My grandma is dying I have never lost anyone that i love so much. I can not talk to her on the phone or see her because i break down and cry. I want to write her a letter but i do not know how.

Dearest DMM34: First, you find a place that makes you comfortable. Where are you the happiest...in your room with the music on? At the beach? On a blanket in your back yard. Second, you stop and listen to everything around you...the sounds you house makes, the outside sounds if you are outside, even, you own breathing. Third, you think about all the things that your grandma has done, all the things that you love about her, the special times you remember, the things she has taught you, even the lessons that she has taught when you didn't want to be taught anything by anyone. Fourth, you begin writing. You write all the stuff I mentioned above and then, in the letter, you let her know how important the shared experiences are to you. You let her know that her presence in your life has made you what you are and that you will share her with anyone and everyone you can especially your own children, her great-grandchildren. Now comes the hard part, you find the other most special person in your life be it parent, brother or sister, or best friend and you take them with you and you sit with your beloved grandmother and you read her the letter. I know that it will be the hardest thing you have ever done. But I also know that you will have given her the greatest gift any grandparent could ever receive. Ever. I know this because I am a grandfather and my grandchildren bring me more joy and contentment than I have ever known. God bless you, chris

Chris's advice is exactly what I did for my grams this X-mas. She's losing her battle with lung cancer(she never so much as tried a cigarette). I've lost an aunt and my grandpa to cancer too. I was 15 when my aunt died and it was the first time I'd really lost someone that close. My grandpa died of pancreatic cancer and we lost him so fast I never really had time to realize it was already that advanced. I wanted to make sure my grams knows exactly how important she is to me. I don't always visit as often as a good grandaughter should and I know she thinks that means us grandkids don't think about her so much. So far from the truth. She gave us all a special ornament for our trees last year so "we wouldn't forget her when she's gone." So this X-mas I wrote her a letter with an ornament I picked out just for her (a little irish cottage) because we're very proud of being Irish and because she is the heart of our very large family.I told her how much she means to me and the rest of our family and how proud I am to be a part of it. We'd never be who we are without her. I told her how she's the grandma everybody hopes to have and that there's no way I or anyone else who's ever met her will ever forget her. I told her a lot of other stuff that gets way mushier, but I was so suprised how much that meant to her. She cried and embarrased me to all heck when she passed it around to everyone to read. She told me she was going to frame it and read it everytime she gets depressed from all her tx. Writing your grandma that letter will make her beyond happy. Just say whatever you feel and don't be embarassed about writing anything too mushy. You've got a golden opportunity here to be absolutely sure she knows exactly how much she's loved and that is the greatest gift you can give :)

You both have given such great advice but I want to add one last thing...

No matter what you do, don't let your breaking heart prevent you from writing the letter. The only thing that is worse than losing someone, is having unfinished business with them.

Please, do write that letter. Write from the heart, write of all the things you love and cherish about her. Just write. Please. I think you will find that once you start expressing yourself, you will find it quite healing. Think of all the happy, wonderful times you had. Focus on what she gave you, all the happiness and joy and not on what you are losing.

Warmest wishes to both you and grandma.

Definitely write the letter, but go ahead and see her even if you do cry. Some of the hardest, yet sweetest visits I had were with my dying Grammy. We were very close and it was hard to lose her, but I'm so glad I sat down and talked to her face-to-face while I still could.

my grandma and I were same and same. she wore red, I had to put red on. she had a headache, I would have a headache! we were same and same up until she passed away. she was the best! I went everyday to see her in the hospital, and I would cry after I left her, but I didn't want her to see me upset. Your grandma knows you love her, write that letter, but go and see her. my grandma couldn't speak the last week due to a stroke, but she communicated with her eyes and touch. I knew what she was saying. I would tell her about my day, or what was going on. and she just held my hand. then one morning I woke up and I was very ill-I had a fever of 104 and should have went to the hospital. I called my mom and said how sick I was and couldn't come up to see grandma. I told her to tell her I love her, and I'll see her when I was better, and that we were same and same because we were both sick. Later that night, my mom came home and said she passed away. I knew that we were same and same being sick because she didn't want me to be there when she passed. I don't regret it, and I think it was her way of being with me.
so my advice-enjoy the time you have with her now, and don't dwell her dying. just enjoy her,and love her. my prayers are with you.

I wrote a letter to my husband when he was first diagnosed with lung cancer 2 years ago... it was heartfelt and said everything I felt I needed to say at the time - how much he was loved, what I thought of him and our life, how I would miss him like crazy if he were gone... that I would cope if I had to... didn't want to be without him, but would if I had to. Sure I cried when I wrote it, but I felt a lot better for doing it!

He read it, and kept it beside his chair for the next 2 years. He passed away 3 weeks ago today, and I've been writing to him nearly every day since telling him things I would normally tell him, things I think he'd like to hear. And I read my original letter to him for the first time today (at the time I just wrote it, I never read it back at all), and to my surprise, there was nothing I feel I needed to add, everything I said then I would have written the same today. You need to write for the both of you, and the sooner you start, the sooner you can both benefit from its love... and crying is a form of healing too. Never be afraid to cry!

Blessings to all of you and your kin