Hi Everyone- This is my first time on this website. I am a 20 year old College student attending the college of the Holy Cross in Worcester MA. I am writing a post on this page in the hope that maybe I can talk to some of you who are dealing with the same feelings and emotions I am dealing with. Also I would love to talk to a doctor who maybe could help me understand everything related to this. My Grandfather, who is 69 years old was diagnosed two years ago with cancer of the esophagus. The tumor, the size of a baseball, was removed two years ago. Following the removal of the tumor, he was given extensive Chemo and radiation as what we were told as a preventative measure just in case any had spread. After a scan over the summer, a couple spots were discovered on his liver. He was then treated wtih even stronger Chemo. That Chemo did nothing and the "spots" and my grandmother calls them continue to grow. The Doctor told my father when he called that they were in a spot on the liver that could not be operated on. So he was given even more high dose chemo now. However he developed gallstones, and needed a shunt, plus he has supposidly lost ability to concentrate and energy. I am not allowed to see him that much and my grandmother doesn't tell me too much to upset me. From what I have heard it is very bad, and he will mostly likely die from this. Has anyone else dealt wtih this, and can you tell me how much longer you think he has to live? I come from a very strong Italian family in NYC, and for many years my grandfather has been the rock of our family. He is everything to me. I hate the idea of losing him. As much as it hurts me, I know it is killing my grandmother who is only 60 a 100 times more. I hate cancer more than anything. I hate how it does this to you so slowly, so your family has to watch and feel helpless. Someone who is a friend of my grandfather says he feels he has had a great life, cause he has a great family. That makes me so sad. I am a pre-med student, and my first year in college has been so hard cause every minute of the day I think about his health, and losing him. My mom keeps saying don't give up cause he hasn't yet, but from what i hear from doctors and close family friends who talk to my grandmother, it seems very bad. I am going to see him on easter when I go back home to NYC. I don't know what to say to him or how to act. I don't want to feel like every time I see him I am saying goodbye. I have heard my grandmother is going to try to take care of him on her own but I know she will reach a point where she can not do it. That is what a friend of hers told me today. Does that mean that she is going to keep him comfortable while he dies? I can not wait to meet God and ask him why he did things this way. I really appreciate anyone who took the time to read this post. Thank you so much. Could you please respond to me via e-mail. AspenCo888@aol.com, and you can im me too. I would love to talk to people about this. It is really killing me inside. Thank you so much. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. -Rob


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Aspenco, I just wanted to express my sympathy for you in trying to deal with this illness of your grandfathers. It is a serious condition, and one that is likely not to improve immediately. You can certainly hope for a remission, and that may not be impossible if he reacts favorably to his latest treatments.You are blessed to have had such a close and loving family, and I feel your desperation in how to deal with this. Just take a day at a time, let the family know your concern for his future. Be strong in your faith, and always remember we are all in God's hands. Go to your minister, and he will give you comfort. God bless you and your family. Betty D.

Thank you so much for responding. Your words are comforting to me. I don't know if there if there is any hope of him getting any better. It does make me question God a lot. I get often angry and upset with God, thinking how could he do things this way, and is he really caring and loving? I guess that is what the pain does. It makes me question things. I really do not like cancer at all. I hate it. I often lay awake at night thinking of the end for him, what it will eb like, what is going to happen. That keeps me up crying for hours. I just love him so much, I don't wnat him to die.

Hello Rob: Your love for your grandfather is very admirable. I am not a religious fanatic, but it concerns me that you think of God as being cruel as a result of your Nono's condition. I lost my mom to cancer 5 years ago and when I saw how much pain she was in I prayed that God would take her and to end her suffering. It is so easy to blame God for our own suffering - easy to say "how could there be a God who would let his children suffer?" When my mom died, the minister said something that stuck with me and helped me through my grieving. He said that we often ask ourselves "Why? Why did someone so good have to die?" We see death as a bad thing. He said only God can see the dangers and perils that lie ahead for his children. If that road ahead is too much for that person to bear, he will take them into his care where they will be protected from harm. I pray that you do not lose faith in God - trust in him. Pray for your grandfather and for your grandmother too. Ask God to give you and your family the strength to cope with this difficult time in your life.

Take whatever time you have left with your grandfather to talk to him - he may be wanting to talk to someone, but might be afraid of dying - you sound like you might just be that person. It will not be easy, there will probably be tears shed by both of you - it's all a part of the grieving process. Most of all, tell him how much you love and respect him - tell him that you will miss him when he's gone and that you will never forget him. I told my mom that before she died and got the biggest smile I have ever seen.

Take care and may God comfort you.

Hi Rob--it must be really hard for you to hear about your Grandfather and not be able to see him as much as you want.. If you can't see him, why not call? Sometimes the unknown is so much worse than what really is. Don't give up, there is always hope! I have a friend who is going through her 2nd bout of cancer, only this time it metastisized to her bones, her brain, her lungs, etc.. meaning everywhere. Can you believe that was almost 4 years ago and she is still alive and with us? They are treating her cancer continuously, but she is still here and still fighting and still hoping... When you see your Grandfather at Easter, laugh with him, tell him about your life then ask him if there is anything you can do for him.. If he wants to talk about the cancer, let him. If he doesn't then let it slide. Just be there, he must be so very proud of you! I know this may make no sense to you, but when my Mom developed cancer, I felt much the same as you... I was very mad at God... now that I look back on it, it was a blessing in disguise... We all had time to talk with her, to listen to her, to get over old hurts and repair old wounds.. We rediscovered each other and the rest of the family.. We valued each other and respected each other, and we still do. It gave us a chance to say all the things left to say and to say goodbye. Our whole family was bonded forever in a way that is so hard to describe, but in a way that lasts forever. Many have no chance of saying goodbye when their loved ones are suddenly taken from them and it seems to haunt them their whole lives. For such a horrible time, please take the opportunity presented to you... you will never regret it.. God bless you and your family.. remember, there is always hope....