I read this board several times a week and I have a response for everyone, however, I don't write back. Most of the time I am overwelmed with my own experience with my mother. All the pleads for help, I can relate too. All the different behaviors are the same, different but none-the-less the same. They equate to an emormous responsibility to the caretakers. A metal should go out to each and everyone of you. The burden is tremendous, the sorrow overwelming.

I have been a primary caretaker for my mother for the last 1 1/2 years. I have watched almost all of her abilities be removed. I wrote a poem today on behalf of my mother that I would like to share with you tonight. To me it represents everyone that my mother has come in contact with that has no idea what she has been going through, and no desire to understand. Sometimes, as caretakers, our world is lonely because we are outcasted as much as they are. You should all take a moment and realize you have taken on a tremendous job and you are all hero's. God bless you all!

IN HONOR OF LIFE

I know not where I am or where I live,
But I know more than you think.
Not the last moment,
or the moment after.

I live in a world of constant changes.
I must adjust and adapt constantly.
The world moves forward and backwards at all times.
I am happier and content in the past.
I understand nothing of the future.
It does not exsist,
much like myself.
I was.
I am, but I am not to be.

Please be patient with me,
for I am still here.
I gentle touch.
A soft word.
A moment of your time.
For as long as I am.
I exsist.

The lord is my shepard and he will carry me through these final days,
as so shall he in your final moments.
I still carry love in my heart and hope for what awaits me when I will again be whole.

My Mother! My Life!


Give yourself a pat on the back. You all have earned it.

Goodnight!

That is beautiful Cindy ..... truly beautiful.

Thankyou for sharing

Sally

Thank you for that beautiful poem. It brought tears to my eyes.

Barb

Cindy, I write this with tears streaming down my face. Thanks.

Love,
Martha

Cindy, oh geez could not believe, I have just spent an hour hugging and loving my husband, cuddling with him, even tho it is only early morning, he is having a bad day--I asked him are you sick, is your tummy upset--no---he said he just felt like his mind was just so screwed up--he did not know what is up or down--I am writing this with tears streaming down my face.

Anyway, I finally got him settled down and came on line and found your poem---I love it--especially the line--"a gentle touch--a soft word" that is exactly what we just did, and it soooo works for us.

Thank you for your poem, I know what I feel, but cannot put into words, you did it for me today---thank you thank you.

Hugs, Linda

[SIZE=3]thank you cindy, for your beautiful poem. i so agree...it's these tender moments that we need to remember. in spite of all the thousands of other things we do, it's the hugs and understanding the struggle that counts the most. i agree, we're all angels for provinding both care and love :angel:
lately i've been frustrated with my stepfather for not being more affectionate with mom. when i told him yesterday "you need to hug her more" he actually said "i don't see why i should have to do that". :eek: after i picked myself back up i told him if he couldn't do that for her, he needed to move out to my place and i'd move in to take care of her. thank goodness for daughters....

Hello everyone. I just want to thank everyone for thier response. It touched my heart to know that somehow, I had touched yours.

I hope everyone is doing well

Thanks again.

Love,
Cindy

Today the diagnosis was made that my mother, 63 years old, has AD. I am only 35. I feel like my world is imploding. My father and I haven't spoken in 2 years because he is a "wacko" for lack of a better term. My mom and I are close, although my sour relationship with my father has taken a toll. For me to be healthy, I can't have a relationship with him. But, a real catch-22 because of my mom. Now that she is experiencing rapid progression of the disease, I feel so cheated. I believe I am best suited to care for her, and for selfish reasons, I want to have her live with me and my family. Alas, my father will manipulate my mom and I will lose her altogether.

I want my mom......

Katwalk13

You are still so young to be going through this. I am 47. Things change in those years. We get older, but you still have a lot of youth left and many good times. Your Mom would want you to experience all those times. I am so sorry you have all these emotions going through you right now. There is nothing pretty about this illness. I wish I could tell you different.

I am no longer new to this experience, and have lived it for quite some time. I can only tell you that your mother is in your heart. She will always be there. Try to remember what your mother would want for you. She would want you to be happy. Unfortunately, you can't change what will happen but you can life through her. She would want you to smile.

Please let us know how your journey is going. There are many people on this board to talk too, and share with.

God Bless
Cindy

I am so sorry, Katwalk, that you have to go through this. And that you have the added complication of the estrangement from your father.

Where does your mther live now? Does she have the care she needs? Am I correct in assuming that she and your father are still together?

You feel that you want her in your home because you can give her better care. But your father would never allow that?

This puts you between a rock and a hard place, and I only hope a solution can be found.

It has been my experience and that of most people on this Board that many men do not have the endless patience required for full time caregiving....

Therefore I kind of think your Mom will probably be placed in an assisted living facility or a nursing home ..where you will have planty of opportuities to visit her and maintain your good relationship when your dad is not present.

Does your dad go uot to work? Someone will need to be with your Mom in his absence, as she gets more and more confused and unable to take care of herself. Maybe you can be there during times he is away?

A person with AD is not rational, and I am pretty sure your dad will not be able to spoil your relationship with your mom, even if he tries. She will forget what he said. She will not understand what he is saying. Feelings last longer than logic, and as long as she sees you and you hug her and are caring and concerned, and reassure her that she will be cared or, she will not turn against you just because someone tells her things.

I don't know the nature of your disagreements, but now might be the time for reconciliation, for Mom's sake .. even a superficial cordiality would be better for her than tension and stress.

Even if it were possible, taking her into your home would be really hard on you. I don't know if you have a career, a family, a boy friend ..her constant VERY demanding (it gets to be a 24 hour a day job) presence might spoil all of that ..you might need a long leave from your job and thus lose it, you might lose your relationship .. I don't mean to scare you, but ..read these postings. You can give of yourself until there is little left .. and sadly, many of us feel unrecognised, and maligned by everyone from the "Caregivee" to our wider family members.

I pray you will find a solution.

Love,

Martha

Thank you for responding to my post. I've had a few days to mull all of this stuff over, and I know that all of this will just evolve over time. It does help to be able to see what others are continuing to go through, and hear insight based on what you have all already been through.

I wish with my heart that my father and I could reconcile. I am afraid that he is not mentally healthly enough for me to let into my life. He, unable to admit it, is bipolar. I have come to terms with my past experiences (my inner child if you will) and though I harbor no ill-will towards him, I can't allow him to once again inflict the emotional pain that I experienced as a child. My mother, I think, copes with him out of fear and lack of options. They kind of thrive on eachothers misery.

I am very concerned about what kind of care she will need over time. For now, she is doing ok, given the diagnosis. She is depressed and terribly forgetful, but can care for herself still. The problem is financially, some sort of assisted living facility or nursing home is out of the question. My parents' life savings et al was lost when my father's accountant embezalled everything. I have a large enough home, and can accomodate her here.

For the immediate future, is it so wrong to want her here not because she needs me, but because I need her? I want to take all the time I have left with my mother while she still functions....like my mom. There are so many things I want to ask her, share with her. I want to be able to do that.

They live about an hour from me, right in the middle of the woods. She doesn't get out much, since my father calls the shots on when and where he will drive her. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it a good thing for AD patients in the early stages to be stimulated? I have two sons that adore their grandmother, and we always have stuff going on at home. I think she would not only enjoy being here, but would benefit physically from it (not to mention emotionally).

I've rambled enough. Feels better just to get this stuff out of my head. Thanks for listening.

Peace....... :angel:

It is not wrong to want her in yur home - for both of your sakes I hope it will work out. You may have to hide your true feelings and communicate with your father, in order to make some kind of compromise. Good luck!

Love and prayers,

Martha

Thank you for responding to my post. I've had a few days to mull all of this stuff over, and I know that all of this will just evolve over time. It does help to be able to see what others are continuing to go through, and hear insight based on what you have all already been through.

I wish with my heart that my father and I could reconcile. I am afraid that he is not mentally healthly enough for me to let into my life. He, unable to admit it, is bipolar. I have come to terms with my past experiences (my inner child if you will) and though I harbor no ill-will towards him, I can't allow him to once again inflict the emotional pain that I experienced as a child. My mother, I think, copes with him out of fear and lack of options. They kind of thrive on eachothers misery.

I am very concerned about what kind of care she will need over time. For now, she is doing ok, given the diagnosis. She is depressed and terribly forgetful, but can care for herself still. The problem is financially, some sort of assisted living facility or nursing home is out of the question. My parents' life savings et al was lost when my father's accountant embezalled everything. I have a large enough home, and can accomodate her here.

For the immediate future, is it so wrong to want her here not because she needs me, but because I need her? I want to take all the time I have left with my mother while she still functions....like my mom. There are so many things I want to ask her, share with her. I want to be able to do that.

They live about an hour from me, right in the middle of the woods. She doesn't get out much, since my father calls the shots on when and where he will drive her. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it a good thing for AD patients in the early stages to be stimulated? I have two sons that adore their grandmother, and we always have stuff going on at home. I think she would not only enjoy being here, but would benefit physically from it (not to mention emotionally).

I've rambled enough. Feels better just to get this stuff out of my head. Thanks for listening.

Peace....... :angel: