his own anymore. I said "Why? Because I asked you to take a shower?" He stormed off in his room. I know he won't kill himself. This is something he's threatened since I was a little girl. But I can't take it anymore! I'm calling the VA Monday and telling him they HAVE to do something for him! I get chest pains when I'm stressed and I have them now. I can't take it. He just came in here now without a shirt so maybe he's slowly getting there. I told him the doctor noticed he didn't shower the last visit and was calling a social worker. Maybe I shouldn't have said that but I hope it worked.

Nope, didn't work. Now he's getting a cup of coffee. I just put his sheets and blanket in the dryer and I sprayed Fabreeze all over his bed about a half hour ago. Now at least his bedroom doesn't smell as bad.

Time for me to get out of the house for a few hours and calm down.

Love, Barb (who would never wish this hell on anyone)

Oh Barb, I'm so sorry for you. Why doesn't he take showers? Would it help if he were on some kind of pill making him more docile, like a tranquilizer? I can well imagine what you are going through. I wish I had an answer. Yes, keep on complaining to the VA... but what about getting him into a nursing home, where a couple of strong aides just walk him into the shower, if he wants to or not??

As I've said before, the loss of personal hygiene is a terrible component of this disease ..if the person is unaware of it and responds when told (with anger, and then by finally washing, like my Mom) that is bad enough, but if he knows he stinks and doesn't do anything abut it, is he doing it to annoy you, to assert his independence, punish you and hurt you or what?? Don't let this get YOU sick .. we need you and your wise advice! No funny heart pains, please . Wasn't he supposed to go to Alabama? Did he ever get his teeth fixed? Send him to your sister for awhile! Breathe clean air in your home for awhile!

How sad ... how terrible .. what can anyone do?

Maybe he has to get forced into a daily wash. First a bath, then you get your breakfast. Hungry? Have you washed? Not yet? breakfast is AFTER your shower???

LOTS of love and sympathy,

Martha

Barb ...

When my son was little, he discovered he was allergic to water. He fought me tooth and nail about getting in the bath. One day, he was sitting on the toilet and I turned the shower hose on (it was a flexible one) and hosed him, clothes and all on the toilet.

Ok .. he was a little boy ........... but it got the message across.

Another time, he refused to get out of his chair for a bath. So I picked up up, chair and all, clothes and all and dumped him in the bath.

Ok .. I know your Dad is bigger than my son was then, but can you get a flexi hose? We have plastic ones that fit onto a sink tap .. can you break into the toilet when Dad is sitting and HOSE him down? At least if his clothes are wet, he might take them off and you might get something moving.

Maybe when the weather is warmer you can take him for a swim???

Ummmmmmmmmm......... blackmail .. I agree with Martha.

Try anything .... a favourite treat? Show him the treat .. do you want it Dad? Have a shower NOW .. walk him in there .. ??

Oh Barb .. my sympathies go out to you. FIL refuses showers (and he's NOT demented) because they exhaust him .. and I just get rude now and say "sniff, sniff, well that deodorant isn't working" .... he laughs, and the silly thing is, he feels so much better when he's cleaner!!

MEN !!!!!!! Doesn't matter what age they are .. they're allergic to water !! LOL

Hugs
Sally

Thanks Martha. I don't think he's doing this to be mean. I honestly think he has lost some or all of his sense of smell.

I feel much better now that I went out for a while. Btw, dad did take a shower right after I posted. And he put on the clothes I laid out for him. I guess what I said about the social worker made him think he'd better shower.
Now his bed is Fabreezed and his linens and blanket have been washed and the carpet in his room vacuumed.

My sister has backed out of coming up to get him. There's no telling when or if he'll be going back there. He only seems to get an interest in going there when he gets mad about something like tonight.

The teeth, ahhh the teeth...amazingly no pain for quite a while.

Oh this should be a hoot. He just grabbed a big gumball and put it in his mouth. He has a partial!

Oh, another thing I forgot to tell you ladies. Two nights ago, dad let the dogs out in the backyard. He's looking out the window in the door. He tells me the dogs are barking at a squirrel outside in the neighbor's yard behind us. Dad kept opening the door and closing it in curiosity, I guess. The dogs were barking like crazy and it was kind of late. So I got up and went outside and began calling the dogs back when I noticed something in the neighbor's yard behind us. It was too big to be a squirrel so I walked a little farther into the yard. Through the light on the neighbor's house, I saw the thing raise it's tail. DEFINITELY too big for a squirrel. That's when I noticed-you got it- a SKUNK! :eek: And these stupid dogs are STILL barking like crazy! So I yelled at them to come and started high tailing my butt back to the house so I wouldn't get sprayed. The dogs followed me and we all got inside safe and skunk free. But if it were daylight, all the neighbors would have had a good laugh! lol

Oops. Hubby just came to tell me that dad didn't put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket like dad said he did and he thinks dad faked his shower. Ah crap...I guess we'll have to go through this again tomorrow......

I don't know about a tranquilizer. I'll have to ask his doctor.

Thank you soooooooo much Martha!!!!! You're a GEM! :angel:

Love, Barb

Well, turns out dad DID take a shower and I feel bad now. Dad saw me put his linens in the dryer and I told him he could take his shower then. It was just after that that the confrontation began. dad told me after I came home from my couple of hours out that he didn't shower then because he thought I wasn't done with the laundry even though I told him to go shower. Why didn't he tell me that before going off on me? I wouldn't have started the washer if he was in the shower.

You know, a few years ago, my husband and I were talking about another baby. I'm so happy we didn't pursue it. I know I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I can only imagine what it would have been like to have a baby at 40 and then have to take care of my dad too. Plus work.

Wish me luck. I have a job interview Tuesday morning. I'm going to try and tackle two part time jobs. I need the money. And this job pays almost double what my current job pays. The only thing is they have no health insurance. I have insurance with my current job.That's why I need to keep that one too.

It's a beautiful day outside and dad is sleeping so I'm going to enjoy. :)

Love, Barb

Good luck on the job interview! My oldest son is also having interviews ..once he was #2, but a young woman got the job. Now he's interviewing with a Korean car manufacturer in Germany, which is right up his alley since he worked for Mazda for 5 years. This would be a marketing job. I hope he will get it; he was let go last Christmas, and it came as a shock. He is 36 and supoorting one daughter ... and paying rent in the big city of Cologne, expensive!

Still, in your case I do not know how you can work 2 jobs plus Dadcare. Any chance of getting help for him during the day? Actually your sister should help pay for it. She also ought to keep her promise about the visit. You can't be expected to do everything, all the time!

Life takes these unexpected turns. We just have to go along with it without too much fear and protest .. otherwise we will make ourselves sick. You were probably right about not having the late baby ..I was 'OLD' when #3 came along, 38! BUT, I was a stay at home Mom, no financial problems, and loved it. Thank God, I got all my kids grown and through college as far as their Bachelor's degree before I lost all that. The price was high, however ... in personal unhappiness, abuse, and self denigration.

Mom is OK today, we went out to lunch. She is quite smelly now. I am not going to say anything. Usually she will notice 'sometime' and wash ...I have taken to wearing more perfume than I used to ....It is warm enough to open windows a bit also ... that helps.

My Brother and SIL think they found the right house today ..wow, that was fast. We are not telling Mom. I am afriad she will think,"what about me?" They would not leave her behind, but going to their 'known' house is somehow less traumatic than going to a 'new' house ...

On the other hand it may be seen as OUR new hme, Bill's, Anna's and Mom's ..that might be good!

Hi Sally!

Oh I would LOVE to hose him down!!!! :D I wish we still had the pool in the backyard. I'd put him in there. LOL! Just thinking of it..... :)

Love, Barb

Hello. I'm new to this forum.
I want you to know I completely relate to you. I have had the exact same situation. I have said those same exact words.
I am the live-in care-giver to my 81 year old mom who was diagnosed with Dementia, and is in the middle stages.
The shower thing........people with Dementia and Alzhiemer's have no interest in the personal hygeine. That is the first thing that goes. Trying to get my mom in to the shower is like an act of congress. I finally involved her primary physician who has been most helpful. I simply call him-leave a voicemail, and tell him what I'm up against and that I need his help. I even go so far as to tell my mom I have involved her doctor. He has told me to make him the "bad guy" in this. So I do. Since my mom is on Medicare-she qualifies to get in home health care-by professionals who are paid by Medicare. What they do is, they send someone out to the home and you sit together and do an "assessment" of the situation. They sent an RN out. She suggested a bathing assistant 2x per week. I said "yes!" "cool". I have found that my mom is receptive to ANYONE'S suggestions as long as they aren't mine. She will go along with anyone but me. We as the caregivers are the one's who get all the "bad reports" from the ones we care for. This is stated from one who knows, and from professionals I am in touch with.
Have you found a support group yet? It's real important you get with people who are there, and can help you. We are caregivers, need to protect our sanity or we can't help the people we care for. I called my local Alzheimer's association for a lisiting of groups. I am in regular touch with a lady who heads these support groups in my area.
I know, first hand, how hard this job is. I too, run the entire gambit of emotions: cut and run; frustration; anger; "I give up"; "don't really care"; "whatever"; "do whatever you wanna do!" to a complete void of emotions at all. You name it, I've felt it or said it. This is the hardest job I've ever done in my life. It is the most heart-wrenching thing we will ever do. I've only been doing this since 11/30/04.
Stay tough. This shower thing is not an option to our loved one. They just "don't wannt do it". They cannot have it as a choice-they have to be lead. Also-it might be humiliating for your dad. He maybe doesns't wanna get naked in front of you. A stranger isn't as humiliating for him. His pride is at stake here, and the fact that he is loosing control over his life-is very real (and it is a fact now). That makes him angry. My mom has said she might as well kill herself. I know she won't, but she doesn't know how else to express herself. We are dealing with part child and part adult. It's hard to make the 2 come together.
I apologize if I've gone on too long. It helps me to have a place to talk to others who are going through this too.

Thank you-
1stborn

Thanks and welcome! Dad is still able to shower by himself. I think I figured out what frustrates hims so about showering. He can't figure out what to wear after he showers.

I haven't been to a support group for alzheimers. I attend several support group meetings every week for something else. I get a lot of support and encouragement from the people there.

Thanks again!

Barb

This message board is my only support group, since I can't go out of the house except to my job, and THAT is becoming dangerous!

I love all you people and feel that without you I would have thrown in the towel some time ago. I have been with Mom for 5 years, but I think Alzheimer-like symptoms first sneaked in - so gradually we didn't understand it - 2 or 2 1/2 years ago, and got REALLY bad last May.

The first really weird thing was, she had an appt with her podiatrist, a doctor whom she sees often for foot care. When she got home, she was all in a frazzle and looked like she had had an ordeal. What happened?

I went to Dr L. No one was there. I knocked on the door, but it was locked. I expected to see a lot of people siittng around, but it was empty. So I figured he was not in today.

I tried to go out the same door I came in by, BUT IT WAS LOCKED. I saw people going by on the street but they did not pay attention to me knocking and yelling.

Finally a lady came from upstairs and opened the door with a key, and I got out. She told me I was NEXT DOOR to Dr L. I went to his place but it was too late, I have to call for a new appt.

I went there the next day to try and reconstruct what could have happened. The house next door is a 2 story apartment house, No doctor's signs up. The podiatrist has a huge sign and an arrow pointing to his door. Mom could see well enough then to not miss the arrow. I tried the neighbor's door (the house on the other side is a store, it couldn't have been that one.) It was an unlocked vestibule, after which all tenants need a key to get in and go to their apartments. I still don't know how Mom got inside, or why she couldnt get out. People were coming out when I stood there, without needing keys.

Now I begin to realize this was all she could recall and all that made sense to her ..the story is absolutely warped and changed and dementia-embroidered, and no way happened as she told it.

We shrugged it off to 'eyesight failing" and went with her after that, my brother or I. but it was far more than that ; loss of judgment, loss of rationality .. maybe she was even on a different block ..

This was an early sign. There wer many many more ..up to today when she thinks her new 50 year old aide is a teenager, doesn't know what the Depends are for, doesn't know she did not pass gas but something else ...

It is my firm opinion that Bill and Anna would be wiser to get her into a facility, use up all her money, even use up the farm share money, and NOT put themselves through what I am going through... and worse. It gets worse, never better. However since there are 2 of them (plus the planned aide) it may work, for awhile....

one last thing on this massive letter: I just read in a magazine that STRESS causes fat to accumulate around one's middle. Well, I am sure that is true .. I had a couple of stress free years in between leaving my husband and Mom's illness, and I lost 20 pounds of midsection flab, (now back - along with a couple of new ones_)

Love,

Martha

So THAT"S what happened to my belly! :D

No, unfortunately it's my indulgence on food that caused that along with my thyroid problems.

I would encourage all who can afford it to put their loved ones in a good facility where there is social interaction. This is so important. I wish we could have done that for my dad but the money is just not there.

And Martha, you've been a great support to me. I didn't mean to leave you guys out. You all understand as no one else can what it's like to have to deal with this day in and day out. You, Barbara and Sally have helped me to stay sane since I started posting here. And the new people here have been great too.

I think these boards are testimonial enough to how well things like this work for us.

Time to rest now. I walked about 3 miles today just because my spoiled brat dog wanted to. :) The bonus is it's good for me too. It's a great way to get rid of frustration, that's for sure! And hopefully, I'll get rid of my big belly and butt too! :D

Love, Barb

Stress middle tyres?

Cool ......... I'm gonna put that on my list of excuses too !!

I'm fat because: Broken Thyroid AND stress ........

But seriously folks .... looking after somebody else is an absolute eye opener on our own behaviour, our own reasonings and the why we do what we do when others walk away guiltless ....

we're a weird bunch, but supportive if nothing else.

Hugs
Sally

A weird bunch we are...but I'm having fun with it! :D

It's good to be able to laugh...

Love, Barb

Oh, how I wish this was 1996 (for purely selfish reasons)...and my sister and I had had you guys to share with--your brilliant advice, your "tea and sympathy" compassion and your poignantly funny--often downright HILARIOUS--stories--as we cared, as best we could, for our "memory-challenged" :rolleyes: but still ever-loving Mom. (She passed away in 1999).

I've written a bit about our story a few times.....but just have to let every one of you how the tales of "Martha", "Barb", "Mustang Sally", "Bosmom", et al, have become such a daily part of mine--you are all so real to me. You AND your loved ones...and all the "minefields" (maybe mindfields!) you sidestep each day!! ! I feel so much of what you are going through. And, even six years after my mother's death, I still find it, somehow, so comforting just reading how you are all here together to comfort one another!

And... PS. (This concept of "hosing down" has given me an idea for my entire apt......LOLOL!) :D

This board has been a lifesaver to me. I don't know what I would have done without the support and encouragement I find here. And it's good to be able to laugh at ourselves and the silly things that seem to happen only to those who are affected by this disease whether they're the caregiver or caregivee (is that a word???). :)

Love, Barb

It's a word now! Caregivee .. I love it!!! Yippeeeee, I have a Caregiveeeee! I'm a bit outside of myself tonight ...

Having a WEEEIIIRD day with Mom.. toileting problem, phonecall problem, confusion. I wound up saying "Mom you can't seem to remember ANYTHING any more!" WRONG to say it, she doesn't need to hear that. She says "GOOD that you are getting away soon." It was all i could do not to say I can't wait. I kept silent. A hard thing to do.

Mom spoke to Bill, who called. She gave him a play by play description of what kind of day she's having ..all of it a complete fantasy. Certain people called her (I know they didn't, I have been here since she got home from the center) .. the hearing test people came to the center and she waited and waited but they FORGOT her (she was tested last week, the one day a year they come) etc etc...

I was tired (as good an excuse as any) and just couldn't listen to it any more. Bill KNOWS most of it is untrue, but lets her talk. After she hung up I explained how the hearing test was last week, and she has a written report from the doctor. (It says "refer to specialist" but she told me 'he said my hearing is just fine!") So she was not 'left out!" Mom insisted she was ..she wanted to have it tested again today, yes he WAS there again, etc. etc. That's when I said the above ..and now feel bad for it. BUT, heck, I am human too, right? I can goof without massive guilt feelings, right?

Martha

No Guilt allowed.

Frustration however IS allowed. Your venting, and it's OK to vent!!! Just don't frustrate yourself on purpose! You KNOW the truth and battling your Mum to prove it is just ..........................frustrating .......... :-)

I have to admit, I have laughed, I have cried, and I am one big devotee of these boards, and you gal's and readers are my reward. Your stories make me feel so NOT alone, so NOT misunderstood ... (did that make sense?)

At least here, when we do laugh out loud, we are laughing!!!!

Hugs
Sally

Yes, you ARE entitled to "goof" without guilt feelings. I'm catching myself goofing as I type. My pc is in the kitchen. He's ticked because I washed his cast iron skillet. He put vegatable oil in the skillet and turned the flame on. Then he immediately broke an egg in there. Of course, the egg stuck because he didn't wait for the oil to heat. Then he starts about "that's why I never clean the skillet. It sticks and then you gotta smoke up the house" and yadda yadda yadda. Then why did I ever try to explain? I'm done with it now.

We're human. We make mistakes. It's ok.

I'm hungry now. Time to make dinner. Dad won't eat because he just made a egg sandwich. That's all he cooks anymore. I see the changes in him from a year ago. He used to cook some things. Simple things like corned beef hash from a can. He doesn't remember how to cook that anymore even though all he has to do is heat it. He used to make salmon patties. Not anymore. All he cooks is egg sandwiches.

I think I'll cook chicken and rice tonight.

Love, Barb

Oooo .. MIL has a thing for eggs too !!!!

I wonder if it's a dementia thing as well? MIL can't heat up much anymore, if she tries, that's when she puts plates in the oven and turns the griller on and get's all mixed up. Wouldn't be the first time I've seen her eat frozen lasagne cause she didn't get it!! But she DOES love cooking eggs!!

Actually Cameron came up on Tuesday and said "are we eating upstairs or downstairs?" and I said "It's tuesday, we're downstairs" and he said "Oh, cause Nanna is cooking eggs" so I sent him down poste haste to remind her we were having fish that night. She said "Oh good", and FIL called out "we can have eggs with fish" (YUCK - but I can see he was trying to involve her) so when I came down with dinner, there's no sign of the eggs.

"Where are the eggs luv" says FIL
"bling, thra, thra, threy, round that too" she says
"Where are the eggs luv" says FIL
"oh" says MIL "in that, that thra thra threy, shree"

"check the pantry Sally" says FIL
Nope .. I checked BOTH pantries, BOTH fridges, the laundry AND the freezer. Nothing.

Eggs miraculously appeared yesterday lunchtime, as very finely chopped up curried egg. I wonder where she put 'em? Might be what sent FIL over the edge and to the hospital too .. LOL LOL LOL ...

When she DOES do dinner for him and her (Wednesday & Saturday nights) and doesn't use my left-overs, it inevitably ends up being a pre-made meat rissole (gigantic meat ball), the inevitable egg and a small bread roll, torn in half (not cut) and a wedge of butter crushed into it (sometimes .. not always) ...... looks MOST unappetising, but SHE made it and she get's very proud she did.

She was a gourmet cook in her hey-day ... her caramel dumplings were to die for, and she was famous for her devilled sausages .. now she can't even boil an egg properly .. so sad... so sad.

Need breakfast talking about all this food .........

Hugs
Sally

Funny ..Mom cooks an egg quite often, Hard boiled. Then cut up , made into a salad and eaten on bread. She never was much of a cook, But she used to be able to open a can! No more. I guess a hard boiled egg is foolproof, if you remember how to turn off the burner.

My brother bought the house, is in the process of selling the old one, and thinks the whole move will be done by mid July. He told Mom about the new house today. It is further out on The Island (Long Island) beyond Queens. But near enough for going to the same doctor, and other things in NYC. MOM was pleased. Oh that is great. he said the bathtub has a sliding door and is low, so she can climb over the side to shower. HERE, the bathtub (an oldie, on clawed feet) is too high for her to get into. Thus her 'baths' = a washdown using washcloths. She was able to climb in until just recently. She can still take a shower at the local pool .. but it's been weeks since she went there.

She is happy for them that they are getting out of the city. I do NOT think she is clear on the fact that she is going there too ... not at all. Bill also emailed Elsie abut the plans. Now I wonder if she will invite Mom to be with them during some of the mad moving time ..he says if she wants Mom, she will go. Not if he has to ask. I see why.

Good night, keep on being good to the caregiveeees!

Love

Martha

Well, dad is proof...you can mess up a hard boiled egg. Just drop it in boiling water. lol

Dad was a great cook too. He used to own and operate a restaurant many years ago. He did all the cooking. That's why it's so difficult for me to see that go. He loved to cook and now it's just an egg sandwich or balogna or ham.

It still seems odd to me Sally talking about breakfast just after I posted about dinner. :) You're starting your day and I'm ending mine.

I treated myself to french toast with wild blueberry syrup this morning. Yum yum! Usually, I eat cereal or toast but I was in the mood for something warm.

Dad got mad at me 'cause I told his dog to stop begging so now he took the dog and went in his bedroom. Oh well....

Peace and quiet. Dh is gone for a couple of hours thank the Lord. He's even in a really foul mood today. Came home from work and started in on my son. Then when he couldn't get my son all riled up, he started on me. He was talking to me like a child and I will not have that. And that's exactly what I told him. If he wants to talk to me, fine. we'll talk. but if he wants to talk DOWN to me, I won't listen. I don't need that crap from him or anyone.

I won't let anyone do that to me.

I am woman, hear me ROAR! :D LOL!!!

Love, Barb

My son made French toast for him and one of his sisters (the other one decided at the last minute she hates french toast .. funny .. that's the main thing they eat when we're camping!!) Didn't think about putting syrup with 'em tho .. how would maple go?

DH took MIL to see FIL at the hospital this morning. Our cleaner is in (my good Friend, H) and it gave me the chance to hit the fridge. I found one VERY SOGGY piece of capsicum, 1 brown edged lettuce not 'quite' covered in cling wrap, 1/2 a very dry carrot, 2 meat rissoles that if they're not cooked today will be off, AND ... I had to throw out a litre of her milk because it expired on the 11th .. her OTHER two x 1 litre cartons of milk expired yesterday. With a bit of luck she'll use it all up by Friday and get a fresh carton in.

She doesn't 'get' expiry dates, doesn't understand them even when you point it out to her (pointless exercise, just frustrates me ... stop doing it, just tip it out when she's not looking) .. AND she's gone out WITHOUT her handbag and purse .. left it behind .. 'forgotten' .. she's doing that ALOT lately too ... confuses the carry bag with FIL's goodies in it with the handbag. The brain says "your carrying something" and that's as far as it gets.

Still sad to watch this decline...

Hugs
Sally

I usually use maple syrup on french toast but thought I'd be different today. It actually turned out quite well.

Dad doesn't get the expiry dates either. Before we moved here, I came every weekend to check the fridge for what needed to be tossed. I had to check it when he was in the bathroom or sleeping. He can see the fridge from his recliner in the living room. It's a very small house. We have a big kitchen, though. And that's where I'm sitting right now. There's no room anywhere else for my computer desk.

We have some critters in our attic. Have to get the exterminator out here as soon as we're done with the plumber if we ever get done with him. The guy came out once to check out what was wrong. We need a new kitchen faucett. Only problem is when we shut off the main water valve, it starts spraying water all over the place. This guy promised to come out at a certain time a few weeks ago. Never showed. He's a friend of my BIL. So today I was cleaning the kitchen. I turned on the faucet and the handle broke off. Don't ya think I'm going to get an earful when my dad RE-discovers it's broken in the morning? So now I have a pair of pliers next to the sink. The plumber called and said he'll be out here Friday. Oh I hope so!

Well, dh is home now and still crabby as ever. Sometimes men can be real poopy heads! LOL

Love, Barb

Oh crap. It's 9pm and dad just got in the car to apparently get donuts.

Love, Barb

Oooo Barb, Did he go?

and you need some plumbers tape and a "broken by management" sign ..... let Dad figure that one, or a "wet, do not touch" ........ signs can leave my MIL pondering for HOURS about what it says, what it means and why it's there LOL .. of course, she can and does ignore it too and usually burns herself.

Like the time we had sparklers for the kids. Oh she was clapping her hands, and a light went on inside her head (you could SEE her eyes light up) and she ran into the house, and came out with MORE sparklers .. she was SO excited, so we lit one up for her, and it sparkled and fizzled and she was so happy .. and when it went out, her face fell, and she touched the hot hot metal and hurt herself. Just like a little kid does .. It was sad to see, but also frustrating because she's a 'grown-up' and SHOULD know these things, even though we KNOW she's forgotten.

I think we have certain expectations of our elderly folk and when they regress it's 'wrong' you know???

I regularly go through MIL's fridge .. either when she's not home (hospital visits are a bonus .. especially while I'm not allowed to drive with this blasted neck of mine, so many times I am grounded at home and DH has to do it all .. thank GOD for Holidays!) or at night when she's passed out in her lounge chair because she's had too much to drink.

She's severely leaning to the left at the moment, and speech has worsened. She's placid enough, but very fuzzy in understanding any kind of instructions. Even Cameron has it figured out .. if he goes downstairs and says to MIL "Do you want to have dinner with us or alone?" she'll say "with us",if he says "Do you want to have dinner alone or with us?" she'll say "alone" ... it's part of her copycat speech, but how easy it is to take advantage.

Ahh well .. it'll be BIL's headache for 5 days now won't it! ? ! ? ! ? ! ? LOL

Must warn him eh?

heheheheheeheheheheheh ........then again ................. *evil grin*

Hugs
Sally

Dear Sally,

This vacation at your cousin's place will give you the energy you need for your last stint. It is clear from your descriptions of both your In-laws that they are deteriorating fast. It is really sad. Perhaps by July the problems will have solved themselves. MIL seems to be heading for a stroke.

Amazingly my Mom is physically fit. I have more aches and pains than she does. She has never had arthritis. It is astonishing how a 96.5 year old body can still function as well as it does. But the mind has really become a seive. Nothing is remembered. I couldn't believe it when she said 'the hearing test today ...'

Interesting how your MIL repeats the last word in a sentence and thinks she is communicating. Mom can articulate words, but she has lost the power of reasoning. She makes up stories, she makes excuses, she tells things that didn't happen .. all in a very articulate way so it sounds almost as if it could be true.

Last night for example: Mom, you do not smell good Maybe you could go to the bathroom and wash yourself really well with a soapy washcloth. Then throw out the underpants (whether they are cotton or disposables) and you will feel so much better in clean ones.

"I just had a bath the minute before you came in!"

"No, I was HERE when you came in."

"No, that was yesterday! I had a bath this morning!"

Esther helped her wash her hair yesterday, but ignored the rest of her. I hope to get Esther alone one of these days and ask her to give Mom a bath regularly .. even if only a sponge bath is possible. Candy did that a few times. If only Mom would skip the Center and go to the pool once in awhile, the showers there are easy, you walk in .. and that gets her fairly clean if she remembers to wash EVERYWHERE.

Who could have believed only last year that I would have to talk to 'complete strangers' .. now DEAR friends ... about Mom's dirty underpants. My MOM, who was a clean and neat person, who would never go out unwashed, or with a stain on her clothes. The new outfit sent along by Elsie already has a large unwashable stain on the front. By the way, Esie is sending a box full of 'all the things that did not fit in Mom's suitcase.' She went with one suitcase, what didn't fit? Is it a box of depends?
If so they are not planning to have her back any time soon, or at all .or they could leave them there...

Today: 9 weeks 'til my flight!

Love,

Martha

Dad made it home last night. Dunkin Donuts is just about 4 or 5 blocks from here. I don't like him driving at night since he's admitted to not seeing well then.

It's so strange how he can seem so normal one day and so off the next.

I went for a long drive last night after an argument with hubby. We both said a lot of things we shouldn't have. It got really ugly. I feel awful about the nasty things I said to him. But part of me, to tell you the truth, is glad I said it although I wish I had been more diplomatic about it.

I woke up sick last night. My sinuses are killing me. I hope I'm not still sick when I go to Missouri. I'm going a week from tomorrow. I can't wait! I think hubby's mad I'm going and didn't ask him. Oh well. I'm going to get AWAY from him. I need this time to enjoy myself with my friends.

Sally, has your MIL had a stroke? Leaning to the left and slurred speach are possible signs.

Martha, I totally understand. Dad's getting rather stinky again too. It's a touchy subject, isn't it?

Well, it's a cereal morning again. I don't feel up to cooking now.

Love, Barb

Hi, my caregiveee and Aide came in after me today, and I got a moment to talk to Esther while Mom was in the bathroom. I said 'she really needs a bath now and then, and always tells me she already had one .. can you help? Can you persuade her to, and help her to climb into the tub, sit on the stool or in the water (better) and then help her out of it again? She is afraid of falling but also does not think she is dirty. Whenever she did last wash, seems like just a few minutes ago to her.

Esther said "I have asked her a few times if she wanted to bathe or shower, and I would certainly help her! But she always said no, I shower every night! My daughter helps me.' While telling me, "I just bathed, alone!"

Now we'll see if Esther can get her to cooperate and actually allow herself to be washed...

That would be great!

Meanwhile it is now under 9 weeks to go ... spring is finally here, trees in bloom along the streets, flowers in gardens... it is beautiful.. I love spring. The days get longer, more sun, and I feel better, more optimistic. Still not sleeping well. I wake up at 2 or 3, become ill from the smells next room, and escape. I try to doze on the LR couch, with little success.

A good night's sleep would make my life so much easier, but I refuse to take sleeping pills, habit forming and not conducive to deep REM sleep ..

Love,

Martha

Hi Martha!

Have you tried melatonin? I used to work rotating shifts and used it sometimes. It's natural and you can get it at any drugstore or WalMart. What I like most about it is it didn't make me feel groggy the next morning. If you decide to buy it, get the 1mg. It comes in 1mg and 3mg. I started with 1mg then upped to 2mgs for a few day. But one night, I was so wired, I decided to take 3mgs. That gave me very strange and vivid dreams. So I went back to 1mg only when I needed it. I don't need it anymore since I don't work those crazy shifts now.

The shower subject will be coming up soon again here. Honestly, I don't know if he smells now because my sinuses are messed up.

Some of my friends at work are upset. They're teachers and only work where I work for extra money. Apparently, the governor of Illinois has cut state funding for schools severely. One of our biggest school districts just fired all 1st year teachers and they're talking about getting rid of all TA's. Our school district is supposed to have a meeting next week I think. I wonder what the cuts will be for our district. Jeeezzzz, it's not like teachers could ever get rich from teaching.

I do hope that Esther will be able to convince mom to bathe soon. From my experience, that's the worst thing about this disease. A lot of things can be put off till later. But baths are a must.

I'm not feeling well tonight. I think I have another sinus infection. I'll be calling the doctor tomorrow for anti-b's. I don't want to be sick when I go to Missouri next week.

Love, Barb

Another good sleep tonic is a herbal relief called VALERIAN (sp?) ... non addictive, and takes a week to 10 days to kick in, but it's a calmative as well ... good for US CARERS and hey .. half a bottle in our loved ones coffee might not go astray either .. HAHAHAH .. no .. I wouldn't .. hmm .. but it is herbal ... LOL

I'm still on pain killers, so I'm sleeping like a baby until 3am and then re-crash about 4.30am .... they ARE over the counter muscle relaxants that knock the stuffing out of you .. but they make me relax at night enough to find a comfy spot and sleep.

Blasted neck & shoulder ...

gotta go .. Cameron is sniffing down my neck for computer usage ..

Rolling eyes .. KIDS

Gotta love 'em

Hugs
Sally

Thanks for the tips. I think I might even have some melatonin here. I used it in the past for jet lag. Valerian is well known in Germany under the name Baldrian. I've used it before. I think Ill stop at the 24 hour drug store on my way to work...

Sally, have a wonderful vacation! I'll miss your humorous/serious postings, but knowing you are having fun family time will make up for that.


Love,

Martha

Barb: don't get sick! Get some medication for your sinus infection. Be well for your lovely weekend. When I get sinus trouble I inhale steam. A little menthol in the water is even better, but chamomile tea works also. Throw a towel over yur head and inhale steaming water from a bowl. Don't put the pot you boiled it in on the table, the pot can burn you. Good luck.

Oh wait until my return stories !!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Hugs
Sally