I am so obsessed with 9-11 and still in deep mourning, mostly for the firefighters who died, maybe because my brother is a firefighter. I saw a shrink last year who said because my dad died unexpectedly in 1999, my mom died unexpectedly in 2000 and then 2001 happened, I was overwhelmed with loss for three years straight, never really had a chance to deal with any of it.
Am I the only one still thinking about this so long after? I relive the terrible day over and over and for some reason cannot wrap my mind around it yet. sometimes I cry over this every single day, but at the very least weekly. I know I need to get myself to a grief counselor but cant afford one right now.
maybe I'm crying over everything, not to mention my cat, my best buddy, whom I had for 22 years is gone too. it's like everyone I ever loved is dead and I'm all alone in the world.
I guess I'm not looking for any help, dont think anyone can really help me with this, maybe just looking for ... I dont know what I'm looking for. I just dont know how to move on and start to heal from everything.

I am not in your boat, but I read your post and my heart really goes out to you. You do sound like you've handled a lot of hard situations over the past few years, so I think it is understandable to be grief-stricken. I personally take a long time to recover from bad situations, so I can see where you're coming from. I hope you do feel better soon, and I hope you find the help you're looking for. My heart really goes out to you.

I'm sort of in a similar situation. When 9-11 happened, I was being treated for cancer. I was still in a state of shock. Everyone said you are too young, and, then, I witnessed that horrible day in September, as I watched the TV, as we all did. It was too much to handle. Shortly, after 9-11, my treatment ended. I was exhausted, but my cancer had been caught early. Still, the radiation put me into an early menopause. I could never have children. I was grieving for that. I was screaming about 9-11. Nothing made sense. Then, within 6 months, I found out my mom had cancer. She died last year, after months of agonizing pain. Recently too, her closest friend drowned, trying to save his children, from an undertow, in Hawaii. I feel like I've been in a time warp. Lots of nightmares. Buildings crashing down. Too much loss. Increasing paranoia. I've found solace here, at this board, and feel less alone. Like you, friends have suggested I'm overdue for grief counseling. I rarely talk about my cancer and I'm haunted by my mom's pain and thoughts of innocent people dying. I hope this post helps you to feel less isolated. I dont' have the answers, but I feel tremendous empathy for you.

I dream about the disaster constantly. My main dreams are of planes crashing, not into buildings, but just into the ground and the crash raises a cloud of debris that chases me. I dream about mangled bodies at ground zero and the buildings falling, and people falling from them. I dream about running from the cloud of debris a lot.
I feel guilty cos my mom died so suddenly, I wasnt able to get to california to be with her. I didnt have the money for the emergency flight. I wish I could have said I love you and hugged her one last time. at least the last time i talked to her, I did say I love you. that's the comfort I have about my dad too, the last time we saw each other, the last thing we said, and since he was on a ventilator, he wrote was i love you. i still have that piece of paper. sigh

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. NO, you are not the only person who is still
grieving over 911.
My hubby who at that time was in the army national guard (now is in the air force reserve) was there the day after. He thinks back of this war zone every day. the sights, the smells, the horror. I was not there but i too think of it everyday. 911 was a terrible time. something most of never witnessed ever till then. I still get angry when i think of what happened. I swear i shed tears over it every day. You are not alone.

I don't know if it helps but your not alone. I live near a large city in the northeast and just last Friday was downtown and found myself looking upwards at the tall buildings and thinking of the sight of the planes hitting on 9/11. I think alot of poeple still find themselves reliving what they saw or heard that day even if they were not in New York City. Contact your local dept. of mental health they have free support groups to help you get your life back on track.

I too can't stand looking at large buildings. It scares me too. I think about what happened on 9-11, and i start crying. I also live near a big city in the northeast. nothing like nyc, but to me the capitol of ny is just as big. I have never been to nyc, now i will never go because i am too scared.

it's sad to know how that day changed so many people. I literally cant get into an elevator without wondering what it would be like to have jet fuel pouring thru it. so many people died in elevators that day. even firefighters died in elevators. it just makes me feel unsafe anywhere I am.

Hi Cet
I 've read your post and my heart goes out to you as well. It sounds like you are deeply troubled and sad.... Do you feel you are becoming abnormally obsessed with all of this??? Please get some help, it sounds like you are definitely in a dark cloud... Things sound bad for you, but things will get better. Please don't let yourself get into a bad rut, please please get some help, your MD will do fine, tell him/her how you are feeing. You will be in my prayers. :angel:

I'm quite sure I am abnormally obsessed with this, I kinda doubt even people who have lost someone on that day dwells on it like I do. I dont understand why I cant move on, put it behind me. I know the firefighters I am mourning would not want me to feel this way. My brother is a firefighter, and went to ground zero Oct 01 with 100 other firemen from L.A County. he made a cd of his trip, with many pictures of the pit and of the funerals he went too. also he became friends with the men from Ladder 4 engine 54 who lost 15 men. I asked him last year why he has been able to move on and I cant. he said it's our job. I said it's not your job to die! and he said Yes it is. those three words shocked me and still echo in my brain. It helped me a little to know those men werent victims like the other people that day, they were soldiers, warriors, brave men who knew that they might die and every one of them went up the stairs anyway. but it still devastates me when I think of so many men who died in seconds. and they didnt all die quickly either. I already had PTSD from another event in my life, now I have it all over again. the dreams and the obsessive thoughts, the fear I feel doing every day things. I hope someday I can leave this behind me.

HI again :wave:
I would really really encourage you to go see your MD... I'm not a doctor, but it sounds as if you have developed an Obsessive Compulsive disorder... and this can successfully be treated with anti-depressants such as Luvox...
Please go see you doc, and mention this to him... You will feel better, and if you need more therapy, you will at least then be able to concentrate on getting this out of your mind.. I'm not saying greiving is not healthy and normal, but what your now experiencing may be helped with short term medication and therapy
You have to regain your life
God bless... :angel: