Hello again from the middle of a cold night in NY.

Mom is definitely getting worse and worse. Saturday was unbelievable.

First of all she washed her hair about 10x. This is new. EARLY in the morning she said I think I'll wash my hair. Fine. About 10 AM she washed it again, then several more times in the afternoon.

I have a feeling she feels dirty (and is) but sitting down outside the tub - on a wooden stool - and just washing the HAIR is easy ..and feels good, so she did it all day long.

She lost her house keys! I was home on Friday when she and the aide got home, so neither had to unlock any doors. I noticed her key was not in its usual spot yesterday. and searched all over..no key. I made the mistake of asking her .. do you think maybe Esther had it in her hand and took it home by mistake? No no, Esther never opens the doors, I always open them myself (??)

After realising the keys were gone, Mom searched all day - in between hair washings - in bizarre places they could not possibly be. Then she began making up stories. "Now I remember, I gave them to Esther so she could get in on Monday."

"How did she get in before? You pushed the buzzer. She wouldn't have accepted the keys. "

"I remember, I left them on the table at the Center."

"I remember, I gave them to Bill."

Odd, weird thngs. On the table at the center is impossible, Esther keeps them pinned to Mom's jacket until they get to the house. She didn't see Bill that day.

Later she asked me 'how is the little girl who broke her arm?"

" What girl?"

" You told me a girl fell off a swing at school."

" No, we dont even have an outdor playground."

I asked Bill and he reminded me of a cousin who fell off a swing and broke her arm as a little girl - but 24 years ago.

I must have sounded pretty desperate yesterday because Bill called and invited Mom to go with them to Farmngdale, see the new house from the outside, have a nice lunch together, and leave me in peace for much of the day. I plan to sort out Mom's dressers .. not go out and live it up!

Meanwhile my daughter called to say her husband (post surgery nurse) needs to change to another unit because of his chronic back pain. He is thinking of the Oncology (cancer) unit. Less lifting. There he could get an interesting position time wise ..two 12 hour shifts a week, all on weekends, and off 5 weekdays. Sounds good!

Love,

Martha

Oh Martha .. !!!

Mums behaviour is most frustrating, that's for sure .. especially when you KNOW she only guessing her answers!!

Try and stop setting yourself up for the internal argument that you feel like having. You KNOW you can't trust ANYTHING she says .. even if she is right, chances are she isn't .... "you canna trust the captain no more say's Scottie"

Actually, my Mum is going through it with a friend of hers. When my Dad died last year (God, already it's last year .. 12 months in June .. so fast and still so slow .. but I digress .. as usual LOL) his bestest friend left in the world died exactly a month after Dad. It's his wife who is slowly/rapidly going gaga .. her niece is looking after her on a part-time basis, and Mum is helping out here and there and getting SO frustrated !! LOL .. welcome to MY world Mum !!! LOL

Her friend rings up Mum and says "I've made an appointment with Dr. W on Tuesday" Mum will ask why since she just saw Dr. W last Tuesday. Friend says "Because he told me to" Mum will argue, "No he didn't, I was with you" and friend will be confused and dither her conversation and fade it out. The next day, she'll ring Mum again and say "I've made an appointment with Dr. W on Wednesday" .. and they go through the entire routine again.

Mum's jumping up and down because IT'S RIDICULOUS (well DUH!!) and my Mum being my Mum and the perfectionist and organised person, this is DRIVING HER NUTS!! I keep trying to explain, you CANNOT trust ANYTHING she says. You cannot give her that kind of responsibility. You MUST ring places first and check, Whatever she tells you MUST be greeted with raised eyebrows until proven. Mum said "Good grief, what a job"

Yes Mum, what a job indeed. Throw in a dying old man, and welcome to my world ducky!!! Oh and guess what .. there's a whole whack of us here in the same boat.

An eye opener, but still, Mum looks for "normal" and sets herself up everytime for frustration ....

We'll have to work on some back up plans for you to get you through the next few weeks ...

Girls? Ideas?

Hugs
Sally

I am a little bit like your Mum's friend ..I have tried womanfully to explain, reason, argue ..using logic ..for well over a year. It's not working, It can't. Intellect is no match for dementia.

So now I have a hair washing, dirty bottomed, nonsense talking housemate for the next 7 weeks - exactly. Wish me luck.

I am glad I can escape to school most days. This week is my Spring Break, and I'll be home. I plan to do a lot of work in the house during Mom's time at the center with her aide.I am sure I will have to explain over and over again why I am still here when Mom wakes up . I am tempted to go out every day at my normal time and come back when she is gone! But it's those 3 hours alone that scare me the most, so I will stay here. At least she won't burn any pots for one week.

Love,
Martha

Perhaps ducking out at normal time will help Mom keep to HER routine? She copes with that 3 hours 'usually' (I know it's not a word we can use lightly here), so why not try it? 3 hours break for you to come home to a quiet house ...

I would give it a go, even just for a couple of days ... try it, give it a shot, it won't hurt you, and lock the pots up.

Can you get kiddy safety locks for the cupboard doors so she CAN'T get anything out? DH's cousin (with the 3 littlies) has these REALLY nifty locks that look like the packing tape ridged plastic .. very useful .. I had trouble with them !! Cameron (who could pick locks at 14 months) had trouble with them ... maybe I should buy some and send over? LOL

Hang in there Martha .. you are on countdown .... and trust me, we're counting down with you !! LOL

Tonight I went downstairs to do dinner. I got greeted with a huge hug. I cringed. I cowered .. I am on the defensive. I cannot accept MIL and her moods .. good OR bad at the moment. I so DON'T want to be here it's depressing me, and I'm trying VERY hard not to give into it ...

DON'T let this get you down .. you deserve the break your getting .. you know that, so don't go into overdrive because of impending guilt ok?? NO guilt .. remember?

Martha .. has anybody told you lately that you really are MARVELLOUS and, as much as I have never met you, if we had, you would be in my circle of 'mates' .. people I can depend on. The people in my circle of 'mates' I can honestly say "I love you" .. so Martha .... consider yourself in my circle ok??

And of course, Barb, and BosMom and everybody here who has picked me up when I'm flat, laughed with me AND at me, cried with me and AT me and been there.

Many big squeezy hugs
Sally

oh and just a quick note. Mum rang me tonight to tell me her friend has had a massive stroke and is in hospital and not likely to survive. I told her to look upon this as a release and not to be sad. Her friend will be released from the hell of dementia before it REALLY takes hold. It can only be a blessing.

Hugs again
Sally

Thanks Sally, I feel exactly the same about you and Barbara and Barb and others ..

I hope I can get a computer set up and get back to this site when I've moved! I need you! I will need your support, and will keep you updated as to how Mom fares at Bill's home and as to how I make out in a new world, new life...

love,

Martha

PS I'm considering leaving the apartment a little later than usual ..having myself a nice breakfast 'out', and coming back when all is quiet. I know those plastic cabinet door restrainers from my daughter ..but these cabinets are not compatible with them ..Mom will make her instant coffee and maybe intant oarmeal. As you say, it has worked so far ...

It would be kind of fun to go out early in the morning. and NOT have to go to work! . Some drug stores and our local supermarket are open all night. Could even do a little shopping, and Mom's routine would not change at all. I would leave a note for Esther asking her about the keys, and leave a spare set ..(Mom will probably pick them up and say "I found them! They were here all the time!!'

Hi Martha,

I vote for leaving as usual because for AD folks, routine is everything. You can really enjoy the freedom of being able to choose what to do, where to go, what to have for breakfast, and all sorts of other delicious choices. Home to peace and quiet is just the best. Put some great music on to play and enjoy all you can accomplish. Remember, too, if you choose to, you can always pack one more box for yourself and take a few more things that have heartstrings attached. After mid-June, it will be too late, so listen to your heart this week.

Hope the keys turn up!

Hugs - Barbara :)