My Mom is 90 & failing fast, about a year ago a dr sd to ck out nursing homes since it wouldn't be long she has dementia. I did & thought I had her in a nice one but they interviewed her & sd no. She is very convincing when she wants to be. She has failed alot since then & has been in an ass'd living but I know they won't keep her there long & she keeps saying she can't remember & is in pain & wants to go to the hospital. I took care of her for yrs, just me & meanwhile had to put her there since I'm also raising my grandson who has a chronic illness & I can't keep up. My question is is there anyway I can get an advocate to help me with all this. Most Dr's don't care it's just a money making thing to them tests tests & more ordering things like paps smear etc. I really don't know what to do, they called me at 1:30 the other morning saying she wanted to go to the hospital! Any ideas would be appreciated.

Sorry to hear of your mother's failing health. Considering she is 90 and her health is getting worse. I would check out Hopice or home health care. If she can qualify, medicare pays 100%. If she has private insurance, it will usually help pay for it. With the combo of medicare and private insuance she would pay nothing. I don't know if you have ever heard of hopice but it may really help out. I worked for Hopice for a while and loved it. They will help take care of her until she passes. It is something to only look if she is not treating any of her problems. Hospice has a great pain managment team and will not let her be in any pain. Home health is a company that comes out and helps take care of her at home. Check it out. here is an example of hospice in our area.
Hope this helps a little. good luck and let us know what happens. http://www.hospice4utah.com/ http://www.cnsvna.org/home.htm

Thanks for the advice but she is not at home, I did have her for yrs but have to go so many places with the boy & probably out of state. She doesn't have private ins or money & I can't help I spend so much on the boy. I called a place today that has a good name, of course it's not going to be easy & I have to do alot, they will send someone to evaluate her which could be a problem, I don't know exactly how bad they have to be. Actually it's not the home doing the eval it's for her to get help to pay the 5,000. a month. I don't know what I will do if they turn her down.

We had Hospice with my m-i-l and when she stabilized they pulled out since Medicare will only pay for 6 months total for life of Hospice. They told me to save the other 3 months for later. My m-i-l lived 4 years longer.

Does your mother qualify for Medicaid? If so, she should qualify for a nursing home that takes Medicaid patients. However, most nursing homes only take a certain number.

I know what you mean about your mother acting the way she does when being evaluated for a place. My m-i-l dressed tacky, acted dumb, etc. when we took her to see an independent living facility. The manager quetioned her ability to care for herself at all. I told them that she was putting on an act because she did not want to move to a place. Sure enough, after she was there she perked up and really liked it but she would always claim it was "Posh Jail".

Well I have to get a dr to sign that she needs a nursing home so I called the one who treated her for dementia, waiting to talk to him now. I still have a feeling befor medicaid will pay you almost have to be dead! Somethings gotta happen I'm loosing it, didn't sleep last night & went to work this morning (have a small P/T job 2hrs 4 days a week) I got it for my sanity & also help pay bills for my grandson who's sick that I'm raising. I went in & the manager sd I made a mistake & sd I have to focus & if I need time off. One other time yrs ago I was let go someplace they sd I had too many problems. I resent the fact that she is doing this to me so many yrs while my brother lives a wonderful life plenty of everything & she won't even tell him when she goes to the hospital doesn't want to worry him! Sorry for venting!

Well I have to get a dr to sign that she needs a nursing home so I called the one who treated her for dementia, waiting to talk to him now. I still have a feeling befor medicaid will pay you almost have to be dead! Somethings gotta happen I'm loosing it, didn't sleep last night & went to work this morning (have a small P/T job 2hrs 4 days a week) I got it for my sanity & also help pay bills for my grandson who's sick that I'm raising. I went in & the manager sd I made a mistake & sd I have to focus & if I need time off. One other time yrs ago I was let go someplace they sd I had too many problems. I resent the fact that she is doing this to me so many yrs while my brother lives a wonderful life plenty of everything & she won't even tell him when she goes to the hospital doesn't want to worry him! Sorry for venting!

to redjoy. I know what u are going thru been there I had full time job and my own health problems not to mention my otr family obligations my mom has alzheimers and only medicare. no income either. I cld health dept for my county and they had 2 wonderful programs for the indigent w/great people and nurses to help me. 1 co. came 2wice a wk other came 3 times a wk. they helped around the house took good care of mom and just sat to talk to her some days and spent quality time w/her. and sometimes started dinner b4 i got home which ws a big help. I also have 2 sorry excuse for bros. and they didnt help me at all. when it came clear i cld no longer care for her i found a very good facility very close to home so i can see her and tt her any time. when she started to wander this place is the only place in my area that had wanderguard. So they had to place the guard bracelet on her wrist then her ankle. she did try to cut it off 1 time and i had to take away her sewing scissors. but she is doing very well there. I have been blessed and I hope things will go better for you. check w/your local county/city govt social services they may be able to help or at the least direct you. good luck and please let me know how u are doing.

also redjoy I forgot to mention that b4 mom went to nursing home there was a waiting list but not long and they really went out of their way to help out. good luck

Thanks for the advice, I know what you mean about brothers, he has been no help to me whatever. I am also raising my grandson who has a chronic illness & had my mom with me for so many yrs taking care of her after every operation. They (brother & wife) took her for awhile up north while we were trying to sell the house, she broke her ankle & was brought back to me in a wheelchair & she sd sorry but as your mother says it's up to the daughter! I got so mad today I wrote an email & told him off, they wrote back & sd they will find a place for her where they live, it's far away in another state so we'll see. I do need a break I'm really tired so I know how you feel. Thanks for sharing! You can tell I'm nuts my post went on here 2x's!

to redjoy I understand believe me. my sis at 1 time was to keep mom for 6 mths for me so i cld recover from 1 of my many surgeries. and she is out of state and guess what she only had her 1 mth. my bros live nearby and have only seen her 1 time in 2 yrs. there are support groups as well. I didnt take up the time (which i didnt have time to attend support group) but my moms doc which ws my md also ws very good. he really listened to my mom and I when she ws first diagnosed she didnt believe him @ first and fought me tooth and nail on any and every subject when I had to take her car keys away from her she didnt talk to me for about 2 wks. that really hurt but she has since forgiven me but she has actually forgotten about it. thank goodness. keep me posted I wish u well.