It's been a while since my husband has come off of Effexor. To be exact, since mid January. And I know it takes a year to 18 months to clear his system. But I really miss the warm loving person he used to be. I often wonder if there is someone else in his life. Our anniversary, he did absolutely nothing except be away from me. He seems like his old self with everything else, except when it comes to me. There is no romance, no intimacy, he thinks its such an effort to want to do something nice for me. Even a little note to tell me he loves me. I have done so much for him over the years and he won't do anything for me at all. It really hurts! We used to write each other notes and chat during the day, now he doesn't even tell me he wants me or misses me anymore unless I tell him first. He makes no effort in trying to keep our marriage alive. Like he can take it or leave it.

I am really curious as to what other men are feeling when coming off of Effexor. I need to try and understand cause what he is doing (or lack there of) I am taking personally and I'm not sure if I should. But it hurts....

Thanks, Summer

I feel you need to go with your husband to counselling. His behavior could be due to depression or could be due to his having an affair or something else. Be straight up with him about your feelings, that you feel he his taking you for granted, that you miss the love letters, gifts, dinners, etc., and that you want to know why he is distancing himself. Ask him to go to counselling with you. Withdrawing from an antidepressant can't be the only reason he's acting this way, especially if he's tapering off. I wish you luck; I know how it feels to have a partner act the way your husband is acting, I really do, and it's really hard. Mine was starting to see someone else, and he eventually left. I wish I had confronted him about my feelings a long time before he left and gone for counselling in the beginning. I think being honest with your feelings and getting professional help is the best course of action.

I have told him how I felt and what I miss in him repeatedly. How he used to look at me and wanting to be with me and to be close to me. But he thinks that I expect to much from him. We have tried counseling a few different times, but he keeps quitting. So I am at a loss. I love him so much, but it feels like his heart is with someone else. We used to be so close, in so many ways. Now all I hear are excuses and using our kids as excuses as to why we can't do things as a couple. Everything else about him is back to normal. He's happy in every other way, except when it comes to intimacy with me. He avoids it! We live like roommates! I don't know if other people experience these types of feelings when coming off of ADs. This has been so hard. I feel like I am grasping at straws.

I am really curious what people go thru when being off ADs within the first year and if and when there feelings came back...

Thanks for any input... Lv Summer

Being on antidepressents, being depressed, or for awhile after stopping antidepressents can all "kill" a person's sex-drive. Perhaps that's part of the issue. But not even wanting to cuddle with you... I am sorry, I just don't know why he is acting this way. I think it's either physical (he could have problems mainting erection or something like that and is embarrassed or he could still be clinically depressed and might need the meds again), or he could be emotionally involved with another woman. Is he staying out late or behaving strangely? When you ask WHY he doesn't act affectionate, what exactly does he give as a reason?

Basically when I ask him why we can't be close, he just says that he doesn't feel that way. He claims its not me, that its him. That he doesn't feel that way towards me or anyone. But no one is going to admit if there is someone else in there lives. He has lied to me so many times. But he was on all kinds of meds and just coming off all kinds of meds. So its hard for me to trust him, so I am very carefully about things.

He just doesn't even try. He seems perfectly happy living as roommates raising 3 kids. It hurts! He seems happy in every other aspect, that's why its so hard to say that he is depressed. I know that coming off of AD's it takes a long time for your body to readjust, but I just wonder what people feel when being off of them for a few months and so on. He seems to get irritated easier when the kids don't listen, but at times it gets to me too. I just don't know...

Thank you so much for being there... I welcome any input...

Lv Summer