tkrolo
04-30-2005, 01:07 AM
My wife and I have been together for 14 years. We have three children; one daughter, 13, and two sons, 10 and 4. I am 31 and my wife is 30.
When we started dating, my wife was the nicest, kindest person I had ever met.
When she was about 6 months pregnant with our second child, her temperment began to change. Things began to irritate her more easily. For the first time she displayed bursts of rage I had not witnessed before. I accepted this as a side effect of the pregnancy at first. Then after his birth, I blamed it on depression. But ten years later, I am finding that this problem is bigger than I can handle alone. It is beginning to affect her relationship with the kids and I suspect it is more difficult for her to deal with people at work and school. She explains it has her just being in a "bad" mood, but it is not normal for a person to be this tempermental. Her sex drive is now very poor which was once quite healthy. Most times I get the feeling she views it as obligatory although I am sure she enjoys it.
The fact that she is closer to the woman I know and love the week of her menstrual cycle tells me that there is some type of hormone imbalance. I know the day she starts her cycle without looking in the trash can. The difference is like night and day. For that week and the next four or five days she seems to be far less tense and much easier to talk with. After that her mood seems to take a sharp turn south, growing more tense and irritated every day until the next cycle.
Every doctor she has seen puts her on some type of anti-depressant, currently Wellbutrin, but the only one that really helped was Paxil, and she had to stop use seven years ago because it was habit forming and the side effects were to great. She seems to play the problem down when discussing it with physicians, and they don't like to hear the problem from me or at least don't respond well to my suggestions.
What can we do to alleviate these problems? Has anyone dealt with similar problems and what was the treatment?
Thanks in advance
When we started dating, my wife was the nicest, kindest person I had ever met.
When she was about 6 months pregnant with our second child, her temperment began to change. Things began to irritate her more easily. For the first time she displayed bursts of rage I had not witnessed before. I accepted this as a side effect of the pregnancy at first. Then after his birth, I blamed it on depression. But ten years later, I am finding that this problem is bigger than I can handle alone. It is beginning to affect her relationship with the kids and I suspect it is more difficult for her to deal with people at work and school. She explains it has her just being in a "bad" mood, but it is not normal for a person to be this tempermental. Her sex drive is now very poor which was once quite healthy. Most times I get the feeling she views it as obligatory although I am sure she enjoys it.
The fact that she is closer to the woman I know and love the week of her menstrual cycle tells me that there is some type of hormone imbalance. I know the day she starts her cycle without looking in the trash can. The difference is like night and day. For that week and the next four or five days she seems to be far less tense and much easier to talk with. After that her mood seems to take a sharp turn south, growing more tense and irritated every day until the next cycle.
Every doctor she has seen puts her on some type of anti-depressant, currently Wellbutrin, but the only one that really helped was Paxil, and she had to stop use seven years ago because it was habit forming and the side effects were to great. She seems to play the problem down when discussing it with physicians, and they don't like to hear the problem from me or at least don't respond well to my suggestions.
What can we do to alleviate these problems? Has anyone dealt with similar problems and what was the treatment?
Thanks in advance
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hannasnana
04-30-2005, 01:18 AM
Hi Tkrolo,
Is this a touchy subject to broach with your wife? I know that I was having some mood problems before I was 50 and my husband kept mentioning that the nurses where he worked started using progest creme and IT was really helping them. I didn't realise how much my moodiness and irritability was showing up. After my husband mentioned it several times I bought some and tried it. Its progesterone in progest creme. It helps women with irritability, moodiness, insomnia.....etc. You can read up on it on the net. Diet also affects women and their PMS. Does your wife eat lots of sugar? Hope you are able to talk to her about it. ;o) Its difficult to see ourselves sometimes.
Is this a touchy subject to broach with your wife? I know that I was having some mood problems before I was 50 and my husband kept mentioning that the nurses where he worked started using progest creme and IT was really helping them. I didn't realise how much my moodiness and irritability was showing up. After my husband mentioned it several times I bought some and tried it. Its progesterone in progest creme. It helps women with irritability, moodiness, insomnia.....etc. You can read up on it on the net. Diet also affects women and their PMS. Does your wife eat lots of sugar? Hope you are able to talk to her about it. ;o) Its difficult to see ourselves sometimes.
jazzy_girl
04-30-2005, 01:36 AM
Is she willing to try counselling in combination with the medications? Sometimes having someone to talk to (for both of you) might be beneficial, there are income sensitive counsellors in most areas.
I am also wondering who has been prescribing her antidepressants, it might be a good idea to have her see a psychiatrist, who would be an expert in which meds would help best and in what combinations. She may not have depression, it could be anxiety or any number of things going on. If the meds are not the right ones, then you are just wasting money and time.
Is she on birth control pills? That may also influence her, I know my PMS symptoms are not as strong when I am on the pill as my hormones are more regulated. I take Klonopin as I need to for anxiety and it has really helped me through some tough times. I realize now that I have had anxiety issues my whole life, I just didn't want to admit to it.
jazzy
I am also wondering who has been prescribing her antidepressants, it might be a good idea to have her see a psychiatrist, who would be an expert in which meds would help best and in what combinations. She may not have depression, it could be anxiety or any number of things going on. If the meds are not the right ones, then you are just wasting money and time.
Is she on birth control pills? That may also influence her, I know my PMS symptoms are not as strong when I am on the pill as my hormones are more regulated. I take Klonopin as I need to for anxiety and it has really helped me through some tough times. I realize now that I have had anxiety issues my whole life, I just didn't want to admit to it.
jazzy
fifistoosh
04-30-2005, 02:00 AM
Sounds like it could be her hormones (been there, back to the old me now).
Mild birth control pills do help regulate the imbalance of hormones, I was on them for around 6 months then I was ok.
I was told to try vitamin B6 and evening primrose, although they didn't work for me, I have known some women they did work on.
A healthy diet helps too, eating regularly (every 3 hours) to stop your blood sugar levels dropping, even if its an apple between meals. I still today need a regular food intake or I get grumpy, this has nothing to do with the hormones!
Is your wife stressed with the children, she may need a bit of free time too. Could you take them to the park, buy her a magazine she likes and insist she puts her feet up for an hour. You may be amazed at how much an hour in your own space can revitalise you. Even better, is there anyone who could take them over night and you could cook her a meal, rent a DVD (a one she wants to see) and open a bottle of wine. You may revive the old spark!
I know its hard for you but if it is her hormones there is nothing she can do about it without help. She can't help the way she is reacting, even though she may regret it afterwards. well done for being a great husband and seeking advice. Its a pity there are not more like you around!
Mild birth control pills do help regulate the imbalance of hormones, I was on them for around 6 months then I was ok.
I was told to try vitamin B6 and evening primrose, although they didn't work for me, I have known some women they did work on.
A healthy diet helps too, eating regularly (every 3 hours) to stop your blood sugar levels dropping, even if its an apple between meals. I still today need a regular food intake or I get grumpy, this has nothing to do with the hormones!
Is your wife stressed with the children, she may need a bit of free time too. Could you take them to the park, buy her a magazine she likes and insist she puts her feet up for an hour. You may be amazed at how much an hour in your own space can revitalise you. Even better, is there anyone who could take them over night and you could cook her a meal, rent a DVD (a one she wants to see) and open a bottle of wine. You may revive the old spark!
I know its hard for you but if it is her hormones there is nothing she can do about it without help. She can't help the way she is reacting, even though she may regret it afterwards. well done for being a great husband and seeking advice. Its a pity there are not more like you around!
JinL
04-30-2005, 10:53 AM
Have her see an endocronolgist that specializes in hormones. Most anti-depressants will totally scew up the hormones & it takes years to get them back in balance.
The endo should get a complete hormone series for male & female levels, & thyroid tests. He/she will probably say throw away the anti-depressants.
Read the book, "The Sexy Years" before you go. It explains many of the problems & what to ask the doctor.
Good luck
The endo should get a complete hormone series for male & female levels, & thyroid tests. He/she will probably say throw away the anti-depressants.
Read the book, "The Sexy Years" before you go. It explains many of the problems & what to ask the doctor.
Good luck