I was wondering how to cope with major anxiety issues....for me it always comes from girls, and just being insecure about myself in general. During the last 3 months I have been haning out with a group of girls and had fooled around with a couple of them. One of the girls I fooled around with quite a few times to later find out that she has a boyfriend. My problem is generally that I can attract almost any girl because I make huge first impressions...but then as I get to like a girl I turn wierd because of bad history in the past with girls...I get a little attached and hate to say it wussy. I know this is a huge turn off for girls and I have worked on it so hard to stop but it is like I really cant control it. I know a lot of it has to do with alcohol..the stuff messes with the way I think..which I have reacently quit. BAck to the story to the girl with the boyfriend. I really did not like her to much at first and didnt really pay attention to her and she keep coming back to me. But then I started to like her and acted a bit wierd. IM sure that she felt that I was getting a bit close to her because she has a boyfriend and what not...but what the hell is she doing messing aroudn with me in the first place? Also, I dont even know why I still like her...she has really bad morals and is very materialistic. I ran into her and the group of friends tonight and the anxiety feelings came on....I stuck around for a bit and then left because I could not handle being aorund them. My problem is with girls is that I get pathetic and I really dont know why. I have so many things going for me. I am very good looking (I have been told) I have my own plane, I am double majoring in school, and I work about 32 hours a week, and I am also really witty and charming(when I am not anxious anyways) I think one of my problems is that I am a work way too much and when it comes time to hanging out with girls I get really pathetic because I feel like I need them right then because it is my only time that i have and I am lonley. I have always had a pestimistic attitude and I am sure in a lot of situations ppl are seing thing in a total different light then I am. I need some ideas on how just to calm down. What I really want is a nice girl that shares the same values as I do. It is wierd also how my confidence levels swing from complete arrogance to self pity...I never have a happy medium. A lot of times I will be real full of myself and even a little cocky...but all is it takes is one comment or something to send me into a sprialing down turn to wallowing in self pity. I have receantly stopped drinking(has been a huge problem for me for about a yr due to some major life events that have happend) have gotten back into the gym, and I am focusing more on my school work. I know that I just need to not hang out with that group of girls anymore and move on..... I just hate the feeling of rejection...never been able to cope with it. OK this has been nearly an inchoerent ramble but I just drank a bunch of coffee and had a bad anxiety attack. If any one could help me I would greatly appreciate it. <THANKS>

:wave: Hi there!

Hi just thought I'd let you know you are not the only one! I have always been kinda shy around boys but really like the flirting side of it all and actually gained a lot of confidence through flirting, but then as soon as I started going out with someone I 'm like a totally different person, I get really anxious and obsessive about it all, when nothing goes wrong I can make it go wrong. I'm still in my first major relationship one a half years down the line but throughout this suffering major anxiety (panic attacks everyday) and am now on anti-depressants. I suppose it's because you can create this image around yourself when people only see you when you are out and hide your insecurities, but when someones gets close it's scary, I'm now at the stage where I don't want to split up from my b/friend coz am in such a state but at the same time wonder if I'd be better alone for the rest of my life :eek:

Mc,

I used to "suffer" from alot of the same problems you've described. It wasn't until I watched my own daughter start going through them, that something inside me "snapped". This is my "theory"........( I'm using my daughter as the "subject" only because as "the witness" it makes it easier to tell)

She was a remarkable girl. Friendly with everyone....always "on". At first, it seemed to suit her well..... but eventually, she faced a miriad of problems because of it. I'm not real sure if it was conceit, or fact, but at some point she felt she was being "knocked off the pedestal" she insists her friends had put her on. The pressure to always "be on" took it's toll.

After "delving into her problem" with her, I began to realize, and shared with her, that as a human she couldn't alway's "be on"....that sooner or later the "off side" of her, would eventually "show up". There's certainly nothing wrong with this....but she saw it as pressure....that she couldn't be "just Jess", but had to be what she perceived everyone expected. She felt she couldn't be "Jess" for fear she would "dissapoint" her friends.

This is so typical, I think. We are "conditioned" in a way....to always put our "best foot forward" when meeting new people. It serves it purpose, and it does it well. But then what? As we start to become more accustomed to and comfortable around them, we begin to "slack off" and let the "real us" out. Sometimes, it's a slight variation.......sometimes it's drastic.

But none the less, getting back to where I was trying to go( :p ), I think we are are worst critics. In all reality, I told her that "perfect or not" her real friends would understand and love her none the less. The ones that could only find it in their hearts to like the "On Girl" weren't worth losing sleep over. Once she took the pressure of herself......she was fine. Oh, she was still the "It Girl".......still put on that pedestal by her friends......perhaps even a little higher......and she deserved it. Nothing wrong with being human......as long as you're real about it. Embrace the people who love you for you......and forget the ones who can't.

We are all different. I think we should be able to embrace our differences and be proud of them and who we are. The heck with the one's who don't get it .....or appreciate it....for they are the ones with the real problems!!

Maybe this doesn't really help you at all, heck, for all I know it may not even make sense. But on the off chance that it does......

All my best,

mj

Thanks for the replies! I am feeling so much better today, I kinda had a revelation last night before I went to bed. I have a pretty good backround in pyscholody and I know that most of my problems can attribute to a self-fullfilling propechy. Anytime I feel good about myself and tell myself "I am gonna get that girl," or "I am gonna get an A on my paper," it happens. I notice that anytime I have have any kind of negative thought about success I find that for the most part it comes true. One thing about humans is that they can pick up on people's vibes, body language and so forth so well that your own mental state elicites certain responses from people without even really trying. I notice those nights when I do good with girls I dont have any anxiety and I feel carefree and act completey myself. What also put me in a good mood was realizing that I have done this all to myself..working too much and all the school was my choice. A lot of times I feel like a victim and that I am too young to do this and I take out on other people where in reality it is all my fault. I cant handle the stress a lot of times which keeps me on an edge that does not take too much to fall. I really have come through within the last year with my depression...I have definatly got better with girls...I really have no problem talking to any girl...but I still do have problems with realtionships. I still do not know why I got hung with the girl that has a boyfriend..I guess it was because we were hangin out together a couple of times like a boyfriend and girlfriend would...watching movies and holding hands and junk. Obviously the problem there was on her side, something is wrong with her realtionship or I dont even know for sure...she does seem to have a lot of confidence though.
Mas-I understand about what your saying about always being "on".--people always see me as being funny and charming...and sometimes I think I try to hard to keep up that image that is comes off as fake and unattractive. When it comes to relationships my insecuirties that lie down deep inside eventually come to surface because I am not fully confident in myself YET. SO for now most of the time feel good, but their are just those few anxiety attacks I have now and then that I have yet to control..I am sure you guys know what I am talking about...you just get those horrendous thoughts and you feel like everyone is laughing at you and looking down at you. Well anyways keep the replies coming I would still like to know how to control this attacks.