I can't seem to stay away from those evil little pills...I was 4 days clean and just couldn't bear the fatigue. I want so badly to quit but just can't seem to stick with it. The pain I have in life is tough enough let alone the withdrawl symptoms. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a total loser and can't even look at myself in the mirror! What a life. Well I guess I just need to keep trying. But when I'm off of them I don't feel like me. And I know its not really me when I'm on them but atleast I feel like I can function. The fatigue and depression and the stomach trouble it just didn't seem like it was getting any better. I don't know I'm at a loss of what to do with myself. I can't go get medical help because I can't afford it and I'm struggling just to take care of my first medical problem that got me into this mess. Plus i can't risk telling anyone about this and getting my kids taken away! My kids DO NOT suffer because of this..they never go without and I am there for everything they need.Most of the time I don't feel guilty for taking the pills because of the pain I suffer with and I think it's about the quality of life but those times during the month that there is no pain and I still take those stupid little pills I do feel guilty and I know that is addiction.
I'm sorry to ramble but I am soooo mad at myself and the situation. I just want to be better and get past this point in my life.
I wouldn't blame you all if nobody responded because I come on here saying I'm going to quit, I give it a shot and always end up back in the same hole I tried to get out of!
I'm sorry to keep going on like this but life is just so dark and confussing right now. Thanks to anyone who reads this. :confused:

Hey....I feel your pain.....I am in the same boat. I recently went 2 full days, and was blabbing about how this is it, and etc etc, and i couldnt handle it either. I always, feel like, if i could just get past the real bad physical symtoms, i would be done with this **** pills. But, how do you get past that point......i dont know. Last year, I did it, and I went 3 whole months, and I felt like a billion dollars, but, you know what i did.....i went back......i think i went back that time, because i forgot how painfull this is, and also, my life got alot better quickly, and I knew if i took some, i could take such a low dose, and get away with it. Well, from the first moment, i put one of those pills in my mouth, that was it, and its now a year later. What a life is right.

Just wondering, what are you on, and how long, history etc etc...

We will all face this at one point or another, the question we have to ask ourselves, is as individuals, where is our true breaking point, where is our own rock bottom, and how much are we really willing to lose over a ****ing pill.

Good luck to your future attempts, and keep your head up.

Oxy Out.

Hey thanks for the feed back. My pill of choice is Percs 10/325's. I do about 5-6 aday. And when there arn't any of those it's Vics 10/325's. I have been taking them for about 2 years on and off, the last year has been more on than off. I started because of a female problem...the doc diagnosed me and handed me a prescription of ultram and sent me on my way. Ever since then its been down hill! Last time I tried to quit in Feb I was only taking 30 mgs a day and it was alot easier ( the withdrawls) but I ended up at 60 mgs a day and now it is pure hell. Why didn't I stick with it back then..dumb me used my pain as an excuse. This time I just couldn't bear the sick feeling, and trying to take care of my kids was so hard...what do I tell them that I am sick for days on end..that doesn't work! What a bad thing that I got myself into....unintentionaly. Well I'm trying to do the taper thing so maybe its not so terible when I try this again..Fri I will be all out again, and we'll see what happens. Cross your fingers for me i need to make this work. :rolleyes:

To add to that, one thing i know forsure, ( i have seen many opiate addicts) and that is, alot of people quit or try to quit for the wrong reasons, like, they have to cause of money reasons, or they have to cause they run out. Well, in my expiernce, when you have to quit, you wont stick to it....I think we all really have to hit our rock bottoms, and fall hard, before we can heal. I often try to analize how I quit that last time that i did...How did i get thourgh the withdrawls then...(i am on oxycontin, prescribed, 3X80 mgs a day with a few percs as well..) so, my withdralws are unreal....and they were last time as well....but, last time i quit for 3 months, was because, i could not stand to put another pill in my mouth, i was truly done, i hated it. I even flushed what i had left on my quit day, and thourghout the first 2 months i would find them in the wierdest places, and throw them out. I guess, now i am not ready, but, i hope i am really soon.....this sucks......

Peace....oXy OuT

Hi I am just writing back to tell you i do the exact same thing you do. I have been taking vicodin for the last three years. I get it from everywhere I can. I was in an accident in 96 and have prmanent damage to my back. I can function and do everyday activities, but at one time i had nine doctors. well with doctors comes medicine so vicodin became my best pain kller. I also take them when i dont need them. They are part of my everyday life. i would love to talk one on one with you like chat. I just learned about this site so maybe you can contact me. It would be nice to talk to someone who is like me. I am 26 female who needs to talk with a fellow pill head. hang in there


[ Please read the posting rules which explain that offering or asking off board contact is not permitted. The boards are to be used for on board sharing, only. The email and private message features are turned off so that use of the message boards remain anonymous. The only contact you may make with members is to post on the board. ]

I am not going to say it is OK to have 'slips' or relapses., but it does happen.

The only thing to do is get back on the recovery horse again. Try to understand what went wrong and how it can be prevented in the future.

Do you attend NA meetings? have a sponsor? both will help tremendously.

I for one will never turn my back on anyone because they have relapsed. I have done it myself.

Hey everyone...we all have the same addiction in common. I am a 27 year old female...I'm a single mom as well. I feel so guilty and even more so because of the fact that I have a son. I have chronic back pain and this is why I am where I am. I am on the verge of having surgery...I'm about to comlete the last of my diagnostic tests and then surgery will need to be done. So I'm hoping after the surgery I'll be able to get these freaking pills out of my life. For almost a year I've been on Ultram and Vicodin. I'm taking 10-12 of the 10/325's a day and then having ultram be my substitute when I run out of Vic's inbetween refills. I hate this life....I didn't ask for it....so why am I here. Well...I do have legitament back pain...but I like the high I get as well...numbing me from life....I'm sure you all know about that feeling. Sometimes I only feel normal when I'm high on pills. Oh...and withdrawls are a *****! :eek: The lack of sleep...the leg spasms....the arm spasms...the shits...need I go on? Why do we do this to ourselves? If I just took what I was supposed to take..it wouldn't be nearly as bad...but I never can have the self restraint to do that...I guess that I'm weak. I've always deemed myself as such a strong person...except when these pills are there....I can't say no...I would like to confess something to you guys. I had a script for 90 pills written on tuesday.....they were gone as of saturday night....I'm so ashamed...they were suppose to last me two weeks. :o
Well...at least you all know that it could be worse. I told my boyfriend about this last week and he is so worried about me. He actually talked to my doctor about it and I am going to a new PM doctor tomorrow that is supposedly going to get me onto a new medicine that will help with the pain to where I won't have to take so many.....honestly I need support....and I feel as though we each need someone in our corner to help us....if you can trust someone to be there for you through this...it makes it so much easier. I will keep you all in my prayers and if you ever want to talk....holler at me! Hugs and love.
xoxox
Diva~ :wave:

Hey All, My experience is that I could not quit on my own. I couldn't do it before on my own and I could not do it this time. As much as I resisted going to meetings I know it is what makes the difference for me. I finally got to the point where I accepted that I could not do it without help and I reached out to the 'program.'

I can't say that I want to go to meetings every day for the rest of my life, but for TODAY I know that if I go to a meeting it will help me to keep from picking up a pill - and I need all of the help that I can get. There is something about the group concious, about the accountablity, the empathy that helps put power and committment behind my decision to quit ... 'one day at a time.' :)

Thank you all here for your support! I have made it one more day! :D
:angel: L

hey posse.....if you like, you can email me at [ please carefully review the posting rules - no emails ]

Cheers..

Chris.





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Stop and think about it, you want to quit, that's important and your taking the first step, if you lose the first round try again, you learn from your failure, you can do it you just have to be strong and stay focus as hard as that may be, your not the only one who has tried but couldn't do it at first, there is so many people just as you so don't think it's just yourself who feels the way you do right now...
You know you can go four days without the meds because you stopped for 4 days, now give it 2-3 days to think about why you failed and set your goal for 5 days, do whatever you have to do to meet your goal, doing this will make you stronger and you will increase your chances in quitting.
One more thing that is very important, don't look at tomorrow, just focus on today, take it one day at a time and at the end of each day pat yourself for a job well done, I'm pulling for you and know you can do it because you want to quit so bad.
I'm on my 8th day without my hydro's and you have to beleive me when I say it get's better as the days pass, I was taking 5-6 everyday since 1993, I loved my hydro's, so I thought, they were robbing me of my life as they are doing to all of you here...
Come here often and tell us how your day was, good or bad...

God Bless You,

We're all in this together