Wow. Today a NEW shower lady turned up .... Called J, with a pierced nose, 8 earrings in one ear .. and ................she's about 50 ...

MIL was giving her some VERY strange looks !! Anyway, she's the brightest, bubbliest happy thing you've ever seen. Full of compassion and glad to listen to the 'what FIL likes best' stories. She thanked me for writing down the step by step instructions on how to do the shower.

For $19.50 a shower, she would want to be good eh?

Anyway, I explained to her how the shower leaks, and how MIL get's AWFULLY agitated with damp carpet, and the next thing I get poked in the ribs with "yes, you you you " .. and I just simply said "Oh shutup" and MIL giggled and walked away. No, not actually walked away, walked out of sight and hovered is more like it. THANK HEAVENS DH was home and he got our little contraption ready at the bathroom door, and FIL didn't cause TOO much fuss, although he got himself all worked up over something, so they called me down, and I talked him through it ... it's just his way of saying "I still need you Sally" ..... even if I AM in a neckbrace!!!!

Anyway, MIL took a stranger showering quite nicely. She'll be back on Friday. So it looks like showers (at $19.50 a shower - that's ALOT of money) Tuesday's and Friday's, with the SAME lady .... in the meantime, my "job" is to get him on the list of the cheaper showering people ($8 ph) ....

AND .. in the meantime .......I asked FIL if he would like to consider a two week respite in the Facility (almost typed nursing home LOL) and got a resounding NO .........

So ....... now we work on Hubby.

And Barb.. middle daughter is Tamea .. LOL

Hugs
Sally

Dear Sally, asking him "if he would like to conisder this" is a question that gets a 'no'. There is a way to ask a question so only a yes is produced. I use it at school with little children and my daughter uses it with her kids. It goes something like this - to her 3 year old, Ben,for example - "it is almost bed time. Would you like to brush your teeth first or have a story first?" Whichever he chooses, they are on the path to bed. She does not ask "would you like to go to bed now or not?" ... that elicits an automatic no.

At school, "it is time to clean up. Would you like to pick up the blocks or put away the art supplies?" Either way, they are helping. "Would you like to help clean up?" or just "clean up!" produce a NO.

It is so easy with kids and so hard with AD people, whose responses are inappropriate anyhow. It does NOT work with Mom. But your FIL is (supposedly) thinking rationally. How about, "during the time we are away, you can live in a Facility for the 2 weeks or move in with BIL and Girl Friend. What would you prefer?" or "We are going away from June X to X, you have to choose between going to a Facility for a short vacation, or going back into the hospital." (of course both options have to be there... he can't choose BIL's house and they say NO WAY!

It isn't always possible to present every option in 'choice' form ..but it's worth a try if you can come up with two possible alternatives. "Sally staying home" is NOT one of them!

Although it doesn't work with AD patients, maybe you, Barb, could combine showering with some kind of treat. "Dad, time for a shower. When you come out I'll make you some cocoa." I was interested to see a recent posting where someone (forgot name) said Medicare pays for someone to come and bathe her Mom. When we tried to get a HHA to accompany Mom to her Center, we were told Medicare does NOT pay for HHAs. Only Medicaid does. Is it because Mom is still capable of walking around outside? Alone she cannot do so .. but we are paying for the Aide ourselves at $19 an hour, most of which goes to the agency.

Good luck!

Love

Martha

Oh Martha ...........

*Whack me up the side of the head* ........ I didn't think of putting it that way !!

***duh***

What a good idea. Actually, I'm pretty matriarchal myself, and tend to be 'the boss' and when I say "clean your room" I mean "clean your room" and the Good Lord to help you if you don't ....... other people say that's a tyrant .. I call it Matriarchal .. LOL

I pay the bills. I sort out the paperwork. I know exactly what's going where when, how and with who (or is that whom?)

Although being 'broken' is making me ASK for help, which is a HUGE thing for me ... and I mean HUGE.

I never even (she who is training to be a counsellor .. hmmmm) considered the 'choices with no options" approach ... didn't even think of it .........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will re-word my 'speech' and see what eventuates ....

What WOULD I do without you gals eh?

Hugs
Sally

What WOULD I do without you gals eh?

Shoot 'em! lol Just kidding!

Barb

I think getting his clothes ready for him and putting them in the bathroom is helping. Choosing what to wear seems the most difficult step for him now. He still knows to put on his sweatshirt when he's cold and things like that. But putting an outfit together is so confusing to him that he doesn't even want to bother.

Martha, that is a great idea! I think that could work in some situations with dad for now.

No work for me today and it is raining. Good day to clean house. :)


Love, Barb

Sally where did you find someone to help with a shower? That would be ideal for the stage my dad is now, I want to do something to relieve some of the stress from my mom.

Hi Redy,

Well here in Australia I contacted the Home and Community Care People (HACC) and they gave me a number to ring. I rang that number (same type of people) and they gave me FOUR numbers to ring. Of these four numbers, one was a volunteer society called ACTIV that help out for up to 2 months, another was King Care, a new Aged Care package that already has a waiting list, and I rang Community Care who are 'still getting back to me' ... at that stage ACAT rang me and I burst out crying in frustration and defeat at getting somebody showered. So our ACAT lady rang Community Health and 'lo and behold' got someone in the next day.

Miracles do happen.

They cost money, but they do happen.

Are you in Australia?? If so, ring your local Community Health Centre (they are EVERYWHERE) or your local public hospital can get you on to them. If at all, call in an Aged Care Assessment Team, who can be bossy and pushy, but are really looking at the final outcome.

Goodluck though, it's been a battle.

Hugs
Sally