Hello all , I havent been here in along while , the last time i was here i was a caregiver to my father that had dementia and i didnt want him in a nursing home so i moved my husband and 3 kids in with my parents at the request of my mother , i took care of him for 3 years until he passed away in Jan 2003 , i was very messed up emotionally over loosing my father he was a preacher my whole life and was a good man and father , it devistated me and now here i sit 2 years later hes gone and i didnt deal with it at the time ive also gotten divorced 1 year after he dies which i feel so ashamed because i was with my husband for 15 years and we had our moments but a good marrieage for the most part but when he was dying so was i and everyone said id lose it when dad died and i had to prove them all wrong and be tough and not deal with it when i should have , my life has changed so much it is scaring me , i have decided to go to the doctor on monday and get an anti depressent cause i realize i cant do this anymore , somethings gotta give , i know take care of my mother she is 75 and im scared that i might not make it through everything i did before , it seriously about destroyed me and no one understood , the last 6 months of his life i went no where because he needed me he was bed ridden and on morphine i got to a point where i was afraid to leave after he died and my ex husband didnt understand he said i was pathetic cause i was afraid to go to our daughters parent teacher review , that crushed me even more , i went from a strong woman handeling my life my families lives , my friends i helped everyone and now i feel weak and scared and i just want to get back to feeling normal again and i dont know if that will ever happen i know i have no chance if i dont go to the doctor so i am im hoping for a miracle , and i pray i luck out and the first pill she puts me on will work ,well i guess im gonna get off here because i feel like im rambeling , so heres my first post lets see how it works i guess , take care to all Lori Lynn

Thank you so much for sharing your post. Wow, you have gone through so much and in such a short time. What happens when we care for everyone else except ourselves--we struggle being able to get out of bed and function. You are making an excellent choice by seeing the doctor on monday! You are making an excellent choice. Thats so important that you start taking care of "You," and this will help. After several years of depression, and many many life experiences, I know that being on antidepressants has proven helpful time and time again. You can get your life back. Please be gentle with your self and be patient. You need one day at a time, and even one moment at a time. You are doing the right thing by seeing your doctor. I cant emphasize how much strength that takes. These health boards have been a God send, come back often and share your thoughts. This is a good support system, and so many people here honestly care. After reading your post, I was inspired by your words and so amazed at your inner strength. You are in my prayers and in my thoughts. Good luck, and God bless you for all you have done for your family.
Woodfaery

Thank u for your words , i truely do appreciate them ,, i agree the doctor is the way to go ive tried for along time to get my mind together and ive known that i needed medication but i always came up with an excuse of why i didnt need to get on any , but i know i have no other option it is needed and im actually excited about finally doing it , i remember my whole life i was fun and bubbly , lots of people said do u ever get mad because i was a happy person and i am gonna get there again ,, today was a better day than yeserday , and tomorrow will be better than today lets hope anyways , i know i go back and forth more than i can count and sometimes i irritate myself with it LOL , well gonna go for now , take care all , and thanks again for ur words i feel hope , and a light at the end of my tunnel !! Thanks again :)