MY HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER HAS TURNED ON ME. I have had 8 surgeries, 4 on my neck and the 4th DEc '04 on my back in the past 10 years. I have worked @ a job in between all these surgeries and taken care of everything from making a new dinner every night and doing all the housework and all the outside work and loving it. Now after 8 operations my spine has completely fallen and my Doctor said you can not keep doing this to your self; you need to file for Disability and rest.

Well I filed in Jan '05 and my husband and daughter makes me feel like a piece of garbage. And it is all my fault because for all they're life I have taken care of everything all these years. You see, they have seen me in the hospital 8 different times and I have always gotten a new job and continued life. Now that I cannot do much of anything, they hate me. We are so broke it is killing me inside. The bills are way out of my control. I am a mess, I just want to die. You have to know that I love to work, and that is one of the biggest problem I am trying to overcome..And then them on top of me..

I can't deal with it..It hurts so bad.. I should here from SS very soon, but
I hope it comes back positive..if not there is no reason for anything. Has anyone went thru what I have?? What did you do??

Thx for a listening ear :confused:

Miss Idaho, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Shame on your husband and daughter for being so selfish. Sounds to me as if you take all of this on your shoulders including thier being selfish. You should stop that, you have shown them love and kindness, it is because of who they are that they took it and became selfish instead as loving and giving like you are. Perhaps family counceling is a good idea. You need to focus on yourself and getting you better. Is there any other family members or friends who could show you support? If so go to them as you really need a support system right now. Let us know how you are doing. One of the great things about this board is that you get support and advice.
I know what you mean about being upset on not being able to work. I too struggle with that because I have always been independant and feel awful about not being so any more. I take one day (sometimes one moment) at a time and try to be thankful for the good in my life. I know it is hard, but hang in there and try to keep your spirits up.

You really need to sit your daughter down and explain to her what's going on. As for husband is concerned, this is a really big issue. I cannot imagine not being supportive to someone I say I love. Even though I am not married and don't have any kids I know what's right and what's wrong. IT'S WRONG how they are both treating you. Your husband needs to wake up, stand up and be a man. He needs to understand (more than your daughter should) that you need your family to be strong for you and help make you get used to this new life you're put in. Instead of knocking you down, they should be building you up. Your husband needs a wake up call QUICK

Miss Idaho, Your family can only make you feel the way you allow them to make you feel. You have been their rock and support for all these years and now it is hard for them to accept you as not the one to do everything. Most people do not like change, and families are no different. Stop letting them make you feel selfish etc. and they won't. You have worked hard all your life and you deserve a chance to enjoy life without so much pain. You have also paid into SS and you have earned the right to collect now that you are not as strong as you once were. When your family gives you attitude, give it back! Let them know (in your usual sweet way) that the word family means you are in this together and everyone gets what they give or put another way you get out of it what you put into it. Good Luck and let us know how you are doing.

Thankyou so much for replying. Things are not getting better just worse because of his drinking. But I can't leave. I'm sorry i can't go on right now. Thanks I will try to write later.

Oh my SO SAD miss Idaho....as someone replied above
how selfish to treat you like this.:(.
sounds like they took you for granted all of these years--that's NOT LOVE:(
and if he's a drinker than your problems WILL only get worse...sorry

what you need to do is take care of YOU now...you deserve it
hope things get better real soon

GraN

im in the same boat i have no support, from from kids or husband ,he said tht i was denied disabililty i should go and find a job again i dont know how i can be on my feet for 8 hrs. he told me that i act like im the only one with arthritis and they work so why cant i . i feel so useless today. any advice. all my self esteen is slowing going deb

Thanks for your reply. I am still having alot of problems to and my back
condition is getting much worse. I called SS today and they said they are sending me to a doctor for revaluation. I am scared not knowing what they are going to ask me. I'm pretty sure I would be approved by now reading all these threads but I think the hold up is the back pay would go back to Feb. of 2003 and that would be alot of money they do not want to pay.

Does anyone know what these doctore ask you and what to expect?

Thanks,
Deb

its pitiful the way they r treating u and its not ok u need to sit boath of them down and have a nice long talk about how much they r hurting you

Hi Miss Idaho

I could have written the same letter as you- only I have had 3 surgery's , not 8.... WOW !!! YOU have been though alot !!!!!!
Every time you go through surgery- that takes a toll on a person's body-- I don't know how you felt after surgery's... but me .. I felt better before I had any of them !
Recovery time was awful- I never felt "right" since....

my husband was a drinker too-- couldn't get any support from him- he couldn't take care of himself- let alone - me... the kids didn't know what to think- didn't like seeing Mom in pain.... I was there rock.... my son feels the same way - like I should be working--doesn't doesn't seem to understand- things have taken a toll on my body and mind....

I was married 20 yrs to my high school sweetheart-- long story... but we divorced .. I couldn't stand the bar life- and he was "never" here for me... when I came out of surgey one time - I went in as a one day surgery-- I woke up finding out that I was checking in for a 4 day stay.... huh ? say what ?? my husband was yelling at me- it was MY fault cuz we had insurance !! All I wanted to hear was I was gonna be ok-

A month after we divorced- he had a brain anyusism, he spent a month at St.Mary's hospital in Rochester, MN... we are only a hr away from there... guess what they say- what comes around- goes around.. I seen him 1 time in the hospital... wanted to say.. so how's it feel now.. but I didn't...

now is the time for your family to be there for "YOU".. it is so hard for them to understand how you feel.. like everyone says... you have been the rock... I have a hard time when I hear something from my son- that makes me feel worthless too...
I got the sweetest letters from him though, when he was in boot camp.... he's a awesome son-- just doesn't understand health issues and how it does effect the whole family... but you need support- understanding & encouagement !!!!!!!

I have since re-married and found the most wonderful man that is "here" for me- he's my rock.... and I'm his.... I finally did something that was "best" for "me" !!

My son is coming around-- still hurtful at times-- but think that's his way to get me more motivated ?? but it hurts that way... my theory is-- you don't hurt someone you say you love...

I applied for disablity- was approved 1st time around...I'd much rather be working- than feel the way I do, same as everyone would want..

take care.. please let us know how things are going with you..

Hi Miss Idaho--my family doesn't understand my disability,either, which is cerebral palsy. You do have to take care of yourself. They can learn to cook, do outside work, do laundry, etc. I too am waiting for Social Security Disability. I make a little bit over the cap and am missing 3 work quarters in the right period of time, so right now I just get the medical insurance and no check. It makes things hard. My Dad and brother are alcoholics. Try Al-Anon for support. It is anonymous and best of all, free. Explain to your family that your health has forced these changes, and if you can't get through to them, have your doctor talk to them. Counselling could make a world of difference, also. If they won't go, go alone. Also, a co-dependency support group in your town might help. Keep your chin up. krisk

Deb, the Social Security Administration has its own doctors whose job it is to counteract your medical records and pay disability to as few a people as possible. Have your doctors (as many as you can) write letters supporting your claim, why you can't work, health problems,etc., and if possible, take as many supporting medical records with you as you can (or have them faxed to this person). Include things like: I can only stand for short periods, I can lift minimal amts., I am unable to perform these previous job duties because of these problems . . . You are right Cassie, maybe talking to family members about how they are treating you badly is not a good idea, except that I thought that it was important for those family members to know how what they are doing and not doing is making you feel worse/making the health problems worse. Nothing gets solved by not communicating at all, and if you didn't want to approach them alone, perhaps a counselor, pastor, or a concerned friend could sit in. As for the other posting--the woman whose husband had the brain anurysem after the divorce, you know what they say: what "goes around comes around", and sometimes God has a sense of humor. Keep us posted. Have a great day. krisk :angel:

hello everyone this is my first time here, and i had a couple of questions that i would like to know if anyone was able to answer. i applied for disability on oct 4, 2004 after i had stopped working in february of that year , due to the fact that i had several of medical impairments that i had sustained at work and some in the military. the first medical impairment that i had was an head contusion wher at work a 648lbs patient fell on top of me. he was in a lift to transfer himfrom one bed to another and it broke. i have an torn rotator cuff, mitral valve prolapse, an miniscus tear in my right knee, rheumotoid athritis, carpal tunnel syndrome in my hands, chronic pain, hemotomas that comes up in my chest when i lift over 10 lbs., scoliosis and my legs and foot swell when i stand over thirty minutes. NO i am not obesed, i weigh 139lbs and 5'7 , 33 years of age. i applied and they denied me and said that i might be able to work as an cashier. if not for me to get back in touch with them. i appealed my decision. and i was told from others that the reason that i was denied is because i told them that i was able to drive my kids to school and do other minor things, which i am no longer able to do now. also i was diagnosed with depression back in 1997 , with medication it help some , but now it has re-acured and now the diagnosis is major manic deppression. i have not worked for over a year and a half so income is very limited. i contacted a psychologist whom was very expensive, so i went through mhmra which turned out to be free. i was diagnosed with major manic depression and a gaf of 50. the doctor feel that since i have been depree for so long and on pain medication since 1997 i might be depended on medicine so he is trying to refer me for an eval for that. i have seen ss doctors for an mental eval. which was nothing lasted for about ten minutes. my question is is it possible for me to get ss based on this information.also i was told because i was a nurse my monthly amount is about 1800 plus my three kids, and they woluld prolong it based on that as well. too much money and back pay due. if someone knows please help me. i am going nuts and cant return to nursing because i am an high risk to my co workers and patients.