Grandma is 85 and we are trying to take care of her while she lives independently at home. She can still get around pretty good, cooks, cleans, laundry etc. Still goes to church w/friends and walks to shopping. She is recently widowed, never worked outside the home and is very naive about money. She forgets how much she has, and gets confused and forgets conversations we had. We are handling her important mail regarding her bank statements, insurance statements, etc, but she lives for junk mail! I realize her days are probably pretty lonely but even grandpa, when he was alive, loved to open the mail! She takes sweepstakes as the gospel, and thinks she is on a first name basis with ministeries thru the mail. We try to weed through the junk and explain that they get her name from mailing lists that are shared. We are trying to protect her assets for future use for nursing care, etc. but she has a family member that keeps asking for money and lying to her for the reason it is needed. My husband has POA, and only has her best interest at heart. She promised grandpa to take care of her and he will. In fact, he took a leave of absence from work to be with him in his last 3 weeks of life to keep him at home until he died. She wants to remain at home, but it is hard to monitor everything as we both work and have 2 children at home. Any advice? We're searching for an attorney to help us do the best we can with her finances to protect them, but don't want her to think we think she is "incompetent". Thanks
Sandy

I had the same problem, with my grandma, she lived at home until she was 91, and then went to a nursing home.
We told her, for legal reasons, we needed to keep tract of how her money was spent. Her mail came to us, and we paid the bills, and gave her spending money. Each month we took the bank statements, and went over them with her. This helped protect us from people saying we had used her money. We had a record of all the expenses, in case someone wanted to see them. All our family and friends, would each send her a little card every week, some would say from your secret pal, and she loved it.
Good luck
Sky

Sky,
thanks for the reply. It sounds like you did a wonderful thing for your grandma! However, I don't think would let us take over for her like that. She still "thinks" she can manage things. Just today, we went over to talk over some things, and discovered she had 3 bank books for the same account! We took the book that has the most money in it (our take-care-of-grandma-in-case-it's-needed) account. My husband is so good with her. I, on the other hand, am getting really stressed. I'm the one who gets the phone calls from her complaining we are not over there everyday doing something at her home. Since she lost grandpa, she almost obsessed with remodeling her home. She says she wants to enjoy it before she dies. The only thing is, it's not fast enough for her. We both work full-time and have 2 children. She calls so early in the morning she wakes us up, or calls for something silly. I am usually VERY patient with her and love her very much, but it's really getting to me that shes "hogging" every little bit of spare time (spare time? what's that?) we have. I know she's lonely and is in mourning over grandpa still, but the added responsibility is overwhelming. She's such a social butterfly that we have considered assisted living facility where she can make friends, and have lots to do. But I don't think she will ever leave her home. She's mentioned it, but that's as far as it goes. Well, thanks for listening. I didn't have grandparents, and don't have a clue about the stress of caring for the elderly. I decided to check out some websites for caregivers, just to get an insight of the experiences of others and get some support. Thanks again.
Sandy

Hey, I know your post was several weeks ago, but i am new and I wanted to share with you something. I work in a personal care home. We take care of elderly people similar to a nursing home, but it is on a personal level. Anyway, families involved with the parent make such difference and we see all kinds, fromt he ones who take advangtage to the doting families. Make her fill apart of what is going on. As far as the individual asking from money from grandma, your husband who has POA needs to speak with her directly. And let her know if she is in financial need and it is something "legit" that grandma would want to help her with to come to him. She may not remember from one conversation to the next, but each conversation to her is important whether you see it or not. I am so glad that there are families who care so much for their loved ones. It is heart breaking to see those who don't..
Deppy

Hello:

Well, being a CNA and having a family full of nurses and such made things easier for our family to tend to my "Maw Maw" as we called her.I'd advise that you contact her local M.D. it's possible that she may have alzeheimers or dementia and that's why she frequently forgets things. For example if she suffers from anxiety or forgetfulness seems to worsten in the evening hours...this is called "sun-down". There are many medicines that can help to keep her peaceful and maintain her memory. As far as financial wise your family needs to find an attorney and/or file a power of attorney along with a living will (trust me that's important). And try and remember that perhaps it's possible that the reason why she loves the junk mail is because it links her to the past with her husband. Just because she's aged and is forgetful doesn't mean she isn't a woman who desires a special companionship and excitement/ activity in her life. Try getting her more involed and occupy her time more making her feel important. God bless you and your family in this difficult endeavor.

Dawn