Hi, all! I'm new here, and i think these boards are great! I bring myself to this board not because of my own anger problem, but because my mother has one. Ever since i was a kid, she's had a problem with rage and angry outbursts, over all things big and small, significant and trivial. If I couldn't do something the right way, or did something that bugged her, or had trouble with my homework, or if the house was a mess, or a drink would spill, she wouldn't be merely annoyed--she'd explode. She'd yell and swear a blue streak, her face would contort, she'd throw and break things and generally throw a tantrum. She'd always tell her that one day she's gonna get so mad she'll have a stroke and die, that if i make her mad, i know her blood pressure's already high, and so on and so forth. But I cannot control her emotions for her and can never predict when she'll explode next. i know she makes herself angry and upset, even over dumb things. It's too the point that every situation could result in an outburst from her, and i feel like i need to walk on eggshells to avoid any slight little trigger.

We had a little heart-to-heart last night, as most parents and their adult kids do. i love my mom very much and we've been otherwise extremely close. She admitted that she hates it when she flies off the handle, hates herself for it, but has no idea how she can change it. She knows about it, but continues to act in the same way--I'd do something she percieves as irritating, and the sarcasm, insults, and accusations go flying my way. I cannot take her rage much longer. I know her father had a temper that was nearly impossible to match, and her mother was given to fits of hysterics, so this is how she has learned to cope--that if you're sad, tired, annoyed, or whatever--lashing out in anger is the only mode of expression.

I'm trying to help her and she's trying to find constructive outlets for her emotions, but we're stumped. Any ideas besides therapy?

As for my anger, the problem with me is i cannot express it. Not even when someone hutrs or upsets me, I simply cannot confront them. I feel angry, but somewhere along the line, it gets stuck inside and I end up making myself physically ill.

So here we are, two extremes--what can we do?

Let me just add that there is no history of physicall or sexual abuse, or drug/alcohol problems in our household, but many hardships with job problems, illness, etc. has exacerbated the anger problems.

:confused: :confused:

Wow. I see your problem. My mother has the same problem, because her mother was that way. Unloving and uncaring and i find that when i get mad i try to go away and not say anything and it has caused problems...wow this isnt helping you.

Well with my mother I find that watching my words and being careful how i phrase things helps.

They say just because you dont go off doesnt mean u cant express your anger. maybe u are just the type that can quiet tell the person how u feel. its just a thought. Dont go off, but try little by little to calmly express if you are feeling upset. It may help a little bit.
When feeling so upset that you feel ill, my ex-therapist suggest writing or a relaxing bath or just doing something that you like. It does help, as well as exercise like running to clear the mind.

just a thought. it may not help much..but maybe.

Sometimes people can get a lot of "therapy" from taking an anger management class. It sounds like your mom is in a vicious cycle of getting angry and not knowing how to deal with it effectively. Pills help for awhile---but they don't break the cycle. Anger management classes are much better in my opinion than just therapy or pills. I hope you check out the anger classes---they often have them for men and women---'cause men "act out" in order to control, women tend to "act out" due to frustration.