I was just wondering how everyone else copes with these things, I know a lot of the anxiety I have comes not only from coping with my symptoms but also the fear of losing my job, not being able to manage financially etc.

My marriage ended 2 years ago, when my husband walked out (we were together 15 years). The house had to be sold and I have been living in rented places ever since. Ending up on my own was not only emotionally but financially devastating. Money-wise I am far worse off, my ex earned a lot more than I did and I now struggle to get by on just my income, with having to pay rent and all the bills. I did receive money from the sale of the house, but it was nowhere near enough to enable me to buy anywhere else to live. All my family live on the other side of Australia, so I don't even have the option of living with them to save on rent. I certainly don't have an extravagant lifestyle! I don't smoke, or drink alcohol at all, I don't go out much socially (although a lot of that is due to the head monster!) and have even had to give up things I enjoy (like bowling) because I simply can't afford it. I don't buy expensive cosmetics or anything like that, all mine come from KMart, Target or the supermarket! I don't have private health insurance, so the full costs of things like medication or the VRT appointments come out of my pocket because they're not covered or subsidised by Australia's public health system.

Unfortunately my boss (and my employers in general) isn't at all sympathetic to my "dizzy" situation. She always comments on any time I have to take off either due to migraines or vertigo attacks, which makes me feel even worse, and usually says things like "what caused it THIS time" in a rather sarcastic tone of voice. I remember going back to work last year after a bad vertigo attack (I also had a severe throat infection at the time and could hardly talk), only to overhear her say to the other 2 girls in the office "Julie can answer the phones this week (it was a very busy time of year for phone calls), it can be her punishment for being off sick" - and she wasn't joking, that is her general attitude that I should be "punished" or made to feel bad for taking time off. My workmates are really good about the whole situation. I have tried to explain to my boss about the whole vestibular/BPPV/dizzy thing but she just isn't interested and tends to treat me as a "lesser person" because of these health problems. Seeing as my ex also used my health problems as one of the reasons for leaving me, it's absolutely shattering to be treated that way again for something that has happened to me through no fault of my own.

So I not only get really stressed when I get a vertigo attack, I also get stressed about having to take a day off work because I know what I'm going to be in for when I go back! The way the organisation is structured, we are a separate department and there is really no one "above" my boss that I can go to for help or to complain to. My only solution will be to leave, which of course I can't do until I can find another job that pays enough to enable me to support myself.

I am so worried all the time that I will lose my job because of the time I have to take off, and then I will be unable to support myself. At the moment, I cannot obtain any Government assistance at all because I earn above their "threshold" for a single woman with no children. If I lost my job, I still would not qualify for any assistance or any unemployment benefits etc because of the money I have in the bank from the sale of the house (which would quickly run out if I had no other income). And as you all know, worrying/stress/lack of sleep make the symptoms worse.

Sorry to be on such a downer, guys, but it is just so hard to cope from day to day with the head monster and then having to go to work where my boss makes my life miserable, and yet I can't afford NOT to work, I just seem trapped. I am constantly looking for another job and I see several people on the board have recently made the move to new jobs (well done!) but of course I stress about whether I can cope with a new job, whether my symptoms will get worse, will I have to take more time off, etc. Mind you, I guess it can't be much worse than where I am at the moment. The unfortunate part is that I really enjoy my job, but I dread going into work every day because of my boss!

So how do your employers treat you? Are they understanding or do they make your life difficult? Has anyone lost their job over having to take a lot of time off?

Thanks for listening, guys (as always) :)

Julie

Wow, Spikey, I can't imagine the stress you must feel every day. It is only after reading stories like yours that I appreciate my own situation. i have a very supportive husband and a job which is unionized and therefore I am very protected. Also, living in Canada, I don't have to pay for any doctors apts.
I don't know what it is like working for a boss who can't sympathize or at least give you the compassion you deserve. I wish I had a good solution for you, are you doing a job you love to do (not withstanding your boss)? That is the key, to like what you do and do what you like. Life is so much more tolerable when you are around people who support you and while you are doing something that brings you a feeling of satisfaction. This would help you to deal with the head monster better on the bad days.
Keep your chin up, you will come out of this a stronger and better person!

Hi Julie,

That sounds *very* tough. Really sorry to hear your boss is such a nightmare. I have to say I have been really lucky too in that my supervisor (boss) has been through a few nightmares involving the inner ear herself (total hearing loss from a genetic thing) and so is very sympathetic to my situation and has been unbelievably patient in my recovery. And I think if she'd been the opposite I don't know that I would have been able to get through this phd. I also was blessed with an angel for a girlfriend who supported me throughout the ordeal. Are you in Sydney by any chance?

I really admire your strength. To be rolling with the punches like you have put up with really shows you have a mountain of strength. I think you should really focus on finding another job if you think you can handle it. You don't need a miserable boss like that. Your fear of moving to a new job may not be as bad as you anticipate. Every time I get any anxiety about something it is almost NEVER what I thought it would be.

Hope you feel a little better after this long weekend.

Cheers.....Scott :cool:

So very sorry to hear all your turmoil. Everybodys situation is different, but I have to agree with Scott and would think about trying to find a different position. I had to quit my job of 29 years and take on a position that was at a much slower pace. I worked in a restaurant as a chef.
I was able to obtain NYS disability insurance for a few months until I was comfortable enough to start my new job. I wasn't able to draw unemployment because they say you have to be, ready, willing and able. The new job doesn't pay as well but the health benefits are fantastic. It's so disheartening to know how unkind people can be because they just don't understand. To this day, my mom still feels like I over-reacted with my anxiety. I have to bite my tongue because she just truly doesn't understand. I am also very fortunate to have an incredible understanding husband. He truly went through this living hell with me.
Another thing I did was try to put all my resources together to try to make a little extra money. I made beaded jewelry and sold that on the side. I also had my hair cutting license. It wasn't much, but any little bit did help. I too had money left from my house that I sold before I married my now husband.

I send you a big hug and as I always say know that WE all know how you feel and we stand behind you. :angel: How long have you been dealing with your inner ear disorder?

all the best,
Kathy

I am sorry for your situation too! I only work part-time, but that has even been rough at times. I don't think my co-workers really understand much. One guy. who is a nice guy, kind fo made a joke of it. He would walk tilted when he saw me and say how's the dizziness? I did laugh, cause I know he was not trying to be mean. When they call me to work extra, I have had to say no a few times. I know they must think I am a big baby! I get the same thing from my mom too. She down plays it and says stress is causing it or premenopause. Before I had an MRI, I was really scared about having a tumor, etc..After the results were normal, she asked my husband if I still thought I was dying? In a sarcastic tone mind you. It is hard to explain to people that you feel dizzy, off-balance, tired, worried, sad, etc...on a daily basis. I wonder if my family gets tired of hearing it? I know you have to support yourself, but can you find a new job, move to be closer to family, or anything else that would take away some of the stress? Can you try to sit down and discuss this with the boss? Let her how her actions make you feel? Good luck. I hope that things get better for you. :angel:

Julie

Really sorry to hear all you have been through. You have done so well to survive it all.

From my experience:

When I got this, I was at Uni on an intense teaching course - my tutors were aware and v understanding of my problem. But it was tough.

Then I had 2 years out of doing v part time supply work. So that wasnt really a problem.

Just started new teaching job (part time but feels like full time) and basically noone knows, I never tell anyone who I work with about my prob as I worry they will think Im a hazard/unfit to work. Particularly in my job. I prefer people not to know really. But at the same time it can be frustrating when you have all these demands on you and you feel s*** yet you cant tell anyone this is really hard on you.

Financially I have been lucky as I have moved home to live with parents. They have been brilliant.

Keep smiling. xxx

Hi Everyone

Thanks so much for the words of support and encouragement. As you all say, it is SO hard to cope with this all day, every day, never getting a break from it - all I want is to be able to wake up in the morning and feel NORMAL, to be able to do day to day things without being constantly dizzy/off-balance/lightheaded etc, to be able to do simple things like go to the movies again. I am so grateful for this board, it's been a lifeline and you guys are more help to me than I can say.

Firechick: Glad to hear you're in such a good position with your job, it must really help to relieve the stress a lot. Wish I was in the same boat! I do really enjoy my job and I'm very good at what I do (evne if I do say so myself) but my boss makes life almost intolerable sometimes. No one in our department likes her and gets on with her anyway and she gives us all a hard time, but for the last year or so, I seem to have been her special target especially with my health problems. My boyfriend is in a government job and he is trying to help me find a position in a government department. Those sort of jobs are pretty "protected" too (in that it's usually impossible to get sacked!) and the benefits are usually pretty good.

Scott: How wonderful to have a boss who actually understands about inner ear problems! I think that's something we all dream about. No, I'm not in Sydney, I'm way over here in Perth. I know for my own sake I have to get another job, but of course the job market over here is nowhere near as big as that in the cities in the Eastern States, so I'll just have to keep looking. As you say, the anxiety and worrying about something is never as bad as the reality. I wish I could explain that to my brain!!!

Kathy: It will be 4 years in June since all this started, I can't even remember now what it's like NOT to be dizzy. It's interesting to see a lot of jobs in the US include things like health benefits - not so here in Australia, it would be a very rare employer that would provide something like that, it's not part of a normal job package. We get a free flu vaccination each year (WOW) and that's about it. It is disheartening to have people "dismiss" your problems, they just don't understand and just think you're exaggerating because they can't actually see anything wrong with you. I met my new boyfriend nearly 6 months ago, he has been fantastic about the whole thing and very supportive and caring, even taking time off work to take me to my VRT appointments. My whole experience with the head monster would have been so different if I'd had support like that from a partner right from the start. But at least I have the support from you guys and I know you're always there for me :)

Dizzy2: I know, I often wonder if people get tired of hearing about the whole thing, but it's something that's with you 24/7, it affects every part of your life and never goes away, so it's only natural that we do have to talk about it a lot. As I said to Scott, I am currently looking for a new job, but will just have to be patient! I can't really move closer to my family, my parents live in a little town on the NSW south coast (about 4 hours drive south of Sydney) and there are practically no jobs down there so unfortunately it's not an option. Also, I have been here in Perth nearly 11 years and have built a life here, have lots of friends and really love the lifestyle. Perth is also one of the most affordable capital cities to live in in Australia, I simply couldn't afford to live in somewhere like Sydney or Melbourne but that's where the work is. I'm thinking of taking up something like Tai Chi - it supposed to be very good for stress as well as helping to improve balance. Has anyone here tried it? As for sitting down with the boss, she doesn't see that there's anything wrong with her behaviour towards anyone. She lives in an upmarket suburb, both she and her husband earn a lot of money and she is one of these people who thinks she's better than everyone else. She is completely oblivious as to how the way she acts affects the others in the office as she really does not care. She talks about herself and her family all the time and expects us all to listen and be absolutely fascinated, but brushes off any problems etc that we have as being unimportant. She's a real drama queen as well, every little thing in her life is blown WAY out of proportion. I'd like to see her cope with what I've had to deal with in the last few years!

CL: I know what you mean about preferring people not to know, as you say they look on you as some sort of weak, unhealthy, unfit person simply because they have no concept of what we have to go through with these inner ear problems.

I think we all will develop tremendous inner strength through all of this, horrendous as it is to put up with, to simple be able to go on from day to day is so difficult and yet we continue to do it. Mind you, given the choice, I would rather have had another way of making myself stronger!!!

THanks again for the support everyone, and good luck and (hopefully) dizzy-free or less dizzy days for us all.

Julie
:wave: