Hi everyone,

I know most or all of you already have experience with this, but for us it is new. Mom has mixed up names before, and even I do it sometimes, but today for the first time she misnamed a common object.

I can't find my glasses, she said ...No problem. I will help you look.

Searched a bit and there they were , on the kitchen table.

No not that. I am missing my ... hesitation .. my .... ..then "KEYS." Keys? Your keys are right here under the lamp where they always are, but you don't need them. I was home, and we aren't going anywhere, Bill is coming over with dinner he cooked!

Mom looks confused. I meant KEYS. That's OK, You meant keys, but you said glasses. No big deal. No, that's this problem I have, I am all mixed up.
Don't worry you will be OK...There will always be someone with you to help you when you get confused. You will not be alone. Don't worry.

But she is worried.

Mom was taken to church again and I spent 3 hours cleaning and sorting out 'stuff, ' hers and mine. What a pain on such a lovely day! I went down to sit on the stoop and wait for her, so I got 15 minutes of sunshine. I am glad Mom went out, and the church gave her a large bunch of ***** (the word for this common Spring plant seems to have been deleted, how strange!!) willows, and they also had coffee and cake.

Now waiting for Bill, who is bringing Sunday Lunch over.. we say Breakfast, dinner (if it's a hot meal, otherwise lunch) and supper. Nevwr 'dinner ' for the evening meal. Is htis a NY thing or a German thing? Other people say breakfast, lunch and dinner ..

Love,
Martha

That must have been very scary for your mom-and you too. I know you hoped that it would never get that bad for her. Hopefully, this was just an isolated incident.

You handled it very well. You acknoledged her feelings and reassured her that she need not worry.

In the south, they call lunch dinner too. That used to confuse me when my parents took us to Alabama to visit my grandma. At home in Illinois, we always called supper dinner and lunch lunch.

It's hot here today. It's supposed to be 80. But this house feels hotter than you know what!

Love, Barb

Hi Martha,

Oh, honey, I know about the concern over lost words. Mom was so dismayed and upset as she went through this. You did handle the situation with your mother very well. Again, it's sad, but true that it will get worse until there is no dismay, just less talking. If you think it's important, keep a record of word lost, substituted word, and date.

Will your mother's favorite music distract her from her worries? If so, maybe that's a method of helping her not worry. How nice of Bill to bring a meal, be it dinner or supper, or tea!! Bill's visit will be a good distraction for your mother.

The words deleted here are a mystery to me. Mom's name was Dorothy and the nickname for that was deleted here. Go figure.

Today is just beautiful in Virginia and we have the windows open. The lilacs are blooming and the air is perfumed. Delightful!! Barb, open your windows for a little while. Then at least the air in the house will be fresh air that takes a while to heat up.

Hope Sally is feeling good in her away place!

Hugs - Barbara :)

Thanks dear Friends,

We did have a lovely time with Bill. he took time out of his busy life to cook a meal for us, roast beef and mashed potatoes, and I supplied red cabbage and lemon bundt cake. We sat around and talked for hours. Anna had her book club today.

Bill in his usual way said all the right things. Mom said she is not happy about the move. He said you know I feel the same way. I hate to leave my house of 34 years. But Anna wants to be the baby sitter, when In. goes back to work, and she hates to drive on the busy highways, so she would wind up staying out there for 5 days a week. I would never see my wife OR my grandchild .. so I feel I HAVE to move. Then there are so many good things too about the new house. Walking distance to stores, walking distance to the countryside.

One extra room! If you had come to our house in Queens, you would have had the room Anna now uses as her office. The new house has an extra room so she has her offfice AND you have your room!

It's only 6 blocks from Fr and I's swimming pool ..all summer you can swim every day!

I will take walks with you and show you how to get everywhere until you get the hang of it .(of course an aide will be employed to go with her ) ..and IF you are willing you can help me unpack all our stuff, dishes, etc.

I asked her if she would like to go through her clothes with me one day and donate stuff to GoodWill ..and she was very negative. "I already gave things to the church for their bazaar" (that was 5 yrs ago) so Bill said "the closet in your room is huge! You will get all your things into it easily!"

He is so good, he should have been a psychologist. Well in a way he was, 32 yrs teaching in Brooklyn, 6 of them as Dean of Students ...

It was a good day and I am feeling happier. Mom had a few lapses, didn't follow the conversation, mentioned again that 'when I move to your house in Elmhurst - where it isn't - but where her brother lived until 1972 ...but he overplayed all of it with small talk and never corrected anything...

I am glad he is on my team! Elsie did not answer or send a check.

Love,

Martha

Hi Martha!

I lived in Elmhurst, too, from 1962 until 1969. Small world! Where did your uncle live? I lived near the intersection of York and Butterfield Rds. I graduated from York HS and had a part time job at Elmhurst Hospital briefly while in high school.

So glad that you had a good time with Bill. He sounds like a gem! How very kind of him to be so sweet to mother and try to make the upcoming events a positive experience for her.

Do you think it would be easier for her to move if she left the apartment and went to visit Bill in the new house, then her belongings just appear in her room there while she's out swimming or something?? She'd never actually have the sad experience of leaving her home for the last time. It would be sneaky, but might be kinder, and it would take a really coordinated effort. I think she would not be distressed as long.

So sorry Moooo is acting like a toad. Ribbit. With her it seems like money is everything. Wonder if her husband knows she's quit paying her tiny share? Might they be having money troubles? What a shame.

I'm glad Bill is on your team, too! Cheers!!

Hugs - Barbara :wave:

Hi Barbara! My Mom's sister, and her brother, with spouses and children all lived in Elmhurst from around 1946 - post war building boom - to the early 70s. They lived around 82 Street and Elliot Avenue. Both families moved to South Carolina when the Textile Industry moved down there ... none of us have been there since, yet Mom told Bill today, "the people in my church told me they will still pick me up and take me to church when I live in Elmhurst!" It is not all that far from Astoria ..whereas F'dale is an hour each way. Bill said, "there are 2 churches within walking distance of the new (not brand new!) house, one is C the other is L. You could attend either one. We'll drive in to your old church now and then." He didn't say 'NOT Elmhurst', or 'no one will drive that far.' ..he knows just how to do it!

He is in a financial bind because he signed a contract to buy, but his present house buyer is stalling. He has to take out an equity loan, and hopes not for too long. He could use the money Elsie owes.

Meanwhile he took the last 2 packages of my things and will send them to my daughter tomorrow. The PT job he has involves packing and shipping, so he can send my stuff at good rates. Whatever I have left here I will carry with me, wear, or throw out! The 'bad word' willows look nice in a vase on the table. Spring is here! We had 60s today, windows wide open, warm sun shining.. daffodils are out, forsythia, trees in blossom. I am so glad the icy winter is over.

Yes, I think she ought to go there for a little visit ..on June 12, and a few days later they will move her furniture in. That would be perfect.. No big goodbyes to this apartment ... Hope it works out that way!

Love,

Martha

Hi Martha,

Hummm... I didn't think Elmhurst was large enough for an 84th street! The streets in the little downtown area were 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. I lived in South Elmhurst.

Company is here - gotta go! Barbara

Hi! I think Martha's talking about Elmhurst, NY. But I live not far from where you lived, Barbara. I think we "talked" about it before.

Martha, I'm glad you enjoyed your dad with mom and Bill.

I took som cold medicine and I'm very sleepy now so if I don't make sense, please forgive me. I've had about 6 hours of sleep total in the lasy two days. I just got home from work and I'm lookimg at a pile of dishes. No dishwasher. Oh yeah there is-me. lol

I'm counting down the days till Friday, 7am. That's when I leave for Missouri.

Good night ladies!

Love, Barb

Yes, Elmhurst NY, one of the many towns that comprise the borough of Queens.
I just checked my email and still nothing from Elsie, I wonder if they at least wrote to Bill...

Hope your cold gets better soon, Barb.

After I told Esther to give Mom a bath, which I suppose was embarassing to Mom when Esther said 'your daughter told me to," she is putting the bath stool in the tub every night and hanging a towel on the line over the tub .. I don't know how she can climb into the tub without hep nor am I sure if she is doing so...but it is strange how her mind now works. Yesterday she took a bath in the morning and it looks like again in the evening ..I was so knocked out that I went to bed earlier than Mom, but stayed awake until I heard her coming through not long afterwards. I don't know if the bath paraphernalia is a trick or if she is bathing more often, but unfortuantely she smells just as bad .. I think the manufacturers of these stools have to try harder... it does not allow her to wash the place most in need... anyone who needs such a stool is obviously not able to stand up to shower and not able to sit down deep in the tub ...it also worries me that she could fall getting in or out of the tub.

Oh in some ways I can just barely wait until June 12th! Then others will be responsible if she falls. I can just hear my sister saying "YOU went to bed and left Mom alone in the bathroom?? How could you!" if anything were to happen .. while she maintains Mom is perfectly normal.

Love,

Martha

My MIL is the same way. She has to use a bath stool because she can't stand up long enough to shower and she can't sit in the tub. She's redoing her bathroom now and having the bathtub removed. They're replacing it with a large shower stall. She can't lift her leg up high enough to get in the tub. But still, the smell remains because she can't clean down there. It's not only because of the stool though. She's a very large woman and she can't reach. Her mind is prettty much intact but she's showing signs of needing assistance in that area too. She needs help with her checkbook from time to time and calls her sons different names sometimes. She's 75, very heavy (in the hospital last year, she was 412 lbs), diabetic with congestive heart failure. She doesn't watch her weight which everybody hounds her about but I leave her alone. At this point, eating healthy won't add much time to her life so why hurt her feelings like some of her kids do? It's just not worth it if she's going to be miserable.

June 12th is getting closer and closer. Your things have been sent to Indiana.

Gotta go. Injured squirrel in the backyard.

Love, Barb

This whole issue of hygiene in old age needs a lot of new ideas. Even the Depends are not a big help in my Mom's case, since she is not incontinenet with urine, and that's mainly what they are for. She just can't tell if she is passing gas or something else. Or maybe it's a little of each. This type of mess is hard to clean up even with depends on, the only advantage is that you can throw them away ..we have also thrown away numerous cheap underpants. But how do we get her to wipe (I have a supply of wet wipes), clean, wash and keep that area clean? I am afraid that she might get some infection as well as making everyone around her nauseous.

Today I am thinking "I am so ready to get out of NY". It is beautiful out, sunny, even hot ..the streets are crowded, little or no green to be seen on this street outside of a few trees, garbage cans begin to smell, dog dirt is no longer removed by pooper scooper since the new mayor stopped enforcing that law -- I got home to noise below, people banging on the door and yelling for exactly half an hour because their friend who lives here didn't hear them - probably listening to his rap music per earphones for a change. I was ready to call the police but thought maybe it IS the police ...

NY is getting on my nerves. Soon it will be too hot to sleep. a/c in one bedroom helps cool 2, but not very well ...

At least the NIGHTS in Indiana are cooler ...

Love,

Martha

You're getting anxious...... :)

When you go outside. just think of the country feel of Indiana. You'll be seeing it soon.

The person who patents something that cleans as it protects clothing from a poopy mess would make a fortune, wouldn't they? Hey, how about a shower seat that's shaped like a toilet seat? It would have a hose that could be attached to the shower nozzle at one end and under the seat facing up on the other end. There could be a soap dispenser attached to it to spray soapy water when needed. Just press the button and spread the cheeks. lol

We had a poor little injured squirel in our backyard earlier. He fell out of the tree at least a couple of times. Poor thing. Our town doesn't collect injured animals so my dh had to catch him. He put in in our guinea pig's travel cage. I took him to a wildlife center in Glen Ellyn near where Barbara used to live (Elmhurst). They have a wildlife animal hospital there.

Wow, this is so weird. When I posted to you last is when my dh found the wounded squirel. Now, as I'm posting again, our county animal control just pulled up. Four hours after we called about the squirel, they came. I'm glad I took him to the wildlife center. I think this guy would have just killed him. Oh, I hope he'll be alright. It hurts my heart to see an injured animal.

Speaking of animals, I have to call the vet again for my dog. I need to refill her phenobarbitol. She has epilepsy. She also has hypothyroidism like me.

I just realized I haven't eaten all day. My cold seems to be a little better today. Let's hope it's gone before Friday.

Love, Barb

Hi -

Who knew there was an Elmhurst, NY??????? Not I. One of my good friends lives in Houston - Mississippi, not Texas. Oh well, I guess we cannot know everything. This means your mother wasn't as out to lunch as I thought, Martha. I wondered how she expected to get to church in NYC while living in Chicagoland!! ;)

There is no easy answer to the cleanliness problem unless she lets someone else do it for her. That's what the staff at the assisted living facility did for my mother, but she didn't care by then. :rolleyes:

8 weeks, 3 days.... but who's counting?!!!!! Just you and all of your cheering squad, that's all! :D

Hugs - Barbara :)

I actually saw a horseshoe shaped shower seat somewhere... open in the middle. The person could use a washcloth to get to the 'parts' needing a wash ...but all this is really irrelevant because it's not so much the technique of washing but NOT WANTING TO. Or, believing they JUST DID. This is far worse than the actual wash itself. If Mom would allow me to be in the bathroom with her, I would hand her a soapy washcloth ands say lean on me for a minute, get a way up and wash down there.

All I can do is say "go into the bathroom and wash , something smells bad" ...

Then , "well it's not me!"

Bill has already mentioned that, as she gets worse and worse, the Aide who comes to their new house (he is considering a different agency, cheaper) will not accompany Mom on buses or walks to Senior Centers or pools, but will bathe her, wash her hair, feed her, etc. BILL FULLY EXPECTS MOM TO GET MUCH MUCH WORSE. And expects and plans for the necessary care to be given in his home.

I on the other hand keep on hoping that her decline will be so slow that her end comes before she is in such a condition. While Elsie thinks she can go on like this until age 106 and never need any help except with 'names and dates."

But Mom is SO confused... I keep asking how could Elsie not have seen it in 3 weeks?? Right now she took a soapy mug out of the sink, where I had been soaking some dishes, and used it to make instant coffee...I don't think she rinsed it well or got the dried on coffee off ... it was from her breakfast.

She has not yet swallowed any coffee. I wonder if it will taste like soap, will harm her, or should I do nothing?? These are the everyday little problems. There are 15 clean mugs in the kitchen cabinet.

Just now she was looking for pants (I assume to wear tomorrow.) Where are my 'dungarees?" This is a word we used for blue jeans in 1949. I said do you mean your summer weight pants? You don't have any blue jeans. Yes I do, I wear them all the time, but I guess I left them in Ohio. (Only thick winter pants went on that trip.)

I got out several summer weight pants and hung them on her door hook. She was going through the 3 or 4 outfits I have left here on MY side of the door when I stepped in. Often I have come home to find her wearing my too big clothes, to the center, and all day, pants 6 inches too long ... not noticing or realizing it ..

This is the big problem of dementia ... irrational behavior, not learning from mistakes, making the same ones over and over, not able to see they did make a mistake or do something without thinking clearly. and a sense of fear and loss that seems to make them argumentive and angry at times, depressed at others.

Bill, Anna and I are now all on some kind of sleeping aid. Until this time of trials and changes is over, we need help to sleep. I am on Valerian, he is on Tylenol PM, and Anna is on a prescription sleep drug.

I don't think I ever mentioned this before: Anna is also suffering from a type of leukemia, Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia. She got the diagnosis in 1988. She lived with it and taught school until retirement age with it. But she is and was always tired. After school she went to bed. Bill cooked and cleaned and washed.

In the last 2 or 3 years her white blood count has become much better. Spontaneous remission or the prayers of the faithful .. she feels better. She started taking courses, joined a book club, went for long walks with Sam the Siberian Husky they have. Now she 'signed up' for newborn baby care starting in Sept when her daughter in law goes back to work, AND for MOMcare. Live in, sick, demented mother in law. Can she handle it? She told me Bill will do most of the work anyway, she will just have a little extra washing and cleaning. This is the reason they are hiring an Aide, even though they are both retired. This is also the reason why I feel so guilty and reluctant to give her this added burden, while at the same time knowing Mom will be better off in the big house, nearby bathroom, aide to help her wash and dress and keep clean, and 2 adults in the house except when Anna is baby sitting 6 blocks away ..all night and all weekend care from 2 people ..and I know for sure that I can't manage it alone NOW, never mind when Mom's Dementia progresses to worse and worse stages ..

WELL, now you know the full sad story ..

Love,

Martha

I'll pray for Anna that her remission is permanent. I have an aunt who suffers from that too. She was told that she was going to die from it. They gave her 1 1/2 years. She's lasted much longer than expected. She is in remission and I consider her a miracle really. She's lasted so far about 2 years longer than the doctors gave her. And all the time she was going through chemo she worked a full time job and volunteered for everything at her church. She was 66 years old and still doing all of this. She even found the time to walk her dog 3 miles every day. She said the busier she kept herself, the less time she had to think about her bad health. She even refuses to talk about it.

Barbara, have you been enjoying the spring weather? It's been warm here the past few days. It was about 85 today and forcast 83 tomorrow. Chicago is still much cooler than here because of the breezes off the lake.

Well ladies, there's more to the squirel saga. I took my dog Nipsy for a walk and on our way back home, we saw a wayward baby squirel. I think the injured one may have been it's mama. The baby followed me and Nipsy (must have thought Nipsy was her mama) and even came up close enough to touch our neighbor's shoe. My neighbor put him under a bush where he can get some protection but I don't think he's going to live, poor thing. I'll be looking for him in the morning. That's the caretaker in me I suppose.

Martha, Bill knows what he's getting into. He's already been through this with Anna's mother. He probably could teach the pros a few things as I'm sure you could. Knowing what he's up against, I doubt that he would take on the responsibility if he wasn't sure if he and Anna were physically up to it.

NO GUILT!!!

You did everything you possibly could to take care of your mother. No one can do this job indefinitely. If our "caretakees" live long enough to travel the entire dementia path, most of us caretakers will have to do exactly what you're doing. That's because it's not humanly possible to continue with the demands of a lifestyle that revolves around dementia. And that's not even considering you're doing it alone AND you work. So Bill and Anna will have her for as long as they can. Trust that they'll know when they can't do it anymore and know that they wouldn't take on the responsibility if they even thought it would be too much.

Love, Barb

Thanks Barb. You are rignt. No guilt. I did what I could, and soon I have to move on.

Bill and Anna both live according to the Golden Rule. They say real happiness only comes from giving. There are times when instead of thanks they get the proverbial swift kick. But they feel inner joy from it.

Before their son and DIL bought their house, they lived rent free in Bill and Anna's basement. Anna did all the cleaning and washing. Thus they were able to get a down payment together, otherwise the young people would live in apartments forever.

Now they drive out to Long Island once a week, clean F and I's house, do their laundry and go back home again. The 'kids' both work hard at demanding jobs, and their DIL also takes courses. She has an Associate degree but is working towards a Bachelor's. It's not as if they sit and allow themselves to be pampered. (sometimes, though, I think they are being spoiled ..but F is B and A's only child, and everyone seems happy with it.)

I just hope that when B and A are old and need help, the young people will jump in and be there for them. Perhaps that's another reason for moving nearby.

NEWS: Got email from Bill just now, written last night. ELSIE returned his call, finally. The check is in the mail. She is coming alone to NY for 2 days, June 4-5 for High School reunion. Then going back. She will 'try' to meet us for one meal. She is not taking Mom back with her, but 'maybe Mom can come in July'.

I think that is too much for Mom. Possibly having to live in 4 houses within a month - first here, then Bill's present house, then Bill's new house, and then a trip to Ohio - too much! She has problems remembering where things are as it is!

My younger son, K, returns to Florida today from a 1 week trip to Germany. My granddaughter, (he is her Godfather), had her First Communion there on Sunday. My oldest son, Ch's father, sent me pictures via e-mail. She is 8 years old and a beautiful child. I was unable to go for obvious reasons. I hope to see her and my son when I am settled in Indiana and before I get a new job ..but such a flight is very expensive. The 'off' season is considerably cheaper, e g not summer.

I used to get free standby tickets through my husband. But since the separation, 4/2000, he has not offered. Probably his new love is getting them as his 'wife' although she isn't. Our children got them until they were working, so throughout college they could come home in the summer at low cost .. they had to pay to get from IN to NY, stayed overnight with Mom, and then flew home. They used trains or the Greyhound Bus to get to NY. My mother always happily put them up. By the time the youngest was in college, that airline did not fly out of NY any more, so he got home via Chicago ... easier!

Love

Martha

PS I like you shower stool idea ..get a patent!!

You're right. That would be too much travel for your mom in such a short time. It would confuse her even more than she's going to be.

If E can fit you and Bill into her schedule for lunch, might you not be able to fit her in? You and Bill are busy taking care of things for yourselves and your mom. Seems to me you both have a busier schedule than E.

I'm sorry you aren't able to go to Germany just yet but it will happen for you.

Love, Barb

Hi Martha, :wave: gotta say I'm SO with Bosmom Barb on that. I see zero (count 'em, zero :)) reasons for you having lunch with Elsie. Do you see any possible benefit from it? Looks to me like a waste of your time and in fact probably bad for your self-esteem as she is so meanly competitive and belittling of you.

I got email today from J ..E's husband, asking me if there is some problem with E's email since she has not heard from me lately, and asking me to send it to both of their addresses.

This is the answer I sent:

Dear E and J,

As far as I know, I don't have any outstanding e-mails waiting to be picked up. As I told you, J, I am backing off because everything is so controversial right now .. with me struggling with what I see as a severe deteriotation in Mom's mental condition, and with E saying Mom is fine, no discernable change, and I am in some way keeping her a 'prisoner' here ... myself or through my deputy, the Aide.

I can't handle this major difference of opinion on top of full time job and full time care of Mom during every moment I am off work. So I am withdrawing for the time being. Of course I'll let you both know if anything urgent comes up.

I'm glad B talked to you. We were both hoping to find out if you could possibly take Mom during the multiple moves going on in June. The way it is now, she will move to B's house in Jamaica on June 12, then within a couple of weeks, move with them to Farmingdale. Meanwhile he will come to this house while she stays with A or someone, and move certain pieces of her furniture to his new house. She insists on taking a certain rug, and B had already planned to take her bed, 2 dressers and chair for her room, her own TV, her radio and her high quality lamps. She wants BOTH china closets but they will go into the one car garage out there, no room in the house.

Anyway, I leave on June 16, and B will have to take out the rest of Mom's things she did not take on June 12. Clothes, etc.

THEN move her and all the stuff to Farmingdale, not to mention his own house full of 34 years of accumulated stuff.

When I heard that they are moving too, it seemed a good idea to me to have Mom's July visit moved up to June, so she goes on vacation, and when she gets picked up at the airport again, she goes to her new room in the new house.

But if it can't be done, B says he will manage. I can't change my flight, don't want to, and we have to be entirely out of this apartment by June 30 at any rate.

I'm glad you called him.

Love,

M

Hi Martha,

Wow! Is your next career with the diplomatic service?!!!!!!!!!! Kudos for not knocking them out with the bare facts about the insults, lack of support (money and otherwise) and silence from Moo. Good grief.

Busy time here and no time for more - hugs - Barbara :)

I am speechless. Wonderful, amazing letter. Where did you ever find such right words? You are a rare person to be able to be so blunt and honest, yet without spite or malice, after accepting years of such nasty behavior.

And oh, how characteristic of Elsie to have JACK convey the message that, "Gee, I wonder what's happened to your e-mails?" (can't deign to do it herself) Proof positive that your messages HAVE been noticed all along...but she can't acknowledge that and risk the possibility that YOU might feel important or appreciated! She's the Queen, can't have that! :eek:

Now Elsie (not you) will have to mend her long-neglected bridges if she would like to receive such gifts as your e-mails and loving contact, time and attention again. It seems she never got it that she wasn't a Queen "entitled" to these things but that they are generous offerings from you of time, energy and spirit. She has pretty much stomped on all you gave her, expecting you to just give more...

Take care of yourself, Martha. Give it instead to others who respond in kind.

Well, thanks for the compliment. I tried to make my point without too many personal attacks. Remember they said "she meant the Aide, not you' when she reported to me that "Mom feels like an escaped prisoner" ... and they told Bill the check was on the way.

And Bill said she answered 'no way' when he suggested making Mom's next Ohio visit in JUNE instead of "July or August." Meanwhile he has told Elsie that he would prefer August. Then at least she will have been in her new home for a month or more before a trip. We don't want Mom to feel she is being shunted around to various people because no one wants her. That would be really bad for her. We hope she feels that everyone wants her to visit! I want to have her out in Indiana too . . but not right away!

Meanwhile K has landed in Fort Myers and is waiting for a connecting flight to Miami, he should be home by 8:30 PM and has to be at the pier on Key Largo at 6 AM for a scuba dive, part of his research. I hope jet lag doesn't interfere with his concentration. I only spoke to him for a minute, but was glad to hear he was on this side of the Atlantic again ...

Love,

Martha

Martha, you did a fantastic job on that letter! I don't know if I could have been so kind and still get my point across like you did.

Meanwhile, where is our Sally? Did she decide to stay in the country a few days longer?

Gotta go. I'm having killer cramps right now. OUCH!

Love, Barb

Dear Barb,

I think Sally isn't coming home until the coming weekend. I hope she is having a marvelous time with her immediate family and no "Caregivees!"

Cramps ...well, that's one good reason to look forward to menopause ... I know I have never once wished to turn back the clock on that issue!

Love,
Martha

Oh I thought it was just for the weekend.

My trip may have to be cancelled. Dad's very sick right now. I'm trying to convince him he needs to go to the ER. He was having chest pains and belching like crazy. Now he just threw up thick mucous with blood in it. Sorry to be so graphic. He says he thinks he might be constipated again too. I think he needs to go to the ER. He won't let me take him. I can't call an ambulance because they won't take him to the VA hospital. It's too far away.

I'm going to try an old trick of mine I just remembered. I'm going to tell dad I called the doctor and she said go to the hospital right away. I'll let you know if it works and how dad is doing later.

Love, Barb

I did it and he agreed to go to the hospital. We're going now. I'll let you know what happened later.

Love, Barb

So sorry about this ..if he needs to stay there for a few days, maybe you could go anyhow, and keep in touch by phone?

Just got back from the hospital. Everything checked out fine. I think he had a severe case of acid reflux. We did, however, find out he has diabetes. Now he has another pill to take.

He did come home and so far, all is well.

My son has to use the computer to do extra credit homework.

More later.

Love, Barb

Thanks for the update, and I hope he gets better. YOU MUST GO TO VISIT YOUR FRIEND!!!

Too bad they can't 'fix' Alzheimer's with a pill. What a blessing that would be. Even the positive reports I hear on TV about a new drug or a new breakthrough ALWAYS mention towards the end that this might 'keep the disease from progressing further." What if it has already progressed so far that the person's life is a misery?

Back to the Elsie saga: she called Bill last nght to say she is not receiving any email. Something is wrong. Later she wrote email to BILL to say she did pick up one from him, and a whole bunch from her High School about the reunion, but mine is still marked 'not yet read" - not by either of them. I sent it to both e-mail addresses - so she didn't get my letter of explanation. I wonder if she just doesn't want to read it.

Back to 'a pill for Alzheimer's - I suppose there is no way to regain damaged brain cells. Yet only 50 years ago there was no way to surgically repair a damaged heart. Now bypass operations are 'routine.' Maybe there is hope.

Love

Martha

Hi Barb,

I echo Martha's certainty that you MUST go away with your friends. Your father can stay with your DH and son, or perhaps in respite care for the days you're away. You cannot, cannot, must not, miss this away time. I know I'm preaching to the choir when I say Martha got away, Sally is away, and it's your turn. You need the space. You need the peace. You need the comfort of your dear friend. GO!!!!!!!! :nono: No excuse, no reason is good enough to keep you home. You deserve the time away, plain and simple.

Hope your Dad improves so you won't worry while you're gone.

Hugs - Barbara (did I say GO?????!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I was thinking if he had to stay in the hospital that I won't go. Since he's home and all is good, I will. I can't miss this. I would be heartbroken if I did.

Martha, Martha, Martha. The more I hear about E, the more convinced I am that with her, something just isn't qiuite right up there. She gets all her e-mails about the reunion but only some from Bill and none from you? Can she spell D-E-L-E-T-E? I'll bet she's going into her husband's e-mail and deleting it too, at least some of them.

I have to go grocery shopping today. We have nothing here. I have to get some bread and lunchmeat for our trip too. I'm going with three other friends and we're all bringing something to make a picnic lunch with so we won't have to eat out. We're leaving at 7am tomorrow. We should be there by 3pm or so. I'm so exited! I've never been deep in the Ozark mountains before. I've kind of skimmed through there on my way to Oklahoma City where another sister lives.

Well, lots to do in preperation for my three day journey. I am a procrastinator to say the least. :)

Love, Barb

Hi Barb,

Cheers!!! :D :D :D :D So glad you're outathere soon! The Ozarks will be lovely this time of year - spring flowers blooming everywhere and the new leaves will be so many shades of green! Last Saturday DH and I drove into the foothills of the Blue Ridge mountains and the red bud trees and dogwood blossoms made all look etheral. What a delight!

"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills ..." after all! You will soon feel restored!

Bye! :wave:

Hugs - Barbara

Barb, have a GREAT time. Relax and ban all thoughts about Dad and his problems from your mind...OR, if it makes it better, do talk about it with your good friends.

Love,

Martha

Re: E's selective email pickup. I re-sent the letter I posted here, and it was picked up by her husband (our server allows you to click for that information) but her copy is 'not yet read.' Either she is not getting messages, or just not picking them up. It matters little or not at all, at least J got my words, and perhaps shared them with her. He tends to 'protect' her from all the bad thnigs out there in the big bad world, which is a joke considering that she is a 67 year old retired college professor. She knows all about the bad world .. but this is how he has always been. Perhaps he encourages her not to see the real state Mom is in, and will reinforce her beliefs that Mom is really fine.

meanwhile: next week is Spring Break and again Bill has said the aide will keep coming, "you don't need to take over full time Momcare for that time". I have a long list of things to do, all involved with our moving. Paperwork, and pack and throw work ... mainly Mom's things. Bill wants me to throw out many of her belongings and I can at least start to thin it out- even more than the amount I got rid of in March - to make his job easier in June. If Mom goes to the Center every day with the aide, I can do that while they are away. Some examples: An artificial Christmas Tree on a high shelf, unused for 5 years. Decorations for the above. Many pairs of shoes unused since walking and balance became harder. Books she can no longer see well enough to read. I am thankful that the forecast is for cooler weather, since this kind of physical labor is best done in a cool room. It involves many trips down a flight of stairs to the garbage cans. A few trips to the clothing collection sites. No car - so all is done on foot.

My son in Germany has another interivew today. On top of being unemployed, his car was stolen yesterday.

Life is full of smaller and larger problems; I guess the trick is to take it as it comes ..

Love,

Martha