I can't let it out in words, so calling a crisis line was useless mostly on my part. I just start sobbing again. I feel like I've reached complete rock bottom all over again and again. Today was breaking point...I'm really beating myself up over having left college in September (I totally couldn't stand it though) I now wish I had at least made the effort to transfer out and go somewhere else rather than attempting to live with my boyfriend at the time which totally fell apart after I realized he was verbally abusing me and attempting to control me (he played a load of mindgames with me). I wound up just coming back to my parents house which was even worse than my boyfriend, and have been here for the past 5 months just attempting to come to some conclusion about what I want out of life and for a career and nothing has been coming to me. I just know I don't want to live at my parents for much longer, and I am tired of getting stuck in crappy jobs and being rejected by ones I would be able to tolerate and would be good pay. I finally found a temp job 2 weeks ago but it only lasted for those 2 weeks and it totally sucked. However I was getting paid 8.50/hr for it! Now I just accepted a job that is WAY under my skill level (kitchen aide I mean come on...I was editing tv listings 10 months ago!) and paying me only 7.25/hr which I haven't been paid that low since 2 1/2 years ago or more. I just feel like I am way overqualified and underpaid already and like I shouldn't even go tomorrow, and I have been sitting here crying for 2 hours. I just feel like the worl'ds biggest loser, it's like I hate every job I have had, to the point where I find them extremely intolerable but I really think I shouldn't even be working at this one it's way below me if you ask me. I think part of me says I won't ever find another job, or one that'll ever pay me what I could use for living in an apartment, or not mess around giving me a different schedule every single week (their schedule changes almost daily and it's a full time job!). I am scared of never being able to support myself financially or getting stuck in some hell-hole job even though I have a 2 year degree and I'm really smart. I am so mad that I came back here I feel like I've totally messed up. I refuse to admit that to anyone who knows me which makes me feel even worse. Not that I have too many to tell it to because most of my friends are gone, that's been another issue. I have almost no social life. I had a chance at college and I blew that by leaving and always being with my boyfriend, I come back here and everyone my age is not in this area apparently and I can't relate to anyone.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I really definitely don't want to work at that place, I'd rather just not even go in. It makes me feel like world's biggest loser even thinking that I have that job. To me a kitchen aide is for someone who is still in high school or never went to college or is IN college.

Hello, I read your story and it brought back some memories for me. First... be thankful you have a job!!!! There is no shame in what you do..some people would take $5 to pick up dog crap to put food on the table. So no matter what you do , as long as you put your heart into it be proud!!! Another thing, every problem any of us experience has already been experienced by someone at some point in time...and it has been survived!!! Make a plan for yourself, picture your life a year from now, 5 years from now and add some positive aspects to it. This is coming from a 34 year old woman who due to a previous 10 year verbally and physically abusive relationship was forbidden from even attempting to get a higher education. This same woman was homeless at the age of 17 due to an abusive home life. I decided there was no way I was going to lay back and die ( although I had days where I wished that would happen ). So, I found a job, slept in a park, showered in gas stations and after about 7-8 months got my first apartment. The park was in better shape and had less bugs lol but the apartment kept the rain off. Here I am today working for a major corporation , getting ready to go after the much longed for college degree and standing taller and stronger for the things I have experienced in life. But that is not to say that life doesn't take its swings at me!! I do hope that you can find something in your life to provide you peace and motivation.. God is a great listener. But remember ..God answers every prayer...but sometimes the answer is no. And by the way... even those who now make high salaries...probably started making $7.25 an hour ;)

God Bless
Rickswife

OMG I am thinking positive... the meds must be working!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. ( just a little humor there )

That job still proves my point that I am a worthless loser who doesn't even deserve 8/hr like I have been getting for almost 3 years before I went back to school. Apparently since I left a 4 year college I am not worth 8/hr or a job that doesn't consist of a uniform and being a kitchen aide which pretty much resembles a McDs worker. Maybe I should leave and LET one of those people who'd take $5 to pick up dog crap have it because yes there is definitely shame in this job with a 2 year degree and having worked much better jobs than this until now.

Hey nothing wrong with working somethings that at the time may be below what you are qualified for. Having A JOB means somthing. I knew a guy that was pissed because he didnt have a job. Many people dont try, and since you are that means alot. I admire you for finding a job when you were in the dumps. Dont worry something will come up and like Rickswife says, you will look back and say "man i went through that and im still standing"
If you didnt have a job, you might be feeling worse because no moolah (did i just use that word). So i suggest to try even if the job sucks and keep looking for a better one in the mean time, because you will find that job you are looking for. Best of luck.

Hey I would look on the positive, at least you can get a job and stay at it, I'm in my last year at uni which is a continuing struggle I can tell you, I can't imagine working 9-5 at the moment as most days I can't get out of bed and when I do I just feel down, when I venture out the house I get panicky, if I could do a job I'd be one of the happiest people around. I am sure when I graduate I'll do something 'below' my qualification for a while.