We just found out that we've had a miscarriage, and it turns out that the baby has been gone for a couple of weeks. We scheduled my wife for a D 'n' C in a couple of days, but she's curious to know what happens if your decide to just 'labour it out'.
Has anyone had any experience with this? Pros or cons for D 'n' C and/or Labour? Presumably we'll still have to have a D 'n' C if Labour doesn't kick in soon... or can you just wait as long as you want?
Any feedback on the emotional aspect of these two options? I would assume that the labour option is pretty drawn out and hard... but maybe there's more closure with it than with the surgery?
Any feedback would be very very welcome. Thanks for your help.
04-04-2005, 11:47 AM
It's a personal decision for everyone. Only you will know what's best for you.
I chose to have a DNC, for my own reasons. I also had a missed miscarriage. The doctor told me that it could be 2 to 4 weeks before my body realized it and started to miscarry. I couldn't handle that. The moment I knew I no longer had a viable fetus, I wanted to end my emotional suffereing and give my body the quickest chance to heal so that we could try again ASAP. I had a DNC the next day. The moment they woke me after the surgery, I bawled like a baby. I had very little pain, felt like I had all the closure I needed. They gave me painkillers that I used only on the first day. I bled off and on for ten days, was back at work and in school two days after the DNC. Two days after the DNC all pregnancy symptons were gone. 28 days after the DNC I got my period.
There are risks associated with a DNC as well, and it costs money. I never want to do it again. But between waiting it out and having a DNC, I thought a DNC looked like the less tramautic option. I wouldn't want to spend four weeks mourning my dead baby and wondering when it would come out.
I've heard horrible stories about natural miscarriages, but my sister-in-law went through one without too much trouble. they opted for it b/c they had no insurance. it took her two weeks to miscarry and she bled for two weeks after but only the first 24 hours were so bad.
Sorry you've had to go through this. I know my husband was my comfort and my strength. He cried as much as I did and missed school and work so he coudl be there with me.
04-04-2005, 11:56 AM
Thanks for the reply. Yeah, it's a crappy deal. I didn't think much about this before it happened, but I never imagined it would be so hard. I can only wonder at what my wife must be going through. She's pretty broken up.
Still, she's having second thoughts about the DnC, which is why i'm asking. We have one planned for a couple days from now, so she's still thinking about it. I think that it would be best to have it done, instead of waiting, but it's totally up to her, so I want to find out as much as I can for her, to help her make the choice she wants.
Thanks again for your feedback... anyone else have any experience?
04-04-2005, 12:13 PM
With my first misscarrage I was alerted to it by bleeding and cramping I chose to let nature take it's course it took a few weeks till I actually went into labor, It did give me time to deal with my grief and say goodbye. With my 2nd one we found out the baby due to the same kidney birth defect was having a slowing of it's heart beat. It was hard to go in every few days to have ultrasounds so we would know when the baby died. In that case I had the baby surgically removed because it could have been a long time till my body realized what happen. I don't know how far along your wife is I was in my 2nd trimester both times.
04-04-2005, 12:28 PM
The further along she is, the harder it is on her body to do it naturally.
Usually if bleeding has already started, the doctor will recommend just to let nature play out its course. the problem, as you have probably heard, is that if she bleeds too much or hemorraghes, she could end up in ER, and if not all of the tissue comes out, she might have to have a DNC anyway
I was 11 weeks.
04-04-2005, 01:10 PM
Yeah... I'm a little worried because she was about 16 weeks along, which seems a little farther than most, so I imagine that a DnC would be the safest bet. She has had one before, and she was bleeding for awhile afterward anyway, but I don't think it was too bad (i wasn't around at that point).
Well, I'll give her a call, and see how it goes. Thanks again for the feedback!
04-04-2005, 01:41 PM
keep us posted and let us know how she is.
04-04-2005, 03:55 PM
I am very sorry for you and your wife. My husband and I had to make the same difficult decision just last week. We also opted for the D&C because I could not handle the emotional waiting for the labor. We were 11 weeks. The doctor had told me I could try it on my own, but that it would be difficult due to the size of the baby. My mother in law is a midwife, and she also advised me to consider the D&C. It was not an easy decision. It is now three days later and the physical pain is not as bad as the emotional pain.
You and your wife need to try to do what you think is best for you personally. There is no right or wrong choice - both choices, to say it bluntly, stink.
My heart goes out to you both.
04-04-2005, 07:25 PM
So sorry to hear of your loss! I just suffered from my 2nd miscarriage in december..I had the option to let it abort on its own or to have a d&c done...I opted to let it abort on its own one day and ended up being rushed to the ER by ambulance the followin morning because I was hemorraghing very badly I was immediately rushed in to the OR to have a D&E done...After all that bleeding I still hadn't passed the baby caz my cervix was still closed. I was 14 weeks so I was right around where your wife is at! I woke up that morning in so much pain just felt like labor and was passing masive blood clots and bleeding heavy so I figured I was passing it and didn't get to concerned until I started passing out then I knew something wasn't right! Since I was so stubborn the day before I put my life in danger! If I would ever go thru another miscarriage and had the option of having a D&C I definitely wouldn't think twice about it! SO to be on the safe side I would go ahead with the D&C! Good Luck!
04-04-2005, 07:53 PM
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. It is a very emotional experience that I don't wish on anyone. I suffered an early miscarriage and luckily didn't have to do anything, it passed completely on its own with very little pain or bleeding. But my cousin had to labor it out for her baby who had died at around 7 months along, but because of genetic problems he was very tiny for his gestational age. It was a very long overwhelming experience because she had to be induced to bring it on and even still it took a long time. And I'm sure there is such an emptiness and heartache pushing through labor knowing that it is under such sad circumstances. The one good thing that came of it is she was able to see and hold her little boy and take pictures, I think that really helped with the grieving process and closure. I'm sure you both will choose the right decision for you both. Again, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Take care. (((HUGS)))
04-07-2005, 10:20 AM
I've had four miscarriages. Three I delivered at home (they were first trimester losses). The third one was I was 17 weeks. They wanted to do a D&E (16 weeks seems quite far along to do a D&C; a D&E requires different medical equipment and is a slightly different procedure). I refused since I wanted to see and hold my baby.
I waited two weeks to go into labor on my own and then requested an induction. I was induced and three hours later delivered my tiny son. I was so grateful to be able to hold and see my baby. We brought him home with us and buried him in the flower bed beneath our bedroom window. It just seemed more respectful than having our baby taken from my womb and having the doctor take care of him.
I had a lot of people tell me to just have the D&E to get it over with (it was agonizing waiting to go into labor) but I knew it wasn't what I had wanted. My baby's soul may have been gone but I spent four months growing that precious little body and I wanted to count his little toes and fingers, see his face and cradle him in my hands.
To me it was worth the wait. He had deteriorated quite a bit but he was my baby. It was even obvious that he looked like my husband :) .
The decision is you and your wife's; make the one you will not regret. I know many who regret not seeing their baby but few who regret holding and seeing them. The OB should be willing to do an induction. So you have more options than the D&E or "wait".
Love and Prayers, Kelly
P.S. It is so difficult. My heart aches for your wife. I'll be praying for you both.
04-07-2005, 11:31 AM
Well, it seems that everything turned out alright after all. Our doctor made some phone calls on Tuesday, and got us squeezed in at the hospital, where they induced labour... which was the ideal solution. We didn't even know it was an option, because they usually only induce if the miscarriage is after 20 weeks.
So, in the end, this was the best option for us. My wife was very distraught at the idea of sucking the baby out in pieces with a D&C. Inducing the labour ended up with her passing out the baby at about 1 in the morning, and everything went pretty well. There was concern that the placenta wouldn't follow, but the doctor managed to dig it out. (yeah, not the prettiest thing in the world, but it avoided having to have the D&C anyway).
And we got to see and hold the baby, which was a surprise for me, but in the end I was glad to have done it. Plus, by labouring it out we discovered that the umbilical cord had been wrapped around the baby's neck 3 times, which is likely the cause of death... this we would not have known, had we had a D&C.
So, thanks for all your feedback, everyone. Aside from the obvious crappiness of the situation, things went well, and I think that we've both got some closure, and are ready to start thinking about the possibility of moving forward.... maybe in a little while.
Peace, Love, and Light,
04-07-2005, 02:17 PM
So glad to hear things went as well as possible all things considered. We felt the same way after the induction; that things just couldn't have gone better.
I also had some complications with the placenta. Doc had to do quite a bit of digging around.
I was induced in November when our baby died and I am now pregant again (about 5weeks 4 days). So there is hope :) .
I hope for the best for both of you!!
Love and Prayers, Kelly
04-07-2005, 02:40 PM
I've had 2 miscarriages. The first one I let happen naturally after I found out we'd lost the fetus at 9 weeks. The 2nd at 10 weeks, I had a D&C. I would definitely recommend the D&C. For some people, including me, the natural way was VERY physically painful and took about 48 hours to be completed. It was the worst thing I've ever been through. I had dealt with the emotional pain okay but it all came rushing back when I was faced with the physical pain again.
The D&C took 10-15 minutes and I was under anesthetic the entire time and it was so much easier to cope with both mentally and physically.
07-07-2005, 06:24 PM
I chose to let nature take its course and have it expel from my body on its own. I didnt realize HOW MUCH PAIN it would cause. I literally went into labor and had contractions every four minutes that lasted a minute long. I was scared and hurting. It started at like 3:30 pm and didnt end till 8:45pm. I was drained. I am now afraid to get pregnant again with the fear of feeling those horrible contractions like that again. I am hoping to find someone to tell me that the contractions you have with a live birth is not as painful as a miscarriage contraction. Does anyone have the answer to this.
04-27-2006, 10:17 PM
I am a mother of three girls. I had an epideral with the first two labors and with the third things progressed too fast for drugs. I can honestly tell you that yes it does hurt but the minute you see that baby the pain is gone. I recently had a miscarriage myself and hope that I am lucky enough to have one more try at a baby. If you have any questions or want to talk get a hold of me.
05-24-2006, 05:33 AM
I guess you could call it a Missed Miscarriage for me also. I went in with my first pregnancy at 12 weeks for my reg checkup and to finally hear the heartbeat, they couldn't find one with the doppler handheld device. They took me to Ultrasound and there was no blood going through the baby at all. No sign of heartbeat. They measured the baby and it only was as big as a 9 week fetus is. So my baby died when I was 9 weeks along. My body didn't reject it, no abnormal sign of cramping or bleeding. They asked me what I wanted to do. I waited a week to see if I'd miscarry and still didn't and I had to have a D&C and that was the hardest thing I ever had to go through.
I don't think I could have labored it though, but talk to your wife or s/o and see what she wants too do.
05-24-2006, 08:51 PM
I went through induced labor in January. I was 15 weeks 2 days at the time.
They gave me cytotec and I strongly recommend not to use it if it's offered. It's not meant to bring on labor, though it's used to do so. There's an FDA black box warning with it.
That being said, I'm glad that I did go through labor. I was in the antepartum section of the maternity floor at the end of the hall. There was a picture on the door to let others know why I was there. I only heard a baby crying once.
I am glad that I went that route. I was able to talk to a hospital grief counselor. That made a huge difference to me. It also validated to me somewhat that I was pregnant. I did deliver a baby.
I did end up with a D&E afterwards. The placenta wasn't delivered. I believe it was because of the complications I was having with the cytotec, which is a long story.
I'm truly sorry for your loss.
06-05-2006, 03:28 AM
i've been through a missed miscarraige. Found out that my baby died when I had 11 weeks. that was last january. had no signs of any blood and pregnancy just kept on going....i kept on growing etc etc.
was admitted to hospital on friday the 13th of january so doc could help me miscarraige as i couldnt wait for it to happen on its own due to the chance of having an internal infection or trombosi.
so doc gave me three pills right into my vagina and after a an hour or so i started bleeding (they made me miscarriage)...was bleeding and in pain as if giving birth for 6 hours then they took me for an ERPC to remove everything and test all they removed.
was a bit in pain two days after coz i was getting blood cloths...but then was ok for the rest of the bleeding days.
had my period for almost 20 days but then all was back to normal and the two periods after got back to their normal routine of 28 day cycle etc.
got pregnant again and since last fri i had 6 weeks but things turned out bad once more :-(
this time i dont really know what's going on!!