My mom called me today and told me that my grandma had been acting "nutty as a fruitcake" all day long and that my grandpa had called and needed help with her. My mom's sister (and only sibling) said that she could not go because she had something else going on (she seems to always have something going on during the crazy times), so my mom told me that she was going to drive the hour 1/2 over there when she got off work. I did not want her doing this because I have been worried about her health and I knew that this would really tire her out, so I told her that I would go over there instead (I live 2 hrs away).

I then called over to my grandparents and told them that I would be over at 9:00 in the morning with breakfast. I told my GP that I would be able to stay until right after lunch and then I will have to leave---so he could go do whatever he wanted during this time. Knowing that I will be there in the morning seemed to calm my GM down, so hopefully they will have a peaceful night. (Keeping my fingers crossed!!!)

She had been just going completely bonkers!! My GP couldn't keep her clothes on her---she walked out on the porch and in plain view took off her shirt and then pulled her pants down to use the bathroom out there. He finally got her back in and she continued to act nutty as everything!!!

He watches her during the week (they also have home health care that comes out 3 of the days) and he has the weekends to do whatever because either my mom, me, or my aunt stay each weekend with them so that he can be free.

I just get aggrivated sometimes because my aunt's daughter (she is a couple of years older than me) NEVER helps and she only lives 15 mins away from my grandparents. It would have helped sooo much if she just would have went over there for an hour or even just 30mins. What really aggrivated me is when her husband asked me how my GM was doing----I wanted to say ask your wife-we have the same GM you know, but I knew the answer to that.

I am also worried that my mom is getting alzheimers---at age 47!!!!!!!! I don't know if it's just that she is so worn down and tired, or if she could be getting it. The possibility really scares me!! My GM is 78 and has had it for the last few years---but it has just gotten really bad this past year.

I absolutely HATE this disease!!!!!!!

Dear Glamourgal,

Your mother is probably not getting AD, she may just be worn out from the hassles and worry abut her mother.

I wonder why so many AD patients lose their inhibitions. It must affect that part of the brain where we have been taught to behave "properly." . My brother's MIL did that towards the end. This was the most scrupulously clean and neat person I have ever known - no particle of dust was ever in her house ... and then she would squat and poop on the garage floor ..

This is a HORRIBLE disease, a disaster, a plague. You are a wonderful daughter to try and take some of the burden off your Mom. Maybe your Grandma can have a home health aide for 5 days a week? Poor Grandpa, how can he handle it!

Love and prayers,

Martha

Dear Glam,

There IS such a thing as Carer Stress which imitates early stages of Dementia. Don't panic .. once the stress is eased, the symptoms usually (usually .. underlined) go away.

What a brave girl you are for trying to help .. 10/10 for your love and understanding. If only all our family members were like you!! Like wouldn't be so stressful !!! I agree with Martha .. try and get some regular help in.

We've just had a company open here who do EVERYTHING. Yes, it costs $$ (what doesn't now-a-days?) but if your in a health fund, some of it is refundable ... the trouble with 'old' people is they tend to want to hang on to what they have so when they depart our earth, the 'children' will be covered. I don't agree ... they've worked bloody hard for what they've got, and they need to use it on themselves. Whatever left is the childrens legacy. The day's of 'leaving it all to the kids' is over unfortunately, our economy has created it.

NewsFLASH: I took MIL shopping the other day. I walked past her and she STUNK! (Stank? Was Stinky?) I been ewwwwwwwww .. and yesterday I checked her bed and there was a HUGE pee stain on the sheets. At any other time, she would have whipped those sheets off and had 'em in the wash before you could blink. Now she's sleeping in it. YUCK !!! I don't dare strip the bed and wash ... it wouldn't be worth it, but I will be looking for a mattress cover today when DH comes home.

Anyway, must dash ....

Hugs
Sally

Thank you so much girls for your wisdom and kindness. I really don't see how you full-time caregivers do it! I feel like I'm going bananas after just a weekend spent at my grandparents!!

Well, I made it over there by 9:00am the other day and brought breakfast. They both seemed to really enjoy it. My GM looked horrible!! Her hair was all smooshed to her head and she just looked like a crazy, looney person! As soon as my GP finished breakfast he left to get out of the house for a while (I don't blame him!!---I told him to do WHATEVER he wanted (he certainly deserves it). Then I fixed my GM's hair, painted her nails, slapped some lipstick on her, and just visited with her.

By the time my grandpa got back she looked like a completely different person--I could tell that he was really happy---she didn't look like an escapee from the looney bin anymore (even thought she acts like one at times)!! He spent the rest of the afternoon outside, getting to enjoy the beautiful day. I fixed a big pot of stew and had my GM peel the potatoes to keep her occupied and make her feel like she was helping. She actually did a really good job and it turned out to be a really good day.

Well, fast foward to the weekend-----more craziness, more mahem!!! She is complaining that my GP is abusing her and being mean to her. She also keeps spitting on the floor---ewwww!! I was back over there on Sunday, along with my aunt and mom, and we noticed something that was stuck to the wall behind the recliner that she always sits in.

Yes, it was a nasty, rather large "spit wad" (for lack of better term). We also found 3 more that were nearby. She was always such a VERY clean neat freak type person---well certainly NOT anymore!!! We were all so grossed out while cleaning up the "messes" she had made.

Another home health company is supposed to be coming out in the next couple of weeks to evaluate their situation---we are going to try to get more help through them.

Good luck Glamourgal .. your Grandma needs all the help available. How strange that the neatniks get so gross because of this disease. If anyone had told Mom that she would walk around in smelly pants ..she would have had THEM placed in a mental hospital! You are a good and caring granddaughter.

My Mom is not as lucky. The nearest Grandchildren are Bill's son and DIL, who never really did anything for her, and the next closest is E's daughter in PA, who neither calls ntr even sends a card or letter ... A few years ago my Mom stopped sending HER children presents because no thank you note was ever received.That ended the whole corresondence. Oh yes, a long Christmas letter comes once a year. My 3 kids are far away, but 2 of them managed to get here for visits during the last 2 years ... E's other 2 live far away and are hardly ever heard from ..it is as if Mom's family has shrunk.

Love,

Martha

OH it's so true. If our charges could just snap back for 1 hour to their normal selves, we could tell them how/what/why/when etc of their behaviour .. they would be horrified ..... they really would.

They would say "put me in a home, don't let me be a burden" they would say "put me to rest" (or something similar) ...... its just so BLOODY HORRIBLE !!!!!!

BTW (By the Way), today at the Hospital, I had to duck out and get FIL a local newspaper (and a treat, I always try and buy him a treat) and coming back, there was this poor sweet little old lady in a chair, in a nappy, surrounded by absorbant clothes and she was crying "God, take me now, why are you letting me suffer? Take me now, don't let this go on, let me join you, "

I got to the nurses station and burst out crying and told them what was happening 2 doors down. You could hear her, but the nurses had tuned out. That was even sadder. THAT is my biggest fear, that in their hour of need, FIL and MIL will be alone, ignored and abandoned.

AND THAT'S why I'm having trouble letting go.

Hey .. I just worked it out ..... !!!!!!!!!!!

Miracles never cease to happen LOL

Hugs
Sally