Hi folks,
Just needed to check in. It is Day 15 opiate free from a 20+ Norco a day habit. Yesterday was a true test. I was out of town all day in an extremely stressful environment. Thought about popping a pill a couple of times, but the temptations were only fleeting. Physically I'm at about 80% but there are still some residuals. Gooseflesh now and then and sneezing. I did sleep about 10 hours last night. My body needed it. Triggers are all around, but I just think about these horrid withdrawals, and that settles me down. I guess I heading into Part II now. Depression hasn't been too bad, although I attribute much of that to the nice weather, that seems to give me life. Nervous energy has calmed down quite a bit. The last two days have been 6-7 on a scale of 1-10. Things are starting to look up. I'm actually excited about the future. I just need to tap into those extra energy stores.
For those of you that have followed my last 15 days; it is such a relief to be where I'm at now, as it seems like only yesterday that I was in the beginning of this ordeal. It does get easier each and every day. I'm sooo thankful for all the support I received from various posters. I will continue to post and hopefully offer some support to those that are starting to go through this.
Ukonom

It's SO great to read your latest news! You've done so well and have shared your story in a way that's been and will be a great help to others! Looks like this spring is truly a 'season of renewal' for you! Enjoy every day of your 'new beginnings.'
Alice

Way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ukonom...
15 days, I'm happy for people as yourself who become drug free, we all know it's the right thing to do but for some they just can't do not even for one day and here you are at day 15, I'm on day 5 and very happy with my choice.
Keep it up because you deserve to be normal again because on drugs we're not "normal"

just wanted to let you know that you have truly inspired me and i thank you for that. i know i can make it just as you have. i am now on day 6. :bouncing: and i do feel better i must admit. Didn't have it quite as bad as you did though. I just want to thank you again.
nix

Day 16:
Wish I had some good news to report, but....................last night wasn't much fun. Didn't fall asleep until 2:00 a.m. and awoke at 6:00 a.m. I was hoping my sleep patterns would start normalizing, but no such luck. Thank god it is a Sunday, and I can lay around the house. Have no energy today at all, of course this may be due to an extremely stressful last 48 hours. For most of this morning my legs were racy and some skin crawls (yes, again) also watery eyes and some sneezing. At times today I thought I was experiencing full withdrawal (with some bathroom visits). It sucks! But at least there have been no cravings. I even have some Norcos sitting in my medicine cabinet, and not once have I even looked at them. I really thought I was doing ok, until today; so I guess I will chalk it up to a bad day! I guess I screwed with my mind so much over the past couple of years, that my body needs a lot more time to heal. The neuro-transmitters in my head must be short-circuiting. I hate the skin crawls and still have some gooseflesh. My body seems very sensitive today! I can't thank everyone enough for their encouragement and support. It makes a tremendous difference in my resolve. Back later!

Nix- Day 6 is great!! Yes, my addiction was getting so out of control that I'm sure I was heading for serious health problems. I plan on going to my CP this month for a full blood check-up and liver/kidney function. I'm not surprised that my withdrawals have been so intense this time around. It is true that each relapse is much worse than the last one. But, it was probably the best thing that could've happened to me. I fear if my withdrawals had only lasted 5-7 days; that it would've been way too easy to pick up again and justify it in my head.

This so-called online journal I have been writing will be my dark look at myself should I ever have any cravings in the future. I need to remember this pain, if I'm to succeed!
Ukonom

Day 16:
Wish I had some good news to report, but....................last night wasn't much fun. Didn't fall asleep until 2:00 a.m. and awoke at 6:00 a.m. I was hoping my sleep patterns would start normalizing, but no such luck. Thank god it is a Sunday, and I can lay around the house. Have no energy today at all, of course this may be due to an extremely stressful last 48 hours. For most of this morning my legs were racy and some skin crawls (yes, again) also watery eyes and some sneezing. At times today I thought I was experiencing full withdrawal (with some bathroom visits). It sucks! But at least there have been no cravings. I even have some Norcos sitting in my medicine cabinet, and not once have I even looked at them. I really thought I was doing ok, until today; so I guess I will chalk it up to a bad day! I guess I screwed with my mind so much over the past couple of years, that my body needs a lot more time to heal. The neuro-transmitters in my head must be short-circuiting. I hate the skin crawls and still have some gooseflesh. My body seems very sensitive today! I can't thank everyone enough for their encouragement and support. It makes a tremendous difference in my resolve. Back later!

Nix- Day 6 is great!! Yes, my addiction was getting so out of control that I'm sure I was heading for serious health problems. I plan on going to my CP this month for a full blood check-up and liver/kidney function. I'm not surprised that my withdrawals have been so intense this time around. It is true that each relapse is much worse than the last one. But, it was probably the best thing that could've happened to me. I fear if my withdrawals had only lasted 5-7 days; that it would've been way too easy to pick up again and justify it in my head.

This so-called online journal I have been writing will be my dark look at myself should I ever have any cravings in the future. I need to remember this pain, if I'm to succeed!
Ukonom
Ukonom,
You should be very proud of yourself! Congratulations. One thing that stood out in your post was that you were having a bad day. Know what? Sober people have bad days too! The difference between an addict/drunk and a "normal" person is the addict reaches for his/her DOC. The "normal" person just has a bad day. You should be extremley proud of how you handled your bad day. You were sober to feel the emotions of a bad day. You'll sleep better tonight.
Keep us posted.

Marilyn

For Ukonom....
I have read all of your "journal" today and I want to tell you that you are doing great. I have been addicted to pain pills for several years. I am a wife and a mom. I know that I was not the best at that when I was using, but I needed it to help me deal with life...what a mistake!!

I tried to quit and go CT, but I could not do it. I went to a Sub. doc and he put me on sub a year and a half ago. My insurance does not cover it (they wanted me to use Methadone instead because it's cheaper) Well I had many slips, I would go without the sub for a couple days and then "use", I learned how to do it, then I would go back on the sub when I did not have my DOC. Well, I just got really sick of paying $300 for 90 Lortabs and I also LOVED and Hated the UPS and Fed EX, I preferred the Fed EX, but I was so worried they would come when my husband was home, so I would pay extra for guaranteed early morning arrival.

Well, believe me I spent thousands on pills and so much time wasted on going from Doctor to doctor for pills and Emergency Rooms, Urgent Care Centers etc.. for my "Fix" I became SICK AND tired of the person I had become. I put the drugs ahead of my child and my husband, I still am very depressed about that.

Once I decided I was "DONE WITH DRUGS", I started by taking 2mgs of sub for a few days and now I am down to 1mg per day. This was the only way that I could do it. Otherwise, it was just too easy to get online and order more. With the sub, you feel good, and are able to work and do family things again. So this is what is working for me. I think it has been about two weeks, I have not been counting, but in a couple of days I will cut my sub dose in half again, this way is working for me.

Ukonom, you have been through so much and I have to ask if maybe you should see a sub doc and just start with a very small dose and taper for a week. Honestly, I tried to go CT too but I think when you have been doing the drugs for years that it stays in your tissues. I don't think you have to still be suffering so much. I know that you wanted a bad withdrawal, but I think you have already had that and that a smoother ending would help you, Why suffer so much and for so very long??

Just an idea, because when I went CT I was not able to get rid of that Nervous, Anxious, Depressed feeling even after 3 weeks and that got me in trouble.


You are a wonderful guy and an inspiration for all of us....Thank you!!!

Done with Drugs-
I want to thank you for your kind words and suggestions. I agree, Sub has been a godsend for many people, and I think whatever works for people is all that matters. I researched it some, but everything I have come up with is that even on the Sub, that sooner or later people still face withdrawals. I guess this self-imposed torture is the only thing making me realize that this time is my last. I went CT about 8 months ago for 21 days and it was bad also, but the difference is that I gave up! I'm not quitting this time and expect some improvement day by day, and if not, week by week. I'm bound and determined to feel "normal" again. There is so much in life that I have let go of (because of the pills) and the things I really enjoy I need to get back. Life is way too short to spend it under some hallucination or false feeling. I commend you for your efforts to get clean. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but every day will be closer to my goal! God Bless!
Ukonom

uk

What an inspiration you are to me still......I wake and think of you. Thank you again for that. Day 7 for me is on the way......God bless you. Nix

Ukoonom and Done.......you guys are great, you've both done an excellent job fighting this dang addiction. I'm at day 11 with nothing (after tapering with sub to 1mg from 16mg over 2 months) its a relief to know that what I am experiencing ( general malaise would probably describe it best) is normal and gives me that little boost to keep on resisting and getting better........thanks you guys..........JT

UK - Your "diary" is a daily must-read for me! :-) I'm so looking forward to the day you can look back on these early entries and sigh with relief to have them behind you.

Donewithdrugs - Your story is so encouraging, too. I am on Subutex...on the slowest taper in history! LOL!! I know it won't be easy to withdraw from...but Sub saved me from a one-way, downhill trip on the opiate highway...and I just have to love a drug that helped me face off the oxys....and "hang a 'U'! Lynn :-)

uk thank you for your daily notes to us. they are such a help to me and i know to others here. i could not do this myself it not for the words of you and others. bless you all for that nixroxu

Day 17 is almost in the books. I had an extremely busy day today so it really helped take my mind off of things. Can't say I have felt great, but not bad either. Some light residuals, and mainly lacking any energy, but forcing my self to do things has allowed me to stay active and not be focused on this "feeling". As I write this my eyes are a bit watery, but that might be because I was out in the sun all day. Actually slept fairly good last night, which is a big help to start my day. Can't quite explain it but not feeling normal..........heck, I think I forgot what that felt like. My stomach isn't normal yet either, have had some good days, and some not so good. Had some cravings today also. First time that the cravings were that intense. Don't worry, I actually found them humorous, as the thought of using after the pain I have been through is ludicrous. I'm slowly learning to meet goals without the use of the pills. That in itself has been a challenge, as it is too easy to remember how fluid and goal oriented I was on those pills, I was superman. That is also when the cravings seem to hit, like my mind telling me "hey, you can't do that without your helpers". Good thing is that noone seems to be the wiser at work. I just have to remember to maintain at a high level, and hope that the natural endorphins will kick in slowly.
Thanks for the support again..it really keeps me strong!
Ukonom

Day 18: Feeling very unenergetic (is that a word?) Had some good sleep last night and woke up very tired this morning. Have felt decent so far today, just lacking the energy. Some sneezing fits today...........can't wait until the day when I report no more sneezing episodes. Stomach is fine today, coffee hasn't helped me at all. I have a pile of work to do and no enthusiasm to do it. Depression isn't too bad either, it is a beautiful day outside, I wish I could be out in it. I have had a few minor headaches this a.m. and my upper back is sore? Need a trip to the chiropractic, or better yet, a massage! Feeling about 75% today so that is a major improvement. "Rome wasn't built in a day" and neither will I. I hope everyone is doing well, this struggle is far from over, and tomorrow I get to visit the dentist............who is talking root canal and possible pulling some teeth. I have already decided that if that is the route I go, that I will simply tough through the pain. Not interested in starting this all over (ever again). Have to say that this board has been the best treatment for me. It encourages me that people have followed my struggle since I detoxed on Day 1. If I can help anyone through expectations, or strength to beat this then it was worth it. CT isn't for everybody, but for me it was the only way to get my head somewhat clear and to remember. That might be my biggest struggle right now. My head is far from clear.............haven't been very focused the past couple of days. The worst withdrawals at least kept my mind focused on the present conditions and the pain. Anyway, I'm rambling....I will report back tomorrow with hopefully some more progress!
Ukonom