My Nephew is going through a tough time with potty training. He had a lot of problems with moving his bowels and was somewhat traumatized by the ER visits, enemas, x-rays, CT Scans and everything. Because he was so bad off and in total agony back when he was 3 1/2 and just turned 4 my sister really slacked on the potty training issue.

My sister really doesn't seem too anxious about the fact that he is still in pull-ups...The thing is that he is turning 5 in June and starting Kindergarten in the Fall. I said this to her and she said "Oh, it's ok he can still go in diapers as long as he has a Dr.'s note", but does she realize how the boy is going to feel being the only one in Kindergarten with diapers on? How old is too old? When he outgrows diapers/pull-ups then what Depends?

However, even before that, my sister didn't really get him on the potty training wagon. My daughter learned by 3, I didn't push her or act agressive, but I was consistent. My sister however, seems to be very passive with the boy, I think a lot of it is that she isn't following up with him. So when he says "I don't want to go on the potty", she won't fight him or at least try harder. She uses the excuse that he was traumatized and that she isn't going to push him.

She did say that she DID mention recently the possibility of Irrital Bowel Syndrome. When she approached her Pediatrician (he was mine too when I was small as well as my daughters now), he stated that it couldn't be that and basically dismissed her thoughts. She was very upset and said she wants to find a new Pediatrician, when she does she will be going on to a 3rd Doc for my Nephew. She is never satisfied with any of the Doctor's answers or the way they "treat him or me". This Doctor is reputed as being great and as I said he has been our family pediatrician for 3 generations.

I also know that my sister is very, very overprotective of the boy and freaks out if the kid falls down. I almost see her at times as smothering him or holding him back from being a playful, rough normal boy.

What do you guys think???? Is it my sisters training habits, the bowel problem or is it a combo of both. Doesn't it seem strange for a 5 year old to still not be potty trained?

Chances are if he does start school in diapers they won't stay around for long. He'll want to be a big boy like the rest of the kids.
I agree she should try harder there are certinly lots of different methods of potty training.
Also,you should realize your not going to change her mind about any of this. If you've stated your opinion then leave it at that, maybe see if you can find a good book for her on poty training. trying to force your opinion on her is just going to create conflict and you'll be no better off, so just let her do what shes going to do, as hard as that may be.

I agree Mandy, my sister IS very stubborn....I just worry about this little boy...

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Smiles, Trish

MY SON WILL BE 2 NEXT MONTH AND IS MAKING BM'S IN THE TOILET ON A REGULAR BASIS, WHICH SURPRISED ME BECAUSE THEY SAY THAT BOYS ARE HARDER TO POTTY TRAIN. MY COUSIN WAS IN PULL-UPS UNTIL HE WAS 4, AND THEN WHEN HE LEARNED THAT THE OLDER KIDS IN SCHOOL DIDN'T POTTY IN THEIR PANTS, HE JUST STOPPED. I KNOW IT IS FRUSTRATING, BUT REALLY, HE IS OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER. THE WAY I POTTY TRAINED MY SON WAS THAT I LEFT HIS DIAPER ON HIM JUST A LITTLE LONGER THAN I HAD TO WHEN HE POOED, SO THAT HE WOULD BE UNCOMFORTABLE. BY ME NOT RESPONDING RIGHT AWAY, HE DECIDED IT WAS BEST TO POO IN THE TOILET. ALSO, WHEN HE DID POO IN HIS PANTS, I WOULD PUT HIM ON THE TOILET ANYWAY, AND TELL HIM, YOU DON'T POO IN YOU PANTS, YOU POO HERE ON THE POT. AND HE WOULD WALK AROUND SAYING "POO ON THE POT." NOW, HE JUST DOES IT. TRY THAT. GOOD LUCK.

My sis claims she has tried the "leaving him in it" method to no avail. As I said I realize that he did go through some trauma, but there comes a point when a parent really needs to be consistent.

A 5 year old in a diaper is unexceptable except if a child is in a "special needs" catagory. My nephew is perfectly healthy and happy. I think it's my sister coddling him...she does that a lot and has since he was a baby.

As a baby she never got him into a routine of eating "meals" (even if they were still bottles) she just let him eat whenever he felt like eating...so it became more like snacking...as a result, that is what he does today.

He will snack many times during the day and won't sit and eat a whole meal, he will pick at it. She wonders why now, but I remember trying to let her know that even back as a baby it was a hard habit to break once started..so as you can see she has a habit to let the boy have a lot of control...

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Smiles, Trish

I can understand why you would be concerned about your nephew. My son is 2 1/2, (actually almost three) and he would cry if I showed him a pair of big boy underpants! He would say, "No, I want my diaper!" So I left it alone for a couple months and one day I offered him some Toy Story underwear and he decided that was the day! He has been fine ever since. I have so many friends that did not have it so easy! I do think maybe your nephew is alittle traumitized by the whole hospital/doctor ordeal, but I am not sure about IBS in children? I would definitely seek the opinion of another doctor. Even if the school he will be going to excepts children in diapers, I wouldnt think your sister would want that for her son. Good luck, your sister is lucky to have you!

Honey

Coming from a mother who has an 8 year old who has been through tons of testing (for a totally different reason) take some advice. Your sister has probably seen her child go through TONS of stuff with all of his testing that someone who hasn't been there with their own child can't possibly understand. I would feel it safe to say that the child has been through his share of trauma. Although being 5 and going to school in diapers may seem horrible to you, it could be much, much worse. Your sister is in search of a doctor that will understand her fears for her son and her frustrations. She may be picky & overprotective and she may very well be part of his problem, but the reality of it is that he is her son. She HAS to do for him what she feels is best. She is probably wrestling with fears that you can't imagine. Be supportive of her. Offer your help, not your suggestions on how she should react to her unique situation. Things will work out for your nephew and your sister and you don't want her to look back and see that you were so disapproving of her what you view as her 'lack of consistency'. All I am trying to say is...she's doing the best that she can. If she loves him, cares enough to take him to 3 or 4 or 5 doctors, and she isn't abusing him like so many mothers do, then consider him lucky and just be there for her. I totally disagree with the suggestion of buying her a book. I would be totally offended if I were in her position.

eewee,

I never mentioned anything about "buying a book" to give my sister. I see your point, however....as far as making my sister feel like I am unsupportive, I have never mentioned anything to her...this is my concern, however as a parent myself, your child is your own and I understand the delicate nature of trying to tell someone else how to raise a child.

I am simply voicing my concern here.

I read another posters suggestion of buying a book, that is where I got that from. Sorry for that confusion. I guess what I was trying to say, and didn't mean to come across as offensive, is that I have been in your sisters shoes. If you will go back and read your post, it is somewhat critical of her choices and decisions concerning her son. You did even say that you mentioned to her about her son starting school in diapers and she said it was fine as long as he had a doctors note. I didn't voice my point as well as I would have liked to, so I'll try again. Handle the situation with kid gloves. I agree that he may 'get on the bandwagon' when he starts school and not want to wear diapers. My family has never criticized me for the fact that my son is 8 and still in diapers. (He is autistic secondary to Tuberous Sclerosis) But there are people that have. I've been accused of being lazy. I've had people buy my son underwear for christmas knowing full well he doesn't wear them. So as you can see, I have seen this story from your sister's side. I'm not criticizing you for being concerned about your nephews health. I understand. Just relax about the potty training issue. I know it can be stressful being in your shoes. But everything will work out. I think your nephews health problems are probably a big part of the problem. Doing number two in the potty is scary enough for kids learning to potty train, much less if it is a painful experience. Hang in there, it will all work out. Good Luck to you!!