Hi everyone.
I lost my 12 year old nephew to cancer back on October 23, 04. I am finding it really hard to accept this, and I think this is because I really cannot believe that he is gone. I went off to college right before he got sick, so I was not around to see him as much. This makes the whole thing harder to believe (plus the fact that he was just so young). I have never had panic attacks in my life, but I started because of Trevor. The last time I saw him in the hospital I went home and had my first panic attack ever. I have had them at least twice a month about it since he died. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do...how to really finally understand that he is gone....?

Hi BlueSunday. I am so sorry for the loss of your 12 year old nephew. It is really hard to believe when someone dies no matter at what age. I just lost my mom 5 weeks ago, I was there when she passed but I still find it very hard to believe that she no longer is with me. Don't blame your self for not being there for your nephew nor for him passing away. it is not your fault. I to have had panic attacks since the passing of my mom. There is alot going on in your head right now and have a lot to sort out. excepting the death of a loved one is not easy. I was put on a very mild lorazepam to help with the panic attacks, Maybe you could ask your gp about it or just getting someone to talk with. The feeling of being out of control, not being able to stop the death etc. is so unbearable at times. I wished that there was something I could say to help you other then maybe talking to your doctor would help in some way. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Be kind to your self.

Dear BlueSUnday: You loss will be with you for a long time. THose who have lost people who are dear to us are always reminded of them and think of them frequently. So, I don't know if you'll ever "get over" your loss becuase I don't know what that means. I think it means "being adjusted" to life without Trevor. Also, you've got be so pissed off about his passing that you probably can't stand it. But, I believe, that Trevor was here for a purpose and, once, having served that purpose, he was able be called home.
Now, I don't think this is something that should expect yourself to be able to accomplish without help. You really do need to get with someone to work through your grief. You mentioned school - college? Is there a counseling center on campus? IF so, find someone there to vent to? Do you have a faith? If so, find a glergyperson to help you address these issues? Or, do you have a close friend or family member? Find them and talk it out. Remember, there is probably someone in your family going through the same emotions you are. Keep us posted - we are prayerfully with you at this time. chris

Thank you both so much! Today would actually be Trevor's 13th birthday, so its a bit harder than most (but no panic attacks yet :) ).As for school counseling tho, I am VERY low on money (remember, college student) and the only counseling service we have has a fee. I am not religious in the sense that I do not have a church to go to or anything. I think I am just very frustrated because while I do have supportive people around me, it just doesnt seem that they really know because they didn't know Trevor quite well enough. As for my family, well I can talk to my mom, but all she seems to say is that I need to realize that he is gone, which is what I cannot figure out how to do. The rest of the family I dont want to talk to, especially my sister, because it was her son.

My boyfriend is actually the most wonderful person I have at the moment to talk to, but he only knew Trevor when he was sick...and Trevor was quite the wild child before that, so it is hard because he never really was able to know Trev-man. So...I think I am going have to do some hard-core thinking about how I can get some sense of closure (I really don't WANT closure, but something so that I can believe that he's gone). Maybe I will invent some sort of private memorial/celebration...any suggestions?
Thank you!