I had my mother living w/me most of my life, the last time for 2yrs when she broke her hip. It was hard since we were so different & we were like prisoners not being able to go anywhere for 2yrs. I put her in an *** 't living using her SS ck & 100. from me & 100. from my brother. The problem now is it's harder on me worrying about getting over there or taking her out which isn't that close. She's also on meds & has improved abit as far as her mouth. She isn't happy & has to share a room & does next to nothing but watch TV & sit outside. I feel kind of bad & also feel it would almost be easier to have her here. The only problem is to find someone to come in if I want to go out or somewhere to bring her if we want to get away. Has anyone figured out this yet?

Sorry to hear about your situation. You didn't state how old your mother is. Is she ambulatory? How did you feel when she lived with you, other than what you have stated?
Our county has home health care, I think that's funded by medicaid. My aunt and grandmother both had sitters that came for a 6 to 8 hr. shift, during the day, and it was free to them.
It's one of the most heart breaking situation a loved one has. The parents sometimes will lay a guilt trip on you. I have dealt with this many times.I cared for my dad, we were very close, but he died in 2 months, just wished I could have done more.My grandmother lived for several years, and she stayed at home with the help of the sitter, and family members.We finally put her in a home, when she had to have round the clock care.
You have to consider what this would do to you, if you bring her home. You can wear yourself down, and still end up putting her in a home. You've got to think of your health.
Have you tried finding live in help? Most of the time you can offer a person room and board, and get that extra help you need, at a affordable cost.
Do you have other family members living with you?
When she lived with you, and then you put her in a home, did you have a sense of relief? Please think of all this, and please, please, don't feel quilty, and whatever you decide, please accept it,as the best for you.
Good Luck
Sky

Thank you so much for answering. She will be 89 in June, walks w/a walker & really isn't too bad. They put her on zoloft because she was thinking some things happened that didn't like her dr molesting her. I am going very slow w/this since I have other problems like raising my grandson who has chronic lyme disease & a husband w/a very bad back. I have no help at all & money is very tight. My brother & sister in law have good money & a great life but he will only send 100.a month to her care & has never helped. I always had a hard time w/her because she tries to control me & yes guilt trips. When I had her here I tried to get help, got it w/showers but it was hard to get someone to stay w/her, had to give notice & then only for a couple of hours. My house isn't big enough for live in help. I don't know I'm going to have to go very slow on this one, since it's always me that pays for my decisions.

Have you talked with a minister? Sounds like you already have a full plate with your grandson and husband(sorry to hear that).
Please find some way to deal with your feelings of guilt, you have done far more than most.If you beleive in God, talk to him, I know that gives me peace of mine. I have been a caregiver most all of my life, worked as a CNA for 30 years,plus taking care of my dad, grandparents & aunts. I am now disabled, at the old ripe age of 54, (bad Back). My children aren't much help, so it's up to my husband.
If you can find peace within yourself, and stop this guilt trip, and just say, I have done all I can do, and Jesue, I put my mother in your loving arms, please take care of her. Go visit, and let her know you love her,be firm in your decision, and stand by it.
Good luck
Sky

I wanted to add this. Ask yourself these questions. Do I deserve to be happy? Have I done more than my fair share? Does my husband deserve a full time wife? Would my grandson enjoy going out, or just me having more time to spend with him? Just a few things to ponder over.
Sky

Thank you & you're right, I have been praying about it, I don't know why I have always had to be the caretaker but I'm tired now. My kids are no help either, most of the time I'm the only one who goes over to see my Mother. I just told my daughter & she went the other day. It's always been on my shoulders, she complains to me about having to share a room now but won't even mention it to my brother. If I say did you tell them when they call she gets mad. I just turned 61 & think I'm due some peace of mind for my remaining time, thats the feeling i"m getting lately.

Red Joy,
I too have always ended up the Care Giver in the family, and some family members that did nothing. Some of them had the finances to contributes to my Mother needs. My mom lived with us(husband, teen daughter, and son, till he grad. in 99'. Last Oct. we moved her out. She didn't like it either. It needed to be done though.
There attitude goes down hill with age. And I still had my teen daughter to raise.
It gets better for both of you,eventually. (If it doesn't get better for her, than that's her own fault really, and you have no control over that.
Be true to yourself, ;you can't give what you don't have. If you have yourself first, then you are truly giving.
Try to STAND FIRM IN YOUR NEW CONVITION She will continue to act this way until she knows FOR SURE and that there is no WAY she can live with you this time. Maybe she'll get the picture, that her attitude stinks. She does not have your best interest at heart when she does this you know. She being a pain and getting away with it too. If you show her that your not going to stand for it. Like not staying long if she's not in a mood to be decent.
Get up and just leave a couple times.
she'll be alot more grateful when you do show up, don't you think?
If she gives you the guilt trip act, and it starts to bother you after you leave~~~~~just go one your own trip in your mind....think of things your really like in life and how to be grateful for blessings.
This is the choice between you staying healthy and have no quality of live with your first priority family. Is she being taken care of
properly do you think or is she telling you stories about how she's treated their.
This post is a little old so maybe she's already back at your place, if she talked you into letting her move back in. I hope you don't let her....I think she'd play you
like a fiddle if you let her.
Take the best of care.
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gifDiana http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif
PS: I know how you felt like a prisoner in your own home.